Fall From A Star
Author's Note: For those who haven't read it on Southofnowhereonline, here's the sequel. Thanks for reviews sorry for mistakes
Dedicated to everyone saving spashley, the readers, and to Jordan Russel, 5-6-08, RIP man. You were my friend and fellow classmate. You died way to young pal and school won't be the same without you.
Prologue
Palms sweaty, throat dry, heart racing- the brunette stared nervously at everyone in the room. Standing on stage, her lips barely touching the microphone, she met everyone's gaze. It was like nothing she'd ever experience before. These people had been her family for over 6 months, she thought sharing her experiences with them would be easy. It wasn't. The story that played in her mind was not an easy one to tell. If anything, it was complicated and long, demanding and heartbreaking. Worst of all, it was her story. She cleared her throat and swallowed hard as she prepared to speak. "I'm nervous." She confessed with a small chuckle, a couple of people in the crowd smiled or chuckled along with her. "I've been on many stages around the world, in front of thousands of people and I've never broken a nervous sweat. But it's different on this stage." Her voice softened as brown eyes landed on Kyla. "It's more intense, more frightening, but from what my therapist told me, rewarding at the end. She has heard everything I'm about to tell you, and we've laughed and cried during our sessions. But mostly cried." She looked away. "I'm sorry if this makes you cry, but I feel it'll help save me if I see the shame and disgust on your faces as I speak." She laughed sadly for a moment. "I just turned 19 and last year was a disaster, I fucked up so much…" Her eyes shut as she kept her tears down, Spencer came to mind. "So much."
Chapter 1
Ashley yawned deeply as tired brown eyes opened. Her lips tilted into a confused frown when she noticed the empty space beside her. Not waking up to Spencer's gorgeous face was something she looked forward to in the morning, it was the reason she woke up, not seeing it first thing in the morning always resulted in grouchiness. Groaning, Ashley rolled on her back and tiredly sat up. The thin blanket covering her naked breasts fell and pooled around her hips as she stretched. "Spencer?" Her eyes scanned the living area of the suite for her blonde girlfriend. Not getting an answer, she sighed as she got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. The air was cold against naturally tanned skin, Ashley fought back a shiver as she washed her face and teeth. Turning off the water, she looked up into the mirror and examined her face. Her eyes seemed alive and eager to start the day, smiling, it didn't surprise the 17 year old. The past week had been amazing. They arrived in Ohio a week before and checked into a hotel. The young couple spent most of their time inside their gorgeous suite in bed eating room service or making love. It was all blissful to Ashley. The rock star couldn't have been happier.
Ashley grabbed a towel and began scrubbing her face dry. She held the scratchy material against her face and sighed into it. Her eyes were slightly heavy from exhaustion, only getting two hours of sleep the night before, Ashley was expecting it. Not that she was complaining, the rock star smirked, last night's activities were more than worth all the yawning she'd be doing. Placing the towel down, she walked out the bathroom, closed the door and sauntered into the living room.
A smile crept over famous pink lips as Ashley caught sight of her lover. Spencer sat on the far end of the couch talking animatedly to someone on the phone. Her legs were sprawled out along the expensive cushions, her smooth limbs peeking out from under a short dark dress. The rock star didn't hesitate joining her girlfriend. Walking to the couch, she climbed over its arm and crawled over to her lover, nibbling lightly on Spencer's ankle, she looked up and met her girlfriend's smiling face. "Morning Gorgeous." She mouthed while Spencer ran a tender hand through messy auburn hair. Brown eyes closed as she dipped her head and began kissing up her legs, her fingers running along the sensitive skin on her inner thighs, she pulled back at hearing Spencer's sharp intake of breath and looked up when she felt her hair being lightly pulled. 'Behave' the blonde mouthed with a somewhat pleading look on her face. Ashley was oblivious to anything else but her parted moist lips, they called out her, moving forward, she pressed hers against them and kissed her girlfriend slowly. The phone fell from Spencer's hand as she cupped Ashley's face and intensified the kiss, her mouth enjoying Ashley's minty breath. "Mmm," She pulled back, intent on stopping her girlfriend, but then felt Ashley's body against hers and couldn't resist burying her hands in her hair, kissing the rock star harder, she only encouraged her girlfriend's hands to roam over her body, touching all the right places. Distantly hearing a small voice call out to her, she remembered the phone and internally cursed. "Ashley," Spencer turned her head while blindly searching for her cell. The rock star ignored the voice and sucked down her girlfriend's neck.
Spencer closed her eyes while tilting her head, unaware that she was holding the phone, it was unconsciously pressed up against her ear while Ashley's lips sucked hungrily at her skin. "Spencer! What's going on?!"
Ashley froze at hearing the familiar voice. Her lips left her neck as she lifted her head and met hooded gray eyes. "Is that your mom?" She whispered and was mortified when Spencer nodded. "Shit," she groaned while rolling off her girlfriend. Knowing Spencer's mother was on the phone was more affective than cold water, Ashley found it amusing. She looked over at Spencer and shrugged sheepishly, receiving an evil glare, she mouthed 'sorry' and then walked out of the room.
Spencer watched the rock star as she left the room naked. It amazed her how much Ashley enjoyed being naked. "Um sorry," She cleared the huskiness out of her voice as she sat up straight and fixed her dress. "I was distracted by something outside the room. Um, there was this couple arguing and I had to stop them." The lie came out awkwardly and Spencer knew her mother probably wouldn't believe it, but it was better than telling her she was too distracted by Ashley's lips to talk. "What were you saying?" Her eyes stayed glued to the toned tanned body walking her way, they narrowed at the green bottle Ashley held. "Hold on a sec mom." Pulling the phone away from her ear, she covered it and focused on Ashley. "Baby it's too early for that."
