The Kirkat Saga: Origins
Hidden deep away in a meteor located near the outer rim, laid a particularly distraught and rather ghastly fellow by the name of Karkat Vantas. This troll was quite unpleasant in every sense, possessed a sense of loathing toward the world that was only surpassed by his hate for himself. Yes, young Karkat was a rather pitiable and pathetic character. It seemed no one could really love such a lowly creature. Karkat processed thoughts along these lines as he curled into a ball, away from his companions who were all asleep. Karkat had refused to go to sleep after his moon was destroyed and so far he had been successful and resisting this urge. Today had been a particularly rough day for the young troll, as he had gotten into a rough fight with his semi-kind of girlfriend Terezi (and not the sexy kind of fight either *wink wink*)
"WELL OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU VANTAS, WHO WOULD?"
Indeed the question was who would. It wasn't that Karkat was unlovable. Despite his own thoughts, Karkat was a rather attractive troll. Although short he possessed a sense of hate-so-much-you-love charisma that few had. No, the true problem with poor Karkat was that he was simply insatiable in the bedroom. No one could please him. And what's more, he required out of his partners, a sense of security. Karkat inside wanted to feel like a princess. He wanted to be wrestled away from his position of power and he wanted to someone else to be captain. The question was, Who Would
Somewhere in a far off galaxy. A few years ago, but not many, a rougish and rascally captain awakes from a night of carousing and lust. this particular captain was prone to "hitting and quitting" those he chose to indulge carnally. Captain kirk gently (but not too gently) pushed the seven buxom verdant female humanoids off his person and groggily sat up rubbing his manly stubble in distress.
"damn it kirk, when are you going to stop this?" he knew his current boyfriend spock would be angry at this and his lack of calling. he wanted to be a better boyfriend, but spock would not submit in the way he liked and found himself desiring a more... "impressionable" lover. he wanted to thrust his influence over his lover with throbbing determination. yet spock was simply "too strong" willed. weeks in his sex dungeon had yielded no positive results. Kirk was ready to move on... but to whom?
Kirk's sexual desire was not the only appetite that was inflamed. HE had a terrible condition... of "pot munchies." Looking out of his window, he saw something strange. An orange blur, vegetable-like in shape. "Is that... a pumpkin?" kirk knew what pumpkins were from his one time on earth, when he grew up there. they were an earth vegetable. An edible earth vegetable. with the speed of a midichlorian in a jedi's bloodstream, kirk lept to the floor and ran out of the room to the escape pod bay. he went to his special escape pod that had his name on it and was for him so he could escape. kirk realised he had forgotten to put on his clothes so he was only in his super star fleet speedo. he couldn't help looking at his rippling bod that everyone in the world (and the other worlds) wanted. "damn captain. you sure look sexy." he said to himself, giving a wink to the escape pod surveillance camera. Kirk started a countdown sequence to launch into space after the fleeing orange edible earth vegetable. "one minute and counting..." said the escape pod robot voice. just then, the door of the room kirk was in opened. it was... spock. "kirkie my darling... why are you here?" spock said. he brusheds his beautiful shining hair to the side and there was a glimmer in his big eyes. "your presence in this location is highly illogical and furthermore is quite deserving of my suspicion!" spock said calmly like a river in the arctic. spock had seen the arctic on one of his earth trips. he could see through his vulcan logic that it was cold. this cold was the feeling that spock held in his heart. "It's over, spock. I'm through with you." Spock looked at kirk for a moment that felt like a few seconds. "i already was, you... you... baka." spock looked stoic, but he was holding back a single tear behind his logical exterior. in a way, his mask was the mask that we all wear in our lives. hiding our sadness behind a logical exterior. A veritable exoskeleton of steel and logic. spock stepped coldly out of the room. when the door closed kirk could hear a single muffled sob. the onboard radio started playing. "10 seconds". At that moment, the gotye song turned on. Kirk remarked "gotye is truly an artist for the ages, even this age of stars and treks."
