DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode One: The Mis-Adventures of the Sure Shot."
Comic Episode One takes place in: Action Comics.
Time the series would take place: 4 or so years into my run of Legion fanscripts.
by Thomas Greene.
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Clark Kent was feeling quite dejected. He and Lois had been married for almost 7 years now and he had still not been able to help her bear a child. If he wasn't the Last Son of Krypton, it would be a bad thing for a guy. But for him, to have to have his super-hearing pick up every story about how "Lois Lane is totally frigid", "Clark Kent needs Viagra just to wake up in the morning", and the like, well, that was just totally hard on his ego.
It wasn't like they weren't trying to have kids. For the first couple of years, they were just fine focusing on their careers and keeping a family on the DL. However, eventually both of them wanted nothing more to get a "Superbaby" running around the house. They had tried virtually everything to allow this to happen. When they first started to try to have a child, the couple used their slowly increasing nest egg combined with Clark's own knowledge of his powers to have a new house constructed in the Metropolis suburbs. The building was necessary because Clark came up with the assumption that Lois could have his child if they had a house built without lights and with the windows specially made out of ruby-quartz to filter the sun's rays in as red. However, this proved to be counting their chickens before they hatched, as they couldn't find a way to work it.
Clark was at the near end of his rope. He had absolutely no way to know if he even could produce a scion to his throne. Doctors had run tests on Lois and found that she was totally fertile, but he couldn't find a doctor who could be trusted enough with the fact that he was Superman to produce the tests to see if his sperm could even fertilize an Earth female. This problem eventually landed him in work-related troubles. For example, whenever he was scheduled to write an article on how teenage pregnancies in Metropolis were rising, he couldn't even keep his composure on long enough to write the goddamned thing. It was clear that he needed to get some help from his "circle of friends."
"Wayne Enterprises. Bruce speaking."
"Hey, Bruce, it's me, Clark."
"Clark! WASSSUP!"
"Well, I'm in a quandary."
"What's the problem?"
"Well, I know I can trust you with anything, right?"
"Hell, yeah. I keep your big secret quiet, right?"
"Yeah. Between guys, I can't knock Lois up."
"Excuse me for a second." Bruce left his seat and went to his nearby washroom.
"BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!"
Bruce went back to his seat.
"That's terrible. What do you need?"
"You have some doctors on your payroll, right?"
"Of course I do. Only the best for my employees."
"I need you to book me an appointment with one of your doctors UNDER the condition that there is complete confidentiality about my identity."
"Of course. Would there be any other way?"
"Thanks, man. I'll catch ya."
"See ya, man."
Bruce hung up the phone and snickered to himself. "Honestly. The most powerful superhero in the world, and he can't knock up his wife. Sometimes I like having no real powers."
The next day, Clark went over to the editor's office. "Hey, Perry?"
"Yeah, Clark?"
"Me and Lois need to take Friday off."
"What's the problem?"
"Well, you may have heard about my...little problem..."
"Oh, yeah. The whole inability to come through in the 'clutch.'"
"Yeah, that. Well, I've got an appoinment down in Gotham with a specialist. If all goes well, me and Lois are planning to take the weekend off to have a sort of 'second honeymoon', if you will. Is it cool?"
"Fine as kine with me."
"Thanks, Perry."
"No problem. Here's my hopes that it's a grand slam when you hit the home run this time."
That Friday, Lois and Clark headed over to the airport.
"So, where are we going?"
"I got us reservations up at Sunwood. It's this cozy little place affiliated with a Native American casino. If all goes well, we might need to follow their traditions and name the kid 'Sunwood Ceiling Kent.'"
"Cool. Good luck with your appointment. Why'd you need it to be here again?"
"It was the only way I could get complete secrecy about...you know."
"Okay."
The two boarded their plane. For most of the people, the flight was just a normal one. Clark kept thinking about how he would have much rather flown there himself.
As soon as the plane landed, Lois and Clark went for their cabs.
"Just head up to Sunwood. I'll be there as soon as my appointment is over."
"I'll be 'getting ready.'"