Ashley paused from opening the beer bottle and stared down at the blonde. "Okay." She mumbled while putting the bottle on the coffee table.
"What were you saying mom?" Spencer asked while lying more comfortably on the couch.
The rock star walked over and joined her. The blonde's arms lovingly wrapped around her small frame as she snuggled against her side, her head resting on a soft breast, Ashley picked at the material of her dress while listening to her lover's voice. "Okay, yeah Mom I understand." Spencer's hand ran through growing auburn locks as she spoke to her mother. She loved playing with Ashley's hair. The auburn locks were soft and sleek, almost addicting. "Yep, I'm sure. No Mom, I promise we'll be there soon." Ashley didn't like the sound of that. She sighed quietly and then turned her head, kissing the soft skin under her nose, she felt the arms around her tighten a little and smiled contently. She loved being in Spencer's arms, a sense of security and warmth always fell over her when they embraced, it was her favorite place in the world. "What'd your mom say?" Ashley asked hearing her girlfriend set the phone aside.
Spencer looked down at the rock star in her arms and smiled. She knew Ashley wasn't going to like what she had to say, but it had to be said. "I told my Mom we were leaving today." Ashley groaned quietly at this. "We've been putting them off for days. I think it's time we get out of bed and hit the road."
Ashley moved up and looked Spencer in the eye, their faces were inches apart as she purred, "Take the dress off and I'll change your mind."
Spencer patted her cheek affectionately and kissed her lightly. "We have to leave soon and that means no more sex from this point on."
The rock star pursed her lips in thought. "I can handle that." She leaned forward, "Just one more kiss?" Spencer nodded and their lips met gently, it didn't stay gentle for long. Spencer buried her hand in soft auburn hair as Ashley's tongue teased her lips, the blonde's mouth opened and accepted the muscle, moaning when hers came into contact with Ashley's piercing. The blonde was pinned between the rock star's body and soft cushions, it was all bliss as she soaked up Ashley's warmth. "I love you." She felt Ashley's lips move to her neck and tilted her head aside, offering her girlfriend more of her skin. "So much Baby." She added breathlessly feeling Ashley hike up her dress.
"I love you too." Ashley moved up and kissed her hard while her fingers began teasing the skin on the inside of her thighs. Her fingers brushed against sensitive lips, Spencer whimpered at the contact, feeling a familiar buzzing throughout her body, she regained her senses and forced herself to stop. Turning her head, she broke the kiss and smacked Ashley's upper back playfully. "You're terrible Ashley." She urged the rock star off her and stood up from the couch.
Collapsing against a pillow, Ashley wrapped her arms around it while watching Spencer fix her dress. "You said I could." She reminded with a small grin.
"Ashley I was allowing a kiss. Not a full blown make out session that would lead to sex." The blonde kneeled down and kissed her lips gently. "I love you," Her eyes scanned her naked body. "And I love your body." She met Ashley's gaze again. "But." The rock star interrupted. "But my parents will feel differently about it. So! You need to shower and get dressed." She kissed the rock star a final time and then stood up.
Ashley watched her leave and then reached out for the green bottle on the coffee table. She knew it'd bother Spencer, but she wanted it and she couldn't stop herself from opening, and drinking it. She rolled over on her back and slowly drank the Heineken. She was nervous about meeting Spencer's parents. She didn't want to disappoint the blonde and bail, but she wasn't up to meeting her parents. The idea of using cocaine to solve her problem popped into her mind, she immediately pushed it away, never wanting to touch the drug again. She was just getting over being sick all of the time and her appetite was slowly coming back- cocaine was the last thing she wanted to do. Ashley drained the rest of her bottle and then stood up from the couch. She walked into the next room and stopped at the doorway. Spencer stood in front of the bed folding clothes, Ashley walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist. Spencer leaned back into her with a smile. "Whatcha doing?" The rock star asked while resting her chin on her shoulder.
"Packing all of the overly priced clothes you bought in NYC." She answered playfully. "I wish you'd tell me how much it all cost."
"It doesn't matter. You're worth every penny." Ashley kissed her cheek softly. "And I don't know either. I'd tell you if I did."
Spencer turned and wrapped her arms around her neck. She gazed lovingly into brown eyes while playing with short hairs on the nape of her neck. "No you wouldn't." She kissed her gently and then rested her forehead against hers. "How do you feel about meeting my parents?" She asked softly.
"I'm nervous." She confessed honestly. "My biggest fear is that'll I say or do something to disappoint you."
"That's impossible Ashley. You're amazing and will never let me down. Just refrain from narcotics of any kind and I'm sure we'll be okay."
Ashley smiled. "That won't be too hard. You're better than any drug out there."
Spencer kissed her lips gently. "Mmm is this the side of you that wants sex talking?" She teased quietly.
"No, this is the side of me that loves you more than anything else in the world talking. And it's not just sex to me Spencer."
"I know Baby."
Their bodies came together, lips met and tongues danced as they stood in front of the bed. Ashley blindly reached around and unzipped her lover's dress, her hands exploring the skin on her upper back as she guided the blue garment down. Once gone, the brunette's hand slipped under her bra and she fondled an awakening nipple. "Ashley." Spencer gasped into her lover's mouth. "We shouldn't do this." She weakly stated while feeling her bra being unclasped. Ashley ignored her girlfriend's words as she took a hardening nipple into her mouth, her hand fondling the other, she sucked hungrily at the taunt peak.
Spencer's knees buckled, head fell back, and eyes closed as she voiced her pleasure. Her hands intertwined in growing auburn hair, pulling the rock star closer, she felt fingers roll her aroused nipple, intensifying the pounding between her legs. "Ashley, look at me Baby." The rock star's teeth raked over the taunt bud, sending a shiver down her girlfriend's spine, she looked into gray eyes and wasn't surprised when the blonde grabbed her hand and led them to bed.
