Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or The Bounty Hunter.
A/N: I'm sure this has been done before but I was bored. Besides, how cute is Gerard Butler? Based off of The Bounty Hunter but with a Puckleberry twist. Hope you like it.
Just a warning before you start reading, I got a little carried away so there will be some smut. It's rated M for a reason, people. ;)
Puck hated this parade. A bunch of beauty queens riding around in a car and a few band geeks blowing on their tuba's was not a fun day for him. Puck made his way through the crowd, spotting the Uncle Sam on stilts. He's just reaching for one of the stilts when a large man stepped in from of him.
"Hey, Puckerman. Remember me? Dave Karofsky. You owe my boss money." The large man snarled.
"I owe everyone money." Puck replied and punched Dave.
Dave responds by punching him back and then Puck head butts him. Puck pushed himself from the ground and chased after Uncle Sam, who took off the second he spotted Puck.
"Come on, Jacob!" Puck shouted. "Are you really going to run from me?"
"I'm not letting you take me in." Jacob yelled back, both of them running through the crowd, weaving in and out of the thick line of people in the parade.
Puck got the edge, able to run just a tad bit faster than Jacob and tackled him onto the ground. He groaned as sirens go off in the background and then both he and Jacob are hauled up by two police officers.
"Let me go." Puck demanded and pulled out his badge. "I'm on the job."
"Bounty hunter?" The officer, who Puck recognizes as Jesse St. James from the precinct, laughs. "Why don't you grow some balls and get a real job; be a real cop."
"Fuck you, St. James. Kiss my ass." Puck spat and knew it was a mistake when he saw Jesse's jaw tick.
"We're taking you both in." Jesse shrugged. "Try getting out of this one, Puckerman."
/
"I'm on my way there now." Rachel groaned into the phone. "This is crap, Santana. We all know I didn't do anything wrong. All they are doing is wasting my time with this court hearing."
"Relax, sweetie." Santana sighed. "You didn't do anything major. Maybe they'll just give you a slap on the wrist."
"This could mess up my record, San. I am in so much trouble." Rachel chewed on her lip. "I wish you were here with me. You could talk me out of this whole mess and it could disappear like it never happened."
"Unfortunately for you, I'm cruising through Mexico with Brittany." Santana smirked. "But I'll see you when I get back to the States. You know I love you, Rach. Just be strong in there. Don't let anyone talk you down. You can get through this. WWSD. What would Santana do?"
"Thanks." Rachel smiled. "Love ya."
"I'll miss you. Britt says hi." Santana said right before hanging up.
/
"Thanks again for bailing me out." Puck said over his burger.
"I always do." Sam chuckled. "But seriously, dude, you've got to stop getting arrested. My 'bust Puckerman out of jail' stash is running low."
Puck shrugged and bit into his burger. "You're the dumbass that always bails me out when I ask. You could just say no and let me sit in there."
"It's been a tough year on you."
"Fuck, man, don't start this shit." Puck shook his head. "I told you not to bring it up. It's over. I don't care. Stop bringing her up."
"I just feel bad." Sam sighed. "I'm the one that set you two up. I honestly thought that you and Rachel were perfect for each other."
"Too perfect." Puck mumbled.
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Puck huffed. "Look, the divorce doesn't bother me. I get to pick up hot chicks. I'm a bachelor. I don't miss her at all." He leaned back in his chair and looked over at Sam. "Rach is the furthest thing from my mind right now."
/
"Thank God you're here." Artie let out a breath when Rachel finally showed up on the steps outside of the courthouse. "I hate being your lawyer, by the way. I thought you were bailing on this."
"I'm here. It's not like it's a big deal." Rachel sighed and checked the screen of her cell phone when it started to ring. "Just a sec." She turned to take the call.
"Rachel Berry, I'm glad I got a hold of you. This is Mercedes Jones. I'm doing this little production on Broadway and for my leading lady a friend of mine insisted that I just had to call you for an audition. I'd love to meet for lunch to discuss some details and get to know you. Kurt assured me that you would be perfect for the role of Mary."
