To You, I Give, an attack on titan/進撃の巨人 fanfic

"I want us to grow old together."

...

It's a surreal experience being separated from his body. It lies there, bloodied and still. Hanji moves into action right away, rushing by his side to check his pulse. She swallows, the sweat beading on her forehead and heavy breaths fogging up her glasses. She wipes a dirty hand over them to clear up her vision before pressing her ear against his chest searching for a heartbeat.

It's not too late. Levi can feel an invisible pull toward his body, a force trying to suck his soul in. Levi doesn't know why he knows this, but he has a few minutes before it's too late to return, and his soul will disintegrate into nothing.

A series of familiar shouts on his left, and Levi turns away from his body, watching as thick steam rises from melting flesh and bones. More shouts, and Levi couldn't hear them very well, like he's underwater—every sound muffled and stagnant, but as he watches the panicked faces of Eren's friends, he feels a strange wrenching twist throughout his formless soul. Levi can barely make out the shape from the rising steam, but he can see, gleaming under the sunlight, the glittering crystal faces piercing through the haziness.

Eren, Levi thinks, and knows what he has to do.

...

This is a story and it begins with Levi's end. Although, it's not strictly Levi's story so much as it is Eren's.

And so the story starts, with Eren returning home from a hunt.

It doesn't snow here, not often, but Eren could still feel the numbing chill seeping through his two layers of clothes. He silently curses himself for not listening to Levi and bringing an extra coat with him, but luckily he can spot their modest shack at a distance, a curl of smoke rising from the chimney. Eren smiles and walks faster now that he knows Levi is up, careful to keep his grip tight on the goose in his left hand and his bow on his right.

"I don't know why you have to make a ruckus so early in the morning." Levi's muffled voice reaches Eren as he skips up their porch, becoming clearer as Eren pulls the door open. Sure enough, Levi is scooping some stew from the pot above the flame to two bowls, which he places on the table. "Well, don't just stand there, close the door if you don't want both of us to freeze to death."

Eren does and puts the goose on the table as Levi scowls, "I just cleaned the table!"

"Good morning to you too," Eren chuckles and crosses the room to put his bow and arrows away, tugging off his gloves and tosses them on top of the dresser, all the while Levi is mumbling angrily to himself as he takes the goose from the table. While Levi busies himself with hanging up the goose above a basin, Eren decides to brave the cold weather and washes his hands with the water pump outside when Levi stops him, "There's some water in the wash basin by the fireplace."

Eren makes an appreciative noise before spotting it, and jerks his hands from the basin just as Levi says, "It's really hot though, so add some cool water if you don't want to burn yourself."

"How's your morning?" Eren asks as he snatches the water pitcher on the table and pours a bit of cool water into the basin.

"I woke up, shit, cook, what else?" Levi says as he wipes down the table. Eren doesn't know why he even bother because Levi is going to wipe down the table again after they eat anyway, but Eren learns not to question Levi too much when it comes to cleaning.

Eren washes his hands and shakes them to dry. Levi shakes his head. "There is a towel next to the wash basin for a reason."

"This way is faster," Eren says before sitting down on the table, waiting for Levi to wash his hands and join him (properly using the towel, of course).

"You're only saying that to piss me off," Levi says as takes the seat across from Eren. "Now eat before it gets cold."

It's potatoes, again, but Eren consoles himself in the fact that they will have meat today, if Levi ever gets around to defeather the goose.

"It's getting really cold." Eren shivers, grateful for the stew slowly warming him up.

"At least there's no snow," Levi mutters.

"Snow is nice," Eren says. "Remember the time when there was a blizzard and we got stuck in that hut in the middle of nowhere?"

"I do," Levi says, his voice heavy, and Eren looks up at Levi's dark, unreadable eyes. He swallows, remembering the abandoned hut, old cold ashes and half-eaten food rotting, plates and bowls unwashed, cup of water half-finished and murky with age, remnants of people who used to live there but had to leave behind everything in haste. They both knew then what had happened. Levi had breathed out a heavy sigh, taking off his gears and placing them with a heavy clunk on the ground. "We have to be alert. Although I doubt they could move a lot in this storm, so we have some time."

"Sorry," Levi says, probably sensing the unease in Eren. Then, "It was only nice for you because you were trying to get in my pants."

Eren grins at the memory, foreboding feelings forgotten. "You enjoyed it too," he says, voice low and rough. Eren slowly slides his foot up Levi's leg, enjoying the slight tremble that runs through Levi's body as a result.

Levi shakes Eren off. "Your boots are dirty."

Eren's grin doesn't fade because after breakfast, he remembers to take his boots off before tumbling into bed with Levi; the warmth of their bodies fitting together makes him forget all about the numbing cold outside.

"I hope it snows," Eren whispers into Levi's shoulder. He thinks of snuggling against Levi, naked, covered only with their cloaks, their wet clothes hanging to dry. It was a good memory.

"It's not going to snow," Levi says, and Eren could imagine his frowning face at the thought of Eren tracking melting snow into the shack.

"You just have to believe," Eren says. "It will happen."

Levi shifts and rolls over to face Eren then. "So it will snow just because you want it to?"

"Yes."

Eren can't read the expression on Levi's face then. It's a mix of something sad and something close to pity.

Eren hates it.

"Don't." Eren's voice is breaking, and he's feeling as if he's slipping away. Levi's image blurs at the edges, and it's not until Levi grips his hand tightly that everything in his sight begins to sharpen again. Eren reminds himself that Levi is here with him now, safe and alive.

"Let's talk about something else," Eren says, still feeling shaken.

"Yeah," Levi nods, gentle. "Let's."

They end up not talking about anything at all.

...

Levi finally defeathers the goose with a basin of hot water.

Dinner is delicious.

...

It snows.

...

Levi hates the snow with a passion not only because of wet clothes and wet boots and tracking melted snow and mud into their home, but also because he can't stand the cold. Eren enjoys the changing seasons however, and more importantly he enjoys dragging Levi along on long walks. Levi grumbles a lot, but he would go if Eren prods him often enough.

"It's beautiful," Eren says, looking at the stretch of land covered in white, dark shapes of trees and branches jutting proudly from the snow, a stream slowly freezing over with glossy ice like a mirror.

"It's cold" is all Levi has to say. "And with you everything is beautiful." He tugs at the cords of his cloak and tightens the knot, as if it would shield him better from the cold. It doesn't of course, because even if Levi is sitting in front of the fireplace inside their home, wrapped in three layers of clothes and sipping hot soup, it would still be too cold.

"With you, every season is too cold," Eren points out. "Even spring."

"Summer isn't cold," Levi says. "I like summer."

"Summer is ridiculously hot," Eren glares, noting that Levi's skin is becoming tanner every year. "I can't believe you still want to sleep with the blanket out when the heat is melting my skin off." It makes snuggling with Levi difficult because Eren doesn't want the blanket, but Levi always cocoons himself with it. "You only like summer because it gives you the excuse to take more baths."

"Summer is beautiful," Levi agrees to no one but himself. "What's so good about winter anyway?"

"It's quiet," Eren says. "Everything is asleep and resting."

"Or dead," Levi says dryly, kicking a leafless branch out of the way. It lands in front of them with a soft thump.

"You like to mention death a lot," Eren says.

"Unlike you," Levi sighs, his breath puffs out in white clouds in front of him. "When are you going to learn how to defeather a fucking goose anyway? You're the one that wants meat."

Eren ignores that and hopes that Levi would continue to do his least favorite chores forever. "It's kind of weird if you think about it."

"Think about what?"

"That living things have to kill other living things to survive." Eren hasn't really thought about it. He just accepts it.

"If you're that oppose to the idea, you can always stop eating meat," Levi says, scoffing when Eren shakes his head.

"I said it was weird, not that I'm opposed to it," Eren says.

Levi looks at him, his lips in a grim line. "Death is a necessity."

"Is it really?" Eren asks. A hawk perched on a branch at a distance. A movement in the snow a few feet away from it.

A rabbit.

"I don't know," Levi says. "There's not a clear reason for everything, but sometimes, things just happen and we have to accept it. We both know a lot about it from our personal experiences." Then, just as the hawk begins to swoop down, Levi continues, "Ok, we've walked for long enough. Let's go back."

"We just got outside," Eren says. "I can still see our house from here." He gestures toward the general direction of their home.

Levi turns. "I can't see a thing."

The words tumble out of Eren's mouth before he can stop them, years of living with Levi has loosened his tongue. "You're too short."

The reaction is immediate. Levi snaps to face him with a familiar expression of irritation, and Eren realizes that Levi's reaction to quips about his height has grown more extreme the longer they live together. Eren takes a step back from Levi and raises his hands in surrender. "I mean…"

Eren has to use all of his skills from his fighting titans' days to jump on his feet and swivel his body away, just as the snow ball whizzes past him in a dizzyingly fast speed.

