"Are you pregnant?"
As the words fell hastily out of Hanna's mouth and hit Spencer like a tonne of bricks, rendering her speechless, knocking all the air out of her lungs and tying her stomach on knots.
Her gaze immediately fell to her feet, the suddenness of the question taking her aback, her facade falling immediately.
She'd kept herself together, allowing the Cece mystery to envelop her and her friends, as a distraction but now all pretence was gone and she couldn't any longer; tears flooded her eyes.
Any other day Hanna's poorly timed pregnancy assumption would be largely ignored but today it would not.
Because today she had lied too easily to them this morning, saying a text from her doctor, regarding some tests she'd had done, had been from Toby.
And because after meeting her boyfriend in his truck she'd purchased a pregnancy test, too afraid to go to the hospital again as if –A would already be waiting for her to do so.
And then because she had spent so much time sobbing on her bathroom floor staring at the tiny pink plus sign in front of her, she had been late to their meet at Ali's basement.
"Shut up Hanna" Emily retorted to Hanna, sighing before turning back to Spencer. Immediately, Spencer knew Emily's face had fallen.
"Spencer, you're not-" Aria interjected astounded, arms crossed against her chest as she gasped.
"Surprise." Spencer broke the tense silence with sarcasm, looking up, unable to muster enough courage to confirm what they all already knew.
Aria's arms were crossed against her body, her mouth slightly open as she watched Spencer reproachfully, waiting for her to laugh and tell them she was joking;
Next was Emily whose face wore an expression of extreme concern, her eyes wide like tennis balls gazing uneasily at her friend;
Lastly Spencer's eyes found Hanna, unlike the others she wasn't watching Spencer's face, but instead she sat silent and unmoving, staring, her eyes fixed on Spencer's stomach…
"And Toby?" Emily whispered, as tears blurred the edges of Spencer's vision.
She paused-
Her friends had no idea that the bomb she had just thrown at them was not the cause of her covert behaviour over the last few weeks, meaning that Toby's wishes regarding his mothers death could be honoured a little longer; at the same time she couldn't tell them that Toby was not in the dark about what was happening, she'd already lost him once and would never run the risk of not being the one to tell him this.
"Toby doesn't know. Not yet." Her voice cracking on the last word, sobs now wracking through her entire body.
How? How could she have let this happen? Been so stupid? Be putting her self through this?
Spencer momentarily let her mind slip back to the how of it all: the night in the motel after she'd met Toby in the diner- an evening of high stakes, emotion and eventually passion, neither had considered the implications of Radley's strict no pills policy that Spencer had been previously adhering to….
Who'd say how Toby would react?
With everything with Mona and his mom right now- she couldn't help but wonder if their coming together would be their pulling apart.
They weren't ready for this; together they had enough emotional baggage to cripple an elephant.
Alison, -A, Jenna…
Spencer wasn't sure how it happened but moments later she sat, her head resting on Aria's chest, her friends arms pulling her close, stroking her hair softly, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.
Spencer could no longer control the sobs now coursing through her petite frame; between each she gasped attempting to take in enough oxygen to satisfy the burning in her lungs.
Aria's body seemed to be radiating soothing warmth while Hanna and Emily exchanged concerned glances.
"Spencer. Hey, it's okay, we're here for you" Hanna appeared behind her, tailed by Emily, as she tried to soothe her friend.
Eventually her sobs subsided allowing her to compose herself enough pull away from Aria and face her peers.
They each wore the same look of concern on their faces; as touched as Spencer was by this, all she could muster were the feelings of guilt and shame.
"You have to tell Toby. Before someone else does"
Emily stated imperatively, but Spencer couldn't help but hear the accusatory undertone in her friend's phrasing, another wave of panic sweeping over her.
"Em, You wouldn't-"
Hanna gasped in reply, her eyes wide like glassy orbs, her ferocious sense of loyalty rearing its head.
"No I wouldn't. But that doesn't mean -A wont"
Emily's reply hung in the air, replacing all of the oxygen in the room as the impact of her words sank in.
-A knew everything about them, and had known everything for the most part of their adolescent life; every secret and every lie and now –A would have the mother of all secrets, the largest mistake any of them had made by far was now in the open and there could be no escape.
Spencer contemplated: there would be so many people who would have to know eventually and whom she needed to break the news to and each would react differently- her parents, Toby, Mellissa, Jenna, Mona, Jason…
And each one presented –A with a new opportunity to antagonise. It didn't even bear thinking about.
"One night" Spencer croaked, "Just one more night and I'll tell Toby. After the dance"
She knew once she started telling people, there would be no pretending that this wasn't happening and after that no one could see her as just 'Spencer Hastings' ever again.