"You want to meet with me?" Rachel asked.
"Lunch? In thirty minutes?" Mercedes questioned.
"Oh, of course, Miss Jones." Rachel giggled and quickly wrote down the information for where she would be meeting Mercedes. "I'll see you then. Thank you so much."
Rachel squealed when she hung up the phone and then Artie cleared his throat from behind her. "We have two minutes, Rachel. We have to get inside."
Rachel's face fell and she looked down at the slip of paper with the address on it. "Oh umm…" She smiled at Artie. "Go on inside. I'll be right behind you."
She nodded to reassure him and when he was finally inside of the building, she turned as quickly as she could to call a taxi. There was no way in hell she was going to miss an opportunity like this for a damn hearing. It's not like she did anything that bad. She did not assault a police officer.
/
"Where is your client, Mr. Abrams?" The judge asked. "It's five past one. She's late."
"I can assure you she'll be here." Artie replied nervously. "I'm sure she just got hung up somewhere. She'll be here any second. Maybe we can set another date?" He suggested lamely.
"I'm revoking bail." The judge said firmly. "A bench warrant is hereby ordered by this court. I'd like to see your client get out of this one. Next case." She slammed her gavel and Artie groaned.
/
"You're telling me that you'll give me five grand to bring my ex-wife in?" Puck laughed at Mike. "This is so great. Best five G's I'll ever make. Do you know many people have the chance to take their ex-wives to jail?"
"Are you sure about this, Puckerman? You tend to go a little nuts around her." Mike shook his head. "I can find someone else to pick her up."
"Hell no." Puck smirked. "This one is all mine. This is called karma, bitch." He laughed crudely and Mike just rolled his eyes and told Puckerman to hurry the hell up.
/
Puck didn't have a hard time getting into Rachel's apartment. She never changed the password so he was buzzed right in. In her apartment he noticed it hadn't changed much since he had moved out. It was the same two bedroom loft he had lived in for a year with her. As he snooped around – she's not there – he found that the last person she called was at the Borgata hotel in Atlantic City.
"Hummel." Puck grumbled before stalking out of the apartment.
"I'm not telling you where she is." Kurt's voice sounded firm but Puck knew he could crack him.
"I just want to see her." Puck sighed. "Look, I know you've always like me and Rach together. How do you know I'm not trying to rekindle some kind of romance? You always wanted us to have adorable little Jewish babies. Maybe now is the chance." He held his breath and tried not to laugh when Kurt sighed audibly over the line.
"I don't know where she's at. She had a lunch meeting with a friend of mine for B-way and then she called to cancel her dinner with me to 'suck up some luck'. How am I supposed to know what that means?" Kurt rambled. "That's all I know. You better not be screwing with me, Puckerman. You and Rachel were the best damn couple in New York. You better fix it. I'm still devastated that you two split up. She may be a strong independent woman on the inside—"
"Yea, yea." Puck ended the call and smirked knowingly. He knew exactly where Rachel was.
/
Rachel sighed, looking around at the racetrack. She shifted on the bench she was sitting on and watched the horses run around the track. Her interview with Mercedes had gone great but coming to the racetrack had been a tradition since she was little. She always came here when she needed some luck. She noticed that the track hadn't changed much since the last time she was here with her father. She smiled fondly at the memory and then heard a voice she would much rather forget.
"Hello, Rach."
She turned slowly to find Puck sitting beside her. "What… why are you here?"
"Wanted to see you, is all." He shrugged innocently. "Haven't seen you since we made the divorce official. I guess I just missed you, Berry."
"Sam tells me that you were kicked off the police force." She stated haughtily.
"Bounty hunter now, babe." He smirked when recognition spread over her face. "That's right. You're a wanted felon and I'm here to take you in. You're lucky I promised Sam I'd be gentle with you."
"You can't do this." Rachel stood up quickly and so did he. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her out of the track, towards his old, beat up car. "I am not getting in that thing. It's disgusting and I'm most definitely not sitting beside you." She spat at him and tried to pull away from him but his grip tightened.
