Rugrats and the Snail Plasma
By Joe
Summary: Stu Pickles invents a device to cure Tommy after being injected with snail plasma.
Author Notes: I do not own the SpongeBob SquarePants or Invader Zim series, characters, or any other copyrighted material. I wrote this solely for entertainment purposes and not to make a profit.
Also, the following short story was inspired by the drawings "Angelica Injected Tommy with Snail Plasma!" and "Tommy and Kimi the Snails" – uploaded by MikeJEddyNSGamer89 on DeviantArt in September 2017. Both this story and MikeJEddyNSGamer89's drawings are based on the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "I Was a Teenage Gary." This story also has references to the Invader Zim episode "Bolognius Maximus."
"Ouch!" Tommy cried. "Uh, Angelica, you ejected me with nail plasma."
"Ah, quit worrying, you dumb baby!" Angelica snapped – removing the shell-shaped syringe from her baby cousin's nose. "It's no big deal."
Earlier that day, three-year-old Angelica Pickles found a shell in the sandbox at the park, and it looked strangely similar to the syringe of snail plasma featured on an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. Later, Angelica came to visit her cousin, Tommy Pickles, her aunt, Didi Pickles, and her uncle, Stu Pickles at their house. Angelica always had a penchant for teasing her baby friends, and she remembered the infamous episode of SpongeBob, so she came up with a fun new idea for playing with Tommy. Once alone with him in the living room, Angelica showed Tommy her shell – and then told him all about snail plasma – and that beings injected with it would turn into snails. Unnerved by this idea, Tommy started shivering and trying to crawl away from Angelica, who threateningly approached him with a wicked grin on her face and the syringe in hand. Ultimately, Angelica was too fast for Tommy – as she playfully jabbed the syringe into his nose and pushed down on the plunger – injecting Tommy with whatever liquid that had been slushing around inside.
Now, although Angelica told him not to worry, Tommy was panicking. He was shaking uncontrollably, and tears were welling up in his eyes. The thought of being reduced to a mere snail was horrifying.
"B-but A-Angelica, you said that nail plasma turns you into a nail!" Tommy stammered – again misarticulating the word "snail." Tommy's eyelids then drooped, and he slumped forward. "And I feel kinda woozy now…" he slurred.
"YOU DUMB BABY! I just made all that up! There's no such thing as snail plasma!" Angelica shouted. "That was just from a dumb cartoon!"
But before either Angelica or Tommy could say anything else, something terrifying happened. Tommy started shaking even faster – almost as if he were having a seizure. His eyes suddenly popped upward out of his head – and were now supported by eyestalks that had grown out of his eye sockets. Tommy then fell belly-down on the floor, and his arms and legs rapidly contracted and disappeared into his body. Tommy's body then contracted into a squiggly shape – causing him a massive amount of pain. His eyes clenched shut, and he wailed, "WAA! WAA! WAA! I WANT MY MOMMY…YOW!"
By this point, Tommy had finished transforming into a snail – although he wasn't quite a true snail. He looked like a weird hybrid of a human and snail – seeing as how he still retained some human features. He had no arms and legs – and had alien-like eyes that stuck out of his human-like head. The sight was incredibly nightmarish, and Angelica, who had watched the transformation unfold before her, was now staring agape – her eyes open in pure shock – at Tommy the Snail. She couldn't believe that this was real. Angelica never expected something so dramatic like this to happen. It was all just a joke. Now, it was no joke. Her formerly-human cousin was now a mere snail.
Angelica felt panicky and insecure inside. Such a transformation seemed unearthly and impossible, but if such a bizarre thing could happen to Tommy, then it could happen to even her parents. Angelica started trembling at the thought of her caretakers dramatically shrinking in size and turning into very different creatures – rendered unable to speak normally or able to act or think like normal, grown-up humans – rendered almost like mere inanimate objects. If something dramatic like this could happen, then anything could happen – leaving Angelica feeling completely vulnerable and frightened. She felt like the time when she feared that she could get sucked down the bathtub drain.
Despite the terrifying transformation, Tommy no longer seemed upset. Angelica grimaced and cringed as Tommy stared at her with his alien-like eyes. He was quiet at first – but then happily chirped, "Meow!"
