Left. Right. Duck. Jab…miss. Ow! Two, four, eight, sixteen, thirty-two, sixty-four tenkutsu points….
I fail again. I'm hardly fit to be heir, let alone lead this clan one day. I sit there, pain filling every crevice, waiting for my tenkutsu to open. You just sneer at me.
"Worthless…" you spit in my direction.
I bite back the tears. Feeling returns to my arms and legs, and I get up on shaky legs.
"Gomen, Father." I say to you, feeling worthless.
"You better be. You will never lead this clan if you don't shape up, worthless wench."
Venom dripped in every word. Sometimes…sometimes I wish it didn't have to be this way.
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I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
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I don't want to do it anymore. When I was a little girl, I would dream of what it would be like to lead the Hyuuga clan. Now, I just drown in despair. I don't know what to do…and you never say what you want from me, just what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I don't want to follow in your footsteps father, maybe I don't want to become that. But, no matter what I do, even if it's nearly perfect, it's wrong. Nothing I do is good enough for you, father.
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I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
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I feel broken now. I don't notice you.
"Hinata? Hinata! Answer me, cretin!"
"Hinata-sama?"
But I do notice Neji-nii-san's presence. I'm tired of this. Maybe I should leave. I want to be who I am, I could never be the cold-hearted stone that you are trying to mold me into. I don't want to do it. I won't.
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Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
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You watch me so closely, I can't even meet my teammates and sensei without you escorting me personally or sending a branch member to do it. I can barely breathe. I know why it is, I heard you speaking with Hanabi-chan one night. You are afraid that I might decide to "grow a spine" and retaliate against you. If you only knew. I know you hate me just because I don't measure up to your standards. I was never meant to rule as a tyrant, father. The things you have taught me just unravel at the ends because I will never take care of them.
But my sparring, I thought I mastered the Jyuuken technique. I miscalculate once, and you delve into the opening, nearly killing your oldest daughter. Neji-nii-san is there to help me up. Once on my feet, I shove him away. I can only take so much. Gritting my teeth, I march into my home, leaving Neji-nii-san standing there, confused. A week, and it will be over.
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I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
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Ignorance. That is what I learned from you. I am quite capable of ignoring you, and I stop flinching when you speak to me. You want me to be strong? Don't worry, you will see how strong I can be. I go out each night, and I spy on the ANBU training grounds. With my Byakugan, I can see the jutsus they use and practice them on my own. Many forbidden jutsus are in my possession now. But I still feel like a shell, an empty husk, one of my teammates would make a quip about me being like a cicada shell. I'm tired of it. Tonight is the night. I would like to see you stop me. Me teammates know, and Neji-nii-san knows, but you will learn. You will see what happened to the little girl you thought was worthless.
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And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
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"Nii-san, it's time." I say.
"Of course, Hinata-sama. I will inform your team right away. We will be at the gates by the time you get there."
"Hai. Go."
Neji-nii-san disappeared in a puff of smoke. I smiled and packed my bag. I had sealed my possessions in scrolls, so I only needed a small pack to carry what I needed. I knew that you would try to stop me.
I hoisted the pack onto my shoulders, and, with head held high, marched out of the house, deliberately knocking into my you, who was about to fetch me for training.
I also knew that you would not be the winner tonight.
"Hinata! Stop." You shouted, poison lacing each word.
I did. I turned slowly until my pale gaze met your icy stare.
Activating my Byakugan, I summoned up enough chakra for a blue glow to radiate from me. Instead of the blush that used to stain my face, an alabaster face was fixated on the furious red of my your own. I brought my hands together into the dragon seal.
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I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
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It's over, Father. I have no connection to you anymore.
"Dragon! Tiger! Boar! Ram! Serpent! Dog! Rabbit!" I shout, and the wind picks up, swirling around me head. Lightning flashes, and I can see the fear in the cold white eyes.
"Forbidden Arts! Hurricane Winds Jutsu! Combination! Tiger, Dog, Rat! Fires of Hell Jutsu!"
The winds picked up to deadly speeds. I could no longer hear. I knew that Neji-nii-san and Hanabi-chan were safe. I brought my fingers up to my mouth, blowing out. It was similar to Uchiha's Fireball Jutsu, but it formed into tigers as it came out, running and burning. Coupled with the wind, a truly devastating technique.
It didn't take long to level the compound. You stared in disbelief at me. I walked up to you.
"Who is the failure now, Hiashi? I will never lead this Kami-forsaken Clan, and the whole of Konoha knows how you really are. I feel nothing more for you. Goodbye."
I turned and walked away.
"Hinata…"
I didn't stop, but turned my head so I could look at you.
"Never speak to me again."
I walked through the gates, and for the first time noticed just who Neji-nii-san had gathered. It was not just my team, but his team and the rest of them, including Hokage and sensei's. The kids my age all rushed me, congratulating. The ones that stuck the most were Shino, Naruto, an Kiba.
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I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
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I never think back to it. The Hyuuga Compound holds bitter memories that I do not wish to revisit. Neji, Hanabi, and I have all got places to stay. Neji is with Ten-Ten, his girlfriend. Hanabi and I stay together here at--
"Hinata! Let's go! Shino and Kiba are waiting! I can't keep dragging you around with this baby on the way."
I chuckled and grabbed my ready-and-waiting pack. "I'm coming, Kurenai-sensei."
I really like this one. I have decided to skip in my list. A Shino oneshot called "Nirvana" was to come out before this one, but it will be put on hold since I am unable to finish it. I need to keep moving down the list. Until next time, Cougar. Review!