Very Important A/N: Split into segments, each one is based off of a line exchange from one of the 3 Mummy movies (Scorpion King not inscluded). No BD spoilers please. This is also going to be posted as a chapter in my fic Take Fifty. Read and review? Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
I Want My Mummy
"Edward?"
"Yes, Rose?"
"You seem to have good judgment when it comes to our diet. Should I heat my blood up?" She asked, eyeing her packet of elk blood with interest.
"No. Freeze it." Edward replied.
"But-"
"Just do it. Trust me." Edward said calmly.
Rosalie did so, then puncture a hole and took a sip, only to spit it on the floor. When she was finished sputtering blood, she glared openly at Edward.
"You lied to me." She accused.
"I lie to everybody." Edward admitted, then added "What makes you so special?"
"I'm your sister." Rosalie seethed.
"Yes, well that just makes you more gullible." Edward shrugged.
Rosalie looked as if she were about to rip him to shreds.
Hey, Black! It looks to me like I'm the one with more members in his pack! Sam taunted Jacob in his mind.
Hey, Uley! Jacob thought back. It looks to me like you're wrong side of the borderline for the battle against the leeches!
Sam visibly sagged as Jacob grinned a toothy grin.
"Hey Jake? You got any bright ideas?" Bella gulped, staring at the pack of wolves encircling them, flashing teeth and claws.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking…" Jacob replied, gulping. He truthfully had no idea how much damage Paul and Embry would do to them for all but ditching them while he and Bella hung out together for a week straight.
"You better think of something fast, because if you don't save me form this, I'll get Edward to turn me into a vampire and you're the first one I'm coming after once I'm fully transformed.
Jacob gulped louder.
Bella stared, teary eyed into Edward's beaming face.
"I've dreamed about this since I was a little girl." She whispered to him as the Elvis impersonator began reading their vows.
Edward blinked, stunned.
"You dream about dead guys?" He asked in confusion.
Poking his chest, she replied "Only this dead guy."
Edward grinned in happiness.
"The map! The map! We forgot the map!" Bella cried our in agony, staring around the darkened streets of Port Angeles.
"Don't worry. It's all up here." Mike tapped her head, looking just as confused as Bella. "We'll be back to the car in no time.
"Oh, that's comforting!" Bella cried out into the darkness. Perhaps someone would hear her and she could catch a ride home with some stranger. After all, anything was better than being trapped over an hour away from Forks with only Mike Newton as her company.
"Are we there yet?" Emmett stared, bored, out the window as Rosalie drove to the airport in Seattle.
"No." Jasper replied, sitting next to him in the back seat.
"Are we there yet?" Emmett asked again, beginning to thrum his fingers along to the song on the radio.
"No." Jasper snarled, annoyed at that tiny tapping on the leather of the seats.
"Are we there yet?" Emmett continued, his fingers going faster now.
"No." Jasper ground out.
"Are we-"
Slice!
Jasper's hands were dug into the leather between Emmett's fingers. His breathing was ragged.
"Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim!" Emmett trilled.
Jasper raised a perfect eyebrow and set his face into a composed mask, not allowing his smile to show through. "What do you mean? I missed."
Alice and Rosalie laughed so hard that Rosalie actually swerved an inch from the center line.
"Where is Bella?"
"I don't know!"
"Where is she, dog?"
"I swear! I dunno!"
Edward glowered hard at Jacob, his lips pulled back over his teeth. "Where is-"
"She's cliff diving with Seth!" Jacob relented, scared to death of the vampire in front of him.
Edward still advanced.
"I told you! I told you!" Jacob cried.
"And your point is…?" Edward snorted.
"I told you so you wouldn't kill me."
Edward grinned. "When did we make that arrangement?"
"Emmett, I'm serious. If you've lost my car keys you're so grounded by Esme and Carlisle." Alice growled, tapping her temple.
"I haven't lost them," Emmett retorted, before adding weakly "I just can't find them. There's a difference."
"That's the last time I let you drive the Porsche. Wait! I didn't let you! You just took my keys without permission!" Alice muttered before stalking off to steal the keys to his jeep.
"Hey! That's called stealing, you know!" Emmett chimed, realizing that she was making a beeline for his jeep, keys now in hand.
"Not according to you and my brother, it isn't."
"Edward stole your Porsche?"
"He borrowed Rose's M3."
"Oh." Emmett said.
Whoosh!
He watched his Jeep speed down the driveway in horror.
"Alice! Come back!" He cried, helplessly before muttering "Not my jeep! Not my jeep!"
The sound of the engine died off into the distance.
"Oh, I hate sisters."