A/n: This story originally uploaded on AO3 as a submission for the 2018 SQ Supernova.
There were so many tests, so many boxes; too many different options and brands stacked on shelves, just waiting for someone to purchase one. Slogans on top of slogans branded in bold letters.
Signs of "Over 99% Accurate." and "Find out you're pregnant in minutes" taunted her from every box. This aisle could be intimidating even without the irony of having condoms and feminine hygiene items just on the opposite shelf Emma snorted to herself.
She blinked back a few tears to scan each box, not knowing how in the world she'd gotten to this point in her life. She should be happy about this very moment, but instead, she felt miserable, but if there was one thing Emma Swan did not do in public, it was cry. Flipping her hair behind her shoulders, Emma looked unsure as her eyes scanned over a box before grabbing three and slipping them into her basket. The last time she'd done this, she was behind the bars of a jail cell and she felt those similar insecurities sneak into her as she walked along the aisle.
Life was vastly different for her now that it was back then; The circumstances were different. She was older, she had a job, and a husband-everything she didn't have when she was pregnant with Henry. That didn't explain the heartache she felt. She clasped her hands together over the handle of the basket, her nerves already wracked from her frantic thoughts the night before. She hadn't thought about having children with Hook since they were first married. Times had changed, they had changed, and yet here she was. The nagging feeling in the back of her mind left her unsure of the impossible.
She thought back to Henry's graduation trip, the night where she and Regina shared something more than just a room. Coming back to her senses hadn't been easy after that. They'd been avoiding each other since that trip and probably would for a while after. Emma was a married woman for goodness' sake. The reality of her actions was hitting her full force as she reached the counter to buy her tests.
She thought about how hurt Regina would be if she found out Emma was carrying Hook's baby. The friendship they'd built would be broken beyond return. Sure, sleeping together had brought heavy emotions and awkward exchanges but this was different. Emma shook her head as she tried to understand why she was more afraid of Regina's reaction than her husband's. Emma frowned intently as she stepped up to the counter of the local pharmacy. Doc gave her a questioning glance but with one glare from her, he didn't say a word. The warning was clear and her purchase would be confidential. Emma took her bag of pregnancy tests and slipped them into her oversized purse. Rarely did she ever use a purse but today the circumstances were different.
Storybrooke's favorite pastime was gossip and she didn't need Regina nor Hook finding out from some nosy citizen. She had to tell them on her own time, if she was pregnant, that is. With a final sigh, Emma decided to go home first. She was due at the station in a couple hours and she figured she had enough time to figure a few things out. Emma shuddered at the thought of her actions. Though there hadn't been any new threats here in Storybrooke, she dreaded to think of the damage she'd been doing. Drinking, her unhealthy diet, climbing trees, and chasing bad guys- all things a pregnant woman wasn't supposed to be doing.
If there was something Emma was sure of in her life, it was her period coming around the same time every month. The words weighed heavily in the back of her head as she thought of all the signs. Her constant nausea, new appetite, tender breasts and a sudden urge to cry at every single sad puppy commercial that comes on television. Those could be excused as symptoms of PMS but as Emma calculated she had missed two periods so far.
A lot of things didn't make sense right now but one thing was for sure; she needed to find out. She needed to know if she was with child.
As she pulled into her garage, Emma thanked the higher powers that no one was home. Henry was away in another realm and she missed him dearly. They hadn't talked much due to communication problems with him being in another realm and all but she continued to miss him. Usually, she would be with Regina right now, she would be taking comfort in reminiscing with Regina about Henry's childhood.
They would laugh at Regina's stories about how mischievous Henry was over his terrible two's. It's what they did. Her fake memories from the second curse offered her a lot of comfort during times when she really missed him. His first steps were fuzzy in her mind but she held onto it just as dearly.
Now here she was possibly pregnant with another baby. Emma denied that it could still be a thing as she stepped into her home. She kicked off her boots and quickly walked into the bathroom on the first floor. Dropping the bag unceremoniously onto the floor, she quickly unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down to her ankles. She used her toe to pull the bag close to her to pull each stick out of its box.
Her eyes scanned the instructions before she shoved each test between her legs. The butterflies in her stomach felt no different from when she was 18, willing yourself to pee on command would always be awkward. It felt like an eternity before she was done and sitting with the tests on paper towel. The timer on her phone counted back the longest five minutes of her life. Two pink lines meant pregnant and one meant not pregnant. It would be easy enough, right?
A little part of Emma wanted a baby, yearned for one of her own that she would get to feel growing inside of her again. Her hands found their way to her midsection where a child would be growing. She never got to enjoy that with Henry. Most of her nights were spent crying and in pain from the discomfort of prison beds. A small smile slipped onto her features at the thought of Henry possibly being an older brother.
He was so grown up now, in a whole other realm finding his own story. What would he think about the idea of having a younger sibling? Would he be excited or would he think that she was trying to replace him?