"Excellent."
Clark entered the taxi and headed up to Wayne Enterprises.
Clark made his way quickly to Bruce's office, where he had to handle his secretary.
"I'd like to see Bruce Wayne."
"I'm sorry, you need an appointment."
"I have one right here."
"Okay, okay. Geez, you get so uppity." The secretary buzzed Clark in.
"Ah, Bruce! Long time no see!"
"Yes, Clark. This is Dr. Kaufman, my personal doctor. I've already briefed him on the whole...problem, so he is completely aware."
"Hello. Rest assured that it'll be forgotten by the time I leave the office."
"Thank you."
"Just go right this way."
The testing was surprisingly easy.
"Now, all we need is for you to give us a sperm sample. Afterwards, we will simply merge it with an egg sample and test it for its ability to work."
Clark smiled.
"In order to get you a good chance for this to work, we've taken the liberty to get you the tool that we call 'nudie magazines.' We hope these will be enjoyable for you."
Clark went into the nearby bathroom.
(THE FOLLOWING PART HAS BEEN CUT OUT BY THE COMMITTEE OF PEOPLE WHO THINK KIDS WILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN JERKING OFF.)
Clark anxiously waited for the results of the test.
"I have the news that you've been waiting for." Dr. Kaufman said.
"Lay it on me, Doc."
"Your sperm cannot merge well enough with an Earth female. The complications would be risky at best."
"DAMMIT. Well, back to the drawing board."
Meanwhile, in the 30th century, a common date between two of the members of the Legion of Substitute Heroes was going haywire.
"Shane? What's the problem?" Cornell asked.
"Whatever do you mean?" Boombastic replied.
"Well, you're looking at me. Whenever we go here, you're usually too engrossed in the movie to even notice me beside you."
"Well, Jocelyn, I've seen this movie before a couple times, so it's all old hat. Plus, that whole fact that your hair has vanished is a problem."
"My hair's vanished? DAMMIT! I spent a lot of time on that for you!"
"Would you like to go home? See what this is about?"
"Let me get this straight. You're willing to leave a movie for me? It's official. You're wrapped around my little finger."
"Well, it is an emergency, and I didn't like it too much the first time anyway...."
The two Legionnaires quickly left and got to their speeder.
"Quick! To the top! That way we don't have to waste time with that parking fee!"
Within a matter of seconds, Boombastic had gotten them back to Legion HQ. Once there, they zoomed over to Brainiac 5.
"What's the problem?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"We were at a movie, and Jocelyn's hair vanished." Boombastic replied.
"Oh, I see. Well, Shane, I expected this to happen. It seems that there's a chance that Superman and his wife will not be able to have a child, which would make any descendants of Superman an enemy of the timestream. As such, it is vitally important that we get someone to make sure Superman gets lucky ASAP."
"Who'll be able to save me if they can't ?" Cornell wailed.
"I've already taken care of it. Stefan took Steve down as soon as we saw it. Just watch, and in a couple minutes your hair should be good as new."
Time Warp and Bender roamed the hallways of the Sunwood hotel.
"Why did you have to have me come here with you?" Time Warp asked.
"You're the only one who could get me down here." Bender replied.
"But why me? You know that I have it for Shane."
"Come on, man. Get over that stuff. Shane loves Jocelyn with all his heart. I chose you because I know you are also one of his closest friends and would be willing to lay it all on the line for his happiness."
"You got that right, man."
"That's good. Now, here come two workers. Just do as we planned and remember the character."
The two workers were quickly pulled into a hallway, beaten, and tied up.
"I just knew there was a good reason for lagging my police brutality kit with us." Bender remarked.
Clark went into the hallway of the Sunwood heavy-hearted.
"Hi, welcome to the Sunwood hotel. My name is Lawrence, how may I help you?" Time Warp said.
"Yes, I'd like room 420. Kent/Lane."
"Certainly. I'll get our bellboy." Time Warp pressed the button to call for someone.
"Hi, my name's Arthur Fonzarelli. I'll be getting your bags." Bender replied.
"Thank you, but I can handle them myself."
