EMILY

I awake suddenly to a cold, delicate finger trailing down my spine. I'm suddenly alert, springing upward immediately, ready to pounce on the intruder.

What can I say? My dad's in the army. I've been trained well.

My originally terrified facial expression twists into a smirk when I realize that the "intruder" isn't so harmful after all. The sight of my adorable girlfriend, Maya, smiling beneath me erases all previous hopes suspicions of a different cold, delicate finger gently running down my spine, raising goosebumps along my skin, and then stroking them away. I shake the thought from my mind.

She's dead, Em. Ali's dead.

I collapse back down onto the bed, pulling my dark-skinned beauty on top of me. I breathe in her lilac scent as she lowers her glossed lips down onto mine, running her hands over the skin on my stomach underneath my yellow tank top. Our lips are moving together, furiously, I might add, and I feel Maya smile into the kiss as she discovers that I'm not wearing a bra.

Well, of course I'm not wearing a bra! It's 6:45 in the morning!

And then I'm brought back into reality.

I somehow gather all of the willpower within myself remove my girlfriend's smooth, thin arms from beneath my shirt, and place her small body down on the bed beside me. Her adorable lips twist into a pout, her huge, chocolate eyes opening wide and melting my heart.

"Aw," I kiss her soft lips, "You're adorable when you pout."

Maya bites down on my bottom lip, sending shocks through my entire body.

"And you're just adorable."

"As great as this wake-up call has been," I say, flopping down onto my pillow and twisting one of Maya's dark curls around my finger, "What ever are you doing in my bed at 6:45 a.m.?"

The girl sits up abruptly and immediately starts rummaging through her oversized leather bag. I sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes to get a clearer view of what the hell my girlfriend is maniacally searching for. Maya pulls out something from the depths of her bag, but holds it close to her so that I can barely see it. Through her fingers, I finally figure out what it is. I roll my eyes, letting a soft chuckle escape from my mouth.

Her driver's license.

I'm actually surprised that I didn't think of it immediately; Maya's been talking about getting her license for weeks now.

"Let me see!" I laugh, gently prying at her thin fingers.

"No!" She pulls away, a smile tugging at her lips, "It came this morning. It's seriously terrible."

"Uh oh," I smile, "How terrible?"

Her eyes grow wide, and her eyebrows knot together in their adorable way.

"Like, you'll-never-have-sex-with-me-again terrible."

I gasp in mock astonishment.

"Well, we both know that will never happen."

Maya smiles that genuine smile that sends shivers down my spine, and leans in close to me, touching her lips to mine. I suction my mouth against hers, taking in her intoxicating taste. The brunette brushes her soft lips against my ear, whispering huskily,

"You're still not getting to see that picture."

"Oh, come on." I wrap my arms around Maya's waist, pulling her close, "Those pictures are always bad. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

A devious smile spreads across Maya's face as she raises one of her perfectly shaped eye brows. I laugh to myself as I realize the double meaning of my previous statement.

That's what she said.

"So," the smaller girl says, laying me on my back and straddling my body with her toned legs, "Is that a promise?"

She places soft kisses in a line down my neck and along my collarbone, making my back arch and my breath hitch.

"Y-yes." I manage to squeak out with my eyes squeezed shut.

Maya crashes her lips into mine, and our mouths move in sync, just as they've done countless times over the past few months. My girlfriend grinds her pelvis into mine, sending tingles through my center. I latch on to her jet black curls, pulling her as close to me as possible. Suddenly, I'm lost in my own world where only the two of us exist. It's impossible to explain how I feel with Maya. It's like, I feel safe, but in a dangerous way.

I think I'm falling in lo...

All of a sudden, my bedroom door swings open with a loud crash, and I can swear that my heart stops. Time freezes for a second, but my mother's biting tone slices right through the silence.

"Emily Jane Fields!" Her voice booms, "What in hell are you doing?"

"Oh my god, Maya!" I scream.

And without thinking, I throw the girl off of me, hardly able to care as I hear her squeal in pain as her body hits the ground. I attempt to plaster the angriest look possible on my face as I straighten out my hair to face my mother. As far as I can tell, she's bought my entire act thus far. Her cheeks are flushed, and she's basically staring bullets into Maya's head as the girl straightens her clothes, grabs her bag, and attempts to make a mad dash for the door.