"I was joking," Eren says, blood thumping loudly in his ears in excitement because it has been a while—one year actually—since their last snow ball fight. He feels the familiar rush of adrenaline down to his feet, and jerks to his left when another snow ball shoots past him and smashes against the tree right behind him.

"I will fight back," Eren warns, knowing that Levi hates getting snow on him and wanting to give Levi a fair heads up.

Another snow ball whizzes past him.

"You asked for it," Eren says as he ducks from another assault and takes cover behind a tree. A small peek to locate Levi's position earns him another attack, specks of white exploding against his face as the ball slams against the branch right by Eren's face, and Eren snaps back under cover.

Levi's snow ball offensive is as powerful and quick as his hands on the blades slashing through flesh, Eren notes with amusement before gathering up snow into a ball, spotting a tree about a couple of feet away. He's not as quick as Levi, but he does have a good eye and he knows how Levi likes to attack after so many years of fighting by his side and even more years living with him.

It would work, he thinks.

Eren dashes into a sprint, quickly locating Levi's position and launches the snowball. He reaches the other tree just as another snowball hurtles toward him, hitting him squarely in the back, and as he hears the dull thump he knows that he didn't get Levi, not by a long shot.

Damn.

"I know I got the hit, Eren," Levi calls out. "You know the rules. I got the first hit so it's my pick. We're heading back."

"We just got outside," Eren whines, not really wanting to go back when he's having such a nice day out with Levi. His deep voice sounds strange now when he whines, and it doesn't sound as effective as his teenage voice, but he still manages to get Levi to cross his arms in irritation.

"We 'just got outside' for about several hours now," Levi says.

An idea strikes Eren's mind, and he gathers some snow into his palms, and with great reluctance, shoves his hands into his pockets. Levi will scold him for purposely getting his clothes wet, again, but whatever, this will be funny.

"It's not fair," Eren says as he walks out from behind the tree. Levi is impatiently looking in the direction of their home, not noticing Eren's evil look. Eren is glad. Eren has been told that he has a terrible poker face. "There are three "cold" seasons, and you get to complain three out of four seasons of the year. I only get one."

"Well if you want more opportunities to complain, you should have joined the Garrison and took the administrative jobs," Levi says, turning around at last. "Those old fuckers do nothing but complain and goss—"He frowns when he looks at Eren, however, and Eren knows that he has to act fast. "What are you—"

Levi is quick, and years out of service have done little to slow him down. Eren has the advantage of being younger though, so he catches Levi just as Levi breaks into a run.

"Eren you—" Levi fights against Eren's hold on him, but Eren is stronger and bigger than Levi now, so the resistance is futile. Levi shoves his elbow into Eren's stomach, and Eren gasps at the sudden exploding pain from his guts, but his grab across Levi's shoulders remains firm.

"Eren you better not—" Levi begins, but it's too late because Eren tugs out Levi's cloak and shoves the ball of snow down Levi's clothes. "Eren you little fucker!"

Eren jumps away from Levi, laughing as Levi jerks wildly and tugs helplessly at the back of his shirt trying to get all the snow out. His laughter goes on for about a minute before he's tackled onto the snow by Levi, all the while Levi shouts over Eren's laughs, "You little piece of shit!"

Eren laughter calms to a grin and he pulls Levi down for a kiss, only to be shoved away. "No, don't kiss me right now."

"You won't forgive me?"

"No."

...

(Eren gets both Levi's forgiveness and a kiss later.)

(There are some perks, living this kind of life.)

...

"Hey, Levi?"

"Yeah?"

"Did the hawk catch the rabbit?"

"I don't remember."

"Ok."

...

Both Eren and Levi remembered Levi's fifth death the most.

Autumn fell over them both in rain of dry crimson leaves that crunched underneath their boots, and Eren chased after Levi while Levi forged ahead.

"Wait," Eren shouted. A sharp ray of sunlight burned his eyes as the forest gave away to a clearing. Eren placed a hand on his brow to shield his eyes from the light, and then there Levi was, standing at the edge of the cliff. Eren's heart roared like thunder in his chest because he knew what Levi wanted to do.

"Wait."

Eren watched the curve of Levi's back as the autumn light washed over him, glowing at the edges, lines of gold bouncing on his hair and skipping over his dark winter jacket. Another blink, and the winter jacket was gone, the sunlight caressing the flowing green cloak with the familiar pair of wings.

"Can you see it, Eren?" Levi said as Eren went to stand by his side. "What's beyond this cliff?"

"More trees?" Eren said hesitantly, not quite sure what Levi was getting at. More forest extended below them, stretching to the edge of the horizon as far as his eyes could see. He looked at Levi and knew that wasn't the answer Levi wanted, so he corrected himself. "More big ass trees."

Levi scoffed in amusement, but he quickly sobered up from the humor. "That's not what I see."

"What do you see then?"

Levi gestured to the forest below. "I see heavy gray clouds."

Eren frowned, wondering if Levi was seeing things or if this was another metaphor that he didn't understand.

"I see the edge of this world," Levi continues. "And the clouds are so thick that I can't see the nothingness beyond them. It's the same as when you brought me into town the other day. I can't see anything but—"

When Levi didn't continue, Eren nudged him gently. "But what?"

Levi turned to look at him then, pained, and somehow, Eren knew, but he didn't want to believe.

"This world isn't mine," Levi said. "And when I remember that, I also remember—"

"This world is yours," Eren said firmly. "Ours."

"It's not real, Eren."

"No."

Levi grasped Eren's hand then. "You can see it, the clouds." And Levi was right, he could, the forest below them melting into grayness, dark steam rising from the top of the trees. "Because this world is within your head. What's real is out there."

Levi pointed to the blue sky, where the sun grew larger and larger, golden light spiraling above them. Eren could hear voices at a distance, familiar ones that he used to know calling for him, and he swallowed. He knew what was waiting beyond the golden light.

"But you're," Eren said, words tumbling inside his throat, heavy like stones. "You're not going to be there anymore if I return, right?"

"No," Levi said, letting go of Eren's hand. Eren's skin turned cold where Levi's body heat left him. "My time out there is up."

"But you're here."

"It's my job," Levi said, tugging at the cloak around Eren, and Eren realized that he too, was wearing the Scouting Legion uniform once more. "I have to protect you, remember? And this—" He placed his right hand over his heart in a salute, and Eren remembered that he had never seen Levi saluted anyone in his life. "This is my last act as your Corporal."

"If I go, what will happen to you here?" Eren asked.

"I don't know," Levi admitted. He looked to the gray clouds below, slowly stepping to the edge of the cliff. "But you're not going to be able to wake up without letting me go, Eren."

"Corporal."

"Eren, you have to return. You have to let me die."

"Wait—" Eren remembered then, what he had used to know. He knew that if he returned, Levi would be gone, and it was his fault that Levi had—

"Listen to my orders," Levi said with narrowed eyes. "Let me die. Return and keep fighting. Keep living."

"I can't," Eren said, knowing that it was true. He couldn't accept it, and he wasn't going to. He'd never had the chance to tell Levi that he wanted him by his side. The regrets burned in his guts, all the things he should have done, all the words he should have said, but if he returned, his feelings wouldn't matter anymore because he'd never shown them to Levi when Levi was alive. "I want us to grow old together."

"We can't have that," Levi said. "It's too late for me."

"We can have it in this world!" Then, as if remembering that he needed to keep calm, Eren lowered his voice, slowly taking a step forward and reaching out a hand to Levi. "If I never get to see you again, then I want to at least spend some time with you here."

Levi looked like he was contemplating Eren's words for a fraction of a second, but he spoke without hesitation. "You will live on, even if I have to force you to let go of me."

Levi jumped.

...

"It didn't work," Levi said with shaky breaths. He turned his back to Eren, and Eren could see the weariness pulling down on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Eren said, already expecting that after Levi's death, time would reset for them once more. He didn't say this aloud, however, choosing instead to wait for Levi's words of disappointment.

But Levi was silent. Eren watched the slight movement of Levi's body with every inhale and exhale. It was so real that he couldn't tell that Levi didn't belong in this world. The howling wind rattled their front door and windows, shaking on their roof above. A few minutes later, the raindrops began to tap above them, and Eren noted with pride that they did a good job patching the roof because it didn't leak anymore.

"The roof stopped leaking," Eren said, breaking the silence between them.

Levi didn't say anything for a long while so when he spoke, his voice nearly startled Eren. "It's not a bad patching job."

"We make a good team," Eren said, waiting with bated breath for Levi's response. He wiggled his toes under the blanket that reached slightly below his waist, the fabric rustling slightly with the movement of his feet.

Levi turned around to face Eren, scooting closer to him and pulling the blanket over to cover them both. The rain drummed harder on their roof, and the autumn chill crept into their house, but Levi dug his knees against Eren's thighs. It was warm.

"We do," Levi admitted and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted.

