AN Hello everyone this is my first shot at a Linstead fic I've been wanting to write them for a while but lacked ideas but this one came to me at midnight so here it is. Its set during the season finale just before and including the amazing "that's why you have back up"scene. Please please review and let me know what you think x
Antonio looked over at Erin. Her eyes were heavy as they stared off into space whilst she absent mindedly shuffled some paperwork. She had been off all shift, he hadn't wanted to say anything, he knew Jay already had and he had seen her go into Voight's office earlier only to exit twenty minutes later to rush to the bathroom. But he was starting to get worried. She was like a little sister to him and seeing her look so down, so tired, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders had his stomach knot slightly. "Lyndsay why don't you go home, get some rest, I'll finish off here. " he offered.
Erin looked up and did her best to smile but it didn't reach her eyes, "no its fine I don't have much left to do."
"Erin-" he tried to interrupt.
"I'm fine," she insisted.
Antonio nodded in defeat. He knew not to push her. "Okay well I should probably head home Laura has been complaining about my late work hours lately. See you tomorrow." He was just about to stand when Halstead walked in.
"Hey sorry about that Platt had me sign form after form honestly that woman only likes Lyndsay," he rambled as he collapsed into his seat.
Antonio smiled slightly, "yup, well I'm heading home," he stood, grabbed his jacket and made for the door.
"See you tomorrow man," Jay replied whilst Erin waved quickly before turning back to her paperwork.
As Antonio left Jay looked across to his partner. She hadn't been her fiery little bad ass self all day and he didn't know how much more he could take of it. She had shut him down earlier when he asked if she was okay and as much as he didn't want to upset her he was getting seriously concerned. He opened his mouth to ask her if she okay again when his phone buzzed.
He looked down to see he had a text from Antonio -you need to speak to your partner. Jay smiled slightly, so it wasn't just him that had noticed. Sure he knew the reason or at least some of it as to why she had been acting the way she had but there was obviously more to it and whatever that was it was clearly serious.
"Erin?" He asked softly as he looked over at her, her head rose slowly and the moment he could he made eye contact with her. He could see the fear, the anger, the worry in them in a split second and he felt his stomach drop as he did. "What's going on?" She looked like she might interrupt so he added, "and don't say nothing cause I know its not true. Look I'm your partner you can talk to me. I know I never spoke to you when you pointed that fact out to me but I thought I could handle it and look where it lead me. You have Voight but you also have me Antonio and all the others. We're your family remember, you can let us in." He didn't know where all that came from, it was so unlike him to say it but now that he had he felt almost relief. That had needed to be said and finally someone had, maybe now she might listen.
"Jay I can't alright. I just can't. Its not that I don't trust you cause I do I trust you with my life, but this... " she tailed off and her eyes dropped to the floor, " this is big and I don't know all of it myself. I don't know what I'm doing, I've told Voight and he's helping out but if Charlie doesn't listen and he reports what happened then my life as a cop is over. This, this will all be over and I'll loose everything. Again. " by the time she had finished tears were filling her eyes as she tried to force them back. She was strong. She was fearless. She was Erin Lyndsay. But right now she was broken, terrified and she didn't know who she was anymore.
She wasn't aware that the tears had made their way down her cheeks or that Jay had moved but suddenly his thumbs where wiping them away as he crouched beside her.
"Come here," he whispered pulling her towards him. She hesitated at first but as the last brick crumbled inside her head she collapsed into him shaking with sobs. She barely ever cried but today she had broken down twice and worst of all two of the people that she cared most about, that opinions were the only ones that she gave a damn about had seen her as she did.
But not only that they had held her. On any other occasion she would have given anything to have the chance to be in Jay Halstead's arms to have his hand rubbing soothingly up and down her back as he clung to her tightly. But now, now she wished she could disappear, that a huge black hole would suck her in and she wouldn't have to look at him tomorrow and see the pity on his face or have to sit with him in the car alone with so much silence to fill with prying questions or to stand next to him with a gun in her hand ready to protect him knowing that he thought her protection was useless now that he knew how broken she was.
Saying that he was really warm and comforting and as he whispered reassuring words in her ear she couldn't stop the small part of her that thought of him every second of every day, that had been dreaming of this moment from day one, from not wanting it to end. She relaxed into him slightly for just a few seconds more as she felt the tears somewhat subside. Finally she stopped crying enough for her to pull back and look at him. "I um... I"
But Jay shook his head. "Don't try to explain okay. You're still my bad ass, pain in the ass ,partner, Erin Lyndsay ,and I think none the less of you now than I did three hours ago when you fired that gun and saved my life alright?"
She smiled slightly and nodded her head.
"And we never have to speak of this moment again." He finished as he too smiled.
She nodded once more, "thank you," she said quietly but sincerely as she looked into his eyes.
Jay smiled down at her before getting to his feet, "how about you go and speak to Voight, sort out as much as you can for now and then we'll worry about the rest later."
She smiled back at him as she too rose to her feet. Patting his shoulder on the way past she made her way to Voight's office. As she opened the door she turned and gave her partner a quick smile before closing it behind her.
Jay sat at his desk until she came out twenty minutes later. Her poker face was back, which he supposed was a good sign.
"You squared away?" He asked as she walked past him.
She turned to face him and smiled somewhat "loads of paper work ,but I'm toast for today."
He smiled at her as the both walked towards each other. "Thank you, for everything," she whispered as she looked up at him.
They were close, probably too close, Jay for one hoped Voight wouldn't come out of his office. He wanted to take her in his arms again and to tell her it was all going to be okay or to run to the interrogation room and pin Charlie to the wall and warn him not to go anywhere near her again but he knew he could do neither so instead he replied, "that's why you have backup."
Erin smiled at the familiar phrase, "yeah, I suppose so." She said though she wished she could reply differently. She wished they weren't just "backup" or just "partners" but there was no chance of that. Voight would probably kill them both or at least transfer one of them and she couldn't let that happen. What they had meant too much to her. So whilst her heart said different her head won and she simply smiled up at him as he smiled down at her.
She gave him one last pat on the arm , turned to her desk and grabbed her jacket. She ran a hand through her hair before she slipped it on, bracing herself for the freezing Chicago weather that waited outside for her.
"See you tomorrow," she said as she walked past Jay who stood where he was a small smile still present on his face.
"Yeah bye Erin," he replied adding "maybe one day," under his breath.
Unbeknown to him Erin Lyndsay had heard his last comment and as she sat in bed later on that night haunted by her past Jay Halstead and the thought of their one day was her light in the darkness.
AN Thank you for reading please review xx