307 reviews down the crapper!! X.X;;; YES! RISHID WAS TAKEN DOWN! (Cries) due to grammar mistakes….BUT I SHALL GIVE NOT GIVE UP!! IF someone did report I got a message for you!! I SHALL NOT STAND DEFEATED!! I WILL CONTINUE IN GIVING SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE CAN LAUGH AT AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR THEN SOR-RY!!! So yeah, I'm going to repost ALL of Rishid again…as soon as I can! Ah man…I can't make my faces either--that's what makes Rishid (Grumbles) I won't give up!
Since it was taken down due to grammar spelling etc etc, I'm going to fix my mistakes and maybe add some new thing in the chapters.
NOTE: THIS WILL BE RATED R!!! IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT THEN DON'T REPORT ME AND RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE!! IF IT'S TOO HOT GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
Do not own Y-G-O
ACTION!!
Everything was peaceful here, I'm so glad that Miss Isis decided to remain in Japan it's quite a beautiful place, and we are allowed freedom. Battle city was over and everything remain quiet….most of the times anyways……
"RISHID!!!"
Ugh, bitch master a.k.a Malik-sama calls me…I must beckon to him…beckon…what kind of word is beckon? Oh well, I'll ponder it later but now Malik-sama needs me.
"RISHID!!!!"
Eeeeesh all right already, I heard you the first time. I sighed to myself as I walked to the living room "Rishid, I have to do chores today" he spoke. And? Why the hell did you…oh….lazy bastard. "As you wish…Malik-sama," I said his name through gritted teeth as he hand me a couple of rubber gloves, a scrubby, and Ajax.
"I have to watch the toilets today"
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Bitch……
2 hours later
I never want to wash toilets ever again…EVER!!! I dropped myself on the couch, my arms were sore, my head ached and ugh…. The things Malik-sama flushes down the toilet, gee, has he ever heard of a trashcan? I hope Miss Isis comes back soon, she usually had Malik -sama whip…
Ker-snap heh heh
"Rishid…"
I looked up trying not to give my master a death glare "Yes?' I said calmly. You heraphmadite. He looked at me nervously, his were averted from me. This could be serious….
"What is it, Malik-Sama?"
I began to worry now as he looks at the floor trying to spit it out, maybe he did something he shouldn't have done……….what am I saying?
"Rishid…"
"Yes, Malik sama"
"Where do babies come from?"
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…….You have got to be kidding me……
"Malik-sama what?" I ask. Malik fidgeted nervously "I said….do you know where babies come from?" He spoke again. Holy crap…he's serious. I gave a nervous cough "Um Malik-sama, you do not know about the…." What was that term...oh yes!
"Birds and the bees??"
"Well, I was going to ask Dad but I went Marik and killed him, then there was my obsession with killing that damn pharaoh and becoming the new pharaoh of the world--so yeah, I never had it explained to me…until now" He finish, looking at me intently.
Gulp
Miss. Isis where are you when I need you? I looked around, alas she did not appear. Damn her and her ladies day out……
"Well? Where do they come from? I know that there's a guy and a girl but that's it."
I groaned. Of all the ancient scriptures we had, of all the books he read, he couldn't come across a book explaining the mating process…ah yes father, you must be laughing your head off, watching me suffer in that big screen TV you're watching in hell right now. But I am Malik's faithful servant so I must do as he says.
"Malik sama I think you should sit down for this one." Malik eyes suddenly brighten up as he flopped on the couch. I looked at him….he must really be anxious….ugh, Rishid just got the willies. I cleared my throat as he looked at me waiting…. Whoo boy, how should I explained this, hmm maybe I should do it all fatherly like. After all I am his guardian so yeah I'm like a father…er no, father was a evil bastard who never loved me and is now burning in hell heheheheheheheheheee…err like a big brother, yeah that's it….
"Malik, it's obvious that you have already undergone some changes"
"I know that know I want to know how does that fit with babies coming from?"
…………………….How can this kid be so evil, so unstable and still haven't found out where babies came from; the idea is simply preposterous! I need a beer…we don't have any…damn Isis and her zero alcohol tolerance….
I cleared my throat again "Well Malik-sama you've already seen that girls are VERY different from boys, like that girl Anzu…"
Oops now I've done it.
"ANZU!!! Why did you say her name huh huh? Are you seeing her behind my back Rishid are you? HUH!!!" he snarled now shaking me. Weeeeeee the walls are shaking…my head hurts….I'm losing brain cells…but the walls are shaking…heh cool.