They fell on top of the expensive covers. Spencer pulled Ashley on top of her and they kissed hard, Ashley cupped the blonde's sex through her underwear, her need for the blonde surpassed anything else in her mind. She loved the blonde's body and knew there would never be another like it for her. It was more addicting than cocaine, better than any drug she had ever had. She couldn't control her cravings for it and she loved giving into them.
Tanned fingers slipped through a tight waistband coming into contact with warm wet flesh, Ashley seductively stroked sensitive moist lips as her tongue slid easily into a moaning mouth. Spencer wrapped her arms around Ashley's naked shoulders, holding her close as she played with her lover's tongue ring.
Brown eyes closed when she felt herself being rolled over on her back, the lips that had possessed hers left and trailed down her body. Ashley reached down and stroked her lover's blonde hair. Spencer kissed down her lean tanned body, her teeth nipping at a taunt abdomen while Ashley's messaged her scalp. She moved farther down and parted her girlfriend's legs, knowing Ashley was ready for her, she leaned forward and plunged deep inside the rock star. Ashley's hips rose to meet her eager thrusts, her eyes rolled in the back of her when she felt her lover's mouth on her clit. "Spencer, that feels so fucking good." She moaned to the ceiling, her thighs beginning to quiver.
Hearing Ashley's moans and sighs, Spencer took her harder, her fingers plunging deeper and faster insider her. Her lips wrapped around her erect clit and she hugged Ashley's thighs as she moved more urgently against her. Spencer felt how close the rock star was and moved up her body until she was lying half on top of her, her lips latched onto the skin on her neck as her fingers moved faster, her thumb brushing over her clit, she finally stopped when Ashley stilled and cried out her name. Tanned legs stayed wrapped tightly around her fingers as Ashley climaxed. The blonde kissed her neck softly, murmuring loving words against her skin.
Ashley lied limply on the bed, a content smile falling over her face as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. Spencer snuggled up against her side, her head resting on her breast as she hugged her girlfriend's abdomen. "I've wanted to do that all day." Spencer confessed easily.
"Was most of last night not enough for you?" Ashley playfully asked, her eyes moving down to watch Spencer's hand.
The blonde drew lazy circles around her bellybutton. "I can't get enough of you Ashley."
"I feel the same way." The rock star admitted honestly. "I want one more night here Spencer."
"Ashley-"
"Please."
Spencer pulled away and looked into her eyes. She saw fear there. "You're afraid." Her hand reached up and stroked her face. "What's scaring you?"
Ashley couldn't answer the question. She didn't want to worry her girlfriend with her fears and doubts. "Nothing." She captured the blonde's mouth, stopping more questions. "I wanna love you." She murmured into the kiss.
The questions died from Spencer's mind as she nodded and kissed the rock star harder. Ashley eased her on her back and covered her smooth skin with her naked body. Spencer held the rock star close as Ashley took her hard nipple into her mouth, her tongue ring teasing it as tanned hands roamed up and down her body. Spencer moaned to her as she ran her hands lovingly through auburn hair, the rock star closed her eyes and savored her girlfriend's pleasure.
Ashley drew back and rested her weight on her forearms, her thigh moved seductively against Spencer's center as she nibbled on her ear. "Tell me what you want," She breathed. "I'll give you anything."
"Ashley…" Spencer gasped feeling the skin under her ear being sucked. "You know what I want."
The rock star pulled back and looked at her. "I want you to tell me." She pressed harder into the blonde, her brown eyes watched gray close as her lips parted from pleasure. "I'll do anything you want." She murmured taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she tugged on it as Spencer's nails raked lightly over her back. "Tell me Spencer."
Spencer's hips moved on their own accord against Ashley's thigh, coating her skin with her wetness, she moaned her answer. "I want you to fuck me." She brought her hands to Ashley's neck and brought her down for a kiss. It was hard and demanding, Ashley easily melted into it, her tongue fighting Spencer's as her hand trailed down the blonde's body, straying at golden curls, she teased the skin there. "Ashley," Spencer panted feeling Ashley's fingertips so close to her need, her legs parted willingly, waiting for her lover to fill her.
Ashley moved downward and captured her breast, her fingers lowered as she sucked eagerly on the blonde's nipple. Brushing against Spencer's erect clit, Ashley growled when she felt the blonde's nails dig into her shoulders. The rock star felt the blonde's urgency and entered her with two fingers, Spencer's hips moved upward, off the mattress as she moaned against her lover's touch. Two fingers soon became three, Ashley's thumb lightly stroked her clit as she moved faster inside her, giving her the hard fuck she desired. "Oh Ashley," The blonde called out as she felt her climax, her arms folding around Ashley's skin as the rock star continued to love her. "I love you Baby."
Ashley fell limply against Spencer's body, the blonde ran her hands through her damp hair, enjoying her lover's body on top of her own. Her forehead rested against the valley of her breasts, her weight being weakly supported by her forearms. "Relax Ashley." The blonde softly cooed, her hand stroking her sweaty cheek as she eased her body down.
The rock star was exhausted when loving warm arms wrap themselves around her. She stared tiredly out the open window and was met with the moon. They had stayed in bed all day long, making love and taking small naps, Ashley cherished every second. The whole week had been spent with love and caresses, she was going to miss it. There would be no talking Spencer out of seeing her family tomorrow, Ashley closed her eyes, was she ready to meet them? She had dragged out not seeing them for so long, a whole week, and now she was hours away from meeting the Carlins. She panicked, her eyes opened and she was unconsciously breathing fast, a light feeling in her head made her heart race she was scared. Ashley sat up and moved away from Spencer, she sat at the edge of the bed with her face buried in her hands, it wasn't long before she felt a caring hand gently rub her back. "This is the 3rd time this week." She dropped her hands and looked into gray eyes, her panic clearly written over her eyes as she spoke.
