My Immortal
The moonlight reflected off the still waters. It was so surprising for the weather to have gone from violent and enraged to peaceful and benevolent in the space of only a few hours. Or, at least, it seemed to me that it was surprising. Must've been the only thing that was surprising to me now. Most things could never shock me after this.
They killed Simon. _We_ killed Simon. I killed him just as much by not trying to stop them, as they did by leaping upon him. We killed Simon.
I'm sitting on the beach. His body's still here. He's a bloody wreck, but I have his head cradled in my lap, and I've been crying for hours. Or, it would seem so. My head hurts and my nose is stuffed up from crying too much. I bet my eyes are bloodshot too.
But I still look far better than he does now. He's so broken. I can't believe that we could've done this. Every bone must be broken, every blood vessel burst, every inch of skin bruised. I hope it didn't take long for him to die. He screamed a lot. It must've taken long. But any amount of time would've been too long.
But, I'm skirting around an issue here continuously. I don't want to admit it. No one can hear this anyway. I'm thinking this all in my mind. Maybe angels are listening. Do they know who Simon is? I bet he's an angel now, too. He probably sits right next to God. I hope God hates us for killing him. I hope he smites us all. We don't deserve life. I'm not sure I want life anymore, either.
I hope angels are listening. Someone should know before I die. I look down at Simon again, and my dried eyes flood once more. I feel weak. Why am I crying? I'm so sad, but girls are supposed to cry. Boys don't cry. Boys aren't supposed to like other boys either. I feel so weird. I liked Simon too much. I liked him enough to want to be around him, but not enough to save him. I never talked to him either. I liked him enough to like him, but not to overcome my own cowardice. I don't deserve to live. I wish I had died, not him. It should've been me they ripped to shreds. He deserved to live. He was one of the only ones who deserved it. But we took it away.
I don't know what love is. I'm too young to. I bet Ralph doesn't, either. And Ralph's older than me. Jack obviously doesn't either. If he did, Simon wouldn't've been killed. I don't like Jack. If he found me here, he'd give me to Roger to torture. Roger always tortures people for Jack. But I don't care, I'm too sad.
The sand is a rust-colored now. Why didn't the rain wash it all away? I don't know why. Maybe it wanted us to remember our evil deed. I should've stopped them. I liked him a lot, but I didn't like him enough to stop being a coward. I was afraid of getting hurt by Jack or Roger. Now I don't care. Why did he have to die for me to get over my fear? It doesn't seem fair. He shouldn't've died. He talked to angels. Why didn't they stop us? Are they cowards like me?
I'd tell you my name, but I don't know it anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who anyone is, because they've all changed too much. Jack was never nice, though. Otherwise I wouldn't know him. Ralph hasn't changed completely. Otherwise I wouldn't know him. I don't know anyone else, though. I didn't know a lot of them to begin with.
I just want to curl up on the sand and die. I finally realized that Simon was right. I realized that the beast was us all along. And he's dead now. I think I may've loved him. But I'm just a kid, I don't know what love is. I know what hate is now, but I still don't know what love is. I'm too young to know what hate is, but I do anyway. I want to die. I'm too young to want to die. But I don't know how to live anymore. Can someone die if they really want to?
I let out a dry sob, not even realizing it until it's drifting off down the beach. If they find me here, they'll kill me. I could only hope for such luck. The tide is slowly but surely coming in. It'll be to where I'm sitting soon. His feet and ankles are already in the water. I should bury him. It's the least I could do at this point. Maybe they'll find me and kill me and throw me in the grave too.
I start to drag him away from the edge of the water, but then I notice the jellyfish in the water. They're glowing. I didn't know jellyfish could glow. But they seem to be beckoning. They want to take Simon home. This place never was his home. I look down at Simon, then back at them. I gently pick him up and push him towards the water, and the jellyfish crowd around him as I push him into the water. He's completely in, and they surround him, I've let go of him now. They're taking him home to God. The angels that may've been listening.
I watch as he drifts off, amidst the jellyfish. The angels.
I'm so sorry Simon.
