Ichigo enters and glances around the seemingly empty room.
He speaks in a clear voice, his eyes darting around the space as if looking for something as he does so.
"Rukia…Are you there?"
"This is farewell, Ichigo." her words were accompanied by a smile and a pair of unfathomable eyes. He felt his chest aching as he started to take in its meaning.
He didn't want to seem weak, or dependant. If this was really the last time, he wanted her to remember him as a strong, happy person; he wanted her to see him as the man she could be proud of, the man in her heart.
So he pushed all the aching and heaviness the impending moment caused him to offer her a smile. "Seems so…"
He lets out a sigh as only silence answers him…again.
He wishes he could somehow know; wishes he could, even in the slightest, be able to feel her presence like he did before. Instead, he stands talking to an empty room, a vague hope that she could somehow hear him pushing him to go on.
"Damn it, Rukia. I knew this wasn't gonna be easy but…Hell this is screwed up." he feels the weight of frustration and aching come down on him, and he allows himself to flop down on the empty chair beside his desk.
"This room feels kind of big without you in it." he goes on to say, his eyes lingering n the spot where she used to sit on his bed. He remembers himself getting angry and flustered, yelling at her to get off, and the memory tugs at his heart with nostalgia. "It's really weird to know you could be here, but I can't see you, I can't even sense you…It's like you're really gone." He barely notices as his hands tighten into fists at his sides. "I hate knowing that I'll never see you again."
"What? Don't look so sad." she said, her face taking on a familiar, mocking expression. "Even if you can no longer see me, I can still see you."
He wondered for a moment if those words were what she had been repeating to herself to ease the pain. He feelt a twinge of familiar annoyance at her comment. "What? That doesn't make me happy at all!"
He didn't hesitate to show his annoyance. He enjoys the feeling of arguing with her; their banter always made him feel lighthearted and comfortable. He grasped onto that familiar feeling like a lifeline.
Ichigo exhales loudly, turning his eyes up to the ceiling as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans slightly on the back legs of his chair.
"You know the least you could do is clean up after yourself." he starts thoughtfully, a familiar scowl that isn't angry at all settling on his features as he keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Every time I walk in here I see all your crap lying around. Just yesterday I found your Chappy cell phone charm on the floor, you idiot, I can't believe you forgot that. And you never returned Yuzu's pajamas. They're still in the closet. It's not like I want to be the one to explain to her that while you were here you made a habit of stealing and using her clothes."
He doesn't mention that he doesn't want to take out her pajamas, because somewhere inside he imagines that she still comes home at night to wear them and sleep in his closet like she did on their first months together. He also doesn't say that he hopes this is the case, more than he's willing to admit to himself even.
"And the whole room reeks of you. Literally. You smell, did you know that? Especially the closet. Your smell seems to have settled there permanently…" The mocking nonchalance in his voice falters for a moment as his thoughts and senses linger on the sweet smell that he's used various times to lull himself to sleep. He quietly wonders if her scent is so strong merely because of a memory, or if it's something more…
He finally lowers his eyes, and they inevitably stray back to the bed, and then to the wall. He remembers the first time she came in through that wall; it seemed like forever had passed.
Their last weak attempts at a playful banter to lighten the mood died away quickly as the heaviness settled in both their hearts. Almost unconsciously, like being pulled by invisible strings, they stepped towards each other. He inched closer to her, closer than he'd usually dare to. Noticing that if he didn't stop himself then, he wouldn't be able to stop until he reached her, and then he'd never be able to let her go; Ichigo forced his feet to halt, only a few inches away from Rukia.
For a moment, his resolve to maintain his composure was crushed by the painful realization of reality as he felt her withering away from him. He had to look away, else he would have broken down right there, and he didn't want Rukia to see him like that.
He knew he wouldn't be able to face her if he didn't steel himself quick. He had to push the crushing weight in his heart, if only long enough for her to remember him well.
"…Tell everyone I give them my best."
"…Okay."
Ichigo swallows.
