Title: Fondue For Two: Three More Interviews

Summary: Three more guest pairings join Brittany on her talk-and-eat show, Fondue For Two. Spoilers up to and including 2x19 "Rumours". Cracky one-shot.

Author's note: It took me long enough to get Blaine into a fan fic, albeit for a small part. YAY.

Warnings: Mild sexual references, supernatural references and crack.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, the referenced song, the references to other TV shows and films, Mr. Muggles (from Heroes), nor Sparky the Great Slash Dragon (from Merlin).

GLEE-E-E-E

Fondue for two / Fondue for two / That's some hot dish! / Fondue for two!

First Interview

'I'm Brittany S. Pierce, and welcome to another episode of Fondue for Two. I'd like to welcome Rachel Berry to the show.'

Rachel smiled. 'Thanks, Brittany. Can I just say that I won't be able to partake in the cheese, since I'm a vegan. This chia bread is delicious, though. Also, I'm so glad to be here. I can never pass up an opportunity to showcase my talent to a wider audience.'

Brittany returned the smile. 'You really are talented, and I love chia bread too. Okay, first question. I heard a rumor that you and Finn Hudson have gotten back together. Is it true?'

Rachel shook her head vehemently. 'No. Absolutely not. Finn is still dating Quinn Fabray, though one day he will come to his senses and realize that I am the only girl who truly loves him for who he is.'

'Okay, so if you're not dating Finn, why are the two of you holding hands right now?'

At this moment, Finn, who was indeed holding hands with Rachel, spoke quickly. 'I can explain! I had an accident involving super glue in woodworking class today. It's a long story, so I'll spare you the details, but now I'm stuck to Rachel. She needed to go to the ladies' after class, and even though she blindfolded me, it's still the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me.'

'Even though Finn and I used to date, I've definitely added this to my "Things to never do again with Finn" list,' Rachel added.

Brittany giggled, and said, 'I once super glued my wrist to my forehead. It took two days to get me unstuck.'

'Two days?' Finn and Rachel exclaimed.

'Yep. Okay, next question. This time, it will be for Finn, now that he's joined us. Would you like to do a duet with me in glee club?'

'Er, okay. What do you want to sing?'

'I was thinking "I See the Light" from Tangled.'

'I don't know it. It sounds positive and nice though.'

'Cool. I'll teach it to you, but not right now, since we're almost out of time. The last question is for Rachel. Is it true that you will be performing another original song for Nationals?'

'I can confirm that I have written an unbelievably great song that will blow the judges' minds at Nationals. I won't reveal any more than this, since like all great artists, I will not be giving away any secrets before the competition.'

'You heard it first on Fondue for Two, people. Finn and Rachel, thanks for being on the show, and good luck with getting separated.'

'Thanks, Brittany. I need to go to the bathroom again,' Finn said sheepishly.

'Finn, you went ten minutes ago!' Rachel moaned.

'Fondue makes me thirsty. Hold still, I'll put the blindfold on you.'

'When I said I wanted to get back together with you, I didn't mean it quite so literally,' Rachel said, dryly. 'Before we go, can I remind FFT viewers to watch all of my original songs, which are on my Myspace page. The link is at the bottom of this video. Bye!'

Second Interview

'Welcome back to Fondue For Two. I'm Brittany. Well viewers, get excited, because my two favorite dolphins, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are joining me!'

'Hi, Brittany,' a beaming Kurt said.

'Yo!' Blaine added.

'Do you like the fondue?' Brittany asked. Both boys gave the thumbs up.

'Awesome. Okay, the first question is for Kurt. I've heard a rumor that you will be transferring back to McKinley High and rejoining the New Directions glee club. Is this true?'

'Er, Brittany, that has already happened. I transferred back to McKinley two weeks ago, and I'm back with New Directions.'

'Really? I must have fallen asleep. Well, a belated welcome back, Porcelain.'

Kurt pouted. 'Please don't call me that.'

