Iruka's Bet

by Shinigami29

Chaos Arch . Again, Iruka's heart stopped. Again, his life was restored to him. "What's a threesome?" an innocent student asked. And again, Iruka wished that he really had died.

Note. Refer to chapters 22 and 77 of 'Why Love is Chaos' if you're confused.

Disclaimer: Naruto in no way, shape or form, belongs to me... SO PLEASE DUN RAT ME OUT!! I DUN WANNA GET SUED!

Iruka's Bet.

Fuck, it's too early for this, Iruka thought to himself. He stood behind his deck, eyes closed against the headache pulsing in his temples and arms crossed in the faces of the two dozen or so students who (for what must've been the first time in his career) were sitting completely enthralled by the scene in front of them. "Absolutely not."

"What do you mean, absolutely not?" The source of his headache complained back at him. Aburame Shibi stood facing him from the doorway, ever-so-theatrically allowing for Iruka's class to see both of them from the front. Iruka thought back to that mysterious message he had gotten that morning. Oh, someone warned me that Shibi would do something today... but I never imagined this.

"You're not qualified to teach the students, Shibi." Iruka gritted out.

"But I won the bet!" Shibi laughed out. And then Iruka's life, for the briefest of moments, stopped entirely.

After what must've been a lifetime the colour came back to his vision and he could feel his heart start to beat again. His arms were trembling ever-so-slightly and he could feel last night's alcohal and nachos creeping up on him; deciding that last night would be the last time he ever took Kakashi's advice on having 'fun' ever again, he glared at Shibi again. "I don't recall making a bet with you, Shibi." At least not one that you could win.

"You don't?" Shibi chuckled. "Why don't I refresh your memory?" The Academy teacher could sense that something completely and utterly life-changing was going to happen, and wished that he had the capacity to 'dispose' of Shibi without horrifying the children in his care... The Aburame Leader cleared his throat before glancing around the class, then looked at Iruka again. "Roughly oh... 6 years ago, when my son, Shino, joined a genin team with Hyuuga Hinata and Inuzuka Kiba-" he looked at the class again "-you all know who they are, right?"

Most of the students nodded, their excited eyes darting between their teacher and the mysterious man with sunglasses.

Iruka panicked. "Shibi don't-"

"You, good sir!" Shibi raised his voice, stepping farther into the room and turning to speak to the class. "Made a bet with me! And you were very conniving about it, I might add..." Iruka's palms were getting sweaty.

One of the little students hands rose, and Shibi nodded towards the boy to speak. "What's con-ivy-ing?"

"It's when someone uses superior intelligence to lie their way out of a situation," Shibi told the boy with a straight face, and Iruka started to wish that his life had stopped. "Or into a situation, as your teacher did six years ago."

Bang! Huffing, Iruka glared at Shibi ever more fiercely, his hands now slammed on his desk and his face flushed in anger. "That's enough Shibi! You can leave now!"

"But sensei!" The entire class was in an uproar, every student throwing an opinion left, right, center, and backwards as Shibi just stood there smugly. I just know he's smirking behind his jacket...

"Quiet down class," the bug-weilder calmed down the students masterfully, before sending a look towards Iruka. "It looks like they want to hear about this Iruka... too bad, huh?" Iruka could feel his headache getting worse, and tried to imagine what the worse that could happen would be... It's not like he could've won or anything... he'll just have to clean the acadamy, and kami-knows that the school needs it. "Now, where was I..?"

"Sensei was con-ivy-ing his way into a situation!"

"Right, thanks," Shibi sounded possitively gleeful. "Well, we made a business arrangement, a bet as you would call it, that my son and his now-fiance would get into a threesome or love-affair of some sort with their genin teammate, Kiba."

Again, Iruka's heart stopped. Again, his life was restored to him.

"What's a threesome?" an innocent student asked. And again, Iruka wished that he really had died.

"I-it's... aa..." the teacher blushed furiously, caught between glaring at Shibi (who decided to let Iruka feild that question) and looking into the inquisitive eyes of his students. "It's when... well..." Their parents are going to kill me. He looked at Shibi for help, who had the nerve to snicker.

