Still Holding out for You
Edward Cullen x Bella Swan
New Moon
This is when Bella is being "mopey" about Edward's departure, during October, the first full month without HIM.
Bella's POV
I still just couldn't believe that he was gone. That he hadn't wanted me. That he had left me. I missed him so much. He left me two days after he told that if I died, he would go to the Volturi and try to kill himself to rejoin me. That he couldn't live without me, but apparently he was wrong. I can't live without him, but he can live without me.
I walked weakly over to the old stuff stored in the garage and something caught my eye. I walked over to it and saw it was my old guitar. I took it out and returned to my room. I grabbed a chair, and prepared to play; it had been years since my last lesson, but I still remembered everything. I had loved playing my guitar, but then I thought I'd lost it, but apparently I'd just forgotten it here in Forks. That had to be the best mistake I've ever made. I sat down and began to play a song that had once been one of my favorites—"Still Holding Out For You". And as I played, the tears started streaking down my face and the hole started to ache, but I ignored it, because this song that I'd used to play, "Still Holding Out For You" was completely applicable to this situation in my life.
"Never thought I would be in this place. It's someone else's life I'm living. Wish I were living a lie. The hardest part is when the bough breaks. Falling down and then forgiving. You didn't kiss me good-bye. I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say and pray I get the chance one day. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. I can hear you smile in the dark. I can even feel your breathing. Butdaylightchases the ghosts. I see your coat and I fall apart. To those hints of you I'm clinging. Now's when I need them most. I should get up, dry my eyes, and move ahead. At least, that's what you would have said. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep. It's the only true comfort I feel. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. Holding out. Holding out for you."
I slowly pulled out my iPod for the first time in almost a month and flipped through the songs until I found the song that I'd been playing and had just finished playing and singing too. I'm an okay singer, but I'd never told him because he made me feel that he was the musically-inclined one in our relationship, but I'm just as good with a guitar as he was with a piano. I put in my ear-buds, hit Play, and closed my eyes. I let the hole ache and the tears fall from my eyes. I just had to be sure my dad, Charlie, didn't see me like this.
"Never thought I would be in this place It's someone else's life I'm living. Wish I were living a lie. The hardest part is when the bough breaks. Falling down and then forgiving. You didn't kiss me good-bye. I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say and pray I get the chance one day. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. I can hear you smile in the dark. I can even feel your breathing. But daylight chases the ghosts. I see your coatand I fall apart. To those hints of you I'm clinging. Now's when I need them most. I should get up, dry my eyes, and move ahead. At least, that's what you would have said. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep. It's the only true comfort I feel. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. I still run, I still swing open the door. I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around? Some things a heart won't listen to. I'm still holding out for you. Holding out. Holding out for you."
I was going concentrate on schoolwork, but listen to this song when I needed to. Actually, I'd live without him, but always have this song ready to listen to.
One day, I came across another song, "The Way I Loved You" by Selena Gomez. I also started listening to that song as well.
"Everything's cool, yeah. It's all gonna be okay, yeah. Maybe I'll even laugh about it someday. But not today, no. 'Cuz I don't feel so good. I'm tangled up inside. My heart is on my sleeve. Tomorrow is a mystery to me. And it might be wonderful. It might be magical. It might be everything I've waited for. A miracle. Oh, but even if I fall in love again with someone, it could never be the way I loved you. Letting you go is making me feel so cold, yeah. And I've been trying to make believe it doesn't hurt, but that makes it worse, yeah. See, I'm a wreck inside. My tongue is tied and my whole body feels weak. The future may be all I really need. And it might be wonderful. It might be magical. It might be everything I've waited for. A miracle. Oh, but even if I fall in love in again with someone new it could never the way I loved you. Like a first love. My one and only true love. Wasn't it? Was written all over my face? I loved you like you loved me. Like something pure and holy. Like something that can never be replaced. And it was wonderful. It was magical. It was everything I waited for. A miracle. And if I should ever fall in love again, with someone new, it could never be the way... No it will never be the way...I loved you."
The End