Why isn't he smiling anymore? Dan wondered as they were walking through the autumn night, leaves crunching underneath their feet. Did I do something wrong? Have I said something that upset him? Dan reached his hand out and put it on Phil's shoulder, thus making them both stop walking.
"Are you okay?" Dan asked, looking Phil straight into the eye. "You haven't been, you know, the same lately." Dan explained, now looking a bit sad, maybe even angry?
"What do you mean by 'I haven't been the same'?" Phil snapped, yanking Dan's hand from his shoulder.
"This, this is what I mean Phil. You would never raise your voice at someone, especially at me." Dan said wistfully, trying to look at Phil.
Phil had started to walk again, not even looking back to see if Dan was walking behind him. I can't tell Dan. Not now, not today. These were the only thoughts running through his mind.
"Phil!" Dan called, trying to get Phil to turn around.
Dan started to catch up to Phil, still wondering what had happened to his friend. I should leave it for today, maybe it's just one of those days.
"I'm sorry Phil." Dan said abruptly. "Do you want to watch a movie when we get home?" Dan inquired in a soft tone.
Why is he sorry? He didn't do anything wrong, it's all my fault.
"Sure." Phil replied dismally. He looked up for a brief moment to see where he's going, he caught Dan with the corner of his eye gazing at him. Phil quickly looked down, trying to erase that image from his mind. Stop it Phil. Don't bring your hopes up. There's no way your straight best friend will ever fall in love with you. You're hideous for even thinking about it.
His eyes, they reflected the street lights so perfectly. Colours danced around in his eyes like a million stars on the night sky. Why is he so beautiful? I wish he knew what he meant to me. I know he's aware of the fact that he's my best friend, but does he know that I have fallen in love with him? I hope one day he finds someone who he'll fall in love with uncontrollably, even if it's not me. Dan thought about this every day since they first met. He quickly looked away from Phil when he realised he could probably see him from the corner of his eye. I just don't know how I'll survive living without him.
Phil could feel tears starting to build up in his eyes, his vision starting to get blurred. He expeditiously started to wipe his tears away underneath his hood.
"Are you alright?" Dan asked, concerned.
"Yeah, just a cold." Phil replied, trying to keep his voice from cracking.
Once they got home, Dan decided to put on the fireplace since Phil told him he had a cold.
Phil looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Dan thinks he did something wrong. He's probably blaming himself for my current state. See Phil, all you do is make people feel bad about themselves. How could anyone fall in love with you? Especially Dan. He's handsome, talented, funny and intelligent. Phil saw tears slowly descending down his pale cheeks. He couldn't stop the tears, they were now flowing like a stream down a mountain. His legs started to feel like foam, he knelt on the floor, putting his hands to his face, still crying.
He must be tired, I'll make him some coffee. Dan started to walk to the kitchen, as he was walking past the bathroom he noticed something. It was Phil. Sitting on the bathroom floor, crying. Dan quickly rushed to his friend and sat by him, leaning over a bit.
"Phil, tell me the truth. Did something happen?" Dan whispered. He could feel tears starting to build up in his own eyes, he couldn't take the thought that someone or something made Phil unhappy.
"No." Phil said sorrowfully. He was sure that if he told Dan that he loved him, he would make him leave, he would hate him. Forever.
"Phil, I can see you're not okay. I'm worried about you. Please, just tell me what's wrong." Dan said in destress. It's probably my fault, maybe he somehow found out that I like him, in a different way that a best friend would, and now he hates me. I can't let Phil cry over someone like me.
Dan put his arm around Phil. He could now feel Phil shivering. Phil seemed to stop crying for a moment, only to start to cry again, twice as much.
Why is he doing this for me? He shouldn't be comforting me. I'm such a mess. I just give him even more problems. Phil had once again stopped crying. But in his arms, I feel so safe, as if nothing could ever hurt me. I need to tell him. I need to tell him that I love him. Even if he rejects me, I'm ready for it, I just can't keep it in any longer.
"Dan I…" Phil tried tell Dan what he means to him, only to be interrupted by the warmth of Dan's lips on his. They sat like that for a good twenty seconds. Dan pulled away from Phil so they could both breathe.
"I love you Phil." Dan said warmly, feeling his cheeks start to blush in embarrassment. He was sure that Phil would now probably scream at Dan for what he has done or he would just laugh at the fact that someone like Dan would fall in love with him. He was wrong. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan tightly. Not intending to let go anytime soon.
"I love you Dan." Phil whispered into Dan's ear. Phil could feel Dan smiling, this only made Phil start to beam a smile on his face as well.
They were now both sat on the sofa watching American Horror Story, cuddled up to each other with a blanket covering them both. Phil put his head onto Dan's shoulder making Dan put his head on Phil's. They fell asleep like that, warm with the feeling of relief as they finally told each other what they have kept hidden for years.
When Dan woke up, he noticed Phil awake on the other end of the sofa. Just at that moment he glanced towards him and saw him smiling at him, his eyes lingering on him with warmth and an indefinable something else. His heart caught in his chest.