The Chains of the Mind

I

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.

Elsword, Rena, and the two we picked up from Altera arrived in Feita a few weeks ago, after hearing news about a demon invasion. Stella figured that since we successfully retrieved Ruben's El, we would be strong enough to help the Feita Guard as they struggled to fight an uphill battle.

And uphill it truly was.

Exhausted, battle-worn soldiers lay in every corner of the hastily set-up camp. Many were injured, starchy white bandages wrapped around limbs and torsos, and groans of pain echoed from inside the canvas tents. Those who were well enough to walk helped in every way they could, running from tent to tent with potions and painkillers and delivering messages, or snored heavily inside their tents from the fatigue of fighting. Slow burning campfires lay unattended as people bustled around.

To think, they had been fighting for months and only retook Spiral Corridor a few days ago. Two areas down, four more to go. And we weren't sure if we could even keep our position here.

The demon army couldn't be underestimated. What they lacked in intelligence, they made up for in sheer numbers. There was many a time that we simply couldn't go on and were forced to retreat behind carefully warded areas as streams of demons chased us through the temple.

There was no end.

I plopped down near a simmering fire pit, the ashes still glowing bright red with heat. Using my own rudimentary fire magic, I relit the flame, feeling the steady glimmer of warmth spread through the dreary temple. My bones ached with fatigue and cold. If I wasn't devising strategies with Lento and the rest of them, I was running around the infirmary unit, trying to help out as best as I could.

Which wasn't very much.

Because of the path I chose to walk, it was only natural that people would avoid me. After all, dark magic is linked to death and bad luck, which these people didn't need any more of.

You know, you don't have to help out if you don't want to. You're going to exert yourself scouting tomorrow too, I heard Angkor whisper in my head. He settled down on top of my feet, closer to the fire, though I wasn't sure if he actually felt temperature in his Earth form.

I know, but I want to do something for them. This frigid, dark atmosphere does no good for anyone. Even Rena and Ara have been looking haggard these past few days. Rena's been doing all she can to heal, but there's just too many. And I have you to amplify my powers, I answered back telepathically.

What good is being able to help if no one will let you?

I cringed; Angkor had a point there. At least I can boost Rena's healing ability.

Tch. Just take a break. You're going to need your energy tomorrow. And you can't always rely on me, you know. His condescending tone really irked me sometimes, but he was right. I couldn't waste anymore energy being angry with him.

I rolled my eyes, even though I knew that Angkor wasn't able to see me from my feet.

But someone else did.

"Hey, I saw that!" a male voice called from above me. "Does my very existence bother you so much?"

Inwardly, I groaned. While it was a relief not having to socialize with people, socializing with Elsword was another story.

"Yes, yes, it does," I retorted cheekily, "and I would appreciate if you stopped existing."

"Ooh, burn. Wait, that's my job." He sat down next to me and summoned a rune, making the heat from the fire more intense.

"Only if your job is to be the most annoying human in Elrios."

He snorted next to me, as the both of us stared at the flickering glow in front of us. "Very original."

"I try my best."

"And a four-year-old can do bett— Ow!" he exclaimed suddenly, rubbing his arm where I punched him.

He glowered at me.

And, like a four-year-old, I blew a raspberry.

"And when you can't win with words, you turn to childish violence," I heard him mutter under his breath.

I pointedly ignored him.

We sat in silence again, staring at the dancing orange hues from the fire, trying to absorb more of its warmth. Unconsciously, we had also moved closer together, drawing heat from each other's bodies.

"How's Rena doing?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Last time I checked, Raven forced her to rest. Speaking of rest, we need to get some shut-eye ourselves. Lento said the Underground Chapel area is huge, and there are hidden doors everywhere, so we may need to split up to scout the entire area." He stood up silently, the warmth from his body and the extra heat from the rune fading away. Once he finished brushing off his pants, he held out a hand.

Sighing, I grabbed it and let him pull me up. "Good night, I guess." Goosebumps erupted on my arms, abdomen, and thighs as I tried to adjust to the disappearance of the fire. Shivering, I brought my arms tightly around myself.

"Good night. And tell that tubby bat of yours to let you wear a jacket!" he called out as he walked towards the tent he shared with Raven and Chung on the northern border of camp.

"Shut up before I make him sic you," I called back as I watched him walk away.

Nah, he doesn't look tasty. Too much muscle, not enough fat, Angkor answered nonchalantly.

