A/N: This is my first FMA fic and is really just kind of a writer's block buster for my big story going on over in another fandom. This is just a random one-shot originally inspired by the song Night Vision Binoculars by Passenger, though it kind of diverged a bit. Currently this is just a one shot, though I might add more if I feel so inclined or need more WB bustin'.
DISCLAIMER: No I don't own FMA, because if I did, there'd be more kissin' and Al wouldn't be a pedophile.
Late afternoon sunlight streamed through the open colonnades of the imperial throne room, setting the mother-of-pearl coated columns aflame. The opalescent material seemed to undulate like slithering orange and red snakes adding intimidation to awe at the grandeur of the Xingese court. At other times of day, the pillars shimmered white or blue or even black in the star-strewn nights. But sunset was my favorite time of day. Not only did the crimson and sienna hues flickering off the chamber walls imbue a warmth of soul, but the angle of the sun made my job so much easier. It's rather hard to watch from the shadows when there are no shadows.
As the sun began to sink, though, my favorite perch always fell into blackness so intense, I could disappear into the contrast. I liked disappearing; I wasn't supposed to be noticed after all. Protect in silence, observe in darkness, strike unnoticed. It was my entire life. I was a clandestine tool of the empire with no right to stand in the sun. Many people knew I existed, but I could count on one hand the people who even knew what I looked like. At least I used to be able to.
Two years had passed since we returned to the empire, and it still irked me the number of people who knew my face. They weren't even supposed to know I was female, but now I even get letters from those damned Amestrians. Even worse, it makes me smile when I get them! Me! I never smile. I wear a mask for a reason you know; emotions and attachments are a distraction. But these westerners were a bad influence. I'd decided that the minute we stepped foot in that damnable country. Emotions ran their entire lives, and it was rubbing off.
Being a reclusive person by nature, I'd always enjoyed my job. It never required many words and even fewer human interactions. But as I squatted in my perch overlooking the throne room where my emperor held audience, the uncomfortable realization stole over me yet again that 'enjoy' was far too weak a term to describe how I felt about my work since our escapades in Amestria. I caught the corners of my mouth threatening to curve upward as the aqueous flame of the sun's reflection danced through my Lord's hair and somehow sharpened the already chiseled jaw line that was, in my opinion, his greatest inheritance from the Yao clan.
No, no, damnit no! I am a tool, and tools have no use for feelings. Protect in silence, observe in darkness, strike unnoticed. The problem was, I was growing extremely fond of the 'observe in darkness' part. But the observations I enjoyed had nothing to do with protection, and if I struck on what I saw, it certainly would not go unnoticed. Still, it wasn't everyday a girl was lucky enough to get paid to spy on the man she lo—
"Stop it!" Fuck, I said that out loud. This is exactly what I mean about emotions and attachments. They only lead to distraction. Thank all the gods my voice is quiet from disuse. None of the dignitaries below seemed to have noticed my outburst. But my emperor did; he always seemed to hear my voice. As always these days, my eyes were locked on his face, or I would have missed the intimation of a smile crossing the features I'd spent countless hours memorizing. Just as quickly, his eyes flicked upwards to where he knew I hid, and for a brief moment I was lost. Then he turned his attention back to the proceedings, and my heart slammed back into my chest.
It was at times like these where the Amestrian influences took over. Every time he looked at me, all I wanted to do was run to him, jump in his arms and…and I don't even know what. I've spent my whole life in the shadows, I can't even summon the imagination required to envision anything different. And the thought that he would even want anything else from me was unfathomable. After all he was an emperor and I—well, I'm just a tool.