They both fell asleep to the sound of the soothing rain above. Eren woke up to Levi smacking a hand on his face by accident in his sleep, and Levi woke up to Eren's long toenails scratching his feet when they tangled their legs together.

"You didn't cut your toenails?" Levi groaned. "That's gross."

...

Levi says that time moves faster here, but Eren doesn't feel it.

"It's like a dream," Levi says. "One moment it's autumn and the next it's winter." He put more fire wood into the fireplace, and Eren watches him, sipping his cup of warm tea with some leftover honey that they bought when it was still warm enough to visit town.

Eren doesn't feel time the way Levi feels time. For Eren, it feels like infinity. Safe. Certain. Perhaps it's just as Levi has said, that this world is his, but Eren would like to think that Levi belongs here too.

"It doesn't feel fast to me," Eren says.

"It's because you're still alive," Levi says offhandedly, and Eren feels the cup shakes in his hands. Levi turns to look at him, hesitant, frozen in place, waiting for turbulence.

All is peaceful. Eren is calm.

He knows.

"You are too," Eren says and knows in his heart that this is true.

Levi doesn't say anything at first. He goes to the table and sits across from Eren, stirring his tea with a spoon. He doesn't take a sip.

"What does it say?" Eren says.

Levi looks at him. "I don't believe in that tea leaves tell the future."

"Do you know what it says though?"

Levi looks at the cup. The tea is probably cold by now, so he won't drink it.

Eren waits patiently for Levi's verdict.

"It says that I will live."

...

(They both know but don't say it.)

(The future is Eren's hope.)

...

One of the best things about living with Levi is learning that Levi likes to knit, even though he hates to admit this because Eren knits better than him and would tease him about it. Although Eren's more skilled, he leaves the knitting to Levi because repetitive motions bore him, and Levi needs a mindless activity to relax. Levi knits all sorts of things—sweaters, scarfs, gloves—and most of them are for Eren. This does mean though, that Eren has to pick up yarn every time he goes into town, and he does try to buy in bulk to save trips.

Eren hates going into town. Levi can't go with him, and Eren doesn't like to face the shapeless gray faces of the townspeople alone. Nevertheless, he goes every two weeks because there are supplies that they need, and they can't get those supplies from the area around the home.

Despite all of the inconvenience though, Eren likes to lie in bed and watch Levi knits, rough, war-scarred hands moving swiftly with the needles, the golden light of the oil lamp by their bedside glowing on Levi's head, over specks of gray hair.

Eren reaches out and yanks on one of the gray hair. The pale strand glinted with the light.

"What?" Levi growls irritably, his fingers fumbling for a moment before regaining their momentum once more.

"You're getting old," Eren says.

"Good job on finally noticing," Levi says. He knees Eren in the thigh, and Eren jerks in surprise. "Now let me finish."

"What are you knitting?" Eren asks.

"A sweater."

"You know, it would be nice if you knit me some new socks," Eren mumbles into his pillow, thinking of how warm his feet could be. Levi knitted a really nice pair for him once, but there are holes at the toes now.

"And your old one would last if you actually cut your toenails," Levi shots back.

Eren remains quiet then. He doesn't want to cut his toenails just yet.

As he watches Levi works, he can't help but think about other signs of age wearing down on Levi's body. Levi's bones and muscles have begun to ache more often now, and Eren has to help him massage them with a salve every day. His wounds heal more slowly lately, and although he is as fast as he was in his youth, it places more strain on his body than before.

"You're not that young yourself," Levi mutters as if he knows what Eren is thinking. He doesn't lift his eyes from his needles so he doesn't see Eren's frown as Eren looks at his own wrinkly hands. Eren runs them through his face, feeling the rough lines at the corner of his eyes.

"You have more gray hair than I do," Levi says almost gleefully.

"You're fatter than I am," Eren says meanly and doesn't really mean it. It's something they do—reminding each other of how old they are.

"I am not!"

Eren just chuckles, watching the roll of yarn jumps on top of the sheets with each swift movement of Levi's hands. He reaches out to flick the ball, and it skips over one of Levi's leg.

It's quiet, this life. Eren remembers that before they are here, he had never gotten a chance to see a Levi that doesn't tense up whenever he watches over Eren. Eren doesn't blame Levi because he knows he couldn't control his transformation as well as he should, and there is always the possibility that Levi has to kill him, no question asked.

"It's funny because our position is reversed now," Eren says. "I'm the one who's watching you."

Levi pauses, lowering his hands and the needles onto his lap. He looks at Eren. "But no matter what, I'm not going to die here just yet, am I?"

"No," Eren agrees. This is something that Levi couldn't control no matter what. "We'll grow old together."

"We will," Levi says, reaching a hand to squeeze Eren's. He quickly retracts his hand, embarrassed because he's still not used to simple gestures of affection. It's something that Eren noticed when in the first two years they were together. He never points it out, waiting patiently as Levi grows comfortable into it on his own.

They had many years behind them, and they will have many more in the future, but Eren knows that someday this would end. He doesn't know how he feels about this. Gaining so many things that he learns about Levi over the years, he doesn't think he can let go.

"You're thinking of something stupid again, aren't you?" Levi says, as if he can read Eren from the silence alone.

"No." Eren watches their soft shadows huddle against the back wall.

"Go to sleep," Levi orders.

Eren closes his eyes, snuggling against Levi's side. Levi's body is mostly hard and uncomfortable to cuddle with, but he is warm.

Many years have passed, but Eren falls into a peaceful sleep knowing that most of those years, dream or not, were spent with Levi by his side.

...

(The end is always death.)

(Eren wants this story to go on forever because he doesn't want to see it ends with Levi's death.)

...

Eren knows that even though Levi likes to remind him of his slowing metabolism thanks to aging, his body is actually in top shape. Besides, if Levi decides to talk about his weight again, Eren would just gently remind Levi of his impending hair loss.

"We're becoming bitter old men," Eren pants as he jogs next to Levi. They're taking the usual uphill path again, and it's another reminder that he is in fact, not getting fat, because he could still keep with Levi on his ridiculous morning runs.

Either that or both of them are becoming slower than before. Eren likes to think otherwise.

A thin layer of cool mist hangs over the trees, and the sound of the chirping birds calms the tension in Eren's body until Levi's sharp voice pierces through the morning air, and Eren swears that Levi scares all the birds away.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Levi snaps. "All the fat you're gobbling down every day must have dull your brain."

"Who the hell shit on your morning?" Eren says. "It's barely dawn and you're already in one of your moods."

It is a lovely day, and the air is fresh.

Levi answers by speeding up ahead, and Eren can't catch up to Levi because the path narrows to accommodate only one person. It's a good quarter of a mile until the path begins to widen again, and Eren reaches Levi's side then. "What did I do?"

Levi glares at Eren. "I found the root of our fruit fly problem this morning."

"Oh," Eren says, knowing immediately why Levi is angry. "I was going to tell you at some point." Sort of. Eren had forgotten that a few weeks ago, he sneakily ate some of the berries in bed when Levi was deep asleep, and since it was too cold to get out of bed, he hid them underneath the bed, behind the rolled up winter clothes that Levi has bound tightly with strings and ratty old bed sheets that they don't use anymore. He completely forgot about it the next morning, and of course he wasn't going to mention this to Levi even if he did remember because Levi has a strict 'no food on the bed' rule.

This week, Eren is greeted with the amusing sight of Levi unsuccessfully going after the flies with a rag, and he would have laugh had it not been his fault in the first place.

"I trusted you to clean everything," Levi scowls, at the same time Eren says, "I promise I won't eat on the bed again."

"What?"

Realizing his mistake, Eren hopes that Levi hasn't heard that. "What?"

"You said you ate on the bed?" Levi growls, sounding dangerously angry, and because Eren very much values his life, he attempts to change the topic.

"Race you back to the house!" Eren shouts before charging ahead.

It turns out that the reason why Eren is able to keep up with Levi on morning jogs is because Levi has been slowing down for him. This becomes obvious when Levi promptly catches up to Eren despite Eren's little head start and easily leaves him behind in the dust. Eren didn't sit around when he was in Levi's squad, however, so he does manage to keep Levi within his line of sight, although Levi is a good three yards away from him.

Eren is the one who deals with the fly problem in the end. A bowl of lemon juice and soap later, he manages to kill all the fruit flies that buzzed around their home for the past many days.

Levi checks on Eren's progress and says, "Not too bad."

...

"You're getting fat," Levi says as Eren tugs the knitted sweater over his head.

"It fits," Eren says. It's also a loose fit, so he doesn't know how Levi is drawing his conclusions.

"You should stop eating the fat on the meat," Levi pulls at the bottom of the sweater until it reaches the waistband of Eren's pants.

"But it's so good," Eren groans, and when Levi gives him a glare, Eren agrees to eat half the amount of animal fat as he usually eats.

...

The next time they have meat, Levi painstakingly removes the fatty parts, the bastard.

...