Spencer took her in her arms and caressed her lovingly. "You just need to get your mind off it." She murmured near her ear. "Sing me something."
Ashley opened her mouth and softly sang the first thing that came to mind. "I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing bright before descent
and in the morning there is nothing left but what's inside of me." She closed her eyes and could hear the music in her mind, she felt Spencer's lips on her temple and melted further into the blonde. "Am I the star beneath the stairs? Am I a ghost upon the stage? Am I your anything?" The rock star stopped and drew back, she all of a sudden became uncomfortable and got off the bed, her eyes staring into Spencer's concerned face. "Why is this happening to me now?" She asked helplessly. "Spencer I've never had a problem with anxiety and stress and now I'm having a panic attack every other fucking day!"
Spencer got off the bed and pulled Ashley back into her arms. The rock star was getting upset and that wasn't good for her worsening panic condition. Spencer hated what Ashley was going through and how the rock star was handling it. The panicky feelings trigged Ashley's need for a couple of drinks, the blonde knew that was no way to treat anxiety, but didn't say anything. Ashley had refused to see a doctor or psychiatrist, claiming she was fine. "Relax Baby, I know it's hard but you'll get through it." She led them back to bed and waited until Ashley got settled before joining her. The room was quiet as Ashley stared up at the ceiling, trying hard not to think about cocaine, it didn't happen. She wanted more than anything to go out and get high, fuck the panic attacks, she thought bitterly knowing the cocaine would make them go away. Which was ironic since using was the reason she was having them. "You're mother called earlier today." The blonde murmured while running her fingers up and down Ashley's arm.
"Oh yeah? What'd she say?"
"I didn't answer it, but Ashley you need to call her back." The blonde felt the rock star slightly stiffen, she shifted on her forearms and stared down into her lover's face. She didn't understand what Ashley was hiding from. Her mother had left several messages for her, Ashley didn't respond to any of them. The blonde didn't bother asking her girlfriend more than once about it. The first time she flatly answered with a 'I don't want to talk about it.' "I think she's really worried about you."
"I doubt it." She murmured running her hands through flawless blonde hair, she cupped the back of Spencer's head and brought her down to her lips. The blonde resisted just as they were about to touch. "You do this a lot."
Confused, Ashley pulled back. "Do what?"
Spencer kissed her forehead, somewhat easing her mind. "Change the subject using your body." The rock star looked away somewhat guiltily. "I want you to tell me what's bothering you. " Their eyes met again. "I love you Ashley and I'm worried. Put my fears to rest Baby and talk to me. Please."
"Okay." Ashley sighed softly. "I guess I'll start off by saying I'm nervous about tomorrow. I wish I had cocaine to take, Spencer. It'd make things so much easier." Spencer began stroking the ends of her hair as she spoke. "I don't know how to handle things without getting high." She closed her eyes and sighed softly. "What am I going to do? I don't know how to act around normal people, people who aren't whores or musicians. I know I'm only going as your friend but I'm still stressing over it. I don't want to fuck anything up and with my luck, I will."
"Don't say that Ashley. You're an amazing person without drugs, I've seen that all week and my family isn't going to do anything but try to make you comfortable. They love treating their guests like kings." Spencer smiled and bent down to kiss her lips softly. "You have nothing to worry about. I'll be there too Ashley, I think you're forgetting that. We're going to have an amazing time."
Ashley nodded and mumbled an 'okay.' She forced a smile and kissed Spencer a final time. The blonde settled back into her arms and rested her head on her chest. Ashley placed a blanket over them and wrapped her arms around her warm body, staring up at the ceiling, she continued to think. She was afraid to leave the hotel. Inside the confines of their suite, they were free to be themselves, kissing whenever they pleased, not having to worry about the media, and most importantly, there was no drugs around, making sobriety so much easier for Ashley. The rock star had been in heaven for the past week. "Can I handle being back in hell?" She mouthed to the sky.
Chapter 2
"Jesus." Ashley panted as her lover captured her clit in her mouth. Through hooded brown eyes, she stared down at the blonde head nestled between her thighs, caressing her as she made her body tremble. The blinds were drawn up allowing sunlight to fall over them. The heat embracing her skin matched the warmth spreading throughout her body. Spencer's touch always made her hot all over, now wasn't an exception, even with little sleep, the rock star's back still arched as she exploded against her lover's lips. She barely realized the kisses placed over her abdomen as she rode out wave after wave of ecstasy. Her eyes opened and she found herself drowning in dark pools of gray. "I love you Ashley." Spencer murmured dipping her head to kiss her lips and then damp cheek. A light sheen of sweat covered both their bodies as Ashley cupped her lover's face for harder kisses. They both moaned as their tongues met, eager to engage, the rock star nearly cursed when Spencer pulled away. Her phone was ringing in the other room, Ashley watched Spencer's face change from desire to surprise. The blonde was sitting up when her eyes landed on the window. "Morning already?" The rock star had to smirk as she rolled over and buried her face in a pillow. She knew playtime was over the second Spencer stepped out of the room. Unfortunately, it was Spencer's mother who was calling and the blonde usually spent hours on the phone with her.