"Yes, Iruka-sensei," Shibi drawled out. "Explain to your students what a threesome is."

"We need to talk," Iruka barked, taking hurried steps from behind his desk towards the door, grabbing Shibi's arm as he passed; the Aburame Leader refused to be dragged, and stubbornly stayed where he was.

"A threesome, students," Shibi said loudly, addressing the class again. "Is when three people, (in this case my son, Shino, his fiance Hinata, and his best friend Kiba), are in a relationship. Understand?" Iruka froze again, his heart beating in his ears and his head ache raging. Maybe this is all a dream. Either or, most of the class were nodding. "And a love-affair, for it could be a love-affair instead of a threesome, would be when two of the people are in a relationship of sorts, and the third person has a relationship with one or both of the previous parties behind the remaining parties' backs... understand?"

Thankfully, not a single one of the students nodded. Iruka sighed in relief. Thank kami for small miracles...

"At least you know what a threesome is!" Shibi roared out with a laugh.

Iruka turned to face the jounin, his face grim and his headache still raging. "Is this really necessary?" Iruka hissed lowly, so that only Shibi could hear.

"No," Shibi muttered back, before facing the students again. "Now, he connived his way into making me bet that they would get into a threesome of some sort... you all remember what conniving is?" The students nodded. "And what a threesome is?" Another nod. "And who the three persons are?" Nod.

"You're purposely doing this to make rumours, aren't you!" Iruka whispered as loudly and angrily as he dared.

Shibi looked at Iruka from over top of his glasses. The teacher shivvered, seeing the kikaichuu bugs within Shibi's eyes... "No, Iruka, I'm not..." He told Iruka softly, hiding his voice from the class. "I'm doing this to get back at you for making me make that rediculious bet, that you were so confident that you would win. I give you credit for ideas, and I never knew you had such a dirty mind... what will their parents think?" Iruka paled as Shibi turned back to the class. Their was a smile in his next words, "the rumours are a bonus. A hilarious bonus."

"What!?" He didn't know whether to be angry, confused, or trying to evacuate the children before anymore damage could be done. Either or, Shibi was talking again.

"NOW!" Shibi yelled, lowering his voice slightly as he continued. "Your sensei connived me into making that bet... but as it so happens, at the beginning of their relationship, there was a love-affair of sorts happening... between Hinata and Kiba!"

Iruka blinked, his students forgotten. "What are you talking about?" He faced Shibi fully. "I watched those two grow up; Kiba had a childhood crush on Hinata for ages, but she was too shy to see him as anything more than a friend, and she liked Naruto-"

"Another name to note!" Shibi mentioned to the class.

"-And everyone knows that she never had a relationship with anyone other than Shino!"

"And her ex-fiance, Sasaki Yukio," Shibi added. "You should all remember him, too."

"Oh, that doesn't count." Iruka's arms were crossed again. "That wasn't voluntary on either party."

"Yes," Shibi agreed. "But the case could be made that that is a relationship..."

"It was a contract!" Iruka bellowed. "Stop being desperate and grasping at straws! You just don't want to clean the acadamy!"

Shibi ignored him. "The case could also be made that Yukio had a relationship with Shino... they kissed."

"I recall hearing that that was forced," the teacher rolled his eyes and started tapping his foot impatiently. "Or do you want to implicate your son's homosexuality for the sake of winning a bet?"

"What's hoe-moe-x-you-aa-lily?"

Both men looked at the students. A small girl sat in the front row, squirming in her seat under the two men's gazes, her arm shaking in the air. "No," Shibi continued slowly, breaking away his stare first to look at Iruka. "I'm not trying to prove a relationship between anyone and my son... though I could bring up Kikuchi Kaede, that nurse who went on that date with him."

"Half of the village swears that they saw him attack her," Iruka replied dryly. "Are you going to tell them to remember her, too?"