Levi's fourth death was terrifying. They were out in the woods, summer buzzing with heat and insects all around them, sweat sticking their clothes onto their skin.

Eren hated it. Levi loved it.

"I've given up on trying to get you to accept," Levi had said, and Eren swallowed the heat and foreboding fear in his throat. The lingering sense of wrongness at the back of his mind grew stronger, and the ground beneath his feet began to shake. "But you have to remember."

Don't remember, Eren could hear a voice in his head screaming desperately. Don't.

"I want us to grow old together," Eren said, voice sticky with hurt. Insects hummed around them. "Why do you want to leave me so badly?"

"I don't want to leave you," Levi stopped in his track, swiveling around to meet Eren's eyes, and it was difficult to keep eye contact with him when Eren could see the desperation in his eyes, the loss, the grief, the regrets, the silent "I don't want to die just yet.""Of course I can't; it's my fucking job to look after you. Your grips on the blades and your posture still need improvement, and you still can't kill a titan by yourself to save your life—" Levi paused in his rant, perhaps realizing that the more he dwelled on this, the more reluctant he was to leave. "But we both know what had happened, and I don't have a lot of time left—"

"But you're here," Eren snapped. "You're with me, and you're alive right now. That's good enough."

"Eren, I'm not—" Levi began, but paused when the ground beneath their feet began to crack.

Don't say it.

"What about your friends, Eren?" Levi pulled out the big cards, pushing on, and Eren took in a sharp breath. "You know they need you."

In the back of his mind, Eren began to remember, bright golden hair and eyes blue as the sea that they promised to see together, dark hair falling over the red scarf that marked the beginning of their friendship, and their voices, shouting over the spinning world, "Eren! Eren!" but Eren couldn't turn to them because in front of him—"Eren, let go. He's—"

"Stop," Eren backed away from Levi, eyes clenched tightly as if the memories would dissipate once he opened his eyes again. It didn't.

"Eren—"

No.

The earth cracked open, swallowing Levi whole, and the world fell apart, shattering into pieces of glass.

...

Eren is more excited than Levi is with the warming weather because the end of spring means berries. Levi needs spring because winter is freezing. Spring is chilly but it's tolerable. Spring also means that they will be planting vegetables after the snow melts, and Levi will remind Eren who is better with the bow as they go hunting together.

Eren thinks that Levi is better than him with killing things in general, but he doesn't say that tactless thought aloud.

Spring means that spring onions, radishes, paper-thin skinned fresh potatoes, and green things that Eren doesn't recognize are tossed into the pot along with meat with a bit of lemon and boiled until the meat is tender and the spices blend together. It's spring when Eren really tests Levi's patience.

"Is it ready?" Eren asks, shaking his legs in excitement. They caught a nice rabbit today, and Eren is rather fond of spring onions in stew.

"No," Levi says, not even looking up from what he's doing. He carefully places the arrows one by one on the table, with the fletching sticking out from the edge to inspect for straightness. Levi is used to Eren's obsession with onions and tender meat that falls apart with a single bite, so his replies are from pure habit. The table shakes slightly because Eren is shaking his legs and tapping his fingers, but Levi ignores his personal annoyance in order to finish his task in peace.

"How about now?" Eren asks.

"No." Satisfied with the straightness of the arrows, Levi begins inspecting them for cracks.

"Now?" By now Eren has lost interest in the stew itself, and is more interested in the prospect of getting Levi's attention.

Levi doesn't even answer Eren. He spots a long, thin crack that runs from the middle of the arrow to the tip and places it aside, moving on to the next. If he finishes this, he could check on the bow before lunch time, and maybe do a few practice shots in the afternoon.

Eren notices the frown on Levi's face and decides to forestall his annoy-Levi goal for today. "What's wrong?"

"I want to go out to do some practice shots," says Levi. "But I forgot to do laundry this morning and the clothes won't dry if I don't hang them out now."

"I'll do it," Eren says, and when Levi looks at him skeptically, he frowns. "I can do it! When I was in your squad, you always stuck me with mundane tasks like this anyway."

"But not laundry," Levi says. "Things seem to become dirtier after you try to hang them up. And for the record, everyone has to do mundane tasks, not just you, so stop complaining." Eren knows from the expression on Levi's face that he's winning, and he isn't surprised in the least when Levi sighs, "I suppose you can deal with laundry for today."

"Aren't you missing something?" Eren reaches across the table for one of the arrow, but Levi smacks his hand away. "Oww."

"I'm not missing anything," Levi says, putting all the arrows back. "It's your laundry too. If you get the laundry dirty then you can skin your own game."

Eren thinks of Levi's swift hands as he made a small cut at the back of the neck. Levi then plunged his fingers into the cut and pulls, the skin splitting apart to the back of the head and down the hind legs like ripping cloth. The guts was removed earlier right after they caught the rabbit, Levi using a choking grip to slowly remove the innards from the body. The meat would last a bit longer this way, although it didn't matter because they would eat it today.

Eren had watched as Levi handled the lifeless animal. He kept his gaze on the dead still eyes until Levi severed its head.

"I'll keep the laundry clean," Eren promises, and Levi nods.

"It's probably done," Levi gestures toward the pot.

"I got it." Eren rises to his feet to put the fire out, excited as the smell assaults his nose, even stronger and more tempting than before.

Rabbit stew is delicious.

...

(Eren thinks, but doesn't tell Levi this, that even if the hawk back then didn't catch the rabbit, the rabbit would have die by something else anyway.)

(Eren might even be the one to kill it. He likes rabbit stew.)

...

Levi is as graceful with a bow as he is with his swords.

Eren loves watching him.

Levi doesn't notice Eren once he positions himself into the familiar open stance, his feet a shoulder width apart and his front foot placed toward the target. Levi holds out his bow hand and tests where he wants to place the pressure of the bow grip even though Eren knows Levi has it memorized by heart. Even though Levi is known to jump into dangerous situations without hesitation, Eren notices that Levi is always careful in preparation.

Also, even though Levi wouldn't admit this and would probably say things like, "It's too fucking cold," Eren knows he likes being outdoors.

Levi pulls the bow back, lines up with steady hands, checks his line of sight.

Thud.

Close to the center, but not quite.

There is a quiet grace to Levi's movements with the bow, if Eren is to compare it to Levi with his blades. The Levi here doesn't have to kill anything—he rarely hunts and usually leaves the job to Eren—so there is no urgency straining his muscles, no trepidation pulling at the lines on his face, no haunted look in his eyes. There is only Levi and his bow and the target in front of him, and nothing else.

Eren watches as the afternoon light washes over Levi's form. The white sheets that he has hung up flutter for a second, blocking Levi momentarily from view.

Thud.

Eren pulls the sheets from his line of sight.

Levi hits dead center this time.

Eren smiles and continues to hang the rest of their laundry.

It's peaceful, this life.

...

The days are warm, but the evenings are chilly, and Levi reminds Eren of this fact every day until spring ends. Eren would point out that it's warmer than winter, or would Levi rather that winter returns now, and that seems to calm Levi's grumbling down a few notch. They make a compromise to keep out the winter wool blanket, and that seems to satisfy Levi although it does little in lessening his grumbling.

Eren misses winter, but the smell of burnt firewood in the morning remains even in the spring time, and he welcomes the new scents of life that burst forth over the hills in green grass and brightly colored flowers.

During the first spring that they lived together, Eren had picked a bouquet of flowers for Levi. It didn't go well.

"Why?" Levi had asked, looking skeptical as Eren handed him the bundle of flowers, fresh from the fields; the scent of life still lingered at the end of the broken stems where Eren had snapped them away from their roots.

"What, you don't like them?" Eren frowned. "It's a gift."

"What good do I have for dead flowers?" Levi said. He took them from Eren anyway because Eren had said that they were a gift, but still.

"They're not dead yet," Eren pointed out. The bright flowers were still standing proudly, reaching out their petals in greeting. Just a glass of water and they would remain living, even if it was only a short while.

"They will be," Levi sighed.

"But not yet," Eren said, stubborn.

Levi didn't say anything. He looked at the flowers silently as if he didn't know what to do with them.

"I'll get a glass of water for them," Eren said. "If we change water occasionally, they won't die."

"Until time catches up with them," Levi pointed out. He looked wistful. He looked like he wanted to say, "Like me."

"But we'll still have them for a period of time," Eren said.

Levi didn't push it further.

Eren found a tall glass of water for the flowers. He placed it on the bedside table by their window.

Levi didn't mind.

Days later, when Eren had forgotten about Levi's reservations regarding the flowers, Levi turned to him and said.

"Thank you."

...

(The flowers live.)

...

This is Eren's world and there is nothing but peace.

But sometimes, (every night), Eren would fall into a variation of the same dream.

