Mr. Krabs was furiously pacing the floor in his office. He had a meeting today with a very important fish who had been disappointing him lately. He hadn't been this upset since that time he thought the Krusty Krab was down a penny.
"Curse that gutless barnaclehead!" Mr. Krabs yelled. "I've paid him good money to get me the results I want! If he can't negotiate with the rest of those bottom feeders, I'm gonna shove a stalagmite up his tail fin!"
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
"That better be him," Mr. Krabs muttered as he headed to answer the door.
But the fish Krabs was waiting for wasn't there. Instead, he opened the door to see a concerned-looking yellow sponge.
"Oh, it's you Spongebob," Mr. Krabs sighed. He moved out of the way so the sponge could enter. "Well, come on in, boy. But whatever you want, make it quick. I have a guest coming."
Spongebob let himself in to the office.
"Mr. Krabs, I'm worried about you," said Spongebob. "You've been in here yelling about something all day. I asked Squidward about it, and he said 'Leave me alone, Spongebob, I'm on the toilet', so I decided to ask you about it."
"I have a meeting with a very powerful fish, boy!" explained Mr. Krabs. "He hasn't been performing well, lately, so I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."
At the mention of a powerful fish, Spongebob immediately thought of Flatz, Reg, and the Tattletail Strangler and then pictured them all as one gigantic hybrid.
"But Mr. Krabs," asked Spongebob. "If this fish is so powerful, won't it be dangerous giving him a piece of your mind? He might kick your butt."
Mr. Krabs laughed his usual Popeye laugh.
"Not this one, Spongebob. He may have control over Bikini Bottom, but I have control over him."
"Wow," Spongebob said slowly. "You'd you manage that?"
Mr. Krabs waved his claw. "Come over here and I'll tell you."
Mr. Krabs and Spongebob both sat down.
"Well Spongebob, I think it's time we had 'The Talk'," said Mr. Krabs.
"You mean like 'The Scallops and the Jellyfish'?"
"What? No! Not that! I meant about how politics really works!"
"Oooo! I never knew about that!" said Spongebob.
Mr. Krabs cleared his throat as he prepared to teach Spongebob yet another life lesson:
"You see, boy, when you watch those stuffy political news channels like CMM or Lox News, you hear from all those politicians like the mayor or all the city councilfish, and they always say they are of the people, by the people, and for the people. But, in reality, they don't give two shells about the people. The fish in this town are dumb enough to think the government is working for them, but they're not. No, instead, they're carrying out the wishes of honest, hardworking businessmen – like meself, of course. If you really wanna get somewhere in politics, what you have to do is look for some corporate sponsors. They give you money, and you use that money to crush anyone vying for your position. Just like the Founding Flippers intended!"
Spongebob didn't fully understand what Mr. Krabs was talking about, but that's okay. To him, every word out of Mr. Krabs' mouth were words of wisdom.
"The next citywide election is coming up soon," Mr. Krabs explained, "I'm meeting with me own city councilfish to determine whether I wanna keep him or fire him and find some other loser to take his place. Sadly, his performance has been pretty poor lately."
"Amazing!" said Spongebob. "I love your life lessons, Mr. Krabs! Over the weekend, I took your advice about how it's okay to rob a bank on Sundays, and I managed to get almost ten dollars out of it!"
"That's me boy!" exclaimed Mr. Krabs. "You're a chip off the old block! Now, get the halibut outta here so I can get back to me pacing!"