Author's Note: This has probably been done before but I watched that Dean confronts Sam scene recently and just felt like doing this. Hope it's okay.
Also, if anyone reading this is reading my other story Stress, I haven't forgotten about it. I got a little stuck and then this story happened. But I will be getting back to it. So expect an update to that...eventually.
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By the time he woke up, Sam already had a new gig lined up for them. A gesture that took Dean by surprise. The way he'd been hounding him about his deal lately, he expected Sam to need some coercing before agreeing to another hunt.
Hey, I'm not complaining. On the contrary, he was glad to see Sam take initiative. Maybe he was finally starting to listen to him. Expecting Sam to accept his fate and move on was a lot to ask, but he didn't care. Besides, he wasn't asking, he was telling. There was no way he'd risk letting Sam try and break the deal.
After he finished washing up, Sam handed him his coffee and explained their next job. Apparently, some girl drowned in her shower last night. A young, healthy, athletic girl drowned in a stand-up shower. Neither of them believed that for a second. Water spirit, water demon, water something. They'd figure it out, they always did.
"Nice work Sammy," Dean said, leaning over his brother to get a glimpse of the online article himself. "Soon as we're done packing we'll head out." Sam nodded then closed his laptop and shoved it in his bag. Dean gathered up his stuff as well, moving over to his bed to fill his duffel.
Neither of them had a lot to pack so he expected to be on the road soon. In fact, he was almost done. All that was left was the Colt. Taking it out of the safe they kept it in overnight, he gave it the usual inspection. That's when he noticed it. That empty space in the chamber that had been filled just the day before. It didn't take long for his mind to tell him exactly what that space meant.
He did it. He really fucking did it.
He went after her.
Suddenly he couldn't breathe. His grip on the Colt tightened, so tight he was surprised it didn't crumble in his hands. How could he? After I told him not to! After I told him what could happen if he did! What would I have done if he hadn't come back? If he wasn't here when I woke up? If he…
Emotion caught in his throat as he remembered Cold Oak. He didn't mean to, he never meant to. But no matter what he did, the image of Sam dying, dead, wouldn't leave him alone. The crossroads demon's words echoed through his mind.
"If you try and welch or weasel your way out then the deal is off. Sam drops dead and is back to rotting meat in no time."
His hands began to shake, the fear overwhelming him. I can't do that again. I can't. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to breathe, trying his damn best to keep the tears from forming.
He knelt down, pretending to shuffle through his bag while he tried to pull himself together. His back was turned to Sam, for which he was grateful. It made things a little easier; he certainly couldn't let his brother to see him like this.
"Ready," Sam announced casually. "Want me to bring everything to the car?"
Speak of the devil. That voice, that seemingly innocent voice, grated on his ears. It triggered something in him, transforming all his current fear and pain into pure anger. And all of it was directed at the one person making him feel this way, the only person who could ever make him feel this way.
At that moment he wanted to grab him, slam him into a wall and demand to know why he would do something so goddamn stupid. The desire was so strong it scared him a little.
"You okay over there?" His little brother's quiet concern broke through the thoughts raging in his head.
"Yeah fine," he forced himself to answer. "Go wait by the car. I'm almost done here." He was surprised at how calm he sounded, almost as if everything really were fine. However, he refused to look him in the eye. Otherwise he couldn't be sure what he'd do.
"All right." Sam moved to leave and Dean decided to steal a look at him before he went out the door. As expected, Sam looked tired, like he hadn't slept at all last night. Of course he didn't. Nah, he thought it be better to sneak out in the middle of night and shoot demons.
Though he wanted to confront him he knew he should wait, give himself time to sort this out in his head. Then he'd have a little chat with Sam. Yeah, sure. We'll talk, soon as I kick his ass.
He picked up his bags, ready to get the hell out of this place. It was only morning and already he felt exhausted. It's okay, he told himself. Sam's okay so everything's all right for now. He stopped and took a long, deep breath before leaving the room to join his brother. This is gonna be a long ass car ride.