A sigh of contentment escaped Ashley's lips as her eyes closed. Exhaustion was expected after spending all hours of the night expressing her love for Spencer. The rock star burrowed deeper into the bed enjoying the feel of the cool sheets against her naked skin. Her mind was just beginning to drift into unconsciousness when Spencer walked back in, talking as if she were wide awake and listening, Ashley mostly grunted and mechanically agreed with everything her girlfriend said. "No," The rock star murmured when she slowly opened one eye and peered at the edge of the bed. Spencer had one of her bags open, ready for packing, Ashley dreaded the moment, it signaled what she feared most. Leaving.
Spencer stared at her, fighting back a smile, she said, "I thought you were ready to leave." Ashley shook her head while yawning. The blonde knew Ashley was sleeping when she had 'Mmhm'd' to leaving right away. That didn't stop her from getting their things packed. Her mother was anxious to see her and meet Ashley; Spencer didn't blame her. For the past week she had been promising a long visit, and soon. The blonde clicked her tongue as she folded a pair of Ashley's jeans. They were supposed to be there already, but of course, Ashley always made leaving impossible. "Not this time Baby." She told the sleeping rock star finding the way her arms hugged the pillow completely adorable. It wasn't uncommon for Ashley to swing in and out of consciousness while she slept. Amazing what you find out about a person when you start sleeping with them, Spencer thought with a smile.
It didn't take very long for Spencer to get everything ready to go. Coming out of the shower, she looked at her sleeping lover. The rock star was dead to the world, oblivious to anything around her, which was strange. Ashley was usually a very light sleeper. Opening a door usually got her attention. "Not this time." Spencer said out loud closing the bathroom door. She walked over to the nightstand and looked at her cell phone. The clock read 7:45 a.m. "Ashley." Spencer called out gently placing the phone back down. "Ashley." She tried again.
Nothing.
Spencer pursed her lips in thought as she watched Ashley sleep. The rock was obviously tired, more than usual it seemed, and Spencer didn't have the heart to wake her. "You're doing it again." She told the rock star with a light chuckle. "Making Mom wait longer so we can lie in bed." Spencer got on the bed and settled next to her girlfriend. The rock star lied on her stomach facing away from Spencer. Yawning, Spencer decided they could leave later. Closing her eyes, she drifted off and joined her lover in the land of unconsciousness.
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Ashley closed the SUV door firmly and waited for Spencer to get in. They had rented a white escalade, long and wide, Ashley didn't like it, not liking bigger vehicles. The rock star only valued its large space that easily accommodated their belongings. "Are you sure you want to leave today?" Ashley backed out of the tight parking space, her hands maneuvering the wheel with some frustration, it was apparent she wasn't used to driving anything taller than herself. Her spider came to mind, she missed driving it, the high speeds, smooth ride- it was everything she wanted in a car. Her eyes scanned the cars around her. There was nothing like it, there was no doubt in her mind she would stick out driving a Lamborghini in small town Ohio and decided she was happy with the escalade. Drawing attention was the last thing she wanted to do in her girlfriend's hometown.
Spencer didn't look away from the small mirror of her compact as she answered. "I'm sure Ashley, you should be too." She closed her makeup and placed it in her purse. Her eyes stayed glued to the inside of her bag as she searched for her phone. "We were supposed to be there days ago. You've had more than enough time to think about things and become comfortable with them."
Ashley smiled, her eyes never leaving the road as she drove out of the hotel's parking garage, she replied "I was too busy getting comfortable with you to have anything else on my mind. It's your fault I'm not comfortable."
"Oh right." Spencer looked up at her. "Because I'm the one who constantly demands sex in this relationship."
Stopping at a red light, Ashley turned her head and met her gaze. "You said it, not me."
Chuckling, Spencer shook her head and focused on her purse again. "I'm starting to wonder why I keep you around."
Ashley gently hit the gas and kept her eyes open for the highway. "I think we both know the answer to that."
"I hope we have the same thing in mind." She glanced up at Ashley. Her lips were pursed as her eyes scanned the outside world.
"I doubt it." She answered calmly. "You're mind is more perverted than mine. Heaven knows what you're thinking." She added playfully.
The blonde gently smacked her upper arm with the back of her hand. "Do you know where you're going?" Spencer asked watching Ashley slow down to look closer at the road signs.
"Yeah, you gave me directions the other day." She turned on the right road and sped up a little.
Spencer was taken aback by the answer. "Four days ago. You still remember them?" Ashley nodded. "Wow, I guess you and AJ have something other than looks in common after all."
Ashley frowned. She couldn't stand the mention of her cousin's name. Knowing she looked anything like him and her father also bothered her. She considered having major plastic surgery done on her face. She wondered if Spencer would mind if she dyed her skin. The rock star smiled at her own ridiculous thoughts. "We have nothing in common. I'm naturally good with directions. He has to use navigational systems and Pops to get by." The name tasted foreign coming from her mouth. Thinking back, she realized she hadn't said her father's name in days.
"I heard from him the other day."
"Who?" Ashley reached for the water in Spencer's lap.
The blonde watched her down half the bottle with surprise. Ashley had eaten half her body weight at lunch, Spencer couldn't believe she was downing more, especially since she hated eating. "Pops."
"Great." She handed Spencer back the bottle and stared out the windshield.
Spencer could tell by her tense shoulders that she was already uncomfortable with the subject. They sat in complete silence for over a minute.
Spencer sighed. "Aren't you interested in his health at all?"
The rock star shook her head a little. "Not really. I know everything I care to know. He's dying and I'm okay with it." Her hand reached out for the radio, Spencer took it just as she was about to push the power button. The rock star felt a jab of anger go through her. "What's wrong?" She masked her feelings by asking the question quietly.
"Ashley your feelings towards him aren't healthy. I really think you should see someone and talk things out. Say everything you won't tell me."
Ashley glanced over at her. "Are you implying something?"
