Avengers vs. ALIEN
Author's Notes: I mean… I just couldn't help it, guys. A little Avengers fun just for you.
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. owned by Marvel/Disney. Excelsior!
Cast of Characters:
Tony Stark: Iron Man
Steve Rodgers: Captain "Cap" America
Bruce Banner: The Hulk
Natasha "Nat" Romanov: Black Widow (Not from Daniel Silva's bestselling novel)
Clinton Francis "Clint" Barton: Hawkeye
Rhodie: THE War Machine
Loki: My favorite Marvel villain with Moriarty.
King T'Challa: Black Panther
Thanos: What?
Antman: I wish we could forget
Peter Parker: Need I say more?
So Loki had just put the All Spark in the thing on Stark Tower being powered by the 100% clean, world-saving generator Tony had set up at the beginning of the movie and was opening a portal in the sky to an unknown section of the universe.
As the Avengers flew in, Banner was like, "How is he powering this thing?"
And Clint was all like, "Yeah, and how come he chose to set up on Stark Tower? That's a little convenient for us, don't you…?"
Stark rubbed the back of his head and said, "Well, you see…" but Natasha cut him off. "He's powering the portal with the 100% eco-friendly, world saving underwater generator Tony set up at the beginning of the movie that runs straight into his pent house."
Cap was disappointed. "Nice going, Stark!"
"Yeah, way to go, boss," said Clint.
"Thou art a man of great forsight," quoth Thor.
Everybody started giving Tony a hard time.
"Hey, hey, can we all get off the I-Hate-Tony train here?" whined Tony
"Yeah," said Bruce. "Let's not all be angry, okay?"
"Oh, so you're gonna take his side?" said Cap.
"Look," said Clint. "All I'm saying is, everything's always this guys fault."
"The man's right," said Natasha.
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Tony. "That's very foreboding."
Just then the portal opened and a giant alien spaceship flew through into earth's atmosphere. It was as long as 50 football fields and shaped strangely like a giant Jurassic period sea creature.
"Hey, um," said Clint, "Why isn't all of earth's atmosphere being sucked away through the portal into the far reaches of space?"
"Okay, Mr. Smart Guy," said Tony.
"Wow, what's that thing called?" asked Banner, looking at the menacing giant spaceship flying straight towards them.
It took Tony a minute, but then he was like, "I'm peeing in my suit right now and that's what you're wondering about? 'What's that terrifying alien spaceship called?'"
"Yeah," said Bruce, shrugging. "I guess I would just kind of like to know."
Cap nudged him. "It's called a Leviathan."
"What is this, Halo?" said Antman, popping up suddenly. "That sounds like something out of a videogame!"
"Actually it's from the Bible," said Cap warmly.
Thor watched their singular ship racing towards them between the skyscrapers, and reflected that, though it was mammoth, it was one. "Is that all they've got?" he boasted. "Some army. My brother always was the foolish one."
Nat agreed. "They come all the way across the universe for this and bring one ship? I think we've got this."
"Yea, kinfolk," agreed Thor.
"Hey, guys," said Banner.
"I used to roast worms like that for breakfast," said Cap.
"Guys?" said Banner.
"I remember one summer in the Rockies…" reminisced Cap.
"Okay!" said Clint. "That's enough. You took that one too far, Cap."
Tony agreed. "Yeah, not all of us grew up going to summer camp with the boyscouts like you did, Rogers."
"Come on, Stark," said Cap. "I'm being serious! That was a right of passage in 1906."
And Thor said, "Ah, be not weak-stomached now, man!" and hit Tony in the shoulder with his hammer.
"Um.. " said Bruce, feeling somewhat small.
"Men!" yelled Natasha, and gestured to Banner.
They turned.
Banner pointed to the sky.
"Oh," said Thor, looking up at the 700 more Leviathans swarming down through the portal at New York City. "So they did bring an army."
"That's your foolish brother for you!" laughed Rhoadie. "Jest with me not," drifted Thor idly. His brain was in battle mode. He balanced the weight of his hammer in both hands, feeling over the cold metal of its head with his palm.
"Wha oh!" said Banner, as the magnificently huge scales lining the sides of the first ship began to open. "Um… why's it doing that?"
"Troop carrier," said Cap, raising his shield to his chest. Tony turned at his side, the mask sealed.
Just then the scales opened fully, and a million alien bodies primed for battle fell down into the city from the bowls of the ship. They were… They were….!
"Xenomorphs?" said Tony.
"What?" asked Cap, turning his head.
Then,
"¡XENOMORPHS!" cried Peter, whipping in out of nowhere.
"What the heck" said Tony, boosters kicking in immediately to his cognitive spike, thrusting him upwards after Peter.