Back in the future, Karkat was still alone. He unrolled his young troll joints aching from hours curled up in a self-pitying ball. His comrades had gotten up. As usual, they began to exhibit all manner of unorderly conduct that was not fitting of a group of alternian warriors. Karkat knew what he must do... though it pained him... he must put himself in the loathsome eye of command. Because without him his team wouldn't progress, and the Jon human would go untrolled. This was a fate worse than double death. Maybe even worse than ghostbusters game that jon showed him. He looked out of his window forlornly with great desire in his heart for a different life. One under the steady hand of someone who could head the ship that was his life. A... life captain. On the trek of love.
Kirk was in his escape ship hurtlin' through space toward the orange "earth vegetable" at the speed of light. his ship was being pelted by space debris and a hole showed up in the glass in front of him. losing all sense of logic from his overwhelming hunger, he hurdled himself out the hole toward the luscious object of his desire. his hands were getting close to it now. closer... closer... closer... and then he grabbed it. At that precise moment, there was a happening.
Karkat licked his metaphorical wounds as he retreated into the moist bowels of the asteroid. He had nearly had enough. Enough of being under appreciated. Enough of never being told how pretty he was. Enough of never receiving chocolates or flowers or little notes that made him feel special. Enough of... enough. Suddenly, he heard a noise. A loud noise that somehow didn't fail to arouse him. It sounded manly, like a burly, rougish rascally captain who could really give a young troll what he wanted had fallen in the other room. It turns out that that was exactly what it was. Karkat's heart fluttered as he rushed to see what had happened. He slowly opened the door to the appearification room. It was dark. He saw a slumped, burly figure and a big thing that looked like a vegetable. He was broad shouldered and Karkat was aroused by his muscley shoulder blades that rippled like a fierce stallion as he struggled to get up. "I need... I need..." Karkat rushed forward as the man collapsed, pulling a convenient Kirk Nursing Station from his captchalogue given to him by his sexy friend Gamzee. He didn't know what it was before, but now it made all the sense in the world (and the other worlds.) Gently, Karkat lifted, using all his strength and some extra strength he didn't know he had. After doing some lifts, Karkat attended to the sexy man, placing him upon his custom-made nursing station. In all of paradox space he had never seen a man so dominant and beautiful. "JEGUS ANSWERED MY PRAYERS..." Karkat whispered loudly in the unconscious Kirk's ear, falling in love with the man he had already fallen in love with.
Kirk slowly opened his masculinely lashed eyes. "Whuh... what happened? that must have been one hell of a party!" kirk said weakly. "those green chicks really know how to throw down." kirk raised himself. he looked down to see that his torso was covered in bandages. it seemed like something had been cut out of his stomach. cut like a knife. He didn't know how he got here but he had a feeling that he had come home. kirk looked to the right and saw a little table with a note and brand new phaser gun was on it. kirk looked at the note. The handwriting was gorgeously beautiful. it seemed submissive, yet elegant and full of class.
"DEAR CAPTAIN,
YOU SEEM TO HAVE FALLEN LIKE AN ANGLE INTO MY LAP. EXCEPT UNLIKE AN ANGLE, YOU ARE RUGGED. YOU ARE A MAN. I LOVE MEN. ESPECIALLY MEN LIKE YOU. WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU AREN'T LIKE SOME SISSY WOMAN. YOU ARE A MAN. I WILL BE WATCHING YOU FROM THE SHADOWS, MY DARLING. I AM FAR TOO TIMID TO APPROACH A SENPAI LIKE YOU. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, LOVER BOY.
PS: TRY TO KEEP YOUR SEXY BODY SAFE. IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO THAT PERFECT THING.