"Good thing you're going in the trunk then." He mumbled before popping the back of the car open, throwing her over his shoulder, and placing her in his trunk.
"Noah!" Rachel shrieked when he shut the lid. "This is not gentle!"
He chuckled to himself as he drove down the road, Rachel's screams barely audible over his radio. Five grand, easy as pie. He was hitting up the casino after this. He actually thought doing this would be difficult but this was easier than he anticipated. An odd smell hit his senses and he furrowed his brow, checking his rear view mirror to see smoke billowing out. The fuck?
"Rach?" He called out. "Rachel? Oh, shit!" He slammed on the brakes, pulling over onto the side of the road as he threw the car into park and jumping out. He yanked the trunk open and Rachel's head popped out, throwing the road flare out and punching him in the crotch.
He groaned, doubling over, and Rachel took that chance to jump out from the trunk of the car. "You really thought I was going to stay in there the whole time." She yelled at him. She ran off, towards the field but she could hear his footsteps close behind her. She heard him yelling and then his arms were around her waist, pulling her down to the ground.
"Noah!" Rachel screamed.
/
"I can't believe you're handcuffing me to your car." Rachel grumbled when she yanked her hand, which was locked to his door handle. "This is barbaric, Puckerman." She sighed and paused, watching him as he drove.
"What did you do to get arrested?" He asked, sparing a glance at her. "Your rap sheet said you assaulted a police officer."
"You read my report." She snapped. "You should know. Bounty hunter." She sighed and then crossed her arms. "I was late for an audition and traffic was horrible. It wasn't really my fault. I drove up on the sidewalk a bit to get past them and I..."
"You ran over a cop?" He asked, amusement thick in his voice.
"No." She huffed. "I didn't run over anything. I grazed a horse. A big, dumb police horse. I tapped him. It wasn't like I killed him or anything. It was a tap. A little bitty tap. And like I said, it wasn't my fault. The horse got in my way." She crossed her arms and he started to laugh. "How'd you find me anyway?" She asked, glaring at him.
He finally calmed down enough to answer her. "Called Kurt." He shrugged. "He told me you were 'sucking up some luck' and I knew you went down to the racetrack. Your dad took you there all the time. He said that with all the losing there was bound to be some left over luck. I knew 'B' was your lucky letter so I knew you'd be in that section." He snorted. "Who has a lucky letter, anyway?"
"B for Babs." She rolled her eyes and then looked over at him. "How do you know all of that stuff about me? I didn't think…"
"Believe it or not, Rach, I actually listened to you while we were married." He said quietly, his eyes trained on the road.
She smiled at him fondly but he ignored it and told her that he's going to put them up in the hotel for tonight. She rolled her eyes, realizing the moment was over, and instead decided to focus on the fact that she was sitting next to her ex-husband and they despised each other.
/
"Don't you think this is a little extreme, Noah?" She asked when he handcuffed her to the bed in the hotel room they had for the night, which he later told her was paid for with her credit card.
"You always liked it kinky, Berry." He smirked down at her and she reached out to smack in the chest. He just chuckled and moved away from her.
She sniffled and looked away from him when he narrowed her eyes at him. She wiped away at her eyes and sniffled again. He shifted uncomfortably and she took the chance to glance at him.
"Come off it, Rachel." He frowned. "I was married to you for nine months. I know how to tell if you're faking it." She rolled her eyes and glared at him. "I'm going to go play some craps. Behave while I'm gone, okay, Rach?"
She shot him another glare and yelled after him that she hoped he lost all of his money. When he came back a few hours later, drunk, she knew he did and she can't help but feel a little happy about it. She closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep and he soon drifts to sleep beside her. She stayed awake for just a little while longer and listened to the even sound of his breathing.
/
They are back on the road the next day when they get a call from Sam informing them that all of Jersey is looking for them and that they should lay low.
"Well, what are we going to do?" Rachel asked when Puck hangs up. "Do you even know where we are?"