"You tell me what you want me to know and that's fine. I just want you to feel better and seeing a psychiatrist might help you."
"I feel fine." Ashley reached out for the radio again.
"Will you at least think about it?" She asked over the low volume music. "I really think you should give it a shot." The rock star nodded okay and then turned up the volume. Her index finger stayed glued to the search button as she tried to find something good to listen to. The thought of sharing her issues with a complete stranger was ridiculous. Ashley knew it wouldn't solve anything. How could Spencer expect her to tell a complete stranger everything she couldn't tell her own girlfriend? The blonde was her rock, if she couldn't tell Spencer, she couldn't tell anyone. "I hate radio." She mumbled while dropping her hand. "Can you look around for my CD case? It's somewhere in the back."
Spencer stared amusingly at her. "You want me to take off my seatbelt, crawl over two rows of seats, go through everything crammed in the trunk just so you don't have to listen to the radio?"
"Please." Ashley replied with a small pout. "I'll stop and get you a cookie."
"I'll settle for a kiss."
The rock star easily complied and turned her head, kissing briefly, Ashley calmly turned her attention back to the road while Spencer took off her seat belt.
I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
The rock star searched blindly for her razor, her hand roaming the passenger seat, she finally found it and brought it up to her face. A smile came over her lips when she realized who the caller was. "What's up Sammy?"
Spencer continued looking for Ashley's CD case while listening to her lover's conversation. Her back was rigid from hearing Samantha's name. She didn't like the other blonde at all. She knew she was probably being ridiculous, maybe even jealous, but she couldn't help it. She was one of Ashley's little sex friends. Spencer sighed. If it were Aiden she'd make him stop seeing her. She couldn't do that to Ashley. The rock star wasn't the sweet little boy Aiden was. Ashley would find her words ridiculous and disregard them.
"Where are you Aly?" The blonde asked casually. She lied naked in bed watching her male escort from the night before dress. "I have some interesting plans for this weekend. I think you'll be more than happy to join me."
Ashley could already tell the plans were sex related. Samantha naturally purred when she was talking about sex. The rock star was curious but she wouldn't be joining her friend. She was going to be too busy with Spencer and her family, Plus, she didn't want to go off and have sex with Sammy or anyone else. No matter who the other person was, she knew she wouldn't compare to Spencer. " I can't do anything this weekend with you. I'm spending time with Spencer."
Samantha frowned deeply. She couldn't wait until Ashley was finished with Spencer. The rock star was wasting her time with the blonde. Samantha knew for a fact that they weren't going to last much longer. She smiled as Madison came to mind. The reporter had loved their little fuck session, but Samantha could see there was a bit of hesitation in her eyes when she took the small DVD. She wondered if the reporter had second thoughts about exposing her friend and Spencer. "That's too bad. I met this girl, very hot and very much you're type. You'd absolutely love her my darling…but you're obviously not interested. We could have had fun with her."
"You have to stop doing that." Ashley hissed with some frustration. She was getting fed up with Samantha's attitude. She felt like the older girl wasn't hearing anything she said, everything about her and Spencer was blanked out of her mind, it aggravated the rock star. "I don't ever want to fuck another girl with you. Why would you even bring it up? You know I'm with Spencer, Sammy. It makes no sense why you're trying to get me out there to do that shit with you."
The older blonde was stunned by her calm but angry tone. Ashley never used to talk to her like that, it was deeply upsetting. She was missing her wild fun friend more and more everyday. This new Ashley wasn't going to work with her. Drug free, faithful- it was all disgusting. The rock star needed some coke, a bitch, and more importantly, her to get back to her old self. "I'm sorry Aly, I guess I'm underestimating your relationship with this girl." She smiled as a thought came to mind, maybe she could find a way to get used to Spencer. "I bet you wouldn't mind if we shared her. Just for one night." Samantha added with a purr.
The rock star opened her mouth but nothing came out. The thought of her, Sammy and Spencer in one bed was a major turn on. She loved both blondes and three ways were always fun- she heard Spencer get settled in the passenger seat and immediately stopped thinking. Spencer wouldn't agree to it and Ashley felt awful for considering it for as long as she did. It made her wonder if she was really changing from a sex craving addict to someone Spencer could easily trust and love."No," She answered softly into the phone. "I can't do that."
"I know you want too Ashley, it's all in your voice Baby. But I'll let the subject drop and let you talk it over with her. You know blondie would do anything to make you happy." The rich blonde smiled smugly. "Don't go too fast with the wild crazy sex, you know how the sweet straight girls can be, you wouldn't want to scare her. On a totally different note, I must go now my darling, business calls. I love you Aly and please be careful. I hear people out there can be a little…judgmental."
"I'll be fine."
Spencer sat quietly beside her girlfriend scanning the CD's on the page. Her eyes stared but didn't see anything, her attention was solely on Ashley, everything else was out of focus and mattered little to her. The way she ended the phone conversation with Samantha was disturbing, "I love you too' the words played in her mind. They shouldn't have bothered her but they did. How much did Ashley love her? They were obviously close, Ashley only used those words for her, Spencer hated that another girl got to hear them. She knew she was being ridiculous but she felt she had a good reason. Her girlfriend was telling another woman she loved her- and not just any woman. It was Samantha Richmond. Ashley's favorite fuck buddy.
Ashley turned her phone off and threw it in the back seat. She didn't want to talk to anybody. A half hour out in the real world and she was already missing being alone with Spencer, away from the rest of the world, in their suite. Her thoughts fast forward to the future and she thought about her life in LA. It wouldn't be the same with Spencer, there will be no more nights filled with drugs and sex, all the dark hours would be spent in bed with Spencer. The thought made her smile, it was a real genuine smile that she couldn't stop, she wanted to share it with Spencer, show the blonde how happy she made her. The smile faded when she caught sight of her lover. The blonde stared out the window, her posture was alarming, it went well with the tense air around them. "What's wrong?" She asked breaking the silence.
