Title: My little girl
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this!
Summary: Listening to some Radiohead, this tiny little story just sort of fell into my head. Anakin's daughter Mayco reaches a major milestone in her life and he enjoys from a distance, unable to truly enjoy this day with her. Nothing special, just insight into a father's heartache.
My little girl
There she is, my daughter, my little girl, my little fuzzyhead. She looks so perfect, so happy and just.perfect. I should go over and congratulate her in a moment, but I'll just give her a few more minutes to bask in all the attention from the other initiates, I know how much she loves that.
I'm so proud of her! So amazed by her abilities! She truly is a Skywalker, but she'll never know. She'll never know...
" Anakin!"
She's seen me, now I'm in for it.
" Anakin why weren't you there to see me at the ceremony?"
She looks angry with me. How can I tell her it was too much for me? How can I explain to her that everything just gets too much for me sometimes?
I hate seeing her so upset, those beautiful big blue eyes are windows into her emotions and right now I see complete loneliness in them. What I would do to be able to freely lift her up into my arms and make it all better.
" I missed you! I was telling all the other kids on the transport that you and Obi-wan were my best friends and that you'd come and see me and everything and they were so jealous and then you didn't even show up!"
She's extremely advanced for a six-year-old. I know I'm biased, but she really is! All the initiates are I supposed, with the intense training they get, but my little girl is special and she always was.always will be. She talks and talks and talks, she's talking now, scolding me for my insensitivity. She makes me feel about two inches tall.
" I'm sorry," I utter quietly and she shuts up, gazing up at me with those huge expressive eyes. I see Padme in her face; she's definitely her mother's daughter. So beautiful! " I had to run an errand for Obi-wan, didn't he tell you?"
Her face is suddenly contorted into a look of exasperation and she sighs dramatically. What a little drama queen; she's so adorable.
" Yeah he did, but that's such a load of crud! You could have got out of it, I just made my lightsaber Anakin!"
I smile and nod. Yes, her first lightsaber, what a day!
" My first lightsaber!" she repeats in case I didn't hear her the first time. I can no longer see pride in her face, all I see is sadness and an expression that reads clearly that she thinks I deserted her. She doesn't know how far from the truth she is.
" Can I see it?"
She gives me one last calculating look before pulling out her lightsaber. I recognise the casing as my own handiwork. It was my parting gift to her when I deserted her.when I abandoned her.when she was taken from my arms, never to be returned as my own. It's all I had to give, and seeing it now brings fresh waves of heartbreak...my little girl, oh my little girl.
She ignites her lightsaber and a deep blue blade shoots out of the handle. She stares at it with an expression of pure wonder.
" Oh Mayco it's perfect," I gasp, expressing more emotion than I had meant to. She jerks her eyes onto mine and for a moment I see a glimmer of comprehension.
" Master Windu was so surprised that it was such a deep colour, but then again he can't talk right, because his is purple!" she says proudly, gazing back at her lightsaber and waving it round ever so slightly, reeling in the joy of having her own blade.
I can't explain how proud I feel.
" They're throwing a party for us up in the mess hall, do you wanna come?" she suddenly says vanquishing her blade and looking up at me expectantly. Her lower lip is trembling slightly. She mistook my not going to her ceremony as me not caring for her anymore. She thinks I'm abandoning her.
" Of course I'll come, I'll be up in a minute," I say and she looks slightly reassured.
" Okay," she says vaguely, nodding her head slightly. I try to muster up my most encouraging smile, but I don't think she's buying any of it. She knows something's wrong. She can read me so easily.
" May let's go!"
Mayco turns round and nods to her friend. Then she turns back to me, her face full of a hidden pain she's not showing me. Before I can stop myself I drop to my knees and pull her into my arms. She returns my embrace as though she feels she's never going to see me again. I can practically feel the relief flowing off her.
When we separate her face is glowing. She's simply exuding happiness. I smile broadly at her and she runs off to join her friends on their way up to the mess hall for their party.
I watch her blonde head bobbing out of sight and my whole body crumples in pain. My little girl. She makes me so happy, I love her so much, but this is killing me, my heart breaks a little more each day. It's too hard to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm just a friend to her. Just a friend.
Oh my little girl, my perfect little girl, I love you so much...and you'll never know. You're mine and you'll never know. My little girl.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this!
