To Ease My Pain
Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Lie to Me and, frankly, I'm glad. It gives me the advantage to do what I want to the characters for free! Yay!
Quick AN: This is my first Lie to Me fan fiction. Please tell me if anyone is out of character and if there's something I can improve on. Thank you in advance!
Summary: Eli Loker has a major secret. Actually, it's not a secret at all. All the evidence is out in the open for anyone to see. At least, that's what he fears. Lightman is unrelenting in getting answers. Shame he doesn't know that his unpaid intern has an abusive boyfriend and the only way to escape the pain, even for a moment, is by self-injury; or does he know? Eli has never been so paranoid before. Triggering material: cutting and physical/mental abuse.
Chapter 1: Your unrelenting eyes
Eli's POV
It's Tuesday morning as I turn off my alarm and quietly get out of bed. My roommate worries constantly about me every time I stay the night at Jake's place. He says it's unhealthy for me to be in an abusive relationship and I tell him there's no other choice. Who knew being homosexual can have nasty side affects? I make sure to pick clothes that are baggy and comfortable. I don't need to be in more pain while I'm working. Tight clothes will just irate the bruises and the cuts.
After I get a shower I decide that it would be better for me to grab breakfast on my way to work and show up extra early. Just as I grab my keys from the end table in the living room, Jake saunters into the kitchen. He has a hang over from last night.
"Hey babe, where you going so early," he asks in a falsely sweet tone. He kisses my cheek as he makes his way to the kitchen. He's always nice in the mornings after he beats me up. I do my best to hide my fear knowing full well that I will set off his anger or give the satisfaction of knowing that I'm still under his control.
"Going to work," I say with my work confidence. However, my voice is really soft.
"Oh? I thought you didn't have to be at work until eight thirty," I see the surprise spread across his features.
"I don't."
"I was going to make us breakfast since it's only seven. How does waffles and bacon sound to you, babe?"
"Sounds good," I say in false happiness. If he notices that I really don't feel like eating this morning, at least not with him, he will get extremely angry. Jake has a very bad temper and an extremely short fuse. "But, I figured you'd have a hangover so I was thinking about leaving early and picking up breakfast on my way to work so I won't disturb you," I go on to say hoping that he doesn't take this to mean I didn't want to be with him.
"Oh, you don't need to be spending money. You still have a couple payments to make on your motorcycle1. You should be saving your money, babe." I don't say anything to this as I sit down still a little sore from last night.
"You're right, I should be saving my money," I return when he looks at me expectantly. He goes to make coffee and starts to mix the waffle batter. He's always so kind to me unless I do something to make him mad or he's been drinking. It's not really his fault. It's my fault. In fact, it's always my fault. This is what my roommate, Nate2, and I get into fights about.
Nate always tells me that I should ditch this relationship; that it's not healthy or safe to spend nights with Jake. My usual come back is that he doesn't hurt me unless I do something stupid to upset him; he's always kind to me and he respects my wishes and opinions. Nate goes on to say that this relationship is blinding me from the truth and I just don't want to accept the fact that my boyfriend is abusive. He's wrong; I accept the fact that Jake is abusive, but he doesn't mean it. He always makes it up to me.
Nate is afraid for me; he thinks that Jake will kill me one day. He even goes as far as to call him a sadistic bastard that likes taking advantage my naivety and love for him. He might be working on his masters in psychology3, but he doesn't know Jake like I do; Jake just has a couple of anger management issues that he promises me he's working on in counseling. Everything will get better eventually.
Jake breaks me from my thoughts as he sets a mug of coffee down in front of me. "Drink up," he says. "It's hazelnut vanilla, your favorite. The waffles and bacon are almost done." I thank him kindly as he goes back to the kitchen. Jake doesn't know nor understand that I despise coffee. It tastes disgusting and I'd rather not drink it, but Jake likes it and he believes I like it so why should I tell him that I don't and set him off so early in the morning?