Ding Dong
Malik stopped shaking me, much to my great relief. Ow, my head….it throbs….him and his infatuation with that girl….but she is pretty cute. I am going to kiss whoever rang the doorbell.
(SMOOCH!!!)
"RAPE!!!!!!!!!"
"N-No you don't understand"
"I'VE BEEN MOLESTED BY A OLD MAN!!! HE TOUCH ME IN MY SPECIAL PLACE!!"
((O-O));;;;;;;
"Yuugi, what are you doing here?" Malik-sama asks, his arms crossed looking at him with dislike. "DAMN IT I'M NOT A FAG!!! MY YAMI IS!" he cried out now rubbing his lips. "Thousand apologies Yuugi" I immediately spoke bowing my head. I hope the pharaoh doesn't come out and kills me for touching his aibou.... I just kissed him…but only because he save me from my psychotic master strangling me
"I just brought Isis groceries over" he began. Malik-sama gave him a very frightening look. "And what were you doing with my sister's groceries hmmm?" He ask, acid lacing he word he spoke. I winced, Malik had a sister complex…it wasn't a very nice sight to see.
"Uh she told me too?" Yuugi said innocently but I knew what Malik-sama was planning…it seemed he still has a little grudge against him and Yami….and of currently as of right Yuugi you fool, pump those legs before he crush's your head with a rock!
…..
…..
No one ever listens to the scary bald guy do they now? This is a job for SUPER RISHID!!!
DADADADAAAAAAAA!!!
I need a life away from super man comics…"Malik-sama, don't you still want to know about the birds and the bees?" I quickly said. "Oh yeah, of course I do!" he exclaimed forgetting Yuugi was there. Phew, I save the day again.
"Hey you know where babies come from? Can you tell me too…?"
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oO
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Oo
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=.=
This is not happening…this is NOT happening…there is no freaking way Yuugi doesn't not know about babies! …On second thought…it not very shocking but still, I mean he has his grandpa…
Lazy bastard
"You don't know either? Hey Rishid will gladly explain it to us both, RIGHT Rishid?" Malik-sama said, putting on a puppy look. I cringed; curse him and his puppy look.
Beware the puppy look indeed…
I slowly nodded my head while Yuugi entered our home; he dropped the groceries down and sat on the floor cross-legged along with Malik-sama staring at me….
I wish they wouldn't do that…..
"ER hrm, now boys, you have feelings that may feel awkward but it's all part of growing up and your part in the miracle of life"
There, that should clear some thing's up and yet…..there still looking at me…with blank faces……I hate my life….how can I explain it to them in a way they'll understand……
(LIGHT BULB)
OF COURSE!!! Why didn't I see it before!?! WOOT!! Er hrm I mean…….
"…….."
Now if Yugi is so kind…
"Yuugi, may I see your deck for a moment please?" I ask. "Ok" he said and took it out, handing it to me. That's one thing I like about Yuugi, he's very respectful to his elders unlike SOME blonde pain in the asses Egyptians, yet I still love him like a little brother but….that doesn't make me his bitch!
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…..
Shut-up you (he means the readers)
I meant you (…………)
Now both where looking at me confused "Hey, Duel Monsters have something to do with where babies come from?" Yuugi exclaim, shock and excited. "Err, no, but they will help me explain" I simply replied while Malik-sama gave a yawn. "I'm bboooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred," he wailed.
How about I bored you're ass a new one Malik-sama…
Breathe in…breathe out Rishid…remember the anger management classes. I will not kill my master I will not kill my UNGRATEFUL master…happy place, happy place…. much better.
I searched through his deck until I found what I needed, now to explain the birds and the bee's….I wonder why they call it birds and bees? Birds and bees could not mate, if they would then the world would have been taken over by half bee half bird mutants that thrived on human flesh………….ok…. Where was I? Oh yes babies (n.n)
I took out the Dark Magician and showed it to the two boys before me. "Now you know that the Dark Magician is a MALE monster card yes?"
::nod nod::
I then took out another monster card "And this is a female duel monster; Dark Magician Girl, right?"
::nod nod::
So far so good, now for the embarrassing part about using duel monster cards as an example...the visuals… "Now we know the basics: Dark Magician is a boy and Dark Magician Girl is a…girl"
::nod nod::
"Ok then, when two Duel monster like each other, they go in an act of courting also known as going on dates" I began to explain.
"Question!"
"Yes Malik-Sama?"
"Why? I thought duel monsters just destroy each other? Besides, Dark Magician Girl would go soooo much better with Celtic Guardian" he explained. Yuugi shook his head at this "What's wrong with Dark Magician!?!" little Yuugi exclaimed. Malik snorted at him "Dude, Dark Magician is so freaking scrawny! And he wears a high slit skirt! Celtic guardian is so much better; he's not a cross-dresser!!"
