Three Little Words
Chapter 1
As soon as Molly woke she wished she hadn't!
Almost every muscle and joint in her body ached. Nearly 31 years old and she felt like an old woman. Battered and bruised. She laughed. What did she expect? That's what
happens when you play at being soldiers. She had just spent three weeks camping out on final cadet training, sleeping in fields and make shift tents with the other cadets in
the middle of some English wilderness, all to impress the instructors.
It had been worth it though. It was the final assessment, one step closer to graduation from Officer Training at Sandhurst. This time next week she will have hopefully passed
out, graduated, and finally become an officer in the British Army. Known as 2nd Lieutenant Dawes! Who would have believed it of gobby Molly Dawes, a Rupert?
She slowly stretched and tested every muscle, assessing which ones hurt the most.
"All of them" she concluded out loud.
She knew she would have to get up soon, but gave herself another few minutes of luxury in the clean sheets and soft mattress. As she lay there alone in her big bed she
started to reflect on the past years of her life. Her time in the Army had been…interesting! Never had she ever considered, when she first joined up that her journey would be
so personal, emotional, and most definitely complex.
Being a private had suited her, letting others take the lead, making the decisions..…that was until her first tour and Charles. He pushed and more importantly believed in
knew she would be brilliant, and encouraged her to go for promotion. Lance Corporal came within the first years of their relationship, and Molly rose to the challenges
the new role gave her.
Further promotion however didn't come as easy, and it wasn't something that she wanted to pursue. Newly married to Charles her new confidence and life with Charles was
perfect. Molly always said that she never did perfect, but even she had to admit, for the first few years with Charles, it was. They were both managing their careers in the
Army, enjoying life and learning about each other. Tours for Molly were always short and not too frequent, and initially while
Charles attended rehab, he was not going on active tours. So for the early years of their marriage they were lucky, they were together. Most mornings they woke up to one
another, and most nights they went to bed wrapped in each other's arms. Not many Army marriages could boast that. On the outside and in the beginning Molly and Charles'
marriage was always considered as something to envy, a fairy-tale. In fact both Molly and Charles often felt smug in their relationship, because to each other they were each
other's worlds, and life couldn't get better.
Sam was always a huge part in both Molly and Charles' life, in fact both their families were. Molly and Sam, were mates, co-conspirators, and had a common purpose that
they both loved Charles with all their hearts. The frequent weekends, and holidays the three of them shared were always full of love, fun and, if you ever asked Charles who
always felt the victim, a lot of teasing.
As she snuggled further down into her bed, she was happy that Sam had grown up over the years into a truly wonderful young man. About to go off to university in the
autumn, and hoping to following the family tradition of officer training eventually. She was lucky to have such a good relationship with this funny individual who she took an
instant like to the first time she saw him in Charles' hospital room. She felt proud that she had helped shape him in to the young man he had become.
She often wondered, especially at this time of the year when anniversaries were looming, if she had known then just how things were to turn out, would she have taken the
same path that had led her to this stage in her life? The answer was always yes, despite the hurt.
Her and Charles had often talked of kids, of their future, her continuing role in the Army, but they never came to any final decisions about any of it. Both preferring for now,
while she was still young to enjoy the early days of their marriage and social life, besides they both thought they would have plenty of time together before starting to think
about having children together. Molly snorted at that cruel though….How wrong they had both been!
Promotion to Corporal, and the subsequent degree course that the Army put her through was hard. Bloody hard. The hardest Molly had ever had to work at something. It
became all consuming, and because of that she did it mainly on her own, with little or no support from Charles. By this time he was back on longer tours, and it was during
his times at home she started to feel a change in their little bubble of happy married life. Charles was always wrapped up in some Army issue. Molly was 100% focused on
her degree. To Molly failing was never going to be an option. The Army had faith in her to be brilliant, just like Charles had in the beginning, and she was going to keep
proving to others, who doubted her, that Charles was right, she could be brilliant.
She worked hard. By the end of their third year of marriage Molly was pushing herself professionally, and academically, desperate to achieve. Not only to achieve though she
realised, but desperate also to fill in the more frequent absences of Charles, who was now very much fully fit and back on any exercise or tours offered his way. More and
more frequently she woke up to an empty bed, and came home to an empty house.
Molly felt hurt. She knew Charles had seen a lot over his years, had personally had gone through a lot, especially in those early days of their relationship. Every day, each
week, every month she could she him starting little by little withdrawing into himself. Holding on to his fears, doubts and uncertainties. Slow shutting Molly out, but they
continued on together. Not as tight or as perfect as before, but at least still together. They continued that was until Elvis died.
Elvis…..Molly's husband Charles best friend.
Elvis….Molly's piss taking and trouble making buddy.
Elvis…..Molly's best mate Georgie, fiancé.
The world was an emptier sadder place without their Elvis in it. Initially the three of them were united in grief, until that grief, for Charles became guilt. Then his need to
blame himself for all the events that lead to Elvis' death, turned him away from Molly and their love and into the arms of his other love….the Army.
Instead of staying at home and talking to her, seeking help, accepting his state of mind he ran. Ran into tour after tour, believing he could make right the wrongs he felt he
had caused, by getting back out there with his section he could help make a difference again, make him feel less pain. But it didn't and ultimately his running lead him into
the arms, and bed, of another. Georgie!
Believing that that is what Elvis would have wanted for her, Georgie who was broken, vulnerable, lost, to be looked after by him Charles. Charles who could be the only one
who would be able to ease her pain. While Molly, who he always saw as strong, not wasn't consumed by Elvis' loss, on a new career path, did not need him, and being with
her would not appease that guilt of him losing his best friend or Georgie her fiancé.
So ultimately, the army couple that everyone always envied, rooted for, and held up as an example of how love should be, ended. Ended in betrayal, heart ache, and the loss
of the fairy-tale others had invested so heavily in. It hurt.
"And that", she mumbled to herself, "is enough".
Going through the sad times wasn't something she often did. It had hurt her, but it did not break her. Molly had dusted herself down and continued on living. As time went by
she started to believe in herself again, rebuilt that trust and love again, and found a new confidence in her abilities.
Spurred on by family and friends, old and new, who also thought she could be brilliant. And that is how she ended up where she was today. A physically exhausted Officer
Cadet lying lonely in her home, contemplating the free weekend ahead of her and the emotions that she knew she would need to control for all involved. For the friends and
family she would meet, some she hadn't seen for years, she needed to be strong. She needed to be their Girl again. Their Dawsey. The one they all turned to and in the
main, as old habits die hard, they still did.
The friendships she had made on her first tour were still some of the most solid and important ones in her life. They had grown and developed into something incredibly
precious to her. Along the way she had made other friendships equally as special to her, and it was partly due to these amazingly supportive friends that saw her where she
was today, about to graduate.
They all had supported her and pushed her, sometime bullied her, knowing she had so much more to give. When she initially applied for Officer training she held out no great
hopes of being accepted. It was a dream, maybe her dream, but also the dream that others who loved her felt she could achieve. When she was accepted after lots and lots
of test and interviews, she again doubted if she could do it. Once more it was her friends, and her wonderful families, that pushed her to understand her potential. After
weeks of heartache and self-doubt, spurred on by the ones who knew her intimately and loved her the most, she agreed.
It was a vivid memory burned into her brain, one that would never be forgotten. The image of that day, Molly hugging the son who had just lost his beloved father, the
mother who had just lost her son, looking at her, Molly, the girl who was always told she could be brilliant, accepting a new challenge to prove to her dead husband that
that's exactly what she was going to try to be…. Brilliant.