"ThisissocoolIalwaysknewtheywerereal!" exclaimed Peter as he kicked one in it's long skull in midair sending it careening through the windows of the 13th floor of some paper company.
"LEGIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE." said Stark, his Ironman suit magnifying his voice with intimidating distortion. "I DIDN'T CALL FOR YOU YET. AND HOW DID YOU GET THAT SUIT?"
Peter let go of his web for a moment, feet tucked up under him and putting his hands out demonstratively to either side and floating down towards Stark. " 'TBELIEVEITTHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMYLIFEDOYOUTHINKTHEYREALLYHAVEACIDBLOOD?" He lashed a couple aliens together and pulling on the web in circular motion falling through space sent them through glass on top of some innocent secretary's desk. Then he swung up eloquently onto Stark's armored self.
"Mr. Stark!" he yelled at his mentor. "I'm overwhelmed!" Then he pulled his phone out from nowhere. "SELFIE!" yelled Tom Holland, catching a couple deathly xenomorphs in the background, and took off.
"WHAT THE HECK, PETER." said Stark. "Punk," he grumbled.
"Ebullient is the word, sir," said JARVIS.
But then Thor swung his hammer and shot up into the sky. Natasha saw what he was doing and cried out, "No!" but it was too late. Thor put his hammer to the heavens and a hundred thousand bolts of lightning arced out of the sky, centralizing on him and hitting every single alien spaceship. He turned around and winked at Natasha and went, "God of Thunda'. Remember?"
Right in between all the alien spaceships exploding, Peter gasped. "Do you here Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin playing right now, too?"
Tony was pleased. "I absolutely can hear that song playing right now, kid." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "I love that song." He took a moment from staring up at all the alien spaceships starting to explode in billions of volts of magnificent Asgardian heavensflame and thought for a moment. "You listen to Led Zeppelin, too?"
"Well, my aunt's kind of obsessed with them," said Peter, then coughed. "I mean, yeah, um-I love those guys!"
Tony patted him on the back, watching the lightning blasting the Xenomorphs' ships in slow motion. "I mean, that's just so, perfect. It fits this scene perfectly. How did you think of that, kid?"
"Well," said Peter, "The lyrics do mention Valhalla… the vibe just fit the moment, I guess. Plus I saw it in this movie once."
T'Challa smirked at him from across the roof.
Tony shook his head softly in amazement. "...genius," he said.
Peter put his hands in the air. "TONY STARK THINKS I'M A GENIUS!" he yelled.
(Later on, T'Challa put his arm around Peter's shoulder. "Do you actually listen to that band, Peter?" he asked in his suave accent.
(Peter grinned at him. "Led Zeppelin, your honor? I mean they're wizards, but," he laughed, enjoying T'Challa's noxious manliness, "not really."
("What bands do you like, then, Peter?"
("Well, Peter Parker, he's a geek, your honor, and I spend all my time doing schoolwork for my seven AP classes, so all I ever listen to is movie soundtracks and Anthony Horowitz."
("Classical piano?" smirked T'Challa. "Classy."
(Then Peter yelled out loud about the Black Panther, Ruler of Wakanda, thinking he was classy. Coming back to himself, he half-knowingly imitated T'Challa's cool half-smirk back at him while slowly sliding his Spider-Man mask down over his own nose. And said, "But I do have a MEAN webslinging playlist on Spotify.")
But then Natasha put her hand out and lurched towards the edge of the roof, screaming again, "Thor, NOOOO!" Clint had to hold her back. Thor was like, "What?" And Clint was like, "You haven't seen Alien have you?"
And then the entire Xenomorph fleet exploding, acid blood rained over New York City, destroying everything.
But somehow, everybody was okay.
Epilogue
And then the Avengers went out to Q-Doba.
Peter was going on and on.
"Well, for bands, I guess I would have to say Hans Zimmer. He's so good! I love Interstellar. Have you seen Interstellar, Mr. Stark? I think you would like it. All of his stuff is so good. Except for that one Spider-Man movie he did. Movie was cool, but I mean, the soundtrack was 'aight."
He kept going. "What's your favorite movie, Mr. Stark? Or, how about favorite superhero? My favorite has always been Batman, I have posters of him all over my dorm room. Hahaha, what? I mean my room at home, because I'm only 13 and a Sophomore in high school." (Stab at Tom Holland I love you bro.) "Who do you like? I'm getting more into Green Arrow now, though, because he reminds me of Clint, but I mean, nobody beats Thor." (OY, munchmunchmunchburrito!) "I think Nick Fury is like Bruce Wayne WITHOUT the Batman, what do you think, Mr. Stark…"
And Rhodie said, "You just had to call him a genius."
P.S.S. Then Peter asked Ripley, "Can I touch your cat?" And then she kissed him on the cheek, and he was out.