Terms of Endearment
"Cupcake?'
Ianto didn't even stop dusting the desk.
"Sweetheart?"
That earned Jack a withering glare.
"Sweetie?"
Ianto moved on to dusting the lamp, noting the bulb needed replacing
"Umm…darling?"
Ianto stopped, a pained expression on his face. "Jack, I'm not Oscar Wilde."
"No, you're not. Much calmer, for starters. He was always a bit dramatic for my tastes."
Says the man in the World War One greatcoat, thought Ianto. "And speaking of sex," Ianto turned to look at him, leaned back in his chair, feet propped on the desk. "Are you hoping to have any with me any time soon?"
Jack opened his mouth, apparently thought better of it, and nodded yes.
"Then you're going to have to do better than that."
"Well dammit, Ianto, you just laugh when I call you 'Stud Muffin!'
"As would any rational human being, sir."
Jack was pouting. Ianto had no intention of telling him he looked cute when he pouted-like a small child who'd just had his ice cream snatched by the playground bully.
"Aha!" He swung his feet off the desk. "I've got it!"
Ianto refrained from rolling his eyes. "Do tell."
Jack came stalking over to where he stood, feather-duster still in hand. "Wanna guess?"
"Surprise me."
"How about…Ianto?"
Ianto appeared to be considering it. "Not bad," he finally said. "Easy to remember, rolls off the tongue nicely, plus I've been answering to it for the last 25 years."
Jack looked inordinately pleased. "So. What are you going to call me?"
"I assumed I'd call you Jack. Sir, if you happen to be in the mood for it."
"What about stud muffin?"
"Only in private. Which means behind closed, locked doors. However, since you insist on being called it, you're not allowed to complain when I'm unable to say it with a straight face."
He really did look adorable when he pouted, Ianto thought. Maybe if he practiced in private, he'd eventually get to the point where he could say it without bursting into hysterical laughter.