The blonde turned her head and met concerned brown eyes. They only stared into hers for a second and then shifted back to the road. Spencer didn't know how to answer the question. What's wrong. She felt a million things were wrong but the truth was Samantha was her only real problem. Did Ashley have feelings for her? The thought alone was painful, it scared Spencer. "I want to understand your relationship with Samantha." Her voice was calm with no anger, if anything, it sounded curious to the rock star.
That wasn't what Ashley expected. "Understand my relationship with Samantha?" She repeated out loud. "There's not much to it. I've known her for along time and we've been friends since I can remember."
The blonde wasn't satisfied with the answer. "Only friends." Ashley nodded. "Have you ever wanted to be more with her?"
The rock star's eyes snapped over to her. She noticed the fear on her face, how she held her breath, and immediately decided to ease her lover's mind. Ashley didn't have to think at all. The answer automatically left her lips. "I just want her friendship, Spencer. I love her but it's very shallow." She reached out and took her girlfriend's hand. "My love for you runs so much deeper that I drown in it. I drown in everything I feel for you. I'm so in love with you Spencer Carlin. Please don't doubt that for a second."
The words were sincere and warm- they went straight to Spencer's heart. The blonde leaned over and kissed her cheek, her eyes closing as she felt the hand holding hers tighten. "I'm sorry for being so ridiculous. I know you love me Ashley and I feel the same way about you. There is no one else on this planet for me." She brought their hands up to her face and kissed Ashley's knuckles leisurely. The rock star smiled at the feeling and brought their hands to rest on her thigh.
"Now that that's settled, did you find anything to listen to?"
Spencer nodded and picked out a techno CD. The rock star put it in and sung along with the familiar lyrics. Spencer joined in and relaxed in her seat. They were getting close to her hometown. She looked at Ashley and smiled at how content she looked. The rock star was making major progress with her cocaine cravings, they were slowly fading to Spencer's relief. Ashley wasn't the same person she met on tour. The rock star smiled a lot more and it spoke volumes.
Spencer couldn't be more in love with the auburn haired teen.
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The trip up the long rocky driveway was full of anticipation and fear for Ashley. The rock star drove a lot slower than usual while her heart and mind raced. Her teeth peaked out and began chewing nervously on her bottom lip as her eyes took in the breath taking scenery. It obvious the property was owned by someone financially stable. The land was clean with horses roaming the large snowy expanses. In a distance, she saw a large pond covered over in ice. The house itself was also big. Two story, white, colonial- it was obvious Spencer had a good childhood. Ashley stopped the car near the house and looked at her girlfriend. She sat with a happy smile on her face, Ashley did her best to mirror it, reassuring the blonde she was okay. "Ready?" Spencer leaned over and kissed her lips tenderly. "I promise everything will be fine." Ashley nodded and they exited the vehicle in sync. The rock star took a second to stand and stretch out her eager muscles. Waves of adrenalin swept through her as she stared out into the open land. The urge to just take off was strong, she ignored it and walked over to the other side of the car. "Now what?" The rock star asked nearing her girlfriend.
Spencer's eyes roamed her girlfriend's body and she found herself wanting to embrace her slender form. Ashley wore tight blue jeans, black slip on's and a band T shirt covered by a black canvas jacket. It all hugged her lean form comfortably. "Come here." Spencer threw all caution out the window and wrapped her arms around the rock star. Ashley was surprised but easily melted into the embrace. "What is this for?" She asked against her shoulder. Spencer held her tighter. "I just want to hold you." Ashley chuckled near her ear. "Is that all you want to do to me?" She purred missing the sound of the front door opening.
Paula Carlin stood on the porch staring down at the two teens. She had walked out of the house with a wide smile at seeing her daughter. It faltered when Spencer pulled the smaller girl into her arms. The older blonde all of a sudden felt uncomfortable watching them. The look on Spencer's face at the moment was nothing less of pure bliss. Her eyes were closed and lips tilted into a dreamy smile as she melted against the rock star. She couldn't see the other girl's facial expression, Ashley's back was to her, but the way she allowed Spencer to hold her was disturbing. "Spencer." She called out awkwardly, her footsteps echoing as she walked down the porch steps.
The excitement in Spencer's eyes was contagious. Paula found herself pulling her daughter from the rock star's arms and holding her close. "I've missed you Honey." She said while rocking her little girl. She couldn't have been happier. Spencer was back home and safely in her arms. "I've missed you too, Mom." Spencer chuckled and pulled back. She had forgotten how emotional her mother was and was reminded when she caught sight of her happy eyes and tears. "Don't cry, there's someone I want you to meet. Mom this is Ashley."
Ashley Davies, right there in her front yard, it was bizarre. She stood casually in front of them with her hands tucked in her jacket pockets. Her posture was cool but Paula could see it in her eyes. The girl was ready to flee. She threw the idea of shaking her hand out the window and pulled her into a hug. She could feel the teen's muscles tense up immediately but that didn't stop her from holding the troubled teen. She had heard so much about Ashley, some bad some good, and couldn't help but compare her to her twin sister Sherry. The thought made her squeeze harder. "It's nice to meet you Ashley." She pulled back and released the bundle of taunt muscles. "I've heard so much about you."
I bet. "It's nice to meet you too." Ashley stated awkwardly. The older blonde's actions held her in a state of shock. She wasn't expecting that as a greeting. "Your house is beautiful." She added politely. The older blonde shared her lover's gray eyes and blonde hair, their resemblance was uncanny, Ashley felt herself relax. If Paula was anything like Spencer, she'd be extremely welcoming and very social.