'I think it's cute. Moving on. Blaine, will you be transferring to McKinley now that Kurt has done so?'

'Unfortunately, no. As much as I love all of the members of New Directions and the city of Lima, I don't see myself moving away from Westerville any time soon. It's where I grew up, and I love it there. I really love attending Dalton Academy, and I'm pretty sure that I'll be a Warbler until I graduate. So yeah, it sucks that I won't be around Kurt so much, but I'm sure that you guys and girls at McKinley will take good care of him.'

'We sure will,' Brittany said. 'BTW, for the viewers, the Dalton Academy Warblers are a glee club from Westerville, another city in our great state of Ohio. They tied with New Directions at Sectionals and lost to ND at Regionals this year. Sorry about that, Blaine.'

'Don't apologize. You were too good. Your original songs kicked ass, so I take my imaginary hat off to you.'

'That's what New Directions does, "it kicks ass" as Noah Puckerman would say. BTW, I have a closet full of imaginary hats that you are both welcome to wear.'

'Thanks, Brittany,' Kurt said excitedly.

'No probs. Well, I'm afraid we're out of time on Fondue For Two. Can the three of us make out now?'

'No, Brittany,' Kurt and Blaine said, with practiced unison.

Third Interview

'Hello again, viewers. You should know who I am, but if you don't, I'm Brittany S. Pierce. My very special guests today are Mr. Muggles and Sparky the Great Slash Dragon, co-owners of Le Chateau De Slashtastique, where you both promote epic pairings on TV shows and related fan fiction.'

'Hello, young Brittany,' Sparky said formally.

'Hi there, Sparky. The first question is for you. How did a 17 foot tall Dragon like you manage to fit into my bedroom?'

'There is magic of the Old Religion which allows me to shrink to a more manageable size, young Brittany.'

'Ooh, magic. I once made a ten dollar bill disappear by dropping it at the mall. Mr. Muggles, what do you think of the second season of Glee so far?'

'What can I say? I loved all of it. I laughed at all of your one liners, Brittany...'

'Oh, thank you! I do my best.'

'...and I think I loved the "Born This Way" episode the most. It's a great lesson for everyone to embrace who they are, even the things they don't like about themselves. Take me, for instance. I'm a Pomeranian, and everyone just treats me like this cute, fuzzy little thing that needs to be loved up all the time, when all I really want to do is watch Buffy, The Vampire Slayer.'

'When people look at me, they think I'm going to eat them,' Sparky added. 'What they don't know is that I don't love the taste of human. I'd much prefer a beef casserole, beautifully done in the slow cooker.'

'I'm vegetarian, and I love sweet potato chips,' Brittany said.

'Getting back on topic, you shouldn't judge people and animals by their covers,' Mr. Muggles said. 'Also can I just say, I love the storyline with you and Santana.'

'Oh, well thanks, I guess. It's a really confusing time for both of us right now, so I hope it all works out for the best.'

'I hope so too. I think there should be more Dogs on Glee,' Mr. Muggles declared.

'...and Dragons,' Sparky added. 'It was a very major oversight by the Glee producers for them to omit Dragons from a musical dramedy.'

'I would agree with that,' Brittany said seriously. 'I will see what I can do.'

'Thank you,' the Dog and the Dragon said.

'Well, we are out of time, unfortunately. Mr. Muggles and Sparky, it's always a pleasure. Thanks for joining me on Fondue For Two!'

'Thanks once again, Brittany,' Mr. Muggles said with a smile. 'Kids, be good to your mothers, and may the Glee be with you.'

The End

I know I should be updating my Heroes fics, but with each new Glee episode, a new plot bunny attacks...*hangs head in shame*.

I published this fic on the same day that I watched 2x19 "Rumours". I loved this episode, since I love the Fleetwood Mac album by the same name, and obviously, Fondue For Two.

Now that I've made myself hungry by writing this fic, it's time for a snack. Review, please, and DFTBA. :-)