"Well, I got nothing to do, so I'll just accompany you. No tip necessary."
"That's good."
"Arthur" and Clark went up to the room.
"So, what do you do, Mr...?"
"Kent. I work with the Daily Planet."
"That sounds like a sweet job. I could do that."
"Well, I have it on good authority we have some positions in the mail room opening. I could put a good word in for you."
"Excellent. Well, here's your room. I'll see you later." Bender saw Clark in, slowly drank a nice hot cup of tea, and left.
"So, how was the appointment?" Lois replied.
"It was a failure. No luck."
"Well, then. I'm all ready, so I guess we're going to have to just celebrate not being shackled with kids, aren't we?"
Clark adjusted his fly and said "I guess."
(THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THAT SAME GROUP OF PEOPLE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE KIDS STILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN FUCKING. HOWEVER, TO SATE THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE EXPECTING MORE ACTION, WE BRING YOU TO A DIFFERENT SEX SCENE THAT JUST ENDED.)
Meanwhile, back in the 30th century:
"That was sprocking amazing. If I end up erased tomorrow, that's a memory I hope we both find some way to enjoy!" Cornell exclaimed.
"Um, Jocelyn..." Boombastic said.
"What, Shane? We could never see each other again after tonight! You wouldn't even remember that I existed! If that's going to happen, I just want you to know how much I..."
"Your hair's back."
"WOO HOO! GOOD SHOW, GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDDAD!"
Meanwhile, back in the twentieth century:
"Perry?"
"Yes, Lois?"
"I'm going to need to take some leave very quickly. Like, effective today."
"What's the matter? Still trying? I heard the report. Clark's shooting blanks.Where is he today, anyway?"
"Actually, I need it because I skipped. Clark's still home doing backflips."
"Oh. Good show."
Clark was jubilant. He was free from that monkey on his back. He took his street clothes off and just flew around for the day. He saw all the great sights in the world, the wonders, the silent beauty, everything.
This place he adopted was a nice world, and now he'd be able to have a part in someone's experience of it.
END OF EPISODE ONE.
Comic Episode One takes place in: Action Comics.
Time the series would take place: 4 or so years into my run of Legion fanscripts.
by Thomas Greene.
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Clark Kent was feeling quite dejected. He and Lois had been married for almost 7 years now and he had still not been able to help her bear a child. If he wasn't the Last Son of Krypton, it would be a bad thing for a guy. But for him, to have to have his super-hearing pick up every story about how "Lois Lane is totally frigid", "Clark Kent needs Viagra just to wake up in the morning", and the like, well, that was just totally hard on his ego.
It wasn't like they weren't trying to have kids. For the first couple of years, they were just fine focusing on their careers and keeping a family on the DL. However, eventually both of them wanted nothing more to get a "Superbaby" running around the house. They had tried virtually everything to allow this to happen. When they first started to try to have a child, the couple used their slowly increasing nest egg combined with Clark's own knowledge of his powers to have a new house constructed in the Metropolis suburbs. The building was necessary because Clark came up with the assumption that Lois could have his child if they had a house built without lights and with the windows specially made out of ruby-quartz to filter the sun's rays in as red. However, this proved to be counting their chickens before they hatched, as they couldn't find a way to work it.
Clark was at the near end of his rope. He had absolutely no way to know if he even could produce a scion to his throne. Doctors had run tests on Lois and found that she was totally fertile, but he couldn't find a doctor who could be trusted enough with the fact that he was Superman to produce the tests to see if his sperm could even fertilize an Earth female. This problem eventually landed him in work-related troubles. For example, whenever he was scheduled to write an article on how teenage pregnancies in Metropolis were rising, he couldn't even keep his composure on long enough to write the goddamned thing. It was clear that he needed to get some help from his "circle of friends."
"Wayne Enterprises. Bruce speaking."
"Hey, Bruce, it's me, Clark."
"Clark! WASSSUP!"
"Well, I'm in a quandary."
"What's the problem?"
"Well, I know I can trust you with anything, right?"
"Hell, yeah. I keep your big secret quiet, right?"