"You're crazy! Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl are made for each other!" Yuugi fought back. Malik-sama made a face "Tch, if you're into child molestation" he replied. Yuugi made a frown at this "Hey! We're not talking about Pegasus!" he exclaimed.
O.O uh….I better put a stop to this…
"Well, DM and DMG like each other, so there"
Yuugi made a grin "Told ya!" he said happily while Malik-sama just sulked at his loss.
"Now" I started making the cards move…oh Ra, I'm making the cards move….what next?
"Hey Dark Magician thank you for the great time"
"Don't mention it sweet cheeks"
O.o
o.O
--;; eh heh heh…..great now I'm making their voices oh well, at least they understanding it…sorta….
(Meanwhile with Yuugi and Malik)
Malik-O.o what the hell is Rishid doing? What does this have to do with babies?
Yuugi- O.o what is he doing with my cards…is he raping them too?
(Back to Rishid)
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!! Must….remain…in…control…breathe…breath….there, better. "Now Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl have been going out for a long time and Dark Magician thinks it's time for him to pop the question" I explain and slightly bend the Dark Magician card.
"YOU FIEND WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?"
I quickly straightened it out anyway…" Dark Magician Girl, will you marry me?" I said as DM. I slightly cleared my voice "OH YES DARK MAGICIAN, I WILL" I now said in a high pitch girly voice (lol can you imagine Rishid with a girly high pitched voice?) Then I pressed the two cards together making kissing sounds. I looked up seeing Malik and Yuugi look a bit disturbed by what they saw.
Hmm perhaps I'm enjoying this too much
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NAH!!
"Question"
"Yes Yuugi?"
"How was their wedding?" He ask. Kid come on, you're killing me "Very nice" I said, he wasn't going to get anything else from me.
"Question"
I'm am getting tired of these question… "Yes…Malik….sama…?' I said through gritted teeth. "
What does this have to do with babies?"
"First they court, then they married then they have SEX!!!" I shouted out. Malik and Yuugi eyes widened; finally something they know about!
"What's sex?" they both said in unison.
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Father you must be enjoying yourself….lucky bastard. I sighed to myself
"Sex is how babies are made" I said calmly.
"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…………….HOW??"
GULP
The question I fear…the process.. I quickly took out a polymerization card "This" I said and met with confused glances. They fused together?" Malik ask. "Well, yes and no erhm they fuse into one being…they er…fuse at the bottom…of their bodies…at the front…" I saw Malik-Sama's eyes widened along with Yuugi's.
"So our…"
"Yes"
"Is suppose to..?"
"Yes"
Well that certainly shut them up.
"To create a baby, which will grow inside Dark Magician Girl's stomach for nine months, and then you have a baby and that's how babies are made!" I finished I wouldn't bother going into the labor process; I'll let them find that out when they're married heh heh. Both boys just stared at me I expected this reaction but I felt smug I actually got through it so WOOOOOOOT!!
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Silence…utter silence…then…
"Hey, what happens when two girls get together?" Malik-Sama asked.
What?
"How about two guys? Will they still make a baby?" Yuugi also asked.
"Yeah, I mean, if a man and a woman can make a baby why not two guy's or two girls?" Malik-Sama inquired. Yuugi nodded at this "Hey! What about if it's a man, a man, and a woman?" Malik-sama asked to me.
((OO))
"No.."
"Why--"
"Just no!" ehg things kids come up these days, just horrifying I tell you! "There, now you know" I spoke; no more questions. Just then, I heard a knock. "Who is it now?" I grumbled and opened the door.
"Anzu-san what are you doing here?" I ask.
All of the sudden I saw a blond whirl past by me, grabbing the girl and taking her upstairs "ANZU I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHAT RISHID JUST TAUGHT ME AND YUUGI"
Oh my Ra, this is not happening, if I close my eyes and sing a tune it will all go away….lalalalalalalaladoodoodoodoodoodoo….
"Hey Malik can I show her too?"
"ME FIRST!!!"
"Geez you guys, can't you share?" I heard her say, completely having no clue of the evil I just unleashed wait a minute….{[O]}O{[O]};;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo
MALIK-SAMA COME BACK!!!
The things I do for family…
End
And there you have it. The reposting of the beginning with more to come! And yes it shall be rated R because chapter seven is the err…R one. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!! I want to make a goal of reaching 1000 with this, which was unfortunately crushed T-T
Bye bye
fOX