Ch. 1 – The way out

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A week had passed since April's wedding and there was something bothering her. Her mind was restless.

She was alone at home with Ruby. Harriet was with Jackson and Matthew was working. Someone rang the bell. April opened the door and there was the best surprise she could had wished for. She didn't know she was coming but she couldn't be happier, she was really needing a friendly face.

"What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?" April asked.

They hugged for a while. They had missed each other.

"I wanted to pay a visit to my daughter and my granddaughter. Where is Harriet?" Karen asked.

"She is with her dad. How are you? What about dad, my sisters? Tell me everything. I have missed you."

"We're perfectly fine. We hadn't kept anything from you, not like someone who get us worried all the time."

"That's not fair. It's very hard for me being away from you and I know it must be harder for you. I just didn't want to worry you."

"Honey! You're a mother, you should know better by now. Oh my! You must be Ruby!"

And she held her in her arms.

"You should see her with Harriet. They love each other," April said.

"That's great! I'm happy they can have a healthy siblings relationship."

Of course, she said that because of the fighting between her daughters but April was laughing inside thinking in what her mother would say if she knew about Jackson and Maggie.

April took the chance to take a bath while her mother was home.

Karen was worried about her daughter and so were the rest of the family. They sent her to check on April. They were worried since they heard of the wedding and the fact that April had left her job. The job that meant the world for her. And after they received a call asking for them to come, they knew they had to do something about April.

While April was at the bath, Jackson came to bring Harriet. Karen opened the door and Harriet couldn't believe her granny was there. She jumped into her arms. Jackson couldn't believe it either but he wasn't as happy.

"Come in, baby! Ruby is waiting for you," Karen said.

"Hi, Karen," Jackson said.

"Hi, Jackson. For a moment, I thought you were mute. That must be your sister in the car. Say hello from me."

"I will. I didn't know you were coming. Is everything ok?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me? I have only treated you like a son and you can't even give me a call and tell me what's going on with my daughter. I thought you would take care of her, no matter what. I'm really disappointed. I thought I could trust her to you. But please don't worry, I'll take care of them."

And she closed the door at his face.

At the car, Maggie asked Jackson what happened. He was clueless and didn't know what to answer.

"That was Karen, April's mom. She says hi," Jackson told Maggie.

"She doesn't seem nice," Maggie said.

"She's just angry, she lives far away and feels left behind. She's just worried but she is the nicest person ever."

"That's great. I guessed you couldn't talk with April. When are you going to tell her?"

"Next time, when I have the chance."

...

Back to April´s house, Karen had put the girls to sleep. They were finally alone. They were sitting in the couch and Karen asked her what was happening.

"Honey, what's wrong? Are you happy?" Karen asked.

And April broke into tears while hugging her mom. It was good for her to let all that anguish out. She needed it. After crying for a while, she was ready to speak with her mom.

"I'm not happy at all. I know I have everything I ever wanted and I hate myself for it. I'm the ugliest person ever. What else could I want? How can it not be enough? I should be the happiest person in the world," April said.

"Please, don't be so harsh! You know you should never feel ashamed of your feelings. You don't have to be happy. You just feel what you feel and don't you judge yourself. We were worried about you. You left your job and you married Matthew out of the blue. So many changes in your life in so little time. It didn't feel like you."

"So that's why you came? You knew something was wrong."

"Honestly, I can't understand that it has come up to this point. How didn't anyone call us before? We will always be there for you, please feel free to worry us. You don't have to go through this alone. We're family, remember? We love you no matter what."

"I love you too. Thank you for being here."

"What do you need? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"You being here, listening to me and telling me that everything is ok is everything I need."

"I'm listening, so you can tell me anything. Whatever you decide to do, I'm here."

"Matthew's going to come home and he shouldn't see me crying."

"Why? He's your husband. He's your friend. Why can't you talk to him? What don't you want him to know? That you're sad? That you cry? That you regret marrying him? What are you afraid of telling him?"

"I don't want to hurt him anymore. I can't do this to him again. He doesn't deserve this."

"Of course, he doesn't, but that doesn't change the truth, honey. This is what he's getting even if he deserves better. This is his life, too. If you don't talk to him, he won't know how to help you. You need to speak to him, because he's your husband and he lives here with you and even if you're trying to hide the truth from him, he can see trough you. You can't pretend to be happy all the time. He noticed it. He knows you cry. He called us after he tried to speak with you but you would only tell him that everything was fine."

And that hurt April. She was trying to protect Matthew but there was no way to do it. The only thing she could do for anyone was doing her best to be happy herself. She needed to put herself first again. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was a start.