I stood with a glass filled to the brim of Hjalmar's favorite Asgardian ale. I never enjoyed the taste, but it was strong enough to get a man three times my size drunk, so I was going to need it. This was what we did after a battle. We had grand feasts and told stories of the battle we fought. Most of us would falsify how many we killed or exaggerate how graceful we were on the battlefield. Hjalmar was no different. He had stood taller than the God of Thunder himself, yet he was no God at all. Hjalmar was a simple warrior, but he was one of the best. The battle on Vanaheim claimed a few Asgardian lives, but none had been greater a friend than Hjalmar was to me. The drinks I consumed during the feast would be in honor of him.
As soon as I rose from my seat, Thor's eyes, blue as Midgard's oceans, landed on me. As he became silent, the entire room died down. Normally, I didn't have much to say, but the prince-with hair as gold as the King's throne-always knew when I had something on my mind. When everyone's eyes followed Thor's to land on me, I began to speak, "tonight, we sit at a table with places set for absent friends. Each battle that claims a life of one of our own also claims a piece of ourselves. Hjalmar was my closest friend, and his heroics on Vanaheim will be remembered by those who loved him...as I did," I smiled in fond remembrance as my eyes lowered to my drink. The energy in the room was buzzing, even in the silence. I could feel the life surrounding me, and it gave me the strength I needed to gaze around at the faces in the room. I raised my glass, ale spilling out and trickling down the side, "so, brothers, I urge you to drink heartily for the fallen, and take pity on those they will conquer in Valhalla!" I exclaimed.
Cheers erupted from the half-drunken men. They shot up from their seats with glasses raised high and cheered before drowning their own sorrows in drink and celebration for the lives of our friends. Before I could drink, my eyes met those of my prince and childhood friend. Thor's eyes were filled with understanding because he was one of the only people to truly understand just how much Hjalmar meant to me. Even in my darkest moments, when I felt completely isolated, I still had Hjalmar. Now, that security was gone. He raised his glass to me, and I did the same to him It was a mutual understanding. Aaldir-the man who raised me as his own-took in Hjalmar when he was just an orphan boy, roaming the streets of Asgard. He raised us both, and I saw Hjalmar as a brother and best friend. Hjalmar and Thor trained together during their childhood and fought at each other's side in battle. My heart broke for Thor just as much as it broke for my own loss and sorrow, Hjalmar had been with me through my darkest nights, and now...he was gone. I didn't know how I could face the only father I ever knew when I felt so much shame over the loss of the closest thing to a son he ever had. And Thor. The sorrow in those blue eyes cut me like a knife. I wanted to sob into my drink.
But I didn't.
Instead, I tipped my head back and chugged the ale that left Hjalmar on the floor some nights. There were times when the massive drunken man would be held steady on my shoulder as I led him back to the house after a night of feasting and drinking. Tonight, I would have no one to carry home. Just the thought of it brought tears to my eyes, and I finished my glass of ale, tossing the empty cup to the side. I walked away from the noise and out into the fresh air. As I stared out into the vast universe, I wondered if he could see me. I wondered if he could understand that I hated him for leaving me to live the rest of my life without him. I wondered if he could understand that I still loved him with every fiber of my being because he was the only family I ever had. The thoughts clouded my mind so heavily that I almost didn't hear the soft footsteps behind me. However, I was always aware of him. Thor. There had only been two other people I was more in tune with, and I couldn't even bring myself to say their names anymore.
As I leaned against the railing of the balcony, Thor stepped beside me and copied my stance. I felt his gaze on the side of my face, almost like he was trying to read me like a book. I shook my head, strands of hair falling from behind my ears. My heart felt like it was being torn in two, "none of this feels right. Valhalla wasn't ready for Hjalmar, and I'm not ready to let him go," I confessed, tears filling my eyes once again, "I just...can't close my eyes without seeing it," I added, turning to face the golden-haired God of Thunder.