I turned to the opposite direction where the tent I shared with Rena, Eve, and Ara was located. I moved into a slow jog to fend off the cold air, but I could still feel the prolonged glances and stares of the warriors. Though Elsword's company had distracted me, I was now fully aware of the attention my garb, or lack thereof, drew and the whispers of speculation about the magic I practiced.

Maybe I should've followed Elsword's path and advanced my elemental magic. But would I be as strong as I was before I lost my powers?

I shivered, unsure if it was the cold or the stares, and ran under the canvas flap of my tent.

It started in Elder.

While digging through Hoffman's collection of books, I came across one that was especially intriguing. Though Hoffman had claimed that no one could read it, I had no trouble opening the cracked cover and flipping through the worn parchment. Within a week, I had read the spell book from cover to cover, wearing down the broken spine even more.

And that was my first encounter with dark magic.

The townspeople of Elder were so happy to be relieved of Wally's oppressive rule that they never noticed or had a chance to judge.

By then, we were halfway to Bethma, where the whispers began.

"Are we there yet?" Elsword asked impatiently. He sat on a rock under a ledge in a futile, desperate attempt to escape the heat. "Where is this shaman dude we need to find?"

Rena wiped the deluge of sweat dripping from her forehead only to make way for more perspiration. "We… should be close," she puffed, the cloying heat taking a toll on her, especially since her attacks took much physical energy.

"Shouldn't you be used to the heat from all of that fire magic training I showed you?" I snapped crankily.

"You showed me how to create fire, not resist it!"

"Same difference." I stood over him, arms crossed as my face contorted with unmasked irritation.

"Are you telling me that—"

"Aisha, what's gotten into you?" Rena's asked, staring wide-eyed at something behind me.

I turned around to see a miasmatic cloud gather near my head, a result of my turbulent emotions. Quickly, I squeezed my eyes shut.

Calm¸ I chanted in my head, calm.

With my head cleared and emotions in check, I opened my eyes, ready to apologize. "Sorry, Els—" I straightened, suddenly alert. "I can sense it. Kayak's aura…" I said slowly. In the back of my mind, something was telling me that a strong source of dark magic was just a few hundred feet ahead.

Like attracts like, a fleeting voice whispered.

Rena and Elsword glanced at each other, a deadpan expression on Elsword's face and a concerned one on Rena's. After a brief moment, the redhead picked himself up from the rock and stretched, letting out a huge sigh.

"Let's put an end to this damn heat."

I quickly teleported to the side in a desperate attempt to escape Kayak's homing missile.

While Kayak was easily found, he wasn't as easily taken down. While we were feeling faint with heat stroke, Kayak seemed to be comfortable with the scorching temperatures. After all, he was a cold-blooded reptile.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Rena trying to fire arrows as fast as she could in order to create an opening for Elsword to attack, but Rena's arrows never hit home as Kayak jumped around agilely.

"This damn heat," Elsword growled menacingly, recklessly charging at Kayak.

"No!" I screamed after him, hurriedly teleporting myself over to him.

Kayak's staff swept at him with a speed that Elsword couldn't dodge, knocking the swordsman into a rocky cave wall where he slumped over, unconscious. Kayak grinned, dancing wildly with victory as he glanced between Rena and me for his next victim.

"Rena, check on him. I'll distract Kayak for now!" Brandishing my own staff, I summoned a few dark plasma orbs in an attempt to make him retreat.

Oh, dark magic? At such a young age too. Are you sure you can handle it, a raspy voice whispered in my brain.

I stared at the overgrown lizard, and the smile on his face turned into a vehement smirk.

You'll fall to it, you know. One day your powers will outgrow you. And you'll fall.

I couldn't and I wouldn't, I swore to myself that day.

"Get them to the infirmary! Now!" I heard Stella yell once I teleported back to the village. I watched as Elsword and Rena were carried away to Chacha Buch's tent on stretchers, severe burns, bruises, and open cuts on their faces and limbs. Their skin was covered in soot, and the smell from singed hair and flesh stung my nose.

Unthinkingly, I followed them, not hearing a single question that Stella threw at me.

I myself wasn't too sure what happened, but Kayak was defeated and purified from whatever spell he was under. The only casualties were a couple of lizardmen.

And Elsword and Rena.

Elsword's injuries were serious. Second degree burns covered areas where his skin was exposed, though it would've been worse if he didn't have any affinity to fire. His face was red with an unnatural shine, and his red hair was matted with darkened dried blood. Scratches and gashes bled afresh with the slightest of movements. I was sure that the last attack he was hit with would leave a large, painful bruise on his torso.

