This story idea has been gnawing on my brain for ages, and i thought, what the hey, lets write it out see what happens.

Er . . . nothing bad hopefully.

Nonetheless, read and enjoy.

Disclaimer: Fanfiction, guys. Means I own nothing. Lord of the Rings belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and Chronicles of Narnia belong to C.S. Lewis.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I hope you break before I do

It was with harsh abruptness that he found himself once again in the land of the waking. Sweat made his clothes chill in the winter weather. A hand clenched at bed sheets as he tried to calm his breathing. A second hand ran through sweat damp hair and tugged painfully.

Why? Why now? Why him? Why?

A cold bubbling emptiness budded in his chest and a mirthless smile crossed his lips.

It was supposed to have been over. His role had been completed. So why would the images not leave him alone? It was so very hard to breathe, to smile, to live his life as it was now, he had been trying and still they chose to haunt him. It had been months, he thought it would get better, but how was he to accomplish that when they would come to him in his sleep? He knew in his heart of hearts that he would never see those woods again, nor would he ever see his people. He knew. Narnia was no longer within his reach.

Except perhaps in his dreams.

And despite knowing he would not be returning, he still yearned for it with all his being. Narnia had been home, it had been his kingdom, it had been his everything; and now he could only glimpse fleeting moments from memories. Images, sounds and smells that left him aching for what no longer was his.

When Aslan had told him that he had learned all there was that Narnia had to offer, he had been frozen. The weight of that declaration, it had drowned him for a brief second in heart wrenching despair. How was he to live in London, when every fibre of his being called for the woods of Narnia? How was he to stay sane, when everything he had lived for, was lost for a second time?

The joy in his spirit for returning to Narnia, to his people, to his home had been torn away again, with finality. And the pain of losing Narnia again hurt him more, after having a chance to live in it a second time. The pain, new, fresh, and far more lasting.

His hand let his sheets fall, and went to massage his chest, where his heart lay. If only it would help alleviate his pain.

He had been angry when he had left Narnia behind the first time, but this time he fell into a bone deep sorrow. Narnia could no longer welcome him. What use was it now to be angry?

He knew that he worried his siblings. He could see it when they looked at him, when they talked to him, and he tried so very hard for them, to be happy. And while he could smile and laugh and enjoy time with his siblings, he also knew that every action of his was overshadowed with sadness.

Susan, he knew, was dealing with her own grief of never setting foot in Narnia again. It had been her home too. He knew that she had distanced herself from them so as to distance herself from the pain of losing Narnia. She did her best to never mention it, To act as though it had been a wild dream, of a fairytale land once upon a time. And that was that it had been, all that it could have been for her.

Soon she started to avoid them, to avoid her memories of that place. To avoid remembering that she had once been Queen Susan, the Gentle. That she had been someone important, someone that people had once looked to for guidance, for advice and for mercy. He knew, and it hurt him that she could find no comfort in her family. The siblings had understood why Susan had been around less and less, and while they had been hurt from her distance, they also knew it was her way to protect herself. Susan was their sister, always would be, and so they resolved to be there for her if she needed them.

If anything, Peter needed to resolve things, to center himself, for the sake of Edmund and Lucy. It pained him to see them both so sad for him. To see them share his grief, and to stay beside him in silence. Edmund had done everything, from chess games, to random pranks, to sports, to pull him out of his depression. Peter would admit, that it was times like those that he could be mostly content. And Peter also knew that he needed to take care of himself better, to lighten the lines of worry in his brother's face.

It truly made Peter proud to see how Edmund had grown.

And Lucy's never ending faith and hope, always seemed to lighten Peter's mood if only a little. Or at least it would help him focus on the here and now instead of the lost and once upon a time. He needed to be stronger for them. Because he knew that no matter how old they truly were, he was their elder brother, and they would always look to him. He needed to remember that he had been their protector ever since he first laid eyes on them.

He needed to do his best for them, no matter how broken he was now.

Slowly he slipped back under his covers, prepared for another restless night, he couldn't keep from wondering why? And how long would he have to endure his heart breaking?

As he closed his eyes against the painfully itching, he knew, like he would never see Narnia again, like he knew that his family was drifting apart, that his heart was far too broken to fix now.

It hadn't been long that they had been back before Edmund had noticed. Peter had always been easy for the second youngest Pevensie to read. Not that Peter was hard to read otherwise. His brother had a tendency of wearing his heart on his sleeve, his emotions visible in his eyes. All one had to do was look. Peter Pevensie never had been a very good liar.

It was easy to see that his brother was heartbroken.

The problem, he knew, lay in the fact that Peter was never half-hearted. He always put in effort and care and sincerity into everything he did. Peter cared, and loved and moved heart first. To him, it had always been Narnia. He was High King, and this was his kingdom, his people, his life. There was nothing he wouldn't give for them. Because he was their King and they were his. To protect, to care for, to support and encourage and love, they were his responsibility and so they owned him. That had been what made him loved as High King of Narnia, and that was the person that Edmund would give his life to protect. Because, in the end, Peter was his King too.