Paula's face lit up. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it." Her eyes moved to the large escalade sitting in the drive way. "Do you need help with the bags?" She looked at the girls with a large smile. "I bet the whole back of that truck is full of them."
"You have no idea." Spencer chuckled. "We'll get them later. I'm freezing and would love some hot chocolate."
"That sounds good right about now." Paula looked at Ashley. "Do you like hot chocolate?"
"Hot chocolate sounds great." Ashley answered convincingly. She didn't really like hot chocolate, she found coffee more appealing, but decided to drink it anyway. She didn't want to be the odd man out by saying 'coffee.' The rock star questioned her thoughts. She normally didn't have a problem with telling people what she wanted, even if it was a hassle to get, if she wanted it, she always got it. It confused her that she was settling with something she didn't like at all.
Spencer was first to enter the nice two story house. It felt good being back home, she thought while removing her coat and placing it on a nearby coat rack. She turned around and offered to take Ashley's. The rock star politely declined and followed the two blondes into the living room. It was your typical family room. Very cozy with pictures of the family placed everywhere. There was something missing, Ashley realized while scanning the room. Christmas decorations. She looked at Spencer and noticed the confused look on her face. "Are we skipping out on Christmas this year?" Spencer asked her mother.
Paula nodded briefly with a sad look in her eyes. She loved Christmas as much as the next person but the year had been so stressful that she decided to completely ignore it. She was too drained from everything else in her life to even think about the hectic holiday. "Caitlyn just got out of the hospital and Christmas is the last thing her tired little body needs."
Caitlyn. Ashley had forgotten all about the little Carlin. Spencer had mentioned her the first night of their stay in Ohio. She was Spencer's 7 year old cousin, very sick, the little blonde lived with them instead of her drug addicted mother. She also had a 16 year old brother, Ashley forgot his name but she knew she'd be meeting him sooner or later. He also lived with Spencer and her family. "How is she?" Ashley asked knowing the little girl recently finished chemotherapy.
"She's doing a lot better." Paula answered meeting her brown eyes. The sincerity in the rock star's voice was touching. She could tell Ashley was a very caring person and was nothing like she'd imagine. She had predicted the rock star to be rude and stuck up with a 'I can do whatever the fuck I want' attitude. She didn't see any of that in Ashley. If anything, the young rock star seemed very quiet and to herself. It was relieving. "I'm sure she'll love to see you two when she wakes up." Paula chuckled. "She was so excited when I told her a famous rock star was coming home with you." She told Spencer.
The blonde also chuckled. Her cousin was just like everyone else in the family. Always wanting to meet someone new and interesting. She glanced over at Ashley and noticed her stiff shoulders. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the subject, Spencer wondered why. She looked back into her mother's eyes. "I'm going to show Ashley around the house." She took the rock star's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Call us when the hot chocolate's ready?"
"Of course." Paula agreed and then winked at the girls before exiting the room.
Ashley entered the next room with Spencer. It was a beautiful sunroom built solely with windows. Ashley stared out the clear glass in amazement. She had a perfect view of the large land covered in snow and it was breathtaking. She looked at Spencer. "This room is amazing. I've never seen anything like it."
Spencer smiled at her. "It's my favorite in the house." She led Ashley deeper into the room and urged her down on the day bed with her. She held the rock star's hand as they watched the snow slowly fall under the bright sun. "You make it more incredible, Ashley." Ashley met gray eyes and watched her girlfriend lean forward, she turned her head just as their lips touched. Spencer paused and then pulled back staring uneasily at the rock star. Her head was turned away and eyes casted out the window. "What's wrong?" She whispered softly.
Ashley got up and released her lover's hand. She wrapped her arms around herself and stared down at Spencer. "It's weird standing in this beautiful room with you Spencer. It's so warm even though the world around us is freezing cold." She thought of Paula. "You're mother is amazing, this house is amazing, you're amazing- I don't feel right here." She let her arms fall. "I don't think I deserve to be here with you."
Spencer stared intently into brown eyes, trying to figure out what was running through the rock star's mind. She sat further back into the daybed and fought hard to keep her composure. It wasn't easy. Her heart was racing as Ashley's words continued to sink in, she wanted to leave. "What makes you say that Ashley?" She asked calmly as her eyes bore into her lover's.
Ashley smirked bitterly. "I'm a fucking drug addict Spencer. For the last two years I've been snorting cocaine and having sex with random women. You think your mother would want me here if she knew that?" She shook her head. "I think I should just leave before she figures me out."
Spencer stood up. "And where do you plan on going Ashley? Back to L.A.?" The rock star hesitated before nodding. "And what would you do there?" Ashley didn't answer, her eyes dropped Spencer's gaze and landed on the floor. Spencer stepped forward and cupped her face, forcing their eyes to meet. "Is it Ashley or the addict that wants to go back to L.A.?"
"Is there a difference?" She murmured.
"Yes. You're not the same person when you're high Ashley." Her hand slowly slid up her arm, pushing the long sleeve of her jacket up, Spencer ran her thumb over scared tanned skin covering her lover's damaged wrist. "Would you have done this sober?" The rock star shook her head 'no' and then closed the distance between them. She buried her face against Spencer's neck as the blonde held her. "Does it ever get easy Spencer?" She mumbled against pale flesh. "I haven't snorted any in forever and it still won't leave me alone. I'm always thinking about it Spencer. Will it ever go away?"
"Of course it will Baby." She whispered near her ear. There was so much torment in her lover's voice, it brought tears to her eyes. She loved Ashley so much and hurt to see her in pain. She wanted more than anything to make it all go away. "I promise it will Ashley."
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