"Yeah. Between guys, I can't knock Lois up."
"Excuse me for a second." Bruce left his seat and went to his nearby washroom.
"BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!"
Bruce went back to his seat.
"That's terrible. What do you need?"
"You have some doctors on your payroll, right?"
"Of course I do. Only the best for my employees."
"I need you to book me an appointment with one of your doctors UNDER the condition that there is complete confidentiality about my identity."
"Of course. Would there be any other way?"
"Thanks, man. I'll catch ya."
"See ya, man."
Bruce hung up the phone and snickered to himself. "Honestly. The most powerful superhero in the world, and he can't knock up his wife. Sometimes I like having no real powers."
The next day, Clark went over to the editor's office. "Hey, Perry?"
"Yeah, Clark?"
"Me and Lois need to take Friday off."
"What's the problem?"
"Well, you may have heard about my...little problem..."
"Oh, yeah. The whole inability to come through in the 'clutch.'"
"Yeah, that. Well, I've got an appoinment down in Gotham with a specialist. If all goes well, me and Lois are planning to take the weekend off to have a sort of 'second honeymoon', if you will. Is it cool?"
"Fine as kine with me."
"Thanks, Perry."
"No problem. Here's my hopes that it's a grand slam when you hit the home run this time."
That Friday, Lois and Clark headed over to the airport.
"So, where are we going?"
"I got us reservations up at Sunwood. It's this cozy little place affiliated with a Native American casino. If all goes well, we might need to follow their traditions and name the kid 'Sunwood Ceiling Kent.'"
"Cool. Good luck with your appointment. Why'd you need it to be here again?"
"It was the only way I could get complete secrecy about...you know."
"Okay."
The two boarded their plane. For most of the people, the flight was just a normal one. Clark kept thinking about how he would have much rather flown there himself.
As soon as the plane landed, Lois and Clark went for their cabs.
"Just head up to Sunwood. I'll be there as soon as my appointment is over."
"I'll be 'getting ready.'"
"Excellent."
Clark entered the taxi and headed up to Wayne Enterprises.
Clark made his way quickly to Bruce's office, where he had to handle his secretary.
"I'd like to see Bruce Wayne."
"I'm sorry, you need an appointment."
"I have one right here."
"Okay, okay. Geez, you get so uppity." The secretary buzzed Clark in.
"Ah, Bruce! Long time no see!"
"Yes, Clark. This is Dr. Kaufman, my personal doctor. I've already briefed him on the whole...problem, so he is completely aware."
"Hello. Rest assured that it'll be forgotten by the time I leave the office."
"Thank you."
"Just go right this way."
The testing was surprisingly easy.
"Now, all we need is for you to give us a sperm sample. Afterwards, we will simply merge it with an egg sample and test it for its ability to work."
Clark smiled.
"In order to get you a good chance for this to work, we've taken the liberty to get you the tool that we call 'nudie magazines.' We hope these will be enjoyable for you."
Clark went into the nearby bathroom.
(THE FOLLOWING PART HAS BEEN CUT OUT BY THE COMMITTEE OF PEOPLE WHO THINK KIDS WILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN JERKING OFF.)
Clark anxiously waited for the results of the test.
"I have the news that you've been waiting for." Dr. Kaufman said.
"Lay it on me, Doc."
"Your sperm cannot merge well enough with an Earth female. The complications would be risky at best."
"DAMMIT. Well, back to the drawing board."
Meanwhile, in the 30th century, a common date between two of the members of the Legion of Substitute Heroes was going haywire.
"Shane? What's the problem?" Cornell asked.
"Whatever do you mean?" Boombastic replied.
"Well, you're looking at me. Whenever we go here, you're usually too engrossed in the movie to even notice me beside you."
"Well, Jocelyn, I've seen this movie before a couple times, so it's all old hat. Plus, that whole fact that your hair has vanished is a problem."
"My hair's vanished? DAMMIT! I spent a lot of time on that for you!"
"Would you like to go home? See what this is about?"
"Let me get this straight. You're willing to leave a movie for me? It's official. You're wrapped around my little finger."
