A/N: DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything no matter how much I wish I did.

I wasn't gonna write or post this but I got really excited when I heard that Margot is gonna produce a Harley+Joker spinoff. Hope you enjoy!

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1-Arguing Again

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Summary: Harley Quinn and The Joker are arguing again.

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When The Joker and Harley Quinn argue the whole of Gotham knows about it.

Their day started off as it usually does; Joker, being an insomniac, arose before Harley-even though the two had only fallen asleep an hour beforehand-and began busying himself with the plans for his next date with Batsy.

Harley took her time in waking, spending at least an hour in bed playing a game on her phone before getting up and showering. She chose to complete her chores, not wanting to irritate her Puddin' any further. She knew he was already frustrated by the angry mumbles she could hear when she passed his office on her way to go the laundry.

She hummed to herself as she sorted the dirty clothes into separate piles. Darks, lights and colours. She picked up another one of Puddin's expensive shirts and frowned. Along the collar was a smudge. It looked like… But Harley was certain that it couldn't have been… She spent almost every second of the day with her Puddin' and he would have killed her had she gotten lipstick on the collar of one of his shirts.

Upon closer inspection Harley noticed that the shade of lipstick was certainly not one that she wore.

Harley wore one shade and one shade only. Red Carpet Red by Charlotte Tilbury. Rage boiled up inside her as she gripped the shirt tightly. One question raged through her mind and every voice was asking it: Who the fuck is sleeping with My Puddin?

Joker was on the verge of a breakthrough with his plans. He wanted to show the Bat a good time, leave him with a few scars from their encounter. He was working on how he would ambush the bat when the door to his office flew open and an extremely angry Harley Quinn darkened his doorway.

"Not now Harley, daddy's busy." He spoke, looking down at the map of Gotham.

"I don't care if daddy's busy! What the fuck is this?!" The fabric hit his face and fell into his lap.

"What is wrong with you?!" He looked down at the shirt, his confusion turning to anger as he did so. His favourite shirt. Well, his favourite white shirt. He had lots of favourites. But that was beside the point. His favourite white shirt, the one he had worn countless times when dancing with the bat, had a smudge of red lipstick along the collar. "You... You stupid girl!" He rose from his chair, storming over to the enraged blonde.

"Me?! I ain't done nothin'! You're the one with lipstick on your collar! Who is she, huh?!" Her hands pushed his chest and he took a deep breath in the attempt to calm himself. He could understand her confusion, after all, she had been incredibly drunk.

"Harley… This is your lipstick. ON MY FAVOURITE SHIRT!" He yelled, shaking the shirt in front of her face.

"Oh no, no, no, that is not my lipstick! I wear Red Carpet Red that is more like… like… Hooker Red!" She sneered, glaring up at the green haired man. He ground his metal capped teeth together, his fingers itched to wrap around her throat and that they did, squeezing tight enough to warn her of his anger.

"Do not accuse me of anything when you know nothing little girl." She was still glaring at him.

"So you did do something?"

"NO! This is your lipstick!"

"No, it is not!"

He let go of her throat before he "accidentally" broke her neck.

"Harley, get away from me before you make daddy really angry." He warned her, turning his back to her and looking at the various torture devices mounted on his wall. I could really use that serrated knife on her right now. He smirked to himself until he felt small hands push his back. He only stumbled forward a step or two, but he wasn't angry that the girl had pushed him, oh no, they pushed each other around all the time. He was angry because the girl had disobeyed a direct order.

"Thinkin' about that broad you slept with, huh? Does she call you 'daddy' too? Does she call you Puddin' too?!" She pushed him again and this time he didn't budge. His whole body was tense and his fists were balled and shaking with anger. "You cheatin' scum bag!" Her hand connected with his cheek and before her hand had even fallen back to her side, the back of his had struck her and she fell to the floor, cradling her face. She glared up at him, eyes glistening with tears as large finger-shaped welts appeared on her pale skin.

"I told you to go away." He spat out through gritted teeth.

"Not until you tell me who she is!" She let out a pathetic squeak as he grabbed her blue pigtail and yanked her to her feet.