That was certainly something she wouldn't be doing. Emma stood to check the tests with baited breath but was stopped by the ringing of her doorbell. Who in the world could that be? Her eyes glanced over the tests not really being able to see what the results were. The doorbell rang incessantly and she huffed.
"Okay, okay!" Emma yelled as she marched to the door in annoyance. Swinging the door open, the person she least expected smiled back at her.
"Mom?" Emma questioned. Emma couldn't remember inviting her mother over.
"Emma, Hi." Snow smiled widely. She was oblivious to Emma's current state. Lifting a basket into view, Snow practically shoved it into Emma's arms. "I brought muffins."
Emma internally rolled her eyes and cringed. A wave of nausea hit her and the last thing she wanted was muffins. The idea of eating anything now could cause her to blow.
"Snow that's kind of you but you really, really, didn't have to," Emma stressed. "I was kind of in the middle of something and I..."
"I understand Emma." Snow's smile quickly faded. "I know you and Regina usually hang out but I thought this time we could. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll just go."
Snow turned away like a sad puppy with its tail between their legs. Emma knew her mother had good intentions and immediately felt her heart drop. Snow sure was laying the guilt on thick. Emma had an internal battle and before Snow could step off her stoop she called to her.
"Mom, would you like to come inside for a drink?" Emma found herself saying. Snow's smile widened and she stepped aside to let the woman in.
Emma closed the door behind her and glanced in the direction of the bathroom. The timer had gone off before she answered the door. She was itching to know the results of the tests but right now it could wait.
Emma suddenly didn't really want to be alone and even though Snow's appearance was unexpected, it wasn't unwelcome. She follows Snow into the kitchen where she begins to pour Snow a glass of apple juice.
"This is kind of all we have Hook forgot to go grocery shopping." Emma set the cup in front of her mother.
"Emma, are you okay?"
Emma faltered for a second before quickly coming up with an excuse. "I have a stomach ache," and Emma hoped that Snow bought it.
Snow frowned and pulled back for good measure. She looked at Emma and squinted. She didn't seem sick besides a slight glow to her skin. Maybe she had a fever too.
"It's nothing contagious. Don't worry." Emma could see the wheels turning in her mother's head.
"Oh, thank god." Snow looked around the kitchen one last time before she took the cup from Emma. It was awfully quiet here. "Have you been able to speak to Henry any since the last time?"
"No, it's hard not being able to talk to him." Emma leaned against the counter awkwardly. "I just hope he's safe. It's been a wild ride for him here in Storybrooke."
"It's been a wild ride for all of us." Snow agreed shaking her head. "It still doesn't explain why we haven't heard from you."
Emma knit her brows and looked on in confusion. They had dinner last week together. She wasn't intentionally avoiding her family there was just a lot on her mind.
"Whenever you're around you seem so far off." Snow searched her eyes for any indication of a problem. They weren't close by any means but Emma was always truthful to her.
Emma's eyes widened and she nodded absentmindedly. Her mind was obviously somewhere else.
"Regina's asked about you a couple times." Snow began. "She misses you it seems."
"Yeah?" Emma gave a look of hope. It wasn't that she didn't miss Regina, it was that she just couldn't face her yet. She was not prepared to. She wasn't ready to face the music and discuss that night.
The idea of Regina missing her wasn't so farfetched. They were best friends and had worked together to save Storybrooke multiple times. They shared a son for crying out loud. Their night at the hotel in Philadelphia was one filled with passion and pent-up energy. Years worth of hidden feelings were let out even though they shouldn't have been. They had been caught up in the heat of the moment and Emma didn't want to look too much into it. Emma could almost convince herself that it had never happened but as memories of Regina moaning beneath her and writhing under the onslaught of her tongue and fingers flashed before her eyes, she knew it was something she could never forget. Those images and the sounds Regina made when she climaxed would forever be ingrained in her mind.
She had been racked with guilt ever since. Every night she laid with Hook, her husband, she felt herself slipping into their lie of happiness even more. She could live in her lie enough to get pregnant and move on with life. Emma rolled her eyes as she got too ahead of herself. She didn't even know if she was pregnant yet.
"Emma! Emma!" Snow waved to catch her attention. She was zoning out a lot today. Emma focused her eyes on Snow in annoyance. "I was asking if you were going into work today?"
The house phone began to ring before Emma could answer. Caller ID showed that it was Hook calling from the station. A feeling of irritation coursed through her veins as she picked up. His constant hovering never stopped and hadn't lessened as the years went by. She held up a finger to Snow signaling for her to wait.
"Hi, Killian, what's up?" She spoke into the phone. "Did you need anything? Is everything okay?"