Thor's hands cupped my cheeks, and I leaned into his warm touch. The only other man to make me feel so safe was...him, and that comfort died when he used his power to torment and murder the Midgardians without a hint of guilt. I fought back the tears, never wanting my prince to see me as just another hopeless maiden. Asgardian women were meant to be strong. We gave life to the God's, so were we not stronger than them? I could not show my weakness to Thor, not now, not when he lost so much, "you should not worry yourself with things outside the realm of your control, my lady," he spoke, stroking my cheek with his calloused thumbs, "Valhalla received a great and glorious hero when Hjalmar walked through those doors. He will continue to fight and drink and eat as he always did in life, and there will come a day when we're all together again. I understand he was one of your closest friends, but he died a valiant death, and you will see him again in Valhalla someday," he reassured me.
I pulled away from his grasp and stared down at the streets below where I was beaten and abused for defending my prince. Not Thor. Him. I shook my head, my bottom lip quivering and, in my eyes, resurfaced unshed tears for a man that died long ago, "my sorrow is not only for Hjalmar. I think of-" my breath hitched in my throat, and I swallowed back the sob that threatened to shake my body. I swallowed and grimaced, fighting back the need to shed tears on behalf of a man who caused so much destruction but tried to protect me from it at the same time, "I think of how your brother was dragged through the streets of Asgard in chains...like he was an animal."
"I do not enjoy seeing this, either, but I've tried to think of it like a hunter coming back from a successful hunt. He will speak of it for weeks after. While my father may be taking this too far, he does it out of pride for our accomplishment. You, me, and the heroes of Midgard brought my brother to justice, and this is my father's way of rejoicing" he tried to explain. Thor always did his best to soothe me. Seeing that his words did nothing of the sort, he continued, "his treatment will not upset you so much if you can remember what he did on Midgard."
"How could I forget it?" I snapped, suddenly angry that a man who knew me so well assumed that it would be possible for me to forget something so tragic and so deeply disturbing. I could remember seeing him on Midgard. I could remember the pain and fear in his eyes when they met mine. He still wore green, and a part of me resented him for it. The man I knew was still alive beneath the hatred and anger he felt. What could one do when the person that holds the largest piece of their heart poses the biggest threat to all they hold dear? Life. He destroyed so much of that while on Midgard, and I could not forget it. It would be a my most haunting memory for the rest of my days. My eyes lowered as I realized how wrong it was for me to be upset with Thor when I did not feel any true anger toward him, "it all seems like...like a nightmare that I should be waking up from. None of this seems real anymore," I explained.
He reached down between the two of us and grabbed my hand in his much larger one. His long fingers intertwined with mine, and, as I looked up at him with concern for the sudden motion that would undoubtedly draw attention to the two of us, he smiled down at me, "come with me" he urged, giving my hand a gentle tug in his direction. We began walking, the sleeves of my dress and his black robe that draped over his broad shoulders hid our hands from the prying eyes of the warriors who were still feasting. There had already been whispers of who his queen would be when he assumed the throne, and the moment he was seen with any acceptable woman, it would be scrutinized. I did not wish for my relationship with one of my greatest friends to be jeopardized over something so trivial.
As we walked out of the sight of the crowds, he pulled me closer to him. Soon, I found my arm looped through his, and we walked together toward the forest. I glanced up at him, taking in the view of the man before me. I couldn't deny his beauty. Each day I knew him, he grew more and more beautiful, and there was a small piece of me that wondered what it would be like to be the object of his deepest affection. Still, I could only entertain the idea because an even larger part of me would be...his. I shook the thought from my mind as we made our way to a small clearing in the forest. At the very middle of the field of green was where I would sit most days, my back leaned against the most beautiful and unique tree of them all. We all knew it as "Life's Tree." The trunk was as brown as the earth with flowers lining the branches overhead. I glanced up at Thor, "why did you take me here?" I asked.