"DO NOT MAKE ME ANY ANGRIER HARLEY QUINN! I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!" He pushed her out of his office and slammed the door, locking it before she had even tried the handle.

"FINE! But we are gonna talk about this Mistah J!" He heard her angry footsteps retreat and sighed in relief. Finally, I can get back to work, he thought. And that is exactly what he did, until he heard the front door to their penthouse apartment open and shut. He was out of his office faster than he had ever left it. "HARLEY!" He yelled as he searched the apartment for the angry blonde. When he ended his search empty handed, he pulled out his phone and called up his number one guy.

"Yeah?" The man answered in an emotionless tone.

"FIND HARLEY! NOW!" He roared into the phone and hung up before picking up his gold machine gun.

Harley thought that Joker had slept with another woman and the voices in Joker's head were telling him that his insane partner in crime would want revenge and to get even.

The thought of Harley with another man made the Joker's skin crawl.

He needed to find her before she done something she would regret.

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Meanwhile, Harley was having the time of her life. She'd taken Joker's purple Lamborghini and had been doing tome retail therapy A.K.A stealing from and shooting up all of her favourite stores. Her phone had rung multiple times and she knew that the Joker would be angry with her for leaving but she was angry with him too. For cheating.

Let him stew in his anger.

But what if he thinks that you're gonna go out and sleep with someone?

Yeah, he could think that you're gonna try and get revenge on him.

Serves him right! Harley would never cheat on him and the least he deserves is to let his mind wander for a few hours!

"You're right. He deserves this! He hurt me! And he deserves whatever he's feeling!" Harley spoke to the voice. A loud 'BANG' against the back of the car and an explosion to her left caught her attention and she looked in her rear-view mirror to see none other than the Joker driving his bile green Ferrari behind her. He had thrown a grenade at her! She growled in annoyance and pressed her foot down even harder, driving the car at its top speed.

It had taken Frost mere minutes to find Harley. Dumb blonde had been robbing all of her favourite stores. Joker knew her pattern and where she would go next and he had made it there just as she was leaving the burning building.

As she drove away he ripped the pin out of one of his chattering teeth grenades and launched it at the car, only for it to bounce off of the back end and into a passing vehicle. It caught her attention though, which is what he wanted. She sped up and he mimicked her, pushing his foot harder against the pedal. They played the stupid game of cat and mouse, throwing things back and forth at each other, shooting back and forth until there were no more bullets left to fire and no more grenades left to throw. He growled as he tapped a few times on the screen of his smartphone and called her.

"WHAT?!"She yelled. Joker put on his best calm voice.

"Stop the car Pooh, you know daddy won't hurt you." He spoke, using one of his many pet names for her.

"Yeah right!" She scoffed and continued to drive at her top speed.

"If you stop now daddy won't punish you when we get home, Harley. Come on, just stop the car."

"NO! You're a liar and a cheater! You wanna stop me, you have to catch me!" She hung up and he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. He shifted gears, the car speeding up until he was driving alongside her. The pair locked eyes for a moment, both sets of eyes reflecting the same emotion-anger. Her mouth fell open in shock as the Joker slammed his own car into the one she was driving and she returned the gesture, both cars swerving dangerously.

They continued to battle with each other, taking turns in slamming one car into the other until they realised they had reached a long stretch of road that had no turnings and only one thing in front of them. A large, steam producing building that they both were extremely familiar with. ACE Chemicals. In a last minute decision, Harley stopped the car, climbing out and dashing towards the building. It was massive, she could lose him in there.

"HARLEY!" He stopped his car and chased after her, entering the dimly lit factory behind her. He sniffed the air. She was smart. The only thing that wafted into his nose was the burning bleach-like scent of the chemical vats that held the secret to his beauty and hers alike.

Not a trace of that damn floral perfume she made him order all the time. He never knew how she went through three bottles of the stuff in a month.

"Harley? Come on out Pumpkin, daddy won't hurt you." He teased as he listened for her footsteps, slowly making his way through the old building.

"You're lying. You're a liar!" She yelled. She was somewhere above him… He found the nearest staircase and climbed it, looking around for her. A flash of pink to his left caught his eye and he chased after it, managing to grab hold of her shirt before she slipped away.

