Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. It is all property of Hatori Bisco

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"Haruhi! Will you please hold still?"

"...Hikaru, ah - don't be so rough!"

"Trust me on this, I'm a pro, I've done this lots of times..."

"It's not that I don't trust you Hikaru-"

"Like I said Haruhi, lie back and relax..."

A certain blonde pressed his ear to the door and listened with rapt attention, unable to believe what was happening on the other side of the door - an abandoned classroom. Several passing students shot him odd looks and commented on his current position - it was not everyday you came by someone who was trying to merge their body with a door, or at least, that is what people believed this particular blonde was doing. Of course, the blonde - Suoh Tamaki - turned a deaf ear to the comments and squished himself further up against the door to catch the bits of speech he could hear through the gigantic, mahogany door.

He could hardly believe his own ears.

"Ah-ah-ahh...that hurts Hikaru! Be more careful..."

"...Sorry, sorry, I'll be gentler this time..."

He was now debating between barging into the abandoned classroom to strangle that delinquent Hikaru and keeping quiet and listening to the rest of the conversation. How dare that vile doppleganger take advantage of his beloved daughter! How dare he deflower his precious Haruhi! It's was unthinkable. It was an atrocious act of pure and unmasked selfishness. It was a sin.

A group of giggling females stopped by him to enquire about his err...well being. After all, the most popular boy in school - no, scratch that. this applied to any human being - pressing himself against a door was a cause for concern.

"Is there a reason you wish to hug the door Tamaki or is it a new hobby of yours?" A cool voice interrupted the debate that was taking place in Tamaki's head. The blonde teen almost jumped out of his skin. Still a little startled, he looked over his shoulder to find Kyouya's inquiring gaze boring into his back.

"Okaa-san! You have to listen to this - it's a matter of life and death! That buffoon of a-"

"Tamaki-" the bespectacled teen started.

"He's sullying her! He's-"

"Tamaki-"

"He's destroying our darling daughter! Oh the agony-"

"Tamaki-"

"That sickening beast of a host! We must keep him away from Haruhi at all costs! Just look at what they're doing!" Tamaki exclaimed with an over-dramatic swoon.

Kyouya sighed and knelt down beside his friend, wondering what the elder of the Hitachiin twins could have possibly done to evict such words from Souh Tamaki. The raven-haired host looked up and down the corridor to make sure no one was looking - Tamaki's frivolous activities were hardly worth damaging his reputation for - and leaned against the door.

"Ouch - oh God, Hikaru!"

"Haruhi, don't be such a baby...just calm down and let me do this..."

"See! I told you so, Okaa-san! Now-" Tamaki began, his arms flailing about frantically as he stumbled over his words.

"Tamaki, you're overreacting. In case you haven't realised, we have to get to Japanese Literature in about two minutes and I highly doubt listening to Haruhi and Hikaru is worth being late for a lesson." Kyouya admonished.

The host king responded with an indignant glare. Kyouya decided it was best for his own sanity to leave the blonde alone and stalked off to his class.

It was around that time when a series of moans sounded from inside the room. Then something that resembled a crash.

And that was the last straw for Souh Tamaki.

With a roar that seemed more like a battle cry, he lifted his left leg and kicked the door in with surprising strength. A loud thud echoed around the room. The blonde seventeen-year-old quite literally leapt into the room and discovered - much to his horror - his sweet Haruhi lying spread-eagle on the floor, the red-haired Hitachiin straddling her, both of them fully-clothed - wait, rewind! Fully-clothed...?

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi greeted, sitting up."was there something you wanted?"

"W-what the...I mean...well...what is the meaning of this?" His words sound stupid even to his own ears.

"It's nothing really, Tono. Haruhi had some trouble with her contact and...well, it got a litlle out of control, that's all" Hikaru grinned.

"I don't really like anything touching my eyes." Haruhi added as explanation. "Don't you have class right now, senpai?"

"You were eavesdropping weren't you, Tonoi?"

Two sets of eyes fixed their gazes on him.

Crap.

This was bad.

Sweat trickled down his forehead in small rivulets. He hastily swiped at his forehead, fumbling for excuses.

"M-me? Eavesdrop! Of course not! That's beyond stupid...oh yes, yes..." the host king shook his head and protested vehemently. "And Haruhi, the next time you have trouble with your contacts, you should come to Daddy."

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Annnnnnnd? Be nice and review (:. I can't really say I like this piece much. I'm really bad at humour and I think it shows XD. I'm sorryabout the obvious OOC.