The dream has different beginnings. Sometimes, it would begin with Eren and Levi going hunting together; sometimes, it would begin with them riding horses, eating a meal, hanging laundry, and lying in bed…It doesn't matter where the dream starts because it always leads to the same end. No matter where they are, what they do, how happy, how peaceful, how ordinary, Eren would always feel that sense of dread pulling at the back of his mind, that small warning that he is forgetting something.

It's too happy, what this is. Too peaceful. Too ordinary. Quiet on the surface like the calm face of a pond. Quiet like snow dusting soundlessly over the field.

A plop of a falling leaf breaking the surface of the pond into circles of waves, and they wash over Eren's mind with memories.

A soft thump of a snow rabbit, and Eren jerks to the direction of the sound, aims steadily, and shoots. The arrow hits the target, and it's not possible but Eren swears that he could hear the sound of puncturing flesh, and that sense of dread jolts through his body, numbing his limbs with fear.

"Corporal," Eren gasps, and there Levi is, red blooming on his uniform, dark bloody petals spreading over his green cloak.

Eren knows.

He knew it all along.

Eren runs his fingers over the blood on Levi's face. Lifeless eyes stare back at him, accusing, and Eren knows it isn't Levi that's supposed to die.

Levi's voice is in Eren's head even as his corpse grows cold. I had to protect you. You..

"I don't need protecting," Eren tells the corpse. "I don't need you to watch over me." The thought is there before he could stop it.If you didn't have to protect me…

The accusation in the lifeless eyes remains, and then they roll over to look at him. Eren could see his own reflection over the glassy cornea. A laugh from Levi's dead cold lips, small specks of blood sputter from his mouth. They feel like ice as they hit the skin of Eren's hands.

Lies. You want me by your side.

Eren swallows. The truth falls heavily like stones down his throat.

You knew that you couldn't control your own demons. You needed me.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Eren says. "I mean it. I—"

He wants to feel safe. Levi makes him feels safe. He wants to believe that Levi can protect him. He wants to—

Rely on someone else? Because you're too weak to stand on your own?

The truth hits him harder than any physical blow ever could.

...

(The flowers that Eren got for Levi continue to bloom.)

(They sit by the bedside, bright and lively and beautiful.)

...

The third time Levi died was in the spring. He drowned when he jumped into the rushing water trying to save Eren.

When their time reset, Eren woke up to Levi's scowling face. "I told you trying to row a boat when you don't even know how to swim is a bad idea."

Eren was too busy being relieved that Levi was still by his side to really listen to Levi's rant, and it was a really long rant too. It ended along the line of, "Of course this piss-poor brat won't listen to me now because I'm not his superior anymore," to which Eren protested with, "I do listen to you," and they proceeded to argue.

...

The idea comes one more morning when Eren watches as Levi rubs the ache in his lower back. Levi has been doing that a lot more lately, and Eren wonders if Levi has reached a point where his age catches to him. "No," Levi's voice inside his head says, but Eren finds himself blurting out.

"We should get a dog."

Levi pauses in his track. "Why?"

"Raising a dog would be fun," Eren says, remembering chasing the neighborhood dogs when he was growing up.

"Absolutely not." Levi shakes his head. "We're not going to invent ways to bring dirt into the house." He frowns at this thought, and looking very disturbed by it, shakes his head one more time for good measure.

"It'll make things feel less lonely." Eren isn't very good at convincing people, but he does try. Living with Levi has been wonderful, but sometimes, even with both of them, it's too quiet. Sometimes both of them have nothing to say to each other, and all that's left is the howling of the wind outside and the slight rattling of the cabinets as Levi closes them. Sometimes, there is even less than that.

"Are you lonely?" Levi asks.

Eren thinks about it for a moment. "No, I'm not. Are you?"

"No." Levi takes the kettle from the fire and begins pouring hot water into a tea pot. Steam rises from the pot, and Eren begins to smell the distinct aroma of Levi's favorite tea leaves. "But it is too quiet sometimes," Levi admits.

They both don't mention that they sorely miss the rowdiness of the military mess hall at meal time, the loud chattering that echoes through the halls, the metallic clanging that vibrates the walls sometimes from the research facilities, the shouting from the training grounds. Because with those memories come the ones that they don't miss so much.

Levi looks like he is trying to determine what he hates more—silence or dirtiness—and Eren waits anxiously for his verdict. Levi purses his lips, and Eren has a strong feeling that he is winning, and then Levi rubs his lower back once more. Eren knows what Levi is thinking now, so he quickly adds.

"I know we're too old to run after a dog, but there are a lot of old dogs in town abandoned by their old families. They don't move as fast as the younger ones, and they're a bit better-behaved."

"What I don't understand." Levi pours tea into a cup. He raises it toward Eren's direction, but Eren shakes his head, so he keeps the cup for himself. "Is why I would want another dog when there's an annoying puppy I have to take care of 24/7."

"Be grateful that I'm potty-trained," Eren says.

"Oh I am," says Levi. "Or else you would have been sleeping outside for a long time."

Levi looks thoughtful for a moment as he takes a sip of tea. Eren recognizes that look, remembering Levi hunching over scrolls of strategy papers and maps. He wonders what has Levi thinking so seriously.

"What is it?" Eren asks.

"A dog is a lot of work," Levi says. "Are you sure you're up for it?" It doesn't seem like this is something that Levi wants to say, but Eren plays along, knowing that Levi will eventually lead up to what he truly wants to tell Eren.

"Yeah. It's not like I'm doing a lot around here anyway."

Levi rolls the cup so that the handle faces the opposite side, but he holds the cup by planting his fingers around the rim, heedless of the handle. Another sip, and then he looks at Eren, contemplative, and Eren squares his shoulders in anticipation of Levi's next words.

"An animal's lifetime is shorter than a human's, Eren," Levi says slowly. "And an old dog would only have a couple of years left in him."

Eren knows what Levi is getting at. But Eren knows that nothing last forever. "I'll be fine." At Levi's skeptical look, he adds. "I can handle it."

"If you're sure." Levi nods.

"So." Eren drums his fingers on the table. "We're getting a dog?"

"Yes," Levi says, in his familiar long-suffering tone. "We're getting one."

...

Every morning, Eren wakes up to Levi tending their garden in the front. As he watches the hunch of Levi's back, he thinks about how much more interesting it would be to have a dog running around and bothering Levi as he works.

Eren really wants a dog.

...

Levi once asks Eren if Eren really can create anything in this world if he wishes, and the answer is almost. Sometimes there is something great and amazing that he wants to build, but then a slight reminder of its impossibility in real life, and Eren wouldn't be able to construct it, no matter how much he reminds himself that he is in his world now, and anything is possible.

"Is there anything that you want me to create in particular?" Eren asks. For Levi, he will try. Summer dances over the hills in bright green grass and an unbearable heat, and Eren is suffering in sweat, but Levi insists this is exactly the perfect weather.

Levi places all the wet dishes on top of a towel to dry, thinking that perhaps they should just build a rack for this. He mulls over Eren's words for a moment. Then, "A creek."

"What kind of creek?" That sounds deceptively simple but is secretly challenging. However, it is possible. Eren remembers a rough part of the forest where there is no path for them to explore and thinks that he can put a creek there that cuts through the woods.

"Just a creek with water," Levi says, sounding irritated that Eren wants something more complicated from him. Levi doesn't seem to be too keen on the details of things aside from cleaning.

"A creek?" Eren asks, wondering why Levi wants this in particular.

"Yes."

"And you don't want any particular kind of creek?"

"If this is going to get stupidly complicated, then forget it."

"No no, I got it. A creek." Eren tries to map the idea of it in his mind. A creek. That would be nice. Why didn't he think of this earlier?

"Don't think too hard; you'll break your brain," Levi mutters.

"Thinking isn't your strong point either," Eren points out.

"One idiot isn't enough in this world." Levi shakes his head. "You just have to add another one."

It's one of Levi's roundabout ways of saying 'thank you for creating this world for the both of us,' but Eren will take it.

Eren doesn't create everything in his world from scratch. Each piece is a special part of his life, a fragment of memory from his past. Their house, in particular, is a combination of his childhood home and one of Eren's favorite houses to stay in when they traveled for the Survey Corp.

So in creating this creek, Eren knows exactly what to do.

They walk out to it one summer morning. Eren insists that they leave early before the late morning heat sets in, and Eren would be too busy suffering to truly enjoy the fruit of his labor. He leads Levi down the familiar path, then down to another that used to head to a dead end, a part of the forest that has eluded from them until now.

"But this way is—" Levi begins, and Eren cuts him off.

"It's fine, trust me."

Levi grows quiet, and then Eren knows that he has heard it—the sound of rushing water from the distance. The sound becomes louder and louder the closer they draw to the creek, and next to Eren, Levi is thrumming silently with excitement.

Before Eren can tell Levi to close his eyes and let Eren leads him, Levi goes past Eren and walks ahead himself. Eren lets him, charmed to see Levi so excited about this.

But Eren too, has to suck in a breath as the path opens up to water gushing under a canopy of low hanging branches and leaves.