"I know exactly where we are." Puck replies, pulling onto another road that led straight back to a bed and breakfast. Cupid's Cabin. The same bed and breakfast where Rachel and Noah spent their honeymoon three years ago. She jumped out of the car and groaned.
"We couldn't have driven five more miles to find a Best Western?" She quipped.
"Oh, you didn't like the last time we were here?" Puck asked. "I seem to remember you did a lot of screaming that week. My name stumbled out of your mouth every night, Rach." He smirked.
"I hate you." She glared at him.
"I bet you do." He said smoothly and led her inside.
The owners gladly welcome them in. Rachel smiled at both of them. She remembered them from the last time she was here, which just happened to be her honeymoon with Noah. Will and Emma, the owners, are a nice couple. They set Rachel and Puck up in the honeymoon sweet and then treat the two to a nice dinner.
/
"He apologized." Rachel summed up the story of everything that had happened to Santana. "We were having a nice dinner and he apologized for everything that happened while we were married and that led up to the divorce. He said that we both made some mistakes. Over dinner, we both admitted our mistakes. He said it was a mistake to get married." She sighed. "But an even bigger one to get a divorce. We both screwed up and we're so, so sorry." She paused. "Sometimes, I think it was all me. You know, the divorce was all my fault. I miss him sometimes. I miss us."
"What does that mean?" Santana asked.
"I don't know." Rachel sighed. "The funny thing is… I don't even remember why I don't like him. This place just brings back so many memories. I can remember exactly what happened for that week we were here."
"I say go for it." Santana told her simply. "He's a hot piece of ass. Why not jump him when you get the chance? Few people get second chances like this. Don't let it slip you by."
"You're right." Rachel smiled after a few seconds. "I'm going for it."
/
Puck was rummaging through Rachel's wallet to find a few bucks to tip Will for the champagne he just brought up when he found his and Rachel's wedding picture. He kicked the door shut, much to Will's confused face, and stared at the picture for a few seconds before pulling out his cell found and calling Mike.
Tina, Mike's wife, answers. After he tells her the story and about the picture he hears a long, suffering sigh on her end of the line. "Are you an idiot?" She asked him. "It means she's in love with you."
"No." Puck furrowed his brow. "You think so?"
"I'm positive." She shrugged. "But hey, don't take my word for it. Ask her."
"Put Mike on the line." He told her and she did. Mike's voice soon drifted over the line and Puck filled him in as well.
Rachel peeked out of the bathroom door, dressed down to her underwear and smiled when she saw Puck lighting some candles as he talked on the phone.
"Look, my job is to bring her in." Puck sighed. "Even if I do get laid tonight, I'm still bringing her in tomorrow. I need that five grand."
Rachel swallowed thickly and retreated back to the bathroom, not caring to hear the rest of his conversation. When she finally did emerge from the bathroom, Puck had ended his call and his eyes followed her as she marched over to the bed.
"You okay?" He asked, wondering why she was wearing her robe so tightly. He was sure he was going to be getting some tonight and now she seemed pissed.
"I'm just tired." She replied smoothly but he didn't seem to buy it. She glared up at him suddenly. "Is that all you care about?" She hissed at him. "Money and sex?"
He sighed. "You heard the phone call?"
"Yes, I heard." She yanked the blanket back and sank onto the bed. "You know, with you apologizing I just thought that you had changed but obviously not. You're the same Noah Puckerman I divorced two years ago."
He rolled his eyes. "And I see you're as bitchy as always."
"If you know so much about me then you know you're sleeping on the couch." She huffed.
"Don't think so, Dollface." He slid into the bed beside her and she ground her teeth.
"I hate that nickname."
"I know." He smirked and she sat up quickly, pulling her pillow with her as she moved to sit on the couch. "Oh, come on, Berry, lighten up."
"Happy now?" She asked from her spot.
"I'd be happy if I was having sex right now." He replied and she threw a pillow at him.
"You're incorrigible." She spat at him and moved across the room to hit him again with the pillow. He jumped from the bed, grabbed her elbow, and jerked her to look at him.