It had been hard to rule Narnia in the early years, but they had managed, and Peter had given his heart to her. And while his younger siblings all had place in his heart, he himself belonged to Narnia. It was painful to watch his brother hurt so. To see him smile and laugh, and never, really, truly be happy. Not when Narnia still called to him. What was worse was that Edmund didn't know what he could do to help. Edmund had always given his support and had confidence in Peter, but comforting his elder brother? His King? No, Peter had always been the one to comfort the siblings.

It didn't mean that Edmund would not try.

Because, while Peter may belong to Narnia, there was still a part of his heart that had belonged to Edmund first. And Edmund would do all that he could to bring happiness to that piece. Edmund knew he owed at least that much to his brother. So Edmund did his best to be there for his King, to let Peter know that Edmund still loved him and was loyal to him. And just as a part of Peter belonged to Edmund, there was a part of Edmund that would always belong to his brother first, because no matter where they were, Peter had been and always would be his King.

It broke Lucy's heart.

Seeing Peter smile and look at her with those sad, sad eyes, it always broke her heart.

Peter was her older brother, her protector, her friend, her King, her Hero, and to see him so broken made her heart ache.

Lucy had always been the one with hope and a strong faith, but now? Now she felt lost. She still believed in Aslan and he would always bring her hope when all else looked dark, but day to day?

That role had belonged to Peter. He had always been the one that would do anything to make her happy, to see her smile, and it hurt her so to not be able to offer him the same. Peter had been there for the siblings to go to, no matter their mood, and he would protect them and smile and they would feel lighter. Because they knew, no matter what happened, how bad things got, Peter was always there. And he loved them all dearly, and she knew that he would get better, if only to make them smile.

That strength had been what made him so great. It was the quality that made people believe in him, to have hope in him, strength of heart had been what made his people love him so. And Lucy knew that a part of Peter would always ache for Narnia, but he would stay strong despite that.

Because he was Peter, her brother, her protector, her King, her Hero. And she would help him as best as she could to provide him some comfort, because no matter what title he had been given, Peter was family and the one she would always look to, he was hers. Even if she had to fight Narnia for that.

"It's not fair." The voice was unexpected in the silence of the night, as was the bitter tone it was said.

Turning to look at the other occupant of the room, Peter was surprised to see his brother watching him so intently.

"Ed? Why are you still awake?" The concern in that question only made Edmund's frown deepen.

"I was reading," replied the younger Pevensie, as he set his book on the nightstand. "It's been half a year now and still. . . . . Why didn't you say anything?"

"There's nothing to tell Edmund," the smile that accompanied those words twisted sharply in his chest. Peter turned his head to look out the window in hopes that his brother would not notice the look in his eyes.

"Liar," came the whispered response as a weight settle behind him and arms wrapped around his torso.

"Ed? What are you-"

"I don't like this Peter. We thought that… We didn't know you still had dreams like that." And briefly the hold tightened.

"Edmund, there truly is nothing to worry about." Lie. But if it helped settle his brother's mind, then he would keep lying.

"Liar. Shut up and listen to me. We worried for weeks when we first came back, but then you started getting better, or so we thought. You didn't have the dreams as often and you weren't as sad. But this? It's not fair Peter. As much as I love Narnia, you need her. I would. . . if. . .if Aslan would have it, I would rather you return in my place."

Peter twisted violently out of Edmund's hold and looked at his brother. Why? Why would he offer such a…? And the look in Edmund's eyes showed how very serious, how very determined he was to return Narnia to Peter. And it made his heart thunder and his eyes sting. How could he?

"Oh Edmund," Peter pulled the younger towards him and held on tightly. This was a comfort that Edmund needed, had needed for a long time now.

"I would never. Narnia belongs to you as much as me-not a word!- and I cannot take that offer. It would break your heart Edmund, and that I refuse to do. You are my brother, Narnia still needs you, and I won't take that away from you." A hand began to thread through Edmund's hair, how was it that Peter could provide such comfort when he was hurting this deeply? It made Edmund's eyes sting.

"You have given so much for us, why is that you won't take this one thing from me? I'm offering freely, Peter, why won't you take it?"

"Because it is not mine to take. I will be fine Edmund, I know I cannot go back to Narnia, I will not break your heart also." And Peter moved to settle both boys better on his bed.

"Why do you have to be so damn noble?" Was the harsh whispered response. And Peter knew he had won. It had been years since Edmund allowed him to comfort him like this, and Peter began humming a Narnian lullaby hoping that it would help.

And as Edmund began to fall asleep, he knew that he loved Aslan, would always love him, but he didn't know how long it would take to forgive him for breaking Peter's heart.

Peter sighed as he settled himself next to his brother, still in mild shock. That Edmund would offer… Peter knew that Edmund loved him, that he cared, but to give Peter- Edmund loved Narnia just as much! And to see him willing to give that away, for his brother? It gave Peter a bittersweet joy. And he knew that he would get better, that he had to.

And this ends the first chapter. Read, review let me know how I did. See if this is something I should continue with or if it was a flop.

Much appreciated,

Kaizer Song