"Not bad," Levi says softly.

They walk along the creek following the downward flow of the water spilling over large rocks and broken branches. Tall leaves line the sides of the creek, some of them helplessly uprooted by the current and are swept downstream. Eren watches them, mesmerized, and then Levi's voice clears the air, rising above the sound of the water.

"It looks just the like creek that we used to pass on long campaigns," Levi says.

"It is exactly that creek," Eren laughs.

"I thought this looks familiar." Levi stops in his track. Then, pointing to a tree that has fallen, so now it branches curve over the creek in an arch. "We used to camp here often."

"We do," Eren says. "It's a good location." They would break out the pots and the ration of food form their pack, everyone clamoring to prepare for dinner. Creek water is fresh and clear, all rainwater run-offs from the near mountains, so it was used for dinner and bathing. At night, tents were strung up along the side of the creek, everyone loud and clamoring until the orders to sleep was passed along.

"It's nice when it rains lightly," Levi says.

"Yeah," Eren agrees. It was actually Eren's favorite parts about these campaigns, listening to the sound of rain tapping against the tent covers. There was a small flap that opened up to a clear window so that he could look at the surrounding, and Eren had loved watching the droplets of rain rolling down the side of the tent. "Were you there when we had to kill the giant snake that lived under one of the rock crevice?"

"Yeah," Levi says. "I was the one who shot it dead."

"Oh that's right." One of the soldiers from the mountain knew how to cook snakes, and they had an interesting dinner that day.

They walk together downstream, reminiscing about the Survey Corp days. There are good memories that they talk about, and there are bad memories that they don't talk about. But those are the times that shape them until this day, and neither of them regrets it.

"We buried Leon there, didn't we?" Eren asks, pointing to a spot upstream, hidden by big bushes, but Eren knows that they would find a large mount marked by a circular arrangement of boulders there if they look.

Levi follows Eren's line of sight. "Yeah. He was a good dog."

"He was."

They keep walking in silence. "You know, if we get a dog, we can walk him to the creek every day like this."

"You want a dog to replace Leon?"

"No," Eren says. "Just…a dog to live with us and make new memories on top of the ones we already have."

Levi doesn't say anything else. Eren wonders if he brought this up at a bad time. Levi was actually one of Leon's favorite people to be around. The dog refused to eat without seeing Levi at least once a day.

"Yeah," Levi says at last. "Let's get a dog."

Summer hums around them with insects and heat.

...

Levi's hair is completely gray now.

There are dark freckles peppering his skin and lines of wrinkles running over his hands.

...

"What would we even feed a dog?" Levi asks off-handedly one evening.

Eren is excited because Levi is seriously thinking about this. "Meat."

Levi looks at Eren and sighs. "Sounds like more work for me then."

"And me," Eren says. "I'm the one who hunts."

"And I'm the one who has to do everything else," Levi scowls. "It honestly doesn't hurt for you to learn how to deal with the stuff that you kill."

"I don't have to," Eren grins; knowing that the next few words will make Levi angry and perhaps he shouldn't say them because an angry Levi is a scary Levi, but Eren says them anyway. "Because I have you."

...

(Levi isn't that mad at him. He's only a little embarrassed.)

...

(They didn't have the chance to get a dog because—)

(Because—)

...

Autumn came.

...

Levi gets sick.

Eren gets sick first, and then Levi catches it from him. However, Eren's inhuman immune system serves him well because within three days, he recovers from sickness. Levi is not so lucky. The fever keeps going for seven days, and while Levi's mind is still with him for the first three, Eren completely loses him with the remaining four.

On the four days that Levi is bed-ridden, Eren tries his best to get Levi to eat. He cooks the food into a stew until everything is so soft that it would melt in the mouth, but Levi insists that he isn't hungry.

"You have to eat something," Eren says as he helps Levi sits up in bed. He grabs the bowl and spoon by their bedside. "If you don't, you can't recover."

"I can't," Levi says. "My stomach feels like a fucking furnace."

"Please just take a few bites." Eren is reduced to begging now. Levi hasn't eaten for two days, and it's making him sick with worry.

Levi lets out loud wet coughs that shake his entire body. The sound bounces off the walls, and Eren nearly jumps back as Levi's body heaves heavily forward with every cough. Levi leans back against the wall once it's over, his eyes red and damp with tears and fever heat.

"You alright?" Eren asks shakily, spooked by the fact that Levi's coughs sound like there is something slushy stuck in his lungs and he can't get it out.

"Yeah." Levi lets out a heavy breath, and then, when Eren lifts the spoon to his mouth, he twists his head away. "No."

"You have to eat something!" Eren knows he's going to lose it soon if Levi doesn't at least take a sip. "If you don't, you'll—" His words die off, and suddenly it's hard to look at Levi.

It's been hard to look at Levi for the past several days now, watching as Levi is wasting away.

Levi suddenly looks more awake than he has been in days. "Give me a little."

Eren scoops out a big spoon for him, but Levi can only manages to drink half before he shakes his head. "No more."

"Just the rest of the spoon."

"No, I can't."

"You have to finish it."

"No, I don't."

"Just the rest of this spoon and I'll let you go back to sleep."

Levi sinks back down into the bed and closes his eyes in response. He goes still, so still that Eren would have try to shake him if it isn't for the steady rising and falling of his chest that tells Eren he's still alive.

Eren clenches the bowl tightly in his hands and tries to stop himself from smashing it against the wall.

The flowers by their bedside are wilting.

...

(Eren is painfully reminded that Levi's age is catching up with him with every one of Levi's cough that shakes up their bed late at night.)

(Eren tells himself that Levi will recover.)

...

On the days when Levi feels well enough, Eren helps him as they stumble to the front porch to get some sun. Fall is settling over them now, dusting the forest with gold and the hill with chilly winds, so Eren keeps a thick blanket on Levi as they watch the sun sets over the horizon line.

"It's cold," Levi shivers, and Eren gets under the blanket with him.

"Yeah, it's getting cold."

A flock of birds skirt over the hills before disappearing under the tall grass. They sit there for a long time, until the dusty pink of the sky fades away to a dark purple.

Levi is quiet, resting against Eren's shoulders. Eren could feel the heat of Levi's fever through his two layers of clothes.

"I'll go to town for more medicine tomorrow," Eren says. "I'll be quick. Would you be alright being alone at home?"

"Hmmm," Levi mumbles, too sleepy to really listen to Eren's words. Eren takes that as a yes. He has to. Levi is steadily getting worse.

Eren is at a loss of what to do, so he just keeps strong shoulders for Levi to lean on. Levi lets out a wet cough, and Eren rubs his back comfortingly, wishing that he could do more.

The day dies completely into night. Eren takes Levi inside and forces another spoon of soup in him.

...

(But an ugly part within Eren, Truth, tells him that it's going to end soon.)

...

Eren comes back from town one evening to find Levi propped up on a pillow, looking out the open window. He wants to ask if Levi is feeling better, but before he can, Levi lets out a cough that sounds like there are holes in his lungs, and he couldn't keep any air that he is breathing in.

Eren swallows and puts away everything that he bought from town into cabinets.

"How are you feeling?" Eren asks, and Levi shakes his head.

"Sit with me," Levi gasps out, voice rough like sandpaper.

Eren does.

They watch the sun fades away at a distance, letting time pass over them with every second, minute, hours.

"I'm not getting better," Levi says slowly. It's something they both know since a long time ago. Levi leans heavily against the pillow, looking older than Eren has ever seen him. "It's almost time." Resignation is settling over Levi's shoulders, in between the age lines on his skin, lacing in his tired words.

"You should eat something." Eren rises to his feet. "So that you can take your medicine."

"Eren."

"You don't have to force yourself to eat a lot. Just one or two spoons are fine."

"Eren."

"You'll get better, and then we'll take a walk to the creek again before winter sets in," Eren continues, hearing that his words are coming out too fast but he couldn't stop them. "That creek will be so pretty once winter freezes it over."

"Eren."

"There are still so many things that we have to see together." Eren rushes to the cooling pot on the table, planning to reheat the food for Levi. He's going to force at least two spoons on Levi no matter what, and then Levi can take his medicine. "We'll get a dog in the spring."

"Eren." The sudden sharpness in Levi's voice stops him. "Don't."

Eren grabs the pot and smashes it against the wall, and at the corner of his vision, Levi jumps in his bed in shock.

"What should I do?" Eren is aware that he's near tears, but he doesn't care anymore. "How do I fix this?"

"Eren? Eren, come here," Levi says weakly, gesturing Eren to come sit next to him.

Eren does. He slumps his head in Levi's lap, and Levi rubs comforting circles against his scalp with weak, feverishly warm fingers. "It's almost time."

Eren swallows. "I know."

"My wounds are probably too much," Levi says with a cough, and Eren knows that Levi is referring to the life outside this dream world that Eren has left behind. "Death is catching up to me up there."