It's not too long before Jake sets a plate of two waffles and three strips of bacon down in front of me. He sits down himself before making his own plate. We eat in silence for a couple of minutes and I take these minutes as a time to meditate. Jake sips a little bit of his coffee before he sets the mug down and starts talking.
"It's almost eight now. Are you still going to be able to make it to work on time, babe," he inquires pleasantly.
"Oh yeah, definitely; the Lightman Group is only twenty minutes from here," I say before taking a sip of coffee myself. I make sure to hide my grimace. His brows furrow a little in confusion but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he just finishes his plate of waffles and bacon.
After I finish breakfast and drink the last few drops of coffee from the mug I help him clean up. I offer to wash the dishes but he refuses and tells me that I need to get going or I'll be late. I walk to the door and pick up my keys. As I open the door and say goodbye I give him a quick kiss on his lips and go to pull away only for him to grab me by my collar and press me against the wall. The bruise on my shoulder from last night stings but I'm quickly distracted from the pain when he deepens the kiss.
He finally lets go and as I make my way back to the door and tells me, "Have good day, babe. Call me later." I say I will before I walk out the door and to my motorcycle. I'll be there in no time at all. I just wish I was able to leave earlier so I wouldn't have to listen to his fake words that tear my heart up because I know what will happen when I call him.
When I arrive at work, I park my motorcycle and walk into the building the secretary greets me happily. I flash her one of my "to-die-for" smiles4 before walking on to my desk in the computer room. As I reach my desk however I notice Lightman standing a little ways away staring at me with one of his inquisitive looks. I just brush it off with my casual wave and, "Morning, boss," but he doesn't leave. Instead, he stares even more at my face. "Uhm, is there something wrong? Do I have something on my face?" I ask and allow some humor to sink into to my voice.
"You do actually, Loker. Why the false smile?" I'm a little taken aback at his question.
"What false smile?" He frowns and I know he knows that I'm blatantly lying.
"See, right there! What's really going on? Did you get a speeding ticket?"
"No, I don't normally speed."
"You don't normally lie to me, either."
"Okay, I'm just feeling a little under the weather this morning."
"Didn't I just tell you not to lie to me, Loker," he questions in, surprisingly, not an angry tone; it's more of a serious and surprised tone than anything else, really.
"Alright; I'm not in the greatest mood today because I found out that my fish died last night. Sparkie was belly up in his tank5," I admit. This isn't a lie, but it's not the truth either. I'm not telling him that I'm having some problems outside of work. He scrutinizes me for a couple more minutes before he finally straightens up.
"Who names a fish Sparkie?"
"Apparently I do," I say offhandedly before I sit down at my desk and look over a couple of cases we've done.
"Sparkie, what an odd name for a goldfish…" He mutters to himself before he leaves the computer room. I sigh in relief. I was able to deflect Lightman if only for the time being. Why was he in my office in the first place?
AN: When ever there are subscripts I usually include a reason for the even or item. I will continue to do this throughout To Ease My Pain. The self-injury part and mental abuse probably won't come around until the second or third chapter but I always like to give my readers warnings ahead of time.
1—I don't know if Eli actually owns a motorcycle on the show or not he just seems like the type to so, in this story, he owns one. That is the power of fan fiction. Ha!
2—I also don't know what Eli's roommate's name is, if he even has a roommate. So, once again, for some reason if he does have roommate then Nate sounds like a fitting name.
3—I don't think Eli's roommate is in college but since Eli is the right age and I firmly believe that his roommate would be the same age as Eli, he is a college student. In the case that Nate is an actual college student, I don't know what level or what major he's in. So, he will be working on getting his psychology masters.
4—Eli seems like the type to indirectly flirt with a woman. Thus, he gives the secretary a "to-die-for" smile.
5—I know for a fact Eli doesn't have a pet goldfish in the TV series but I figured it would be cute and different for him to have one in this fan fiction. As for the name Sparkie, I just figured that it would add a flavor of irony to my first chapter.
So, what do you think of my first fan fic in this fandom? Did I keep the characters in character? I look forward to seeing some feedback! Til next chapter, later! :D
ferret nin