Snow listened intently in the background before going off to search for the bathroom. She steps through the hallway and observes several pictures until she reaches the room she wanted. The door was open and Snow cheered internally as she stepped into the bathroom. Her eyes zeroed in on three tiny sticks sitting on the counter. Emma's phone was sitting next to the sticks along with a few boxes. Her eyes widened as she picked up a box and read over it.
"Emma's..." Snow whispered to herself. "Oh my god."
"I was just checking to make sure that you were coming into work this morning. We miss you here in the office." Hook said.
"Of course." Emma nodded but then answered aloud when she realized Hook couldn't see her. "I should be over soon I'm just taking care…of a few things."
"Anything I should be concerned about?"
"NO, no, just normal girl stuff—" Emma began but was cut off by Snow calling her name behind her. Emma was smiling but it was quickly wiped from her face when she turned towards her guest.
"Emma?" Snow questioned as she slowly stepped back into the kitchen. Emma's eyes zeroed in on the paper towel Snow had balled into her hand. No doubt that the pregnancy tests were wrapped into them.
"Hook, I'll see you at the station. I love you." Emma quickly spoke and only waited a second for him to say it back. Hanging up the phone, they stood in silence. Snow was trying to gauge Emma's reaction to see if she was happy about this but couldn't get a read on her.
Snow's mouth hung open for a few seconds before she spoke.
"I was looking for the bathroom and you left those on the counter." Snow explained herself and stepped closer. "Emma are you, are you pregnant?"
"Mom," Emma warned in a tone that meant she really didn't want to discuss the topic.
"No, Emma, this could be great." Snow enthused. "David and I were always wondering when you and Hook would have kids. It has been a while since you've gotten married and we have always wanted grandchildren. This is great. A true love baby no doubt."
Emma gasped and reached blindly for the counter to hold her up. Snow's words affected her more than she liked. She wanted to hurl as it all came rushing to her full force. She didn't want to mention the fact that she and Hook had never shared a true love kiss. She'd never thought about it before. In the grand scheme of things that didn't mean anything to her. He was her husband and she loved him.
"Oh." Snow deflated in realization of what she said. "Are you not happy about this?"
"Please stop." Emma grit her teeth as tears threatened to fall. She couldn't understand her reaction. "I don't really—I don't know."
She could feel a panic attack creeping up on her. Snow was quickly at her side helping her sit down to breathe. She at least had the decency to look guilty. She lowered her eyes and then raised them again as Emma continued to speak. Pregnancy scared her more than she was willing to admit. The tightness in her chest wouldn't let up as she took a few minutes to gather her thoughts.
"Emma, I'm sorry, I didn't know this was such a sore subject." Snow rubbed her back soothingly. "Is Hook not happy? Are you not happy about the baby?"
"No, it's just…" Emma didn't know how to answer. Didn't know what she could say to make herself feel better. "I haven't told Hook yet. I only took the tests before you came. I don't know if these could be a false positive or stress or something."
She was having a baby with her husband. She should be happy but instead, she only had doubts.
"But wouldn't you like to know?" Snow said. "Wouldn't you like to know if you and Killian are going to raise a child together?"
"I can't look." Emma took comfort in her mother's touch. It soothed her like no other and she found herself calming. She felt like a scared little girl with her mother comforting her. Snow was indeed perplexed by Emma's reaction but didn't want to question it. Emma's feelings were her own and she wanted to be supportive.
Snow remained silent as she watched Emma fight with herself. She could see the struggle Emma was having.
"You look for me." Emma let out in a tiny, frightened whimper. Snow forgot for a second that her daughter was a grown woman.
Snow gently took the tests from the counter and looked down at them. She remembered the instructions from the box and she let out a tiny gasp as her eyes surveyed each test. All three were the same results.
"I knew it." Emma was defeated. "I mean, how could I miss something that was never even there?"
Emma deemed herself foolish of her conflicting feelings. One second she was terrified and the next she was hopeful. She would just throw the tests away and pretend nothing ever happened. It would be better that way.
"Emma, you're pregnant." Snow began slowly. "All of the tests say positive."
Emma froze in her spot. Hearing those words did something to her. She raised her hand to rest just below her belly button.
"I'm not lying, see?" Snow could sense Emma's hesitance. She pushed the tests into her hands and stepped back to settle on her heels. She didn't want to smile in case this wasn't good news.
Emma's eyes fluttered over every test as her hand twitched against her belly. It was becoming a habit she didn't know was forming but Snow could see it. It made her grin to think that Emma could finally be happy.
"I'm really pregnant," Emma whispered in disbelief. Tears spilled from her eyes as she clutched the tests tightly.
"You would have to schedule an appointment with your doctor to confirm." Snow informed her. "But I'm happy for you."
"Thank you, Mom." Emma didn't like that she was becoming so vulnerable these days.
"Really Emma, you're going to need a lot of help." Snow went on. "I just want to say I'll be there and I'm pretty sure Henry will be ecstatic. David too. Hook is going to be so happy. We're your family and you have lots of help. I'm pretty sure Regina's going to help too."
