Kurt had the best of intentions going to see Grease. He had even had a plan, staged various conversations with Blaine in his head, come up with snappy, appropriate one-liners. He knew what he was going to do.
But what he hadn't been prepared for was that seeing Blaine was just as painful as not seeing Blaine, only a thousand times worse because seeing those golden eyes – still filled with love even though they were shining with tears – and hearing his voice – the same voice that used to murmur sweet nothings into his hair and tell him that he loved him – and having him right there, that Kurt could reach out and touch and hug and hold, just emphasised all that he had lost and how screwed up everything had become.
Although, Kurt thought resignedly as he dashed through the parking lot towards his Navigator, one thing was certain. He was still in love with Blaine. Still unbelievable, irrevocably, intensely in love with Blaine. He felt like the very essence of Blaine had somehow taken root inside his heart, the removal of the feeling would cause his death too as the younger boy had become so intertwined with him that it was impossible to separate where one ended and the other began. Maybe that – whatever that thing – was, is what was throbbing so hard right now, thumping in his chest, making breathing difficult.
But Kurt knew he couldn't do the very thing that he wanted to do – run back into the school and wrap his arms around Blaine and gather him to his chest and just kiss away all the pain in his eyes, and the undeniable evidence of lack of adequate food and sleep. Because if Kurt did that he would never be able to let Blaine go. And what would that say about himself? Kurt owed it to himself to separate from the boy who had cheated on him. The boy who had held his heart in his hand and showed that it wasn't enough for him. That he needed to go and give himself to someone else. His dad was right. Kurt mattered. And that was why he couldn't look back: he had to keep looking out at his car, just to make sure his heart didn't overpower his head.