"Not so fast, young lady!" Mom steps in front of the doorway, thwarting Maya's path, and my heart starts racing so fast I'm sure I'll go into cardiac arrest, "What exactly did you think you was going to happen when you snuck into my daughter's room to attack her?"

Maya's jaw drops.

"Attack...attack her?" She wildly looks between my mother and I, "What do you think was going on in here, Mrs. Fields?"

My mother tightens her robe around her waist so that I can see her tan knuckles going white.

"Well," she inhales sharply, "It's clear that you came in here this morning in hopes of converting my daughter into a-" she pauses to rethink her choice of words, "whatever you are. But clearly, it did not work. I'm sure," the woman looks at me sternly, "that my daughter wants you out of here just as much as I do."

"Really?" Maya turns to me, one eyebrow raised.

I'm dying to protest, to speak out against my mother, but I just can't find the words. It's impossible for me to look at Maya's face, into her beautiful brown eyes. So instead I stare down at my purple bedcover, and nod my head slowly.

I hear Maya breathe inward sharply, as if she'd just been punched in the stomach. I glance up at her, and wince when I see the tears glazing her eyes. She clears her throat, turning to my mother.

"I apologize, Mrs. Fields. I guess I had it all wrong. But don't worry," she turns, speaking directly to me, "It will never happen again."

And with that, she marches past my mother, and I hear her gentle footsteps quickly making their way down the stairs and out the front door. I look up at my mother, and open my mouth to speak, but she puts her hand up, stopping me.

"I'm glad we put that girl in her place, aren't you?"

I nod, speechless.

"Wouldn't want her trying anything like that again."

I can only nod again as I watch her make her way back down the hall to her bedroom. As soon as I hear the door click shut, I jump out of bed, and race down the stairs and out the door, uncaring of whether anyone hears me. I squint in the early morning light as it beats down on my driveway, and instantly begin running as fast as I can next door. I catch Maya just as she's stepping onto her front porch.

"Maya!" I call, my voice coming out broken through my tears.

I see her pause for a second, then turn around slowly. I can see the tears streaming down her face as she makes her way down the front walkway toward me, and it's like someone stabbed a knife through my heart.

I did this to her. It's my fault.

"Maya, I..." I begin, but she cuts me off.

"Look, Emily. It's been two months. Do you get that? Two months. Two months of sneaking around. And I kept thinking 'she'll tell her friends soon' or 'she'll tell her parents soon'. But guess what, Em? It never happened." Her speech is interrupted by her own hysterical tears, and out of instinct, I put my hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs it off, "No! No, Emily! You don't get to break my heart, and then comfort me too. I mean, sneaking around is one thing, but lying? Making it seem like I'm some crazy lesbian attacker that jumped you this morning?" She pauses, as if I should say something, and I should, but no words come out, "Don't you get it, Emily? All this time...all this time I was falling in love with you. And you were just keeping me as your dirty little secret."

She loves me? Holy crap, she loves me.

But before I can piece my thoughts together well enough to say anything, Maya is already back pacing toward her front door.

"We're done, Emily." She says, turning around, "It's over."

"Maya!" I call out, "You're more than just my dirty little secret, you know that!"

I'm screaming my lungs out, but Maya pretends not to hear, calmly opening her front door. She turns to me slowly one last time.

"Try not to wake the neighbors."

And with that, she slams the red door behind her, and she's gone.

She's gone. No. She can't be gone. First Ali, now Maya. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening. Why does everyone I love always leave me? Wait, love? Shit.

I lose all control of myself, throwing every ounce of sanity left in my body out the window, and collapse on Maya's front lawn. I can't imagine how desperate - how psychotic - I must look right now, but I can't bring myself to care. The grass is a blurry mess through my hysterical tears, my shoulders heaving up and down with the sobs.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, and for a second, just one second, I think that it could possibly be my mother. But no, of course not. I turn to see Hanna's blurred face in the sunlight, her blue eyes shining through my tears. She extends her hand out to me, and I take it, allowing her to pull me into her embrace.

