Bittersweet
Jessa4865
Spoilers: Through current, I guess, but vague knowledge of Season 9 will suffice
Disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just taking them out for some fun. I'll put them back when I'm done. Promise.
Sam/Jack… always

Part 1/2

It wasn't much of a surprise when Daniel popped his head in her lab on Friday afternoon to inquire about her weekend plans. They'd been hanging out a lot outside of work. Outwardly, they all blamed it on Cameron. He was new, they'd say, he was trying to fit in, trying to be one of them. It wasn't that he wasn't one of them, though. They functioned well as a team from the start. Perhaps because the intense bond of the original three was so tight that they were able to form a cohesive unit with or without any random fourth member. Perhaps because they all imagined that Jack was still there, leading them, despite all evidence to the contrary. Perhaps because they knew and trusted Cameron.

But really, it was more likely that the loss of their original fourth was so traumatic to the unit that they were all in denial and trying to pretend that nothing was different at all.

That Friday was a little different, however. Daniel's smile was a bit wider, more honest; it actually reached his eyes, which had been guarded more often than not as of late. "Jack's flying in this afternoon."

Sam's eyes lit up and her smile matched Daniel's. "So where are we going?"

He checked hallway to be sure no one would overhear. "Somewhere without Cam."

Three hours later found the four of them splayed around a circular table. It was a large table, meant for twice the number of people, and it was filled, overflowing really, with plates, cups and half-eaten food. Conversation was easy, quick, and a hair louder than it would have been without the ingestion of alcohol. They were more relaxed than they ever had been together - because for the incomprehensible amount of time they'd spent together over the years, very little of that time had been away from work.

As they worked through their desserts, Jack queried into their current situation. He asked about Cameron, the first mention of him all night, and about how things were going with their new team. He wasn't trying to remind them of the old days or that things had changed; he was curious and always interested in his friends.

But at the mention of the interloper's name, a loud, desperate silence fell over the table.

Teal'c was never the first to reply; he usually waited and took his cue from others in case he'd once again missed some cultural reference that wasn't actually meant to be answered. Daniel always tried to put a positive spin on everything, but while they did have a good relationship with Cameron, it was very different and felt forced more than it should. So he too turned to Sam, waiting to follow her lead.

Sam looked up from the ice cream she'd been spending more time playing with than actually eating and met Jack's eyes across the table. It struck her then, holding the eyes of the man she loved more than life itself, how very sad the occasion truly was. It was meant to be happy, enjoyable, fun. But it wasn't. It was just sad and filled her with a crushing sense of loss. They were only separated by a table that was maybe four feet in diameter if one was being kind, but she felt the gulf between them more acutely than when she was on the other side of the galaxy.

Her voice choked for a moment on the lump in her throat. Things were so very far from how they had been, from how they should have been, from how she wanted them to be. Sam wasn't a particularly emotional person; her military lifestyle precluded such a display of sentimentality. She was, and always had been, the type to tamp down demonstrative responses in favor of even, measured, benign answers. But she was facing one of the few times she couldn't do it. She couldn't force out a response, insipid or otherwise. If she were to speak, she was sure only sobs would come out.

She broke the stare with Jack, knowing his unspoken feelings, somehow tangible in their intensity, were the only things that ever threw her balance off. The damage was done, however, and when her eyes met Daniel's, the crack in her façade was obvious, her pain palpable. Daniel offered her a small smile, uncharacteristically grasping Sam's hand where it lay on the table.

Jack turned to Teal'c, checking to see if the other man had expected the odd exchange. Teal'c seemed as perplexed, which only ratcheted up Jack's level of concern. "What? What's wrong?" He didn't pretend to know what he should do when Sam looked so close to tears. He wanted to hold her and soothe her, but he still wasn't sure if that was the right thing. The time and distance between them had done nothing to clarify what they should do about their relationship or even if there still was a relationship between them.

Daniel turned back to him, the younger man's hand still covering Sam's. "Everything's fine, Jack. Cameron's fine." He glanced at Sam as he let go of her hand, watching her attention fall back to her abandoned dessert. "It's just not the same."

And that was the truth of it. There was nothing wrong. It was just different - the job, the environment, the team. They'd all loved it, but it had changed and their feeble attempt to pretend it hadn't only masked the pain of losing it.

The fact was the man sitting across from Sam was a big part of the reason it had all meant so much to her in the first place and it was pointless to try to deny it.

She managed to find her voice, quietly excusing herself and ducking into the ladies room. She didn't mean to call attention to herself, but she was shaken, so badly shaken that she was afraid she'd cry. And crying in front of them would be so much worse.

When she returned to the table, the check had been paid and the conversation had turned to what the next stage of the evening would be. Jack, noticing Sam's red-rimmed eyes even in the dim lighting, politely suggested that they call it a night. He was tired from the flight and he could use the sleep.

This was a pattern they had all seen play out before. Jack was giving Sam the first option to get out. She could easily say she was tired and had to be up early or she could suggest something else for them to do. Then the choice would pass to Daniel, who likewise could opt out by claiming something he had to do. Teal'c seemed to always prefer to join them if they were all together or to be off by himself, so he would wait until Daniel had made his decision.

Depressing as the night had been, Sam wasn't about to let go. It was the last vestige of the life she'd loved and she didn't want to lose the opportunity for them to be together, not when Monday would bring with it the compulsory adjustment to her new life.

"We could rent some movies." She told herself the hint of a smile on Jack's face didn't make her heart skip a beat, but there were some things even she couldn't delude herself into believing.

She turned to Daniel, looking to see what his answer would be. He paused longer than necessary while he looked at Teal'c and Sam was shocked to see Teal'c's shoulders move in the slightest indication of a shrug. Sam's eyes closed as the embarrassment washed over her. Daniel was being too obvious and she was afraid Jack would think she'd said something to Daniel.

Jack, ever aware of Sam's interpretation, stood up from the table, jostling Daniel's shoulder. "Subtle, Danny, but unnecessary. Let's go."

Daniel appeared shocked that his attempted silent conversation with Teal'c had been heard by all. "I thought maybe you guys might want-"

Jack's sharp, almost angry, glare cut off Daniel's words. He knew all too well how uncomfortable the rest of that sentence would make Sam and he didn't want to ruin the night. "Go get the car, Daniel."

Sam pulled her keys from her pocket since they had come in two cars - Daniel and Jack from Peterson, Sam and Teal'c from the mountain. She glanced at Jack, still blushing slightly from Daniel's matchmaking attempt. "So, my place?" It wasn't really much of a question, since Jack's place was closed up, Teal'c didn't have a place, and Daniel's apartment came complete with typically thin apartment walls and sound-sensitive neighbors.

Jack nodded and held the door open for Sam as they walked onto the sidewalk. Daniel pulled up to the curb at the same time, interrupting any discussion of who might be riding with whom. "We'll meet you there."