Jasper's Army
Ever thought of gaining control of your neighboring vampire's land?
Are newborns just too stressful to handle?
Are you in need of the best anti-depressant money can buy?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Jasper's Army™ now!
Our specially trained southern major will take care of any turf wars you have and will train all your newborns to be more skilled and dangerous than you've ever seen!
But that's not all!
If you tell your operator that you learned about Jasper's Army™ from this add, you will receive the benefits of our newly developed Emotional Climate Control™ for free!
That's right, have the power over everybody's emotions for free!
Call now at 1-800-LE-VENIN
That's 1-800-598-9646
Disclaimer: Jasper's Army™ is not responsible for injuries you receive during battle, depression that follows our departure, or Volturi invasions. If you decide, just because you're a jerk, to sue us, we will send our special team of hormonal, personal bubble invading, adolescent werewolves to your home to tear you apart and burn you. Have a nice day!