"Stop it." He ground the words out.
"I hate you." She whispered as the moisture pooled in her eyes.
"What are you doing? Don't start that fake crying shit, Rachel. I'm not buying it. No, just stop it." He studied her face and she tried to hide her tears behind her hair but he was still holding onto her arm so she couldn't turn away. "Fuck." He groaned. "That's real."
"Let me go." Rachel tried to pull away.
"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I was just fooling around. I didn't mean to make you cry."
"Stop it, Noah." She looked up at him and met his hazel eyes. "I'm not crying because of you." She told him but he didn't believe her.
"Rachel." He whispered and pulled her closer to him a little bit so that his forehead was resting against hers. "I'm sorry, for everything, I'm sorry." His thumb reached up to swipe away her tears and she sniffled. She felt her heart clutch in her stomach when his lips brushed against her. "So sorry." He mumbled against her lips. "What are you thinking about?" He asked.
"Nothing." She replied in a whisper.
He leaned towards her again, his nose softly nudging hers. "Liar."
She smiled softly and looked up at his eyes. "I'm sorry, too."
Puck's lips were on her then, nipping at her jaw, tasting her skin, before finally moving against her lips. She kissed him back, her hands moving to grip the back of his neck. She wasn't sure if it was for support or to just pull him closer. Probably both. He still held onto her elbow with one hand, dragging her closer, while the other tangled in her hair.
She tilted her head back, tearing her lips from his to get a breath but his lips just moved to her neck. "Rachel." He mumbled against her skin and she felt the ache between her legs flare up. She should not be turned on this much. This was her ex-husband, kissing her; touching her. She tried to clear her head but all she could think about was the way his lips were burning her skin.
She felt his fingers tugging at the knot of her robe and she didn't stop him when it fell open, revealing the white bra and panties underneath. She watched as his eyes raked over her and then landed on her face again before pulling her back for another kiss.
He pushed the robe off of her shoulders and it soon puddled to the floor around her ankles. She gasped into his mouth when his hands found her breasts, kneading them over her bra, and he took that chance to slip his tongue into her mouth. She moaned and pulled him closer before making quick work of unfastening the jeans he was wearing.
"Rachel." He rasped her name out.
She fumbled with his shirt but finally got it over his head. It joined her robe on the floor and it was followed shortly after by his jeans. She met his eyes again, realizing they were only in their underwear, and her breath hitched. Ever so slowly, she reached up to brush her lips against his, letting him know that this was what she wanted.
She unfastened her bra and it dropped to the floor. He growled when he saw her hard nipples and pulled her against his chest, letting them rub against him. He picked her up lightly and laid her on the bed. She smiled shyly up at him when he pulled her panties swiftly down her legs. Her stomach coiled when his dropped to his knees in front of her because she knew what was coming. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and licked his lips when he saw her glistening, just waiting for him to take her.
He hitched her leg over his shoulder and he could hear her whimpering in anticipation. It just turned him on more. He kissed the inside of her thigh and her hips bucked. Fuck. He knew she wasn't going to last long if she was already wound up this much. He kissed her other thigh and let his tongue slide warmly up her leg to stop just before he reached where she wanted him.
"Please, Noah." She begged. "Just please stop teasing me."
He chuckled against her leg before pressing another light kiss to her thigh before finally let his tongue swipe up her slit. They both moaned in unison and he sucked on her clit lightly. She squirmed under him, pressing her hips closer to his face. His tongue delved inside of her and he could tell she was pressing her arm against her mouth to keep from screaming.
"Noah." She whispered loudly. "More. Use your fingers."
He smirked. He had always loved that about Rachel. She knew what she wanted and unlike most women, she wasn't afraid to ask for it. He went back to press his tongue against her clit while he slipped two fingers inside of her. By the way she was holding onto his head with both hands to keep him from moving, he knew she was close. His fingers curled, finding that rough patch and she was done for. She came around his fingers and he lapped her up. He had always loved the way she tasted.