"Sweetie," She whispers, rubbing my back, "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

The blonde girl leads me over to a white bench on her side of the street, and we both sit down, with her tightly holding my hand. I notice that Hanna is still wearing her pajamas, and realize with slight embarrassment that I've woken her up.

"It's not going to be okay, Hanna." I sob, tears once again racking my frame.

"Oh, Em." Hanna's voice is shaking as she uses her thumb to wipe the tears from under my eyes, "Please, tell me what happened."

"It's over." I cry, "With me and Maya. It's over."

"Wait, what?" Hanna's voice rises a few pitches the way it usually does when she's angry or surprised, "What the hell is wrong with that girl? I'm going to go over there and give her a piece of my mind." She stands up, but i pull her back down.

"That's the thing, Hanna." I look directly into her eyes, "There's nothing wrong with Maya. She's absolutely perfect. And that's why I'm so mad at myself for not having the guts to tell everyone about us. She doesn't deserve that. I know it, she knows it..."

I break down again, but make sure that my sobs are muted this time, so I don't wake anyone else. Hanna rubs my back silently, biting her lip.

"Look," she says softly, after a while, "I know you don't really want to hear this, but maybe it won't be such a bad thing to come out. Maybe not to your parents yet, but at least tell the other girls, Em. They aren't going to care, you know it. You're the one who thinks this is such a big deal, not anyone else."

I look up at her, stunned for a moment.

Does she really mean that?

"I'm sorry, Em. But someone had to say it, okay?"

I nod.

"Okay."

"I actually have to go," she sighs, "I'm supposed to go for a run with Sean, or something," she shudders, "Gross."

I chuckle.

Leave it to Hanna to always...be Hanna. I should take a note from her.

"Have fun."

"Oh, I won't." She smiles, and places a kiss on my forehead before standing up, "You're going to be okay, I promise."

I nod, and she turns to leave. But I know I'm not going to be okay.

I can't tell Aria and Spencer. I can't do it. And after this morning, I know I'll never be able to tell Mom. It would be suicide to say anything to Dad about it, he swears by the rules of the military. But I'm lost without Maya. There's no way out.

I slowly make my way back to my front door, my face feeling sticky from the dried tears. I let out a deep sigh that I didn't know I was holding when I realize that a) my mother hasn't realized I left, or b) she didn't care enough to look for me. Either way, it's good news. I don't feel like spinning another lie at the moment.

I tiptoe up the stairs and into my room, throwing myself down on the bed. I wince as I feel a sharp piece of plastic digging into my side, and I reach down to find Maya's license.

She must have forgot it here when...when...

I can't finish the sentence. I look at the picture, and it brings the tears back. Let me say, she looks far from terrible. I'm instantly glad that I didn't show her mine, because she looks absolutely adorable.

I'll have to give this to her next time she...

And I realize with dread and a certain morbid emptiness that there won't be a next time. I tuck the plastic card into the waistband of my pajama pants before trudging into the bathroom. I turn on the light, and instantly jump back at my horrific reflection in the mirror. My dark hair is completely disheveled, and my eyes are puffy and red around the edges.

I look dead. No, I feel dead.

I shake my head.

I wish I was dead.

As if another person has taken over my body, I reach into the cabinet below the sink to pull out a compact mirror I'd buried away for a long while. I take it apart, just like I used to, and pull out the tiny razor blade that I haven't seen in years. I make sure to lock the bathroom door before positioning myself on the toilet seat and holding out my left arm. If I look closely enough, I can still see the tiny white scars now fading on my left arm.

I cannot believe I'm doing this again.

But the intense pain over my loss of Maya overcomes any sense I have left in my brain, and I'm hysterical and breathless all at once. I curl my toes against the cold, tile floor in both excitement and dread of what's to come. But there's no time for excitement, or dread, or pain, or thought, or feeling.

I outstretch my left arm, clenching my fist, and drag the razor over my skin as if I'd never kicked the habit.

Hey guys! I noticed there isn't a lot of Emily/Maya on here, so I thought I'd contribute! This story is going to be more about the relationship rather than all of the "A" texts, although there might be a few thrown in there! What did you guys think of the story thus far? I LOVE REVIEWS! They keep me going! The more reviews I get, the faster I'll write the next chapter!

I'd love to know what you think!

xo

em