"COME HERE!" He yelled as he yanked her against his chest, wrapping his hand around her neck.

"NO! LET GO OF ME!" She screamed and his hand tightened, cutting her off.

"Stop struggling Harley. Let's talk this out like adults. We can behave like adults, can we not?" He whispered angrily in her ear as she continued to struggle against him.

"You're… a cheater." She choked out and he growled angrily in response.

"I AM NOT!" He roared, pushing her against a stack of wooden crates. She fell back, crying out in pain. "I AM NOT A CHEATER! THAT WAS YOUR LIPSTICK!"

"I DON'T WEAR THAT SHADE MISTAH J!"

"You ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, we might've been in disguise?! You might've had a little too much to drink and were falling all over me?! You think about that Harley?! Huh?! Did you?!" Her face reddened in anger and she stood up.

"Don't try and turn this around on me J!"

"Think!" He grabbed her face between his hands and she continued to glare at him. "Think back to the Wayne gala. It took us three long hours each to get ready and what colour lipstick did you wear?" His eyes stared hard into her own.

"I-I wore my lipstick my-my Red Carpet Red. Didn't I?" She began to doubt herself, her anger fading slowly.

"No. No you didn't." Recognition crossed her face and she gasped. She remembered getting ready, swiping the stick of Cherry Red across her lips. She remembered drinking one too many glasses of champagne with Bruce Wayne himself and when her Puddin came over to warn her she had stumbled into him, getting her lipstick all over his collar.

"Puddin I-I remember now! I'm so sorry, you're right, I didn't wear my lipstick that night. Oh Puddin I'm so sorry!" She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Please forgive me Puddin I didn't mean to push you and- and your cars! Oh God, I ruined your cars!" He sighed.

"You'll pay for all of that later my little Harlequin." He stroked her cheek gently. "For now, you're gonna take a little bath." He grinned.

"What?" She asked, yet before she had even finished the word she felt herself falling, reaching up to see her Puddin' staring down at her with anger clear on his face. "I CAN'T SWI-!" She didn't even finish the words before she fell into the dark green gunk. It burned her skin and she screamed in pain, accidentally swallowing some of the harsh chemicals.

Her Puddin' had finally gotten tired of her. He was killing her in the same place she was created. It was oddly beautiful.

The Joker smirked as he leaned against the railing that he had just pushed Harley over. Finally, peace and quiet, he thought, grinning to himself. He walked towards the staircase, happy to finally be rid of the annoying blonde.

But what about when you're thirsty and you're too lazy to get up and get yourself a drink? Whose gonna do that for you?

And who's gonna wash your clothes? And cook the food! Come on, go get her, we need her!

"What are you talking about? I don't need her." He grimaced in disgust.

And what about the nights Puddin? Her voice came to the forefront of his mind, silencing all others. What about when you get that itch you can't scratch? Who's gonna be there to take care of that for you?

He rolled his neck, growling as he shed his jacket, turned and jumped into the vat of chemicals after her. He brought her to the surface and carried her out of the liquid, ignoring the tickling burn as the chemicals burned his skin for a third time. He lay her on the floor and nudged her side with his foot.

"Harley! Wake up!" He could see her chest moving up and down, she was breathing. "Hey!" He crouched next to her and gave her a sharp slap.

"Ouch! Puddin! What was that for?!" She shot up, holding her cheek and pouting like a child.

"You weren't waking up." He shrugged and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I wanted you to kiss me." She grumbled, looking at the floor beside her.

"Aww, did my little girl want a kiss?" He teased. She crossed her arms harder and looked further away from him. He moved onto his knees and turned her to face him so that one of her legs was either side of his. "Do you want a kiss from daddy?" He asked lowly, his face mere centimetres from hers.

"N-no. Not anymore." She blushed.

"What have I told you about lying to me Harley-Girl? Hm? If you lie you don't get what you want, do you?" He eased her back until she was laying down on the cold concrete floor.

"Please kiss me Puddin." She said so quietly that he almost missed it.

"Close your eyes." He told her and she obeyed his order. A test to see if she deserved his lips on hers. He kissed her roughly, their tongues battling for dominance until his inevitably won.