After she calmed down, she let go on his head and he pulled away, his fingers slipping out of her. She looked up at him from beneath hooded eyes and pushed herself back onto the bed more. He made sure she was watching as he brought his fingers up to his lips and licked them clean.
He pushed his boxers off and kicked them behind him. Her eyes watched him closely as he crawled onto the bed, hovering over her and she smiled up at him. He leaned down to kiss her gently and she spread her legs wider for him. He nestled between them and pulled his lips away from hers. He wanted to look her in the eye when he was finally inside of her.
"Noah." She pleaded, her hand drifting down to grip him gingerly. "I need you. Now."
He gently pushed her hand away and guided himself into her. She lifted her hips to take all of him she could and he leaned down to kiss her hard as he pulled out to the hilt before slamming back into her. She moaned loudly when he set a quick, even rate. She met his thrusts and kissed him back. Her walls tightened around him and he growled.
"Not yet, Baby." He told her. "Don't come yet."
"Noah." She pleaded.
"Wait." He ordered and grunted, pushing himself into her faster, harder. "Wait for me, Rachel. I'm so fucking close. Don't come just yet. Please, Baby."
She let out a gargled sound and he exploded inside of her seconds before he felt her walls clench around him. He panted into her neck, feeling every after shock she got from her orgasm. She let out a satisfied sigh and let her fingernails run over his back.
"Rachel." He whispered and pulled out of her ever so slowly.
She whimpered when he left her and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her close. She nuzzled against his chest and let him drag her under the blanket to cover them up.
"I've missed this." She told him, her voice laced with sleep. "I've missed you."
He let out a sound that she took as his agreement before planting a kiss on her forehead. She fell to sleep with him humming into her ear. He was humming their song.
/
"Are you bringing her in or not?" Mike asked over the phone the next morning.
Puck looked over at Rachel. She was staring out of the window as he drove down the road. He swallowed thickly and focused back on the road. "I'll get back to you on that." He replied before hanging up.
"Everything okay?" Rachel asked.
"Yea." He smiled over at her. "You wanna grab something to eat? We can go back to your place and replay our honeymoon." He waggled his eyebrows.
"I'd love to." She grinned. "But I have an audition in a few hours. Kurt landed me an audition with Mercedes Jones for the musical she had coming up. It's on Broadway." She sighed. "But you know, after everything is done, we can try this again. You and me."
"After the audition?" He asked.
"No, after the show. I already know I'm getting the part. Mercedes basically guaranteed it to me yesterday." She told him. "You know how busy I get when I'm rehearsing. I never have time for you when I have a show. It's a big reason we decided on a divorce in the first place. You felt like I was putting my career first."
"You did put it first." He stated matter-of-factly.
"Noah." She sighed.
"No, I get it. We both need to realize that sometimes our jobs will come first." He shrugged and started to pull over.
"What are you doing?" She asked, looking around. "Why did you pull—?" She froze when she saw the precinct. "You're bringing me in? Really? After everything that has happened, you're still taking me to jail?"
"I told you I was bringing you in." He told her, dragging her into the building. "I'm just doing my job. No hard feelings, right?"
The officer inside took her into custody and Puck sighed, before walking out of the precinct. His jaw ticked when he saw Jesse St. James walking over to him.
"It's the bounty hunter?" Jesse mocked. "How was your weekend?"
"Pretty damn good." Puck nodded and smirked. "It was pretty quiet… until now." He reached out and punched Jesse in the jaw, Jesse stumbling back a few steps.
/
"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked when Puck was pushed into the cell next to hers. "You got arrested? Noah, what happened?"
"It's a special night." He smirked. "It's our anniversary, Rachel. There is no way we're not spending it together." He chuckled when she smiled.
"You're crazy." She shook her head.
"Maybe I am." He shrugged, stepping closer to her. The only thing separating them was a wall of bars. "Come here." He reached through the spacing of the bars and grabbed her hand, pulling her closer. "Happy anniversary, sweetheart." He grinned, leaning forward.
She searched his eyes. "Happy anniversary, sweetheart." She repeated his words before meeting his lips with her own.