THE SCARY ROOM
INT. JOHNNY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Lisa sits stiffly on the sofa, staring blankly ahead. The
door opens, and Johnny strides in with a large painting under
his arm.
JOHNNY
Happy Christmas, sweethearts!
Lisa immediately shoots to a stand, grabbing a wine glass off
the coffee table in one fluid motion as her face lights up
with a wide smile.
LISA
Hi, babe! What you got there?
JOHNNY
Is a present for yooo-uuu! I went
to art auction for dead artist and
got this painting.
He holds up the painting. It is a portrait of a pale young
man with a glassy-eyed glare.
JOHNNY
Is all-American self-portrait of
artist. He suicided hisself. I
paid for it with money.
LISA
Gosh, that's creepy.
JOHNNY
Okay I put it on mantel.
He heads toward the fireplace, passing by Mark, who has
apparently been standing just out of view.
JOHNNY
Oh hi, Mark!
MARK
Hi, Johnny!
JOHNNY
Happy Christmas, Mark!
MARK
You too, Johnny!
Mark walks up to Lisa as Johnny completes his journey to the
fireplace.
MARK
I didn't know it was Christmas.
LISA
It's not. I just told him that to
make life interesting.
Johnny stands on a chair and knocks pictures of spoons off
the mantel.
JOHNNY
I make room!
LISA
Mark, he can't hear us all the way
over there. Let's have sex.
MARK
What do you mean by that?
Johnny haphazardly sets the painting on the mantel and then
steps off the chair.
JOHNNY
There, let's see you try to be
creepies up there, Mr. Painting.
He turns to Lisa and Mark.
JOHNNY
Happy Christmerry holiday,
everyone!
The chair flies up by itself and slams into Johnny, knocking
him to the floor.
JOHNNY
Argh! What are these doings?!
LISA
Johnny!
Lisa and Mark run to Johnny and help him up.
MARK
You okay, Johnny?
JOHNNY
Yeah I okay but chair is possessed!
MARK
That was weird.
LISA
What would make a chair do that?
JOHNNY
Is demon chair!
A chandelier crashes down onto the coffee table.
MARK
Damn!
JOHNNY
Is demon ceiling ornament!
LISA
What the hell is going on?
A football shoots through the air and breaks a window.
JOHNNY
Even football is demons!
LISA
What should we do?
MARK
I don't know.
Mark grabs Lisa and starts making out with her.
JOHNNY
Lisa!
Mark pushes himself off Lisa.
MARK
Why'd you make me do that?!
LISA
You idiot! Johnny wasn't turned
around at all!
JOHNNY
What did you do to him?!
LISA
Okay, fine! I admit it! I don't
love you, Johnny!
JOHNNY
Why are you say such things? You
are evils!
LISA
Pathetic men! I've only ever used
you all for my own ends!
Mwahahaha!
MARK
She manipulated me with her
treacherous manipulation!
Johnny puts his arm around Mark.
JOHNNY
I'm sorry, Mark. I not know Lisa
was evils.
LISA
Now I shall seduce all your friends
and take all their money!
Lisa makes a run for the door.
JOHNNY
Oh noes!
MARK
Let's stop her!
JOHNNY
Yah okay!
Johnny and Mark charge at Lisa. They grab her and drag her
to the sofa.
MARK
Hold her down!
LISA
Get off me! I need to go find a
man who can get a promotion!
MARK
No way, you succubus!
LISA
Fools!
JOHNNY
Bite me on neck, vampire!
LISA
I - What?
MARK
I think she's the one behind all
this supernatural activity! We
need to get some holy water and
send her back to Satan!
JOHNNY
Okay I call plumber.
Cackling laughter draws everyone's attention to the painting.
The man in it has come to life.
MAN
It was me, The Haunted Painting!
I'm here to steal your souls!
Johnny gasps and turns back to Lisa.
JOHNNY
You have infected my auction
painting with the evils!
MAN
Wrong! I am Roland Yargenberg. I
put my spirit into my own portrait
so I could haunt whoever bought it,
because that's what I'm into!
MARK
So...Lisa doesn't have telekinesis?
ROLAND
No, damn it!
LISA
Yeah, I don't have special powers.
I'm just a bitch.
ROLAND
Anyway, you bought me, Johnny, so
I'm here