Emma's happiness quickly simmered down when she thought of telling Regina. She would cross that bridge when she got to it.
"How about we set up an appointment?" Emma tried to divert her thoughts away from this. She decided not to get her hopes up too soon when there was a possibility these tests showed a false positive.
"Great." Snow grabbed the phone from the charger and handed it to Emma.
They could settle things in only a few days. Emma's nerves almost got the best of her. She managed to make an appointment. She would only have to wait two days to know if she was truly pregnant or not.
"How about those muffins?" Snow asked as she hung up. Snow stepped over to the counter and took two out before setting them on a plate. Any other day Emma would skip breakfast and just eat a bear claw but not today. Snow wouldn't let her. She acknowledged that she quite liked Snow's company when she wasn't trying to be super mom or best friend. She was just being Snow and Emma loved that.
When Emma finally made it into work she was feeling so much better. Hook was out on patrol so she hadn't had to deal with him for quite a while. Her day went by slowly but without a hitch. Snow had promised to keep her secret until she gave Hook the news.
Emma figured that she wouldn't tell him until she was sure there was a baby in there. She spent most of her morning finishing up paperwork until Hook came to grab her for lunch. Granny's was their usual way to get out of the office when there was a slow day.
She wasn't anticipating seeing Regina sitting at the counter but she knew she couldn't ignore her. Not this time.
"Why don't you get us a booth while I go and talk to Regina," Emma suggested. Killian was aware of their recent animosity but he wasn't sure what to make of it. She and Regina were always close and he didn't like it at all. Today was a good day and he didn't want to ruin it so he simply agreed.
"Okay love, don't take too long." He kissed her cheek and moved to find a booth to the side.
Emma took a deep breath and approached Regina with as much courage as she could. Henry was no longer a buffer for much of their meetings. She could still use him as an excuse for a conversation starter.
"Hey, Regina." Emma sat on the stool next to her. Regina simply looked up at her before looking back to her meal.
"Miss Swan, nice to see you here," Regina said.
"Oh wow, Regina it's back to Miss Swan?" Emma frowned at Regina's shrug. "How've you been?"
"Besides the fact that my best friend had been avoiding me I've been well." Regina finally looked up to Emma. She felt a different energy from the woman that she could almost mistake as magic. But she knew what Emma's magic felt like and this was different. It felt familiar and she couldn't put her finger on it. She tried to ignore the pull and attraction she felt to this new form of magic. It was probably nothing.
"I'm sorry about that," Emma said. "I know with everything that's happened I don't have the right to snub you. It's just that Killian and I are finally in a place where everything is okay and I don't want to mess this up."
"Emma," Regina began. Cheating on her husband was beyond messing things up but she wasn't one to lecture. She'd made peace with Emma's decision not to tell him. She didn't know how she could continue to live with that but she didn't have a choice. She wasn't going to take away another happy ending, especially not Emma's. Even if she didn't believe that it was her happy ending.
"This weekend, let's have dinner." Emma began. "Just you and I. I know that it's been tense between us but I want us to continue making progress. I miss my best friend."
"I can admit that I too miss your annoying presence." Regina considered Emma's proposal. "I'll cook. I won't have any mishaps going on in my kitchen. Is the pirate okay with this idea?"
"Considering I just thought of it, no, but this will give him an excuse to go out with his old crew." Emma shrugged. "I miss you, Regina." This time it was softer, it felt more genuine. She wanted Regina to know that she truly meant what she was saying.
"I miss you too," Regina confessed. They both knew the weight that those words carried. They had always been Emma and Regina. No matter what had come in their way they had found how to make it work. This time was different and it showed. Sleeping together had been inevitable. Though Emma would have preferred it been another time. Way before she married Hook or fell in love with him. She had mixed feelings about the entire situation and she wanted to make sure that they were clear on everything.
"I'll see you then." Emma glanced back to where Hook was waiting with her food. He'd ordered for her like always.
Regina looked over to where Hook was waiting and back to Emma. She gave a curt nod and turned back to her food. She didn't want Emma to see how much it hurt at the fact that she was choosing Hook. She was always going to choose Hook and there was nothing she could do about it.
Something had to change.
As Emma lay awake later that night she tried to make sense of what was going on. She tried to count back her conception date to pinpoint when exactly she'd gotten pregnant. The numbers just didn't add up to where she wanted them to. The moon shone through her window across her face. She turned away to face Killian and groaned at his light snoring.
The doctor would be able to confirm her suspicions and give a due date but she didn't want to be right. She silently prayed that the nagging in the back of her mind turned out to be wrong. She didn't think she could live with herself if she wasn't.
Emma slipped into a fitful sleep still hoping that everything turned out the way it should. If only life worked the way we wanted.