Rena, thanks to her naturally fast healing, also had a few severe burns though they quickly became less raw with time. Her clothing and hair was singed in some areas, but that was a small price to pay for being alive. She was conscious, though too weak from dehydration and lack of oxygen to move.

"Ai-Aisha," she whispered, beckoning me over to her with a weak gesture of her hand. "That magic… was that a spell your book taught?"

I ran over to her, trying to catch up with the villagers that were carrying her stretcher to the alchemist's home. "Don't speak. Just rest and heal up so we can continue our journey."

"But that spell—"

"Bring them in here," Chacha Buch said as he held open the tent flap, ushering the two injured ones inside as villagers gathered around his tent. He glanced at me briefly and turned away to head in, only to come back to give me a long, hard stare. "You'll wait out here."

"Wait, why? They're my friends!" I protested, completely shocked.

"I sense dark magic from you, the same kind that infected Kayak. I will not have that in my tent, especially not while I have patients," he stated bluntly.

"But—"

"No is no. This is the magic you choose to use, this is the price you pay. I will not have you cursing anyone or hindering the healing process in any way." With that, he stepped into the darkened interior of the canvas structure to where Elsword and Rena lay.

I attempted to follow him, but the villagers blocked my path. Stella broke through the crowd, a wary expression on her face.

"Stella, he can't do that! I have to go check on them," I tried to appeal to her.

"Sorry, but I can't do much. Maybe you have superb control over your magic, I don't know. But we're not taking any chances. I think it is best for everyone that you take a walk and cool down for a bit," she replied sternly.

And I did.

I tore through the town, avoiding the judgmental eyes of the villagers and ignoring the whispers of condemnation.

Is this what Elsword and Rena think of me?

Rumors travelled fast, even to a remote island like Altera. Once we stepped into Altera with an unconscious Raven in our party, I could tell that they knew.

The eyes squinted with doubt, the obvious scent of fear, the unconscious retreating, it was all there, in these Ponggos whom I had never met before.

And as much as I wanted to get used to it, I couldn't. But I couldn't bear to admit to myself that it was painful.

So I pretended not to see.

Once we settled Raven at Chief Adel's house, I stepped outside. I couldn't stand the way the chief looked at me; his aura of sagacity and look of pity made me feel sick to myself, and I could feel the regret I quashed slowly start to bubble up.

Control, I have control.

I am a genius magician. Of course I can control something as little as this.

But these were all lies I conjured to mask the fears and the doubts. They were in the back of my mind, constantly reminding me of my shortcomings.

Don't get ahead of yourself. You're too weak to keep it in control.

Alone… that's what you are. Do you think people can trust a dark magic practitioner?

History always repeats itself, the most maleficent one hisses. There is no dark magician still alive today. What makes you think you'll be an exception?

I walked around town aimlessly, not even taking in the fact that everyone was careful to leave a four feet radius around me, as I tried to suppress the overwhelming thoughts. In my peripheral view, a young child dropped her handkerchief as she ran towards what appeared to be her mother. I bent down and picked it up, offering to the wide-eyed child as she stood, frozen.

"Here," I said in the gentlest tone I could muster. "You dropped this. Be careful next time, okay?"

The child only stared, unblinking. Slowly, her gaze moved to the proffered handkerchief and back to my face.

Confused, I pushed the cloth closer.

"G-get away from my daughter!" A Ponggo rushed up and knocked my hand away, letting the white cloth float to the ground. "Don't you dare try to harm her, you witch!" the mother screamed.

My eyes could only follow the trail of the slowly descending handkerchief, tracing its path until it dolefully settled onto the dusty cobblestone.

The nightmares had always been there.

Images of my mentor torn into mere strips of flesh and bone, tendons and sinews stretching before snapping, turning into what used to be human. Elsword's silent scream as he was torn from limb to limb, leaving no trace of his former liveliness. And Rena with a deep incision across her neck, gurgling as bursts of crimson bubbled from the wound and her mouth.

But they weren't gone; they would come back, each one of them.

It's your fault, all your fault, they chanted over and over.

But now the dream included Raven and Eve, whom Elsword had forcibly awakened from the Altera Core.

And I couldn't take it anymore.

I dreaded night; I loathed sleep.

A/N: I was planning for this to be a one-shot, but it got way too long, which explains the unsatisfactory ending. I cut it off at a really bad spot, but the next part is kind of crucial. This will most likely be a three-shot, since there's so much to cover. It's fun going into the little nasty bits about dark magic even though most fantasy media glosses over it or makes it sound fun.

I promise you, the next parts will have more continuity instead of all the fragments in this chapter.

Epigraph in the beginning by Shakespeare.