PPS: YOUR LAZER GUN LOOKED BROKEN, SO I REPLACED IT. I BET IT'S NOT AS BIG AS YOURS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. *WINK*. TRY NOT TO SHOOT ME IN THE EYE WITH IT. UNLESS YOU WANT TO. *WINK WINK.*
kIRK WAS intensely, agressively AROUSED. THIS MYSTERY BOY'S BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE AND PERFECT HANDWRITING SPURRED THE BEAST IN KIRK TO RAGE. YET HE KNEW HE COULD NOT SCARE AWAY SUCH A TIMID CREATURE BY DISPLAYING TOO MUCH DOMINANCE. HE MUST BIDE HIS TIME AND WAIT FOR HIM TO SHOW HIMSELF. AND WHEN HE DID... KIRK WOULD BE READY.
Two weeks later and Karkat had not summoned enough strength to approach the one he loved. "I JUST WANT SENPAI TO NOTICE ME... BUT I'M TOO SCARED." He could not believe he was messing this up so bad. "STUPID KARKAT. YOU'RE SO STUPID." Today would be the day. He had watched longingly as Kirk performed his daily aerobics, toning his manly glutes to starfleet perfection. It was not every man who could sway a vulcan into bed. No, Kirk was special, and he knew it. He was a hot piece of meat with a personality to match the hotness. Karkat knew that Kirk knew that Karkat knew that Kirk knew he was sexy and this made poor Karkat quite nervous, such a frail young thing. What Karkat did not know, was that Kirk knew that Karkat knew that Kirk knew he was sexy, and he did not want to scare Karkat away with this, but Kirk knew that Karkat did not know this. So Kirk decided it was to time to approach the young lad. Kirk using his powers gained by bedding a vulcan easily determined through his reasoning where the young boy was. It did not help Karkat that he spent nights mastarbating to the seemingly sleeping Kirk. "Set phasers to... fun." Kirk said with a sly grin, beginning the hunt. The hunt lasted around thirty seconds. They met in the hallway outside Kirk's room. The food traKy Karkat was holding crashed to the floor like a stampede of earth elephants. "SENPAI, I..." Karkat exclaimed, blushing furiously and averting his eyes from the redhot sexy single before him. Karkat tried to run away, hoping to incite the lustful hunter to pursue him mercilessly. As he turned, Kirk caught his arm with his meaty hand, fingers like sausages waiting to be savored... slowly. Karkat said "WHAT ARE YOU..." but Kirk hushed him. "Hush my darling... let me put that gorgeous loud mouth to a better use." And then they did oral for a little while but Karkat wasn't good at it. Too much teeth. Kirk knew that with time he could "inculcate" proper "technique" into Karkat, but as of right now he wasn't ready. Kirk withdrew from Karkat's "Sarlaac Pit" and exclaimed "Time to boldly go where no man has gone before!" before plunging his swollen "Enterprise" balls deep into Karkat's brown rosebud. The night was long, but not as long as Kirk's "phaser gun." By the end, Karkat's protein chute was a swiss cheese of ecstasy. As Kirk unloaded his "photon torpedo" into Karkat's "bomb bay" for the tenth or eleventh time (they lost count because they were so horny,) a loud whooshing noise erupted from behind them, with something that sounded like metal clanking. Kirk could sense it... an exoskeleton of steel... and logic! Just then, Spock rounded the corner in his mecha robosuit. Spock said "Your abandoned special escape pod for escaping... ran into a peaceful klingon diplomat, starting an interplanetary intergalactic war. this was the worst thing to happen in the world (or the other worlds too.) NOw... you must die!" Suddenly Spock's hair went yellow and spiky, kinda like sonic but more like dragon ball z. Kirk's hair went spiky too, but Karkat's hair stayed the same because its too beautiful. Kirk and Karkat knew what they must do... the fusoin dance! Karkat twerked his booty cheeks with all of his might, and Kirk plunged inside as they both yelled "Fusoin... ha!" Nothing happened because thats bull shit. And then there was a happening... They became... KIRKAT! Spock was dumb and unhot so he died. Kirk and Karkat didn't die though.
^_^ *~THE END~* ^_^