He smiled down at me as he sat against the tree as he had so many times before. I would bring him to that very spot so many times in our childhood, and I would sit with him. As we grew older, he would find his moments of peace and solitude in the forest with me, but nothing compared to the moments I shared with him underneath that tree. They were moments of pure peace and beauty. It was when our lives were much simpler, when it was no worry how long we were wrapped up in each other. He was no prince in the eyes of Odin, but he was my prince, "these woods are your home" Thor answered, breaking me from my train of thought, "in over a thousand years, do you truly believe I haven't noticed you singing to the trees? Odin claims time and time again that this forest is healthier now than ever before, that your presence has helped it thrive," he stated.
"The king...your father has always been more poetic than most," I exclaimed, smiling down at him before I lowered myself onto the ground next to him.
He chuckled to himself as his gaze flickered up to the flowers on the tree. The red and white petals caught every hint of starlight, and it spilled down onto the two of us, specks of light illuminating his face to me, "I asked my father the story of this tree once, especially why the leaves do not fall like the rest and why it is unlike the other trees in this forest. He told me that a long time ago, this used to be a simple meadow. No trees and no life could be found here. Then, one day, Death itself planted this tree beneath the biggest star in the night sky, and her tears watered the sapling. No one touched the sapling from that moment on, but it still grew and brought up the most beautiful forest in all the Nine Realms with it. The red flowers symbolized the violence and bloodshed of death, and the white represented the purity and innocence of all life at the beginning. The reason why it never withers is because these two forces have danced together since the beginning of the universe, and it will continue long after you and I cease to exist," he murmured, recalling the story with fond memories of this place. He stared down at his hands that were folded across his lap, "your problem is not that my brother was taken through the streets as much as it is you cannot visit him."
I shook my head in disagreement even though my heart knew his words to be true. For so many years, I tried to pretend that I didn't care about him. When he betrayed Asgard and tried to kill Thor on Midgard, I tried to forget the man he was before. When he fell from the bifrost, I tried to forget the joy he brought to my life. When I saw him on Midgard, I lied to myself-told myself that I didn't want to save him. I still did. I wanted to do it for myself and for him...and for her. My sorrow grew, "there is no part of me that wishes to see your brother. I care not of him but of the safety of Asgard," I lied.
Thor saw right through me and challenged me, "then why does Odin's treatment of him trouble you?" he asked, his hand grasping mine as he often did when he could feel my sadness. Too many people believed Thor to be a lumbering oaf, but he was so intelligent and so intuitive. He could read me like an open book most of the time. He was so compassionate and pure of heart. His mere existence made me want to cry tears of joy as he was one of the most selfless and heroic men I knew. In every moment I felt unsure of myself, his support was something as small as squeezing my hand, or it could be as extravagant as lifting me up off the ground with shouts of celebration. He was not only a hero to the Midgardians. He was mine, too.
His gentle squeeze of my hand was all it took for me to come up with the right words to articulate what I truly felt, "locking away someone like...him is dangerous, especially when he is given no time to visit with others. Think of how much hate and filth is in those dungeons. A man like your brother is sitting in that cesspool, soaking it all in. He's listening and calculating. That anger within him is festering, especially when he has no one to put out that raging fire in his heart. He's becoming more and more dangerous the longer he sits down there. I only fear for the safety of my home and the safety of my people," I explained.