The moonlight reflected off the still waters. It was so surprising for the weather to have gone from violent and enraged to peaceful and benevolent in the space of only a few hours. Or, at least, it seemed to me that it was surprising. Must've been the only thing that was surprising to me now. Most things could never shock me after this.
They killed Simon. _We_ killed Simon. I killed him just as much by not trying to stop them, as they did by leaping upon him. We killed Simon.
I'm sitting on the beach. His body's still here. He's a bloody wreck, but I have his head cradled in my lap, and I've been crying for hours. Or, it would seem so. My head hurts and my nose is stuffed up from crying too much. I bet my eyes are bloodshot too.
But I still look far better than he does now. He's so broken. I can't believe that we could've done this. Every bone must be broken, every blood vessel burst, every inch of skin bruised. I hope it didn't take long for him to die. He screamed a lot. It must've taken long. But any amount of time would've been too long.
But, I'm skirting around an issue here continuously. I don't want to admit it. No one can hear this anyway. I'm thinking this all in my mind. Maybe angels are listening. Do they know who Simon is? I bet he's an angel now, too. He probably sits right next to God. I hope God hates us for killing him. I hope he smites us all. We don't deserve life. I'm not sure I want life anymore, either.
I hope angels are listening. Someone should know before I die. I look down at Simon again, and my dried eyes flood once more. I feel weak. Why am I crying? I'm so sad, but girls are supposed to cry. Boys don't cry. Boys aren't supposed to like other boys either. I feel so weird. I liked Simon too much. I liked him enough to want to be around him, but not enough to save him. I never talked to him either. I liked him enough to like him, but not to overcome my own cowardice. I don't deserve to live. I wish I had died, not him. It should've been me they ripped to shreds. He deserved to live. He was one of the only ones who deserved it. But we took it away.
I don't know what love is. I'm too young to. I bet Ralph doesn't, either. And Ralph's older than me. Jack obviously doesn't either. If he did, Simon wouldn't've been killed. I don't like Jack. If he found me here, he'd give me to Roger to torture. Roger always tortures people for Jack. But I don't care, I'm too sad.
The sand is a rust-colored now. Why didn't the rain wash it all away? I don't know why. Maybe it wanted us to remember our evil deed. I should've stopped them. I liked him a lot, but I didn't like him enough to stop being a coward. I was afraid of getting hurt by Jack or Roger. Now I don't care. Why did he have to die for me to get over my fear? It doesn't seem fair. He shouldn't've died. He talked to angels. Why didn't they stop us? Are they cowards like me?
I'd tell you my name, but I don't know it anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who anyone is, because they've all changed too much. Jack was never nice, though. Otherwise I wouldn't know him. Ralph hasn't changed completely. Otherwise I wouldn't know him. I don't know anyone else, though. I didn't know a lot of them to begin with.
I just want to curl up on the sand and die. I finally realized that Simon was right. I realized that the beast was us all along. And he's dead now. I think I may've loved him. But I'm just a kid, I don't know what love is. I know what hate is now, but I still don't know what love is. I'm too young to know what hate is, but I do anyway. I want to die. I'm too young to want to die. But I don't know how to live anymore. Can someone die if they really want to?
I let out a dry sob, not even realizing it until it's drifting off down the beach. If they find me here, they'll kill me. I could only hope for such luck. The tide is slowly but surely coming in. It'll be to where I'm sitting soon. His feet and ankles are already in the water. I should bury him. It's the least I could do at this point. Maybe they'll find me and kill me and throw me in the grave too.
I start to drag him away from the edge of the water, but then I notice the jellyfish in the water. They're glowing. I didn't know jellyfish could glow. But they seem to be beckoning. They want to take Simon home. This place never was his home. I look down at Simon, then back at them. I gently pick him up and push him towards the water, and the jellyfish crowd around him as I push him into the water. He's completely in, and they surround him, I've let go of him now. They're taking him home to God. The angels that may've been listening.
I watch as he drifts off, amidst the jellyfish. The angels.
I'm so sorry Simon.