Now that the full realization that Tommy had actually turned into a snail sunk in, Angelica dropped the syringe and she screamed her head off – so loudly that it could be heard outside the house. As Angelica continued screaming, the sound of hurried footsteps drew closer and closer to the living room. At last, Didi, rushed into the living room – a concerned look on her face.
"Angelica, are you okay? What's wrong?" Didi asked worriedly. Then, she glanced at Tommy – and saw that her one-year-old son was now a snail and shrieked her head off. "OH, TOMMY – MY TOMMY IS A SNAIL! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?" Didi picked up her son and stared at him in shock.
Angelica, with tears in her eyes, stared at the floor and shuffled her feet. "Well, um, Aunt Didi, I kind of ejected Tommy with snail plasma."
"You did WHAT?" cried Didi. "You are in big trouble, young lady! But first, we've got to take Tommy to the doctor to see about getting him turned back into a human."
Just then, Stu ran into the room. "What's going on?" he asked. He then saw Tommy the Snail and screamed his head off. "What is that thing?" he cried in horror.
"'That thing' is your son, Tommy," Didi explained irritably.
"I EJECTED TOMMY WITH PLASMA!" wailed Angelica, who was now sobbing on the floor. "I'M SO SORRY!"
"Yes," Didi said. "Apparently, Angelica injected him with some so-called snail plasma that caused him to turn into a snail."
"Oh dear," Stu said. He then looked over Tommy – taking note of all his strange new characteristics.
"Come on, Stu – we've got to take Tommy to the emergency room!" Didi said – starting to run off to get her purse.
"Now, hold on a minute, Deed, we don't need to take Tommy to the emergency room. We can't afford some radical, expensive treatment when we don't have insurance. I'm an inventor – I'll cure Tommy all by myself," Stu said – grabbing Tommy from Didi.
Angelica stopped sobbing, rubbed her eyes, and sniffled. "Y-you will?" Angelica asked – smiling a little.
"Stu, you can't be serious – " started Didi.
"Trust me, Deed," Stu said – smiling and cradling his snail son. "I'll get our son turned back into a human in no time – and without the expensive price tag." He then picked up the syringe of snail plasma and walked off – carrying Tommy into the basement.
Didi raised her finger and started to say something, but Stu locked the door behind him. Didi then glared at Angelica, who grinned sheepishly.
Later that day, Stu raced upstairs and unlocked the basement door. He met Didi and Angelica, who were sitting on the couch in the living room, and was grinning ear to ear. "Okay, gang! It's ready!" Stu announced. "I want you all to come down and see it for yourselves!"
With that, Didi and Angelica went with Stu down to the basement and looked in shock at the strange setup that Stu had made. Stu had Tommy's snail body restrained to an old mattress, and attached to the tip of his nose was an enormous, Eiffel Tower-shaped syringe – with all sorts of rubber tubes, electrical wires, buttons, levers, knobs, and lights attached to it. The device also had many pumps attached to it, and the tubes from the device led to a clear plastic tank with its own pumps, wires, buttons, levers, knobs, and lights. The Eiffel Tower-shaped device was about five feet long and was so enormous and heavy that Stu had it suspended by chains attached to the basement ceiling.
"Stu! What is that giant contraption doing on our baby's nose?" demanded Didi.
"Don't worry, Deed, for this is the Snail Plasma E-Jector 3000 – inspired by Angelica's misarticulation of 'inject.' Simply yank up on the plunger to extract substances, and push down on the plunger to inject substances. Currently, I have the E-Jector 3000 adjusted so that it can simultaneously extract and inject substances. Anyway, the E-Jector 3000 will extract every last yoctoliter of snail plasma in Tommy's body, and he'll turn into a human again almost instantly," Stu said with an enthusiastic grin.
"Well, I sure better hope so," Didi said – crossing her arms.
"Now, watch this," Stu said – climbing a step ladder and yanking up on a foot-long plunger attached to the five-foot E-Jector 3000 attached to Tommy's little nose.
As Stu climbed down the ladder, the E-Jector 3000 started puffing like a steam engine, and both the E-Jector 3000 and the tank's lights flashed. The pumps all contracted and expanded rapidly, and liquid slushed rapidly both backwards and forwards through the tubes. While Angelica watched the machine in awe, Didi only focused her attention on Tommy.