"Oh yes," he could hear the smirk in Shibi's voice. "Remember children! Sasaki Yukio was engaged to Hinata, and Kikuchi Kaede dated Shino!"

"Are you done trying to sabatoge your son?"

"Of course not." Shibi paused, and just stared at Iruka. The two shinobi stared at each other, a test of wills if you may, neither one wanting to back down. There is no way that he can prove that he won. "I'm proving," Shibi continued. "That there was a relationship between Hinata and Kiba."

"As if," Iruka snorted out.

"Aa... but I have a witness." Shibi's voice was sickeningly sweet, but Iruka just rolled his eyes. This should be good. Shibi turned to the students again, and then Iruka learned exactly why Shibi decided to do this at the acadamy during school hours... "Susu-chan? Could you come here, please?" From the back of the class a little girl stood up, her short brown hair bouncing around her ears as she skipped towards Shibi, her light grey eyes glittering in the morning light from overtop of his pink sunglasses. The little girl hugged Shibi around the knees, and with a laugh he hugged her back before turning her around to showcase her to the class.

Iruka considering how painful it would be if he swallowed and choked on his own tongue.

"You all know your classmate, Aburame Susumu?" Shibi asked, ruffling his youngest clansmember's hair. The little girl tilted her head back as far as she could to smile up at Shibi, and he smiled back. "Well, she saw... oh, why have me ruin it?" He looked at Iruka. "Susu-chan, tell them what you saw."

"Well," Iruka paled and tried to remember how to breathe, mentally figuring out ways to escape the village with Shibi's corpse without anyone noticing... Susumu took no notice of her sensei, and instead started counted points off on her fingers. "Fi'st know that Shino-sama was dying," she said seriously, still not pronoucing her 'r's correctly. "I went off to find help, and I found Kiba and his giant puppy, Akama'u!"

The little girl looked pleased, smiling up at Shibi again. "Continue," the Aburame leader prompted, pattin gher head.

"Hai," she nodded up at him, before looking at her class again. "They went to help Shino-sama, and I went off of my sec'et mission," her classmates looked at her in awe when she said 'mission', and she beamed back at them proudly. "Shibi-sama told me to delivah a lettah to Hinata-san, so I went to the Hyuuga House and jumped over the wall and found her. She was 'eally nice, though she looked ti'ed and-"

"Stay on topic Susu-chan," Shibi reminded her gently.

"Shibi," Iruka tried vainly to reason with the man.

"Aftah I gave the lettah to Hinata-san, Kiba showed up and told me to go and find Akama'u 'cause he was going to take me back to Shino," Susumu continued as if Iruka hadn't spoken, and Shibi could only send what the teacher guessed to be a devious look in his direction. I swear I'm going to seek revenge by breaking all this glasses and burning all his jackets. "I left, but when I got to the cou't wall I tu'ned a'ound to find out if he was still behind me, and he was kissing Hinata-san!"

"What?" Iruka saw his life flash before his eyes. Fuck... the Hokage is never going to forgive me... their parents are going to masacre me! "Are you sure, Susu-chan?"

"Yes!" She looked up at her teacher defiantly, before smiling up at Shibi. Iruka glared at the man again. He's turning my very students against me. "Shino and Hinata were in a 'lationship and yet her and Kiba kissed! I saw it with my own two eyes!"

"But..." he desperately tried to find a way out. "How do you know that Shino and Hinata were in a relationship at that point in time?"

"It was obvious!" Susumu was pouting, her eyebrows drawn in a frown as Shibi laughed behind her. "And besides, the letter I was sending was about the 'lationship!"

"But..." Iruka looked around futily; his students had started snickering behind their hands. Shibi was still laughing as he picked up Susumu for a bone-crushing hug. His headache incrased tenfold. ... Well, the evidence is in. He sighed, taking one last glance at his students. "Fine Shibi, you win. You get to teach the class for a week, starting Monday. Are you happy?"

"Extremely," Shibi snickered. "Though I'm not sure that the week will give you enough time to hide. Kami only knows how many people are going to want to kill you after they figure out that you actually let me teach their children!"

-Owari