"I must sound stupid talking to myself…" he mutters, his heart desperately hoping for his words to reach someone's ears. Her ears. "It's almost surreal…having no idea if you're here or not…"
His chest tightens as the frustration creeps in once again. The worst part of all this, was that he couldn't feel her. She could be standing next to him…Is she looking at him now? Is she sitting on his bed, teasing him about not being able to do a thing? Is she at his side…? Did she place a comforting hand on his shoulder…?
He reflexively reaches a hand up to his shoulder and places it there. He feels nothing underneath.
"Rukia…" His voice cracks as he speaks her name, his mask falling, leaving him completely vulnerable.
He didn't know how, but he finally brought himself to look at her. He knew he didn't have long to do so. And just after he looks down at her, she looked up and their eyes met for the briefest of moments.
For that last moment, he saw Rukia, really saw Rukia, and everything she embodied.
He saw a ray of light and happiness in his life. He saw everything he was thanks to her. He saw the most important person in his world; the one who changed it in the first place.
And even though all that brought them here, ironically enough to the same spot where she had once changed his life, to the moment where he said goodbye; even though it caused Ichigo more pain and aching than he could bare…He was able to smile. Because, it was worth it. He knew in his heart that no matter what, he didn't regret a single thing. And though his eyes could never hide the heart shattering emotion lingering in his chest; he still was able to smile because of her.
Her own heartbreakingly longing face disappeared within another breath.
He swallowed back the lump rapidly forming in his throat and spoke, "Bye, Rukia…"
"Thank you."
Ichigo feels a warm trail on his cheek, and it takes him a moment to realize that he is crying. Instead of moving to wipe the wetness away, he lets it run down the sides of his face and fall.
Like rain.
If only you were hear to wipe it away…
The fleeting thought worsens the hollow ache in his chest until he feels like he is drowning in it.
Unable to continue fighting the wave of emotion, Ichigo finally gives up on tonight's conversation and flops down on the bed. He doesn't bother changing into sleepwear of even bringing the covers over his body, despite the cold winter air chilling the room, and simply curls up on his side, forces his eyes shut, and welcomes the unconsciousness of sleep.
That morning, Ichigo awakes to find himself warm, and his face dry. Immediately noticing this is out of place, he snaps his eyes open and sits up quickly…letting the heavy blanket covering his body fall around his hips.
Hesitantly, as if afraid that this is a dream and it might shatter anytime, he reaches down and gently inspects the blue fabric.
Yuzu probably put it there… He reasons. But then his eyes stray to the closet on the other side of the room, where the closet door he distinctly remembers being closed prior to him falling asleep is wide open. What's more, inside the makeshift bed in the closet, Yuzu's checkered yellow pajama's lie in a crumpled heap, as if recently worn and tossed away, instead of the neatly folded pile they had been in that afternoon.
His heart thumping faster now, Ichigo jumps up and goes to further inspect the closet. He runs his hand over the white sheets of the small bed…
They're warm.
Then his hand comes in contact with something other than bed sheets.
Paper?
A small, folded up paper lied on the bed. He rapidly pulls it open, a small object falling from within its folds before he has a chance to see it clearly. He pays it no mind and, heart racing, reads the words on the paper.
'Idiot. You were supposed to take care of it.'
A moment passes before understanding dawns upon him. He quickly bends down and reaches for the fallen object…
He picks it up and, as he examines the small thing held in his fingers, a smile plays on his lips; the first one he's had in days.
Between his fingers dangled a familiar Chappy cell phone charm.
"Che. You shouldn't leave your crap lying around."
And for the first time, he knows he is not speaking into an empty room.
A/N: I couldn't stop thinking about this chapter. Something had to be done, so I decided to chanel my obsessive fangirling into yet another Ichiruki Chapter 423 oneshot...And i still can't stop thinking about it XD
This definitely turned into my favorite Bleach chapter/IchiRuki moment ever. Kubo is a true master. -newsflash- IchiRuki is CANONZ!