Summary: Listening to some Radiohead, this tiny little story just sort of fell into my head. Anakin's daughter Mayco reaches a major milestone in her life and he enjoys from a distance, unable to truly enjoy this day with her. Nothing special, just insight into a father's heartache.
My little girl
There she is, my daughter, my little girl, my little fuzzyhead. She looks so perfect, so happy and just.perfect. I should go over and congratulate her in a moment, but I'll just give her a few more minutes to bask in all the attention from the other initiates, I know how much she loves that.
I'm so proud of her! So amazed by her abilities! She truly is a Skywalker, but she'll never know. She'll never know...
" Anakin!"
She's seen me, now I'm in for it.
" Anakin why weren't you there to see me at the ceremony?"
She looks angry with me. How can I tell her it was too much for me? How can I explain to her that everything just gets too much for me sometimes?
I hate seeing her so upset, those beautiful big blue eyes are windows into her emotions and right now I see complete loneliness in them. What I would do to be able to freely lift her up into my arms and make it all better.
" I missed you! I was telling all the other kids on the transport that you and Obi-wan were my best friends and that you'd come and see me and everything and they were so jealous and then you didn't even show up!"
She's extremely advanced for a six-year-old. I know I'm biased, but she really is! All the initiates are I supposed, with the intense training they get, but my little girl is special and she always was.always will be. She talks and talks and talks, she's talking now, scolding me for my insensitivity. She makes me feel about two inches tall.
" I'm sorry," I utter quietly and she shuts up, gazing up at me with those huge expressive eyes. I see Padme in her face; she's definitely her mother's daughter. So beautiful! " I had to run an errand for Obi-wan, didn't he tell you?"
Her face is suddenly contorted into a look of exasperation and she sighs dramatically. What a little drama queen; she's so adorable.
" Yeah he did, but that's such a load of crud! You could have got out of it, I just made my lightsaber Anakin!"
I smile and nod. Yes, her first lightsaber, what a day!
" My first lightsaber!" she repeats in case I didn't hear her the first time. I can no longer see pride in her face, all I see is sadness and an expression that reads clearly that she thinks I deserted her. She doesn't know how far from the truth she is.
" Can I see it?"
She gives me one last calculating look before pulling out her lightsaber. I recognise the casing as my own handiwork. It was my parting gift to her when I deserted her.when I abandoned her.when she was taken from my arms, never to be returned as my own. It's all I had to give, and seeing it now brings fresh waves of heartbreak...my little girl, oh my little girl.
She ignites her lightsaber and a deep blue blade shoots out of the handle. She stares at it with an expression of pure wonder.
" Oh Mayco it's perfect," I gasp, expressing more emotion than I had meant to. She jerks her eyes onto mine and for a moment I see a glimmer of comprehension.
" Master Windu was so surprised that it was such a deep colour, but then again he can't talk right, because his is purple!" she says proudly, gazing back at her lightsaber and waving it round ever so slightly, reeling in the joy of having her own blade.
I can't explain how proud I feel.
" They're throwing a party for us up in the mess hall, do you wanna come?" she suddenly says vanquishing her blade and looking up at me expectantly. Her lower lip is trembling slightly. She mistook my not going to her ceremony as me not caring for her anymore. She thinks I'm abandoning her.
" Of course I'll come, I'll be up in a minute," I say and she looks slightly reassured.
" Okay," she says vaguely, nodding her head slightly. I try to muster up my most encouraging smile, but I don't think she's buying any of it. She knows something's wrong. She can read me so easily.
" May let's go!"
Mayco turns round and nods to her friend. Then she turns back to me, her face full of a hidden pain she's not showing me. Before I can stop myself I drop to my knees and pull her into my arms. She returns my embrace as though she feels she's never going to see me again. I can practically feel the relief flowing off her.
When we separate her face is glowing. She's simply exuding happiness. I smile broadly at her and she runs off to join her friends on their way up to the mess hall for their party.
I watch her blonde head bobbing out of sight and my whole body crumples in pain. My little girl. She makes me so happy, I love her so much, but this is killing me, my heart breaks a little more each day. It's too hard to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm just a friend to her. Just a friend.
Oh my little girl, my perfect little girl, I love you so much...and you'll never know. You're mine and you'll never know. My little girl.