"You have to return, Eren," Levi says gently.

Eren clenches the sheets inside his fists and doesn't say another word. He knows. They have been living so peacefully here that Eren nearly forgets that Levi's life is draining in real time now as they speak, and now Levi is going to be gone completely.

"Be strong," Levi pulls his hand from Eren's hair and places it on top of Eren's fist. "All of those years that we spent together have been for this moment. Wake up. Live. Fight. Promise me that you will do these things."

"Is this really the end?" Eren asks, feeling his inside numbing away to nothingness.

"Yes. Now promise me."

When Eren doesn't say anything, Levi growls, a harsh sound with his too-dry throat. "Promise me. Or else everything that I've live up to until now will be for nothing. There are people waiting for you out there, Eren. You know this."

"Yeah," Eren says softly, and Levi lets it go.

They watch the twinkling stars outside their window.

...

Levi passes away quietly in the middle of the night.

Eren doesn't know until he wakes up in the morning to find Levi already grown cold next to him. As Eren suspects, Levi reverts back to the image that Eren last seen in him real life, wearing his bloodied Survey Corp uniform and battle wounds, eyes tightly closed as if he is in a deep sleep.

The flowers on the bedside table have dried up, browned, hanging from the side of the glass like ribbons.

Eren let his tears blur the dream away and waits for his subconscious to bring him to the light.

...

The second time Levi died, they were chased by a large wild boar over the thin layer of winter snow.

Eren made it. Levi didn't.

Time reset for them, and when they both woke up, the first thing Levi said to Eren was, "We're trying my idea next time."

...

The first time Levi died…

...

Truth sits next to Eren as they wait for the boat. Rows of stone benches stretch on both sides of the canal, extending into the far infinity. It makes Eren thinks of the canal boats that brought him from Shiganshina to the inner city, the day when everything fell apart.

The autumn sun is bright today. Tall trees stand behind the rows of benches, gold leaves drying into brown. When the wind comes, showers of dried leaves fall over Eren and Levi. Eren thinks about the fall harvest that they had missed and looks down at Levi's face.

Levi is lying down with his head in Eren's lap, his eyes closed, no pulse in his wrist, no heart beat in his chest, but at least the blood is gone. Levi's face looks peaceful, as if he is only sleeping. Truth sits on the other side of the bench, their back to Eren. Eren needs this.

He makes sure his hands are still clean and dry before running it through Levi's hair. A boat will come for them soon, but only Eren can get on.

"I'm sure it wasn't painful for him at all," a gentle voice speaks up.

Eren turns to his left and meets soft eyes and a smile. She reminds him of someone he knows, but Her face is unfamiliar to him. Eren knows Her though, because like Truth, She too travels with him.

"You're only saying that to make me feel better," Eren mumbles. He thinks of Levi gasping for breaths, blood seeping out of him until there is nothing left, and knows it must have been painful.

She moves to sit on the bench next to him. Eren watches Her from the corner of his eyes, how She regards Truth with careful eyes and a nod of acknowledgement before returning Her attention to Eren. "It's no worse than the things he has been through before," She says. "The only difference now is that he's not suffering anymore."

"I hope that's the case," Eren says, Levi's hair soft and Levi's scalp cool under his fingers.

They sit in companionable silence. All is calm saved for the occasional stir of the surface of the water by the wind, water sloshing to the side of the canal.

A large boat rolls to a stop in front of them. The wooden walkway from the side of the boat hits the ground in front of Eren with a resoundingthunk. There are people on the other side of the walkway, watching him, waiting for him to get on the boat. The autumn sun is directly behind them, burning his eyes, and he can't see their faces very well.

"I have to go," Eren says but doesn't move. His hand doesn't leave Levi's hair.

"Yes," She agrees.

"I have to keep moving," Eren continues, his eyes are glued on to the people on the boat even though he can't see them well. "I know that."

"Yes," She says.

"I need to go." Eren knows words are coming out of his mouth, but he can't feel them at all. Someone inside Eren is saying these things for him, while Eren's heart believes in something else. But the voice that comes out is his voice, and Eren knows that at some level, he does understand that he has to leave even if his heart says otherwise. "I can't."

She doesn't say anything at first, but Eren can feel Her sympathetic eyes on him. "What's his name?"

She must have known already but is trying to be gentle with Eren.

"Corporal Levi," Eren answers.

"It must be difficult," She says. "Leaving him behind."

"I'm not leaving him behind," Eren speaks without really thinking about it. The implication sinks in later, and he tries to explain himself. "I did this. I caused this. I can't leave him behind." He can't see Truth, sitting from where he is, but he can feel the cold, ghostlike nod of agreement behind him.

She looks back at Truth for Eren. "Is it?"

"What?"

"Is it really Truth you're seeing?"

A shadow of doubt crosses his mind, and then something else, warm and dangerous, flirts at the edge of his thought. Eren knows that if he follows Her gaze to look at Truth in a different Light, he will see something else. He will see what he wants to see. So Eren doesn't look and let Her see for him.

"Is it?" Eren asks. But it's too late to keep the scale balanced in his mind because he already wants to see something different. And he hopes. Oh, how he hopes.

If back then, before the world quiets into shining shards of glass closing over his vision, if back then, before despair reaches him, if back then, he has chosen to see the situation in a different Light, what would he have seen?

"Eren," She says gently, and Eren knows that he is lost even if he doesn't look at Truth right now. "Give me your hand."

He does, and She places his hand on Levi's chest.

"No," Eren says. "There's nothing. There's no—"

"Shhhh." The sound comes out of Her lips like a note from the flute, the wind whistling past the trees. "Listen," She whispers.

Eren stills and listens.

"There's nothing," he thinks, but doesn't believe in those words. "It's all in my head. It's what I want to believe."

But it's there, soft but growing steadily stronger with every passing second, feeding on Eren's Hope. A beating heart underneath Eren's fingers, thumping under Levi's warming skin. It's the truth that Eren has wanted to see, the one that Eren hopes will be there when reality returns.

"But it is because I want it to be," Eren says, and with his doubt, the beating heart under his hand weakens, and Levi's skin begins cooling once more.

"You don't know that yet," She says. "The Truth that you think you see," and here, She turns to look at Truth, and Eren follows Her gaze this time. "Is your fears talking, your insecurities."

At Her words, Truth twists into something else, a cloud of curling black smokes, a ghost of all the voices within Eren that drags his heart down, the words he doesn't want to hear but he bombards himself with every day because—

"Because the true Truth, is that you don't know what the outcome will be," She continues, gentleness becoming something firmer with every word. "But you know that it will hurt if you hope and it doesn't turn out the way you want, your guilt—"

"Stop." Eren swallows the stone in his throat. The curl of hope is there, warm and dangerous, but he squashes it down. He knows that Corporal Levi is dead. He knows that it's his fault the Corporal is dead. Those are Truths. Anything else is a twist of Light made by his hope that things would be different. He has to stay afloat. He has to—

"Eren—"

"Stop!" Eren jerks from the bench because he doesn't want to hear it anymore. Lies that his Hope tells him are useless to him because the end will still be the same. No matter how much Eren wants it, nothing can change Death.

Eren realizes too late that Levi's head is still resting in his lap, and in his haste to get off the bench, Levi's body topples over and falls onto the ground. Eren scrambles for Levi, cursing his stupidity, when a familiar sharp voice stops him.

"I can't even die in fucking peace," Levi grumbles as he slowly pushes himself to a sitting position. "You didn't have to fucking push me to the ground."

"Sorry," Eren manages to stutter, even if the shock is still overwhelming him. "I thought—I thought you were gone."

"All you have to do is get on the stupid boat." Levi makes a rude gesture toward the wooden walkway still waiting for him. "How hard is that?"

"Corporal."

"What?"

Eren doesn't say another word. He gets onto his knees and reaches for Levi but doesn't touch. His hands hover for a moment, and then crinkles Levi's shirt, the fabric bunching up under his grip. Underneath Eren's knuckle, Levi's skin is warm with a steady heartbeat. Eren knows that once he gets on that boat, this heartbeat would stop, the dream would end but—

"If you have something to say to me, say it," Levi says.

"Thank you," Eren says suddenly, and the scolding that is about to leave Levi's mouth dies away. "Thank you," Eren repeats, and then it's as if a tight coil is beginning to unknot from his chest because he keeps going. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank—"

"Alright, I get it. Stop." Levi's fingers wrap around Eren's wrists. "For what?"

"For everything. For saving me. For teaching me. For coming here with me even though I've failed you." Eren's voice cracks at the last few words, and the harsh lines around Levi's eyes soften a little. "For indulging me and my feelings for you even though I was a coward and never told you when you were alive." Eren wonders if he can even recall their years together here once he wakes up to reality, but he will try even if it kills him.

"Eren, there is no point in words and acts of love once they die," his father has said. "What good would the dead have for things they should have received when they were still alive?"

"It's not just you."

