Disclaimer: Guess what…I don't own Twilight.

So this is my first story. The timeline would be after New Moon, I guess, but it doesn't follow the books. Constructive criticism is welcome. It helps me know what to do better and what not to do. This chapter isn't very long but the other chapters will be longer, I promise. Sorry if the characters are OCish.

Also, if anyone wants to come up with a better name for my story they are more than welcome to.

A Psychiatrist's House

Step 1: Meeting the Houseguests

"This is you're fault, dog," Edward said in an irritated tone. He scowled across the room at none other than Jacob Black.

"How is this my fault," Jacob growled, "You were the one that wanted to come in here."

Edward snarled back, "Only because I didn't know Bella was listening and I thought it would be a good way to get rid of you. I was never going to come in."

"Why you little, bloodsucking, son of a-" Jacob was cut off by a groan from the couch. Both boys looked at the poop coloured couch, and at Bella lying under a yellow and blue wool blanket.

"I don't want another cookie mommy, I want my 'eddy," was the mumbled sleep talk of the lump on the couch.

Jacob growled, "Her Eddy? Is that supposed to be you?" He directed the question at Edward though kept his gaze on Bella.

"Well, I think it's obvious she loves me more because she dreams about me," was Edward's snarky remark.

Jacob wasn't too happy with what Edward said so he replied with his own childish words, "She could be dreaming about me, you know, and just not be saying my name because she loves me so much!"

"But I want my TEDDY, NOW!" The screeched voice caused Jacob and Edward to stop arguing and stare at Bella, again.

"Teddy… not Eddy," Edward was suddenly kicked off his high and mighty throne as he realized Bella was dreaming not of him, but of her teddy bear.

"Emmett," Bella moaned as she rolled over from facing the back of the couch to facing the two boys. "Oh Emmett," she moaned again, her face full of pleasure, "Thank you sooo much…for buying me a new teddy after Edward and Jacob destroyed mine when they were fighting over who got us stuck in this house."

"You know…I didn't think that someone sleeping could say a whole long paragraph like that, do you 'Eddy'," Jacob said to Edward, suspiciously.

"You know 'Jakey', I think for once I might have to agree with you," Edward spoke in an equally suspicious voice. Silently they both snuck up to Bella, slowly lowered their hands to touch her body and right when they were about to tickle her they heard a big grunt, ripping and fighting going on.

Both Edward and Jacob half stepped, half jumped back as Bella popped up off the couch and ran to the hallway to see what was happening. Or at least that's probably what she meant to do. Being the clumsy person that she is, she only managed to get a couple steps before she tripped on the blanket that was on her and would have fallen if Jacob hadn't caught her. She looked up into his eyes as he set her up right.

"Thanks for catching me Jake," She thanked him in a breathless voice, "Now can we go see what that noise is." As if to prove her point, something smashed in the hall and there was more grunting going on.

Bella quickly scanned the room she was in, for she had never seen it before. The walls were bright purple, the floor a muddy brown coloured carpet and the only furnishings were the poop coloured couch, a blood red armchair and what looked like a radio that looked at least fifty years old. Then she noticed that something was missing, "Where's Edward?"

As if answering her question she heard Edward calmly, sexily yell in that way that he does, "Oh my fucking god! What on earth are you doing here Emmett? And what are you doing with Paul!"

Emmett and Paul were here, probably fighting in the hallway. Paul, the werewolf that went crazy and attacked Jacob that one night. Then there was Emmett, the big, lovely teddy bear that had installed a radio into Bella's truck.

Bella and Jacob looked at each other before running into the hall. Bella this time made sure to not trip on anything. The scene in the hall was enough to make any self-loving mad man make poop slide down his leg and stain his skirt.

Edward was standing against the wall with a disturbed look on his face. Emmett was on his hands and knees while Paul had his feet on the ground, his hands on Emmett's waist and it looked as though he was doing nasty things to Emmett. Emmett looked like he had just been caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar and Paul looked like he was in pain.

"Oh my goodness gracious, what…how…when?" Bella stuttered as she tried to grasp what was happening.

Fortunately for her, Jacob had no trouble getting over his shock before he said something. "Paul, why on earth are you butt sexing that disgusting bloodsucker?"

…?

Yes, I know that was a VERY short chapter. Less than 1000 words but other chapters will by longer. I swear.

If you want to keep reading the second chapter will probably explain everything better. It will also tell what Emmett and Paul are doing (because they aren't butt sexing…at least not yet).

So that was the first chapter of A Psychiatrist's House. Wow that's a bad name.

Like it, don't like it? Tell me by sending a review…down there

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