"Look at all the snail plasma, Aunt Didi!" Angelica said excitedly – tugging on Didi's dress and pointing to the tank.
Didi turned her head and gasped when she saw that the tank appeared to be full of a few gallons of some type of liquid. "Angelica, surely you didn't inject all that plasma into Tommy…did you?"
"No, I don't think so, Aunt Didi," Angelica said meekly.
Angelica and Didi both then looked at Stu, who shrugged. "Maybe it multiplies like bacteria."
Finally, after a few minutes, the machine stopped slushing and puffing, the lights went off, and the plunger retracted back into the E-Jector 3000.
"Okay, gang, in just a few seconds, Tommy should turn right back into a human," Stu said enthusiastically – unrestraining Tommy from the mattress and gently removing the tip of the giant E-Jector 3000 from his nose. Stu watched Tommy – grinning excitedly, while Didi stared in uncertainty – and while Angelica's eyes bulged in curiosity. Tommy's body started to shake. Didi squealed and covered her eyes, while Stu kept grinning and exclaimed, "Here it comes!"
However, instead of Tommy the Snail turning back into a human, his body rapidly became fatter and more cylindrical. Stu, Didi, and Angelica shrieked as Tommy's snail eyes, eyestalks, nose, ears, and mouth were absorbed by his fat, cylindrical body – and as his skin became dark red in color. Before they knew it, the transformation was complete, and Tommy – or what was left of him – lay motionless on the mattress.
Angelica ran upstairs – sobbing hysterically, and Didi shrieked, "STU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR SON?"
Sweat poured down Stu's face, and his face was panic-stricken. "I don't know what happened, Deed – it should have worked!" yelled Stu.
"NONE OF YOUR INVENTIONS HAVE EVER WORKED, STU!" Didi screamed. "WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?"
Stu shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "A miracle?" Didi continued to stare down Stu.
Stu then looked at the E-Jector 3000 and saw what he thought was the problem. "Wait, wait, Deed, I know what happened!" Didi crossed her arms – continuing to glare at Stu. Stu looked at the floor and said, "Well, I designed this machine to not only extract snail plasma – but to inject another substance – like human plasma…only…I didn't fill the proper reservoir with human plasma…"
"THEN WHAT 'PLASMA' DID YOU FILL IT WITH?" demanded Didi.
Stu stared at the floor – refusing to make eye contact with Didi – remaining silent for a few seconds before saying, "Bologna DNA."
"BOLOGNA DNA? SO YOU TURNED OUR SON INTO BOLOGNA? OUR SON WENT FROM A HUMAN – TO A SNAIL – TO BOLOGNA? OUR SON IS NOW JUST A PIECE OF DELI MEAT?"
"Hey, don't blame me! There was only one place where I could get human plasma on short notice – some guy who calls himself 'Zim,'" Stu explained. "Of course, I heard that he once had a mishap where he turned him and his friend into bologna, so maybe he might have swapped the human plasma with bologna DNA…" Stu said hesitantly.
"THAT DOES IT!" screamed Didi. Immediately, she ran upstairs and snagged Angelica, who screamed and cried by her aunt's sudden act, and took her back downstairs. Didi then jabbed the E-Jector 3000 through both Stu and Angelica's noses at the same time – with both of them grunting in pain. Didi then climbed the ladder shoved down the plunger of the E-Jector 3000. All the gallons of snail plasma that had been extracted from Tommy now were rapidly injected into Stu and Angelica. After the E-Jector 3000 finished its work, within seconds, both Stu and Angelica shrank in size and became snails.
"AAAGGGHHH!" Stu suddenly screamed. He jerked his head left and right and realized that it was now night, and he was sweating profusely in his bed.
"What's the matter, Stu?" Didi asked – turning over and gently rubbing her husband's shoulders.
"I-I-You don't want to know, Deed," panted Stu. He then heaved a sigh of relief and glanced at the bedroom TV. "I'll just say that's the last time I watch SpongeBob and Invader Zim before going to bed."
"Okay, honey. Just try to relax and get some sleep. You've been working all month on that new kids' toy set you've been so proud of. You need your rest. After all, you've got a big day tomorrow. You're finally going to market that snail plasma toy," Didi said as she turned over in bed again.
With that, Stu let out one bloodcurdling scream – leaving Didi confused as to why Stu reacted in such a strange way.
The End