Levi's voice startles Eren. "You've never failed me, Eren. It's not your fault that I died."

Eren freezes, his skin prickling at Levi's words.

"It's not your fault. It happened. Battles are like that. People are lost in war, and I'm not an exception to the rule."

"You weren't the only coward back then either," Levi whispers as he leans in, hesitant, but he is close enough that Eren can see the anxiety pulling at the age lines on his face. Eren waits for him, but then decides against it. He moves in, meeting Levi half-way. Levi's lips are dry, chapped. It's not so much a kiss but a pressing of lips.

Levi cups Eren's face in his hands when they pull apart, dry and rough finger tips on Eren's cheeks. "You've been indulging me too, these past few years." He pulls his hands away, but the ghostlike remnants of a touch remain in goose bumps on Eren's skin.

It feels right, like there has been something missing all along, and the piece is finally falling back into place. The feelings that they had never told one another when they were together in reality are bare in front of them. Unsaid words hover in the air, unraveling from their hiding place within Eren's heart.

Something clears in Eren's mind. Perhaps it is the truth. Perhaps not. But it's there, and strength returns to Eren once more, stupid courage. There are many other things that Eren wants to say to Levi, the words that are truly within him, not the cruel self-beating things disguising themselves as one side of Truth, not the bent Light disguising as the other side of Truth, but something else. It has been with them all along, within Eren and within Levi, and it is Her, who has been watching them from the side silently and is now fading away in the sunlight and returning to the space within Eren's heart where She belongs.

"Fight it, Corporal." Eren tightens his clutch on Levi's shirt.

"What?"

"Get on that boat with me," Eren says, and feels that this is the right thing, this is what he wants all along. Not just to grow old with Levi in his world, not just for Levi to know his feelings, not just to accept Levi's death that easily. Not just to return defeated without a fight. "Wake up with me."

"What part of me dying do you not understand?" Levi scowls. "Eren, we both know since the beginning—"

"Yes, I've heard that you're dying," Eren says. "But you can't just accept that you're going to die without even fighting for your last breath." It is definitely Hope tearing a storm inside him, desperately to cling on to Levi because fuck accepting death easily, fuck accepting defeat, fuck trying to figure out what is his weakness and what is the truth because there is only one thing Eren knows for sure one hundred percent, and it's the fact that he doesn't want Levi to die.

"You want me to fight against death," Levi says, in a tone that implies Eren might be having a bit too much to drink somewhere when Levi isn't watching.

"We're both fighters. You can't just tell me that you're going to give up without a fight." Things are becoming clearer and clearer to Eren, and he realizes that it's not quite growing old with Levi that he wants—because they both went through this and Eren knows it's not enough—but what he truly wants, since the beginning, is to keep living with Levi, always.

"Eren, everyone has to die at one point."

"But you don't have to die now." Eren is fully aware that Death prevents them from reaching what he truly wants, but damn it, he's going to try anyway. He rather dies trying than not try at all. "Get on the boat with me."

"Eren, I have given you years together here," Levi growls. "I thought you understand that this is all we could have—"

"The only thing that I know for sure from those years is that I want to keep spending more years with you," Eren says. "The more years we have, the surer I become. Are you telling me that after learning what living happily would mean that you're going to accept it and give it all up? Don't you want to fight for that?"

"Eren—"

"There's still so much left that we have to do together. I still want us to get a dog. We never got a dog."

"Eren—"

"Corporal." Eren knows he is sounding more and more like a mad man. But he remembers his feelings when he saw Levi collapsed, when Levi was sick, the emotions running through him every time he had to see Levi died, and there was nothing he could do about it. "Please. Don't just die without a fight."

"What if I do die?" Levi whispers. "What then?"

Eren lets the cold possibility sinks it, flipping the coin over and over in his mind. Two possibilities. Head or Tail. Life or death. What they will find once they wake up—he doesn't know.

"Let reality that we wake up to decide that for us," Eren says.

Levi looks up to the spiraling light at the end of the wooden walkway, and Eren looks too. Eren can see it—the reality of the world that they will wake up to begin to form beyond the glassy golden light.

"It's not what I thought I would do when I get here," Levi admits.

Eren knows. Levi has been trying to prepare Eren for the possibility of a reality that he doesn't want to accept. Levi has been giving all of himself here, so that Eren doesn't have to miss him when they wake up. But that's all it is, a possibility. There are many beyond that light that can happen, and they won't know for sure until they wake up.

Levi begins to stand, and Eren lets him go. Levi turns to glare at Eren. "Well, what are you still sitting around looking like an idiot for? Let's go."

Eren's face breaks in to a grin. The light is growing too bright for him to know for sure, but he imagines that for a split second Levi is giving him a smile. Eren rises to his feet, and the smile is gone, replaced by Levi's long suffering look, the same one that says "Damn, I spoil this brat way too much."

They walk together to that walkway, the wood creaking under Levi's hesitant steps and Eren's confident ones.

"You deserve to live," Eren says, and Levi turns to look at him, and Eren sees it in Levi's eyes too—Hope.

"I guess I have to stick around for a bit longer just to stop you from doing something stupid to kill yourself," Levi grumbles as he quickly avoids Eren's eyes. "A babysitter for you my whole life. That's what I'm reduced to."

Eren's heart jumps at the mention of a lifetime commitment. "I'll pay you back when I have to change your old man nappies."

"I'm not going to need nappies to shit when I'm on my crutches," Levi snaps.

"We'll see," Eren says in the most irritating voice he can muster at the moment.

"Eren."

"What is it?"

"I'm happy, back then and now."

"Me too."

There is a moment of doubt that pierces through Eren's being and numbs him in place. A series of "what ifs" flashes through his mind. It festers, vines of doubt and anxiety whispering to him that he is lying to himself, painting a delusion of hope because he doesn't want to face the reality that Levi is no longer here in this world. And for a second, he does believe that doubt, and he looks over at Levi, wondering if all along, this Levi has been a trick of his mind, a mirage created by his deepest want.

Levi's fingers touch the back of Eren's hand tentatively, and Eren quickly grabs Levi's hand before Levi has a chance to pull away. It scares Eren, the fact that this has all been a figment of his imagination, or that when they wake up, all of these years that they spent together will disappear from the corner of his vision like a fading dream.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Levi says, and Eren is startled from his anxiety. "What the outcome will be."

Eren is tempted to argue because it does matter, whether Levi will live or not when they wake, but then something stops him. He thinks about it. Levi's hand is warm and heavy in his.

"No, it doesn't." Eren smiles.

And so they walk together, side by side, until the golden light swallows them whole, hearts warm with hope and happiness, toward the unknown.

...

This is a story and it begins with what is presumably Levi's death. It's not so much a story about Levi as it is about Eren. It ends here, unsatisfactorily, amidst uncertainty and unanswered questions and loose ends because it has to, in order for another story to begin.

However, for those who are fond of peeking into the next chapter, unable to calm their anxiety from looking for a spoiler, here's one.

The next chapter is also a story, and it begins with Eren waking up from a very long dream. Mikasa and Armin are by his side, frantically asking if he is alright. Eren feels fine except his head is a bit heavy, as if he has been sleeping for years.

"I'm alright," Eren says, just so that Mikasa and Armin would stop their fussing. The crystals melt from Eren's body, trailing off and beading on his skin and wetting his clothes like water. "How long have I been sleeping?"

Mikasa and Armin look at each other. "You've only been gone for minutes," Armin says slowly. "Do you remember what happened?"

"What happened," Eren mumbles to himself, and then memories flood back to him, pieces so fragile they float like a dream. "Wait, how's Corporal?"

"Wait, Eren." Mikasa tries to calm him down, but he jerks from her touch, quickly rising to his feet. His head spins for a moment, and luckily Mikasa's arms steady him, but Eren ignores his friends' insistence that he sits still for a few minutes.

"Where is Corporal Levi?"

They lead Eren to him with slow steps, to where Hanji is frantically doing CPR on Corporal Levi's very still body. Eren pulls away from Mikasa and Armin and falls to his knees by Levi's side.

"How is he?" Eren asks, but Hanji is not listening to him. She keeps trying to push Levi's beating heart back into working, and Eren watches her, feeling hope numbing every inch of his mind. He grasps at Levi's hand, feeling the skin still warm with lingering life. The memories of the years spent living in the dream have all left Eren, saved for one moment, the few seconds before the golden light of reality woke them, when Levi's hand was in his, and Levi had said, "It doesn't matter, does it? What the outcome will be."

"No, it doesn't," Eren whispers, remembering the thought that he has never voiced aloud. "Because we'll be together."

Hanji stops. She places an ear against Levi's chest, searching for a heartbeat. She then raises her head to look at Eren. Eren takes in a sharp breath and waits for the final verdict that she is going to give to him.

Hanji smiles.

...

Note: It was an interesting emotional journey writing this fic. I hope you guys enjoyed it. :)