"Well, it is an emergency, and I didn't like it too much the first time anyway...."
The two Legionnaires quickly left and got to their speeder.
"Quick! To the top! That way we don't have to waste time with that parking fee!"
Within a matter of seconds, Boombastic had gotten them back to Legion HQ. Once there, they zoomed over to Brainiac 5.
"What's the problem?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"We were at a movie, and Jocelyn's hair vanished." Boombastic replied.
"Oh, I see. Well, Shane, I expected this to happen. It seems that there's a chance that Superman and his wife will not be able to have a child, which would make any descendants of Superman an enemy of the timestream. As such, it is vitally important that we get someone to make sure Superman gets lucky ASAP."
"Who'll be able to save me if they can't ?" Cornell wailed.
"I've already taken care of it. Stefan took Steve down as soon as we saw it. Just watch, and in a couple minutes your hair should be good as new."
Time Warp and Bender roamed the hallways of the Sunwood hotel.
"Why did you have to have me come here with you?" Time Warp asked.
"You're the only one who could get me down here." Bender replied.
"But why me? You know that I have it for Shane."
"Come on, man. Get over that stuff. Shane loves Jocelyn with all his heart. I chose you because I know you are also one of his closest friends and would be willing to lay it all on the line for his happiness."
"You got that right, man."
"That's good. Now, here come two workers. Just do as we planned and remember the character."
The two workers were quickly pulled into a hallway, beaten, and tied up.
"I just knew there was a good reason for lagging my police brutality kit with us." Bender remarked.
Clark went into the hallway of the Sunwood heavy-hearted.
"Hi, welcome to the Sunwood hotel. My name is Lawrence, how may I help you?" Time Warp said.
"Yes, I'd like room 420. Kent/Lane."
"Certainly. I'll get our bellboy." Time Warp pressed the button to call for someone.
"Hi, my name's Arthur Fonzarelli. I'll be getting your bags." Bender replied.
"Thank you, but I can handle them myself."
"Well, I got nothing to do, so I'll just accompany you. No tip necessary."
"That's good."
"Arthur" and Clark went up to the room.
"So, what do you do, Mr...?"
"Kent. I work with the Daily Planet."
"That sounds like a sweet job. I could do that."
"Well, I have it on good authority we have some positions in the mail room opening. I could put a good word in for you."
"Excellent. Well, here's your room. I'll see you later." Bender saw Clark in, slowly drank a nice hot cup of tea, and left.
"So, how was the appointment?" Lois replied.
"It was a failure. No luck."
"Well, then. I'm all ready, so I guess we're going to have to just celebrate not being shackled with kids, aren't we?"
Clark adjusted his fly and said "I guess."
(THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THAT SAME GROUP OF PEOPLE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE KIDS STILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN FUCKING. HOWEVER, TO SATE THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE EXPECTING MORE ACTION, WE BRING YOU TO A DIFFERENT SEX SCENE THAT JUST ENDED.)
Meanwhile, back in the 30th century:
"That was sprocking amazing. If I end up erased tomorrow, that's a memory I hope we both find some way to enjoy!" Cornell exclaimed.
"Um, Jocelyn..." Boombastic said.
"What, Shane? We could never see each other again after tonight! You wouldn't even remember that I existed! If that's going to happen, I just want you to know how much I..."
"Your hair's back."
"WOO HOO! GOOD SHOW, GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDDAD!"
Meanwhile, back in the twentieth century:
"Perry?"
"Yes, Lois?"
"I'm going to need to take some leave very quickly. Like, effective today."
"What's the matter? Still trying? I heard the report. Clark's shooting blanks.Where is he today, anyway?"
"Actually, I need it because I skipped. Clark's still home doing backflips."
"Oh. Good show."
Clark was jubilant. He was free from that monkey on his back. He took his street clothes off and just flew around for the day. He saw all the great sights in the world, the wonders, the silent beauty, everything.
This place he adopted was a nice world, and now he'd be able to have a part in someone's experience of it.
END OF EPISODE ONE.