"Puddin…" She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck. The chemicals ate away at their clothes which made it easier for Joker to rip hers off and for Harley to claw his from his skin. She felt him at her entrance, hard and ready. She lifted her hips to take him, only to have his hand push them down roughly. "Puddin!" She whined.

"Do you deserve this Pumpkin?" He asked her quietly-menacingly. "Do you deserve to look at me when I'm inside you? After everything you've done today?" She blushed and shook her head no.

"I'll close my eyes Puddin I promise." She told him, smiling up at him hopefully.

"I don't trust you." He tucked her now loose hair behind her ears before his eyes darkened and he gritted his teeth. "Turn over. On your hands and knees." He growled, sitting up. She followed his orders, rushing to move onto her front as quickly as she could. He looked at her for a few moments. Her hair, her neck, God, that neck…, her shoulders-littered with bite marks from a few nights ago. The curve of her waist and her hips. Her ass… it wasn't big but it wasn't too small, just enough for Joker to grab a handful of.

Without warning he slammed into her, causing her to cry out in shock and pleasure. She moaned loudly as he drew his hips back and pushed them forward, picking up speed as he let out animalistic grunts and growls. His fingers dug into her, most likely leaving bruises, but she didn't care. All she cared about was the feeling of her Puddin inside her. She only cared about the fact that she was making him feel good.

Joker was trying to hurt her. He wanted her to yell out in pain as well as pleasure. She did, after all, deserve punishment and if it hadn't been for the fact that her clothes were quite literally melting off of her, Joker could have denied her this pleasure. He brought his hand down hard against her backside, causing her to squeak. He did this repeatedly, leaving similar marks on her backside as he did on her face.

Why isn't she screaming?! I want her hurting! He bunched up her hair in his hand and tugged roughly, pulling her head back. His teeth latched onto her shoulder and he felt her walls begin to quiver around him as she yelled his name. "Puddin! Oh right there Puddin!" She came hard, her arms and legs shaking. He growled in annoyance and pushed her face down into the concrete below. Her voice was now muffled slightly as the right side of her face was pressed into the ground.

Her pain would come later, for now, Joker could feel his climax nearing. He pulled out of her and she whined in protest.

"Turn around." He ordered as he released her. "Not on your back, stupid, I want you to face me on your knees." He growled as she moved to the side slightly. She obeyed his orders and faced him, her knees digging painfully into the floor.

He meshed his lips against hers and kissed her roughly. She knew exactly what he wanted and she was more than happy to oblige. He got to his feet and she stayed put, opening her mouth as she waited for his permission to begin.

"Go ahead Pumpkin-Pie." He stroked her hair back and hissed quietly as she took him between her lips slowly. "I'm not in the mood for your games honey I want you to suffer so unless you do what daddy wants, daddy will take what he wants." He sneered down at her.

"I- I don't know how Puddin." She stared up at him with wide, innocent eyes. He smirked. Oh, she's pulling out all the stops. She was laying on the innocent act thickly and Joker liked it. He liked it a lot. His fingers gripped her hair so hard that he felt a few strands dislodge from her scalp as he brought her head down over his shaft, making her gag slightly. He didn't let up even as her fists beat against his hips. He continued to thrust in and out of her mouth, grunting and growling as he let out all of his anger from the day's events.

She pretended to hate this but when he looked in her eyes he could see the lust pooling in her blue orbs and this sent him over the edge. He felt her lips against his base and her throat constricting as she choked on his seed.

He released her and she fell back gasping and coughing. He smirked, decidedly proud of himself for shutting her up.

"Are you gonna accuse daddy of cheating on you again Harley-Girl?" He asked as they walked back to their vehicles naked and anything but ashamed.

"No sir." She giggled and hugged him tightly.

"Get off of me." He glared down at her with disgust, pushing her away. She frowned and pouted, her bottom lip jutting out like a child. "Ugh, fine. If it'll stop you making that ugly face." She squealed with excitement and he allowed her to hug him as they finished the short walk.

A/N: I'll be honest, I have no idea what this was XD Let me know if you liked it and if you want more one-shots like this because there are a ton going around in my head. Please review so I know what to do better next time :)

-L xx