"The people of the Nine Realms are safe because of his sentencing. He hasn't tried to break out of his cell thus far, but if he does, we'll be ready for it. And may the gods take pity on any being who should go up against the likes of you," he assured me with a soft chuckle to lighten the mood. Upon seeing that I couldn't even muster a smile, he frowned,"you have a heart too kind for this world and all others, Lady Eva. You are a beacon of light that people look to, and you have lightened the darkness in my own life time and time again. I know that you seek to find good within my brother, but after all he has done, after all the destruction he has left in his wake, he deserves none of that compassion. Deep down, I think you know it's true. That's why you have not spoken his name since the battle of New York. I love my brother, but I cannot forgive him for what he has done to both the population of Midgard as well as what he has done to you. He has caused you so much distress and sorrow, so much pain and misery. I cannot trust him with the people of Asgard, and I certainly cannot trust him with you, my lady"
"Do you know what it's like to feel lonely, my prince? Do you know how it feels to walk through the forest with the trees being your only friends? Do you understand how it feels to sit next to the water and listen to it splashing against the rocks because that's the only way to drown out the voices of those who have hurt you? Do you understand what it's like to wish for a table full of friends and family who love you? I do. Your brother does, too," I explained, trying to make Thor see that before he tried to take over the throne, his brother was gentle. He enjoyed causing mischief, but he needed some way to release his sorrow and grief. I continued, "you think that he pushes people away to hurt them, but he does it because he's afraid of hurting them. He has been told all his life-since we were children-that he is an abomination, that he's no good, that he doesn't belong here. What do you think he sees when he looks in the mirror? He knows what he is, and he knows he's capable of hurting others, so he pushes them away before that can happen. He has tried to protect us just like you've always tried to protect me. The man we knew before is still alive inside that man we saw on Midgard. I know it, and I'm going to bring him back," I added.
"You have enough hope for the both of us, my lady. You've always had a heart big enough for every living thing in the Nine Realms combined. I just wish to see you at peace. You have worried for him long enough," he stated, recalling the many times in the past when I would fret over the raven-haired God and how the Asgardian people treated him. I worried about him more than I ever did myself. When we were on the battlefield together, I would put myself in harms way for him, but he did the same for me time and time again, so I owed him, "will you be okay with just your own company tonight, Lady Eva?" he asked
I saw the reflection of my green eyes in his blue ones, and it made my heart ache even more than before as I thought of the countless moments the same thing happened between myself and him. His eyes were the purest shade of blue, brilliant and deep. I nodded my head, suppressing some of my most beautiful memories to keep myself from feeling the pain of his absence, "the trees will watch over me through the night. Like you said before, this forest is my home," I answered.
"Sing a song for him tonight-for both of them, as I know you miss her just as much," Thor suggested, knowing that I needed some way to process. I couldn't go home to face Aaldir, and I would isolate myself for the time being. Singing to the trees had always been something that I used to soothe myself, and it helped lift the sorrows of death from my heart.
My fingers brushed against his hand. The only thing I desperately wanted in that moment was to feel the touch of another, and if I had it my way, I would've been speaking with the man who was the polar opposite of the God of Thunder. If I had it my way, I would be sitting beneath that same tree, braiding his black hair away from his face. Instead, for that moment, I had to settle for the possibility that I would never see him again. I glanced up at Thor, "will you be listening?" I asked in reference to his suggestion.
He smiled and stood up from the forest floor. I followed him, my deep green gown straightening itself as I rose. His eyes softened as he gazed down at me, "I'm always listening," he assured me, leaning down and brushing his lips against my cheek. I felt like crying. I loved Thor with every inch of my heart. He was one of my greatest friends, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. However, I needed him. I needed him in that very moment. After all I had lost that day, I needed to know that I wasn't losing him, too.
When Thor pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, I felt the familiar trembling in my knees that I did before he first kissed me in our younger years. It was not the first time I had been kissed, and it was not the last, but it was a moment of clarity the two of us shared with each other. As he smiled at me, I couldn't help but allow my sorrow to melt away just in that moment. I was brought back to a simpler time, a time when I didn't know as much of the cruelty in the Nine Realms as I did now. I was oblivious to so much of the pain that humanity experienced. I didn't know true sorrow until I gave my whole life away. Now, I was clouded by the pain and suffering so many living things experienced in their lives, and it tore me apart. However, as I stood there with Thor under the light of the stars, I was brought back to the simple moments, like when he told me that he could see all Nine Realms in my eyes or when he traced the constellations on my skin in the silence of the forest. Or when she first smiled at me.
After Thor's silent retreat back to the castle left me in the forest alone, I gazed up at the white and red blossoms of the tree before resting my palms against the trunk. The energy from the tree flowed through me, and I passed my own energy into the tree. I closed my eyes and felt the essence of the whole world at the tips of my fingers. I felt her sorrow as if it were my own, just as I felt her joy as if it were mine. To me, the world was alive, and there had never been a day when I took her gifts for granted. She was mystical and wonderful. She sustained each of us, giving of herself every single day for thousands and thousands of years. I mourned with her when she grieved for those lost in battle, for she provided for them until their last day, and she didn't like saying goodbye. Just as I mourned with her, she did the same with me, too. It was as if we were one and the same. I knew that a part of her felt sorrow and grief for the same strange reason I was. It was because of him.
As I thought of the other beautiful moments of simplicity in my life, the moments of purity, he was in so many of them. Even though he had been stripped of his innocence so long ago, there was something that held him together. Even though he experienced so much prejudice and cruelty in his early years, he maintained his positivity through our childhood and early adulthood. My prince, my prankster, my friend. Malevolence surrounded him the last time we saw each other in New York. I saw a man who killed my best friend and took his name and face. He wouldn't even look at me during his sentencing, but I couldn't help but wish he had. My peaceful moment with Thor was meant to be with him. Every single moment of my life was meant to be spent with him. I did not hate him for the hurtful things he said to me on Midgard. I did not hate him for pushing me away time and time again. I hated him for taking away the one thing that made my fight worth it. I hated him for making me care so deeply for him, that the rest of the Nine Realms disappeared when he was with me. I missed him with my whole heart, and I made up my mind in that moment. I would save him even if he didn't want me to.
*Loki's POV*
As I sat in the dungeon, books strewn across the floor, I dared to close my eyes. Every time I did, I could see her green ones staring back at me. I could still see the fear and anguish that struck her when she saw me on Midgard, and I wished for her to simply kill me. The pain became more and more unbearable the more I closed my eyes. I could not sleep without dreaming of her, without contemplating how my actions ruined her. My mind was no longer my home, and I wished for her to just put me out of my misery. Every time the dungeons fell silent at night, I could still hear her whisper my name under her breath. I was brought back to Midgard, and I could still feel the pain my actions caused her.
The dungeons had not fallen silent just yet, but I hoped that the guards would come down soon to quiet the other prisoners. I clenched my jaw, a piece of me wishing for the noise. I could not bear to hear her disembodied voice anymore, the sound of her cries still echoing in my mind. I had not seen her shed the tears, but I heard them on our way back from Midgard. The guards had pushed me along, and she stayed behind me, comforted by my older brother who deserved someone like her. I certainly didn't. I knew that if the silence fell to leave me with her voice in my mind, I would fall into the pit of madness I knew so well. The cell I was imprisoned in had already seen enough of my fury.
Suddenly, a soft melody cut through the shouts, and my heart dropped to the floor. Everyone became still. The prisoners stopped banging on the walls of their cells, the guards stopped speaking with one another, and everyone stopped yelling. Everything fell completely silent-so silent I could hear the guard from across the room shift his weight onto his other foot-and we listened to the song.
"Now, the stars shine brightest wherever you are, and they will shine on me no more."
It was her.
The voice, the beautiful melody, the sorrowful lyrics-it all pointed to her.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes to welcome sleep for the first time in days. Still, I could not fall asleep. When I closed my eyes, I saw hers, and they were filled with tears. They twinkled as they fell from her green eyes, like stars falling from the night sky. She was in mourning. I could feel it. I felt the way her heart was breaking, and there was nothing I could do about it. There had been so many moments that I would run to her aid when I felt her pain and anguish, but this was one of the many moments when I wanted to be there with her, but I couldn't do it. She didn't need me, anyway. I was a monster, and she was...not. She was my friend, my princess, my love.
My Eva.