Disclaimer: -Sigh- I own nothing.
Old grandma Bailey sat in an armchair, surrounded by tiny little five year olds, about to tell a story. One of the excited little kids farted loudly. (I'm sorry; I just had to add that in!) Old grandma Bailey glared at the kid and started the story with: "You are about to hear the most thrilling tale of your entire existence. Tell me short, ignorant people, have any of you heard of a masked serial killer, Jason Voorhees?"
One of the ignorant kids raised their hand. Old Grandma Bailey nodded at him, telling him to share. "Jason Voorhees is this…um…guy…and he…um…Can I go to the bathroom?" The kid whined. Old grandma Bailey sighed. "NO." She said. "But I gotta go potty!" He moaned. "Make it quick." Old grandma Bailey composed herself and gave the story of Jason Voorhees first.
"And now he goes around murdering people in creative ways. Any questions before I move on?" She asked. The kid who went to the bathroom raised his hand. Old grandma Bailey sighed again with impatience. "What is it!?" She snapped. "It smells funny over here." The kid wailed.
Old grandma Bailed ignored him and went on with her story. "When I was only a wee little gal at twelve years old, I had fixed up a plan so brilliant-" The bathroom kid interrupted her. "After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?" Old grandma Bailey stared at this very ignorant kid and went on. "And so dangerous-" Yet again, Old grandma Bailey was interrupted by that same kid. "My mom said that she didn't want us hearing about dangerous things!" He blabbed, spit flying everywhere.
"Did your mom also say interrupting is rude?" Old grandma Bailey asked sweetly. "Yes, but-" "SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" The old bat screamed. The kid looked on the verge of tears. Old grandma Bailey smoothed her dress and took an intake of breath before continuing. "Dangerous, that it was almost stupid. I was going to go to camp. But not just any camp, Camp Blood. You remember what I told you about that?" She asked. The five year olds nodded in bliss.
"So I set off, knowing about Jason and everything-" That same damn kid talked over her again. "WHY!" He yelled at me. Old grandma Bailey wiped spit from her eye and explained. "Because…I was going to accomplish a feat of all time-" "WHAT'S A FEAT!?" Can you guess who just interrupted? That's right, that same kid… "SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU IGNORANT CHILD!" Old grandma Bailey screamed.
The kid fell silent once more. All the children were looking more and more scared. One of the little girls raised her hand and started to speak. "What feat were you going to accomplish, Old grandma Bailey?" She asked. "I was going to throw numerous potatos at dear Jason. And So I did, and here begins my tale. I was not participating in the events at camp, but I sat in my cabin and waited for Jason to kill off everyone." She paused and took a breath.
"And so he did. He never found me cowering in the little closet at the back of the cabin. When I heard him leave, I immediately grabbed my sack of potatoes and went on the unstable roof of the cabin. Jason had not left, but he was standing on the ground, looking up at me. I chucked one of the potatoes as hard as I could at his head. He looked confused, so I chucked another."
"He went after me, chasing me through the fields and such. I kept throwing potatoes at him. Jason was getting extremely mad by then. Luckily I had informed my mother of what was going on and she was waiting in the car for me when I ran up. And that, my dear ignorant children, is why you should always take up the opportunity to throw potatoes at Jason Voorhees." The children stared, transfixed. Even the bathroom kid seemed to be paying attention.
He seemed to want more attention, so he shouted loudly, "I BET JASON COULDN'T DO THIS!" And swerved his eyebrows in an unhealthy fashion. Old grandma Bailey stood up quietly and proceeded to strangle the kid. And that, my dear readers, is how Old grandma Bailey ended up in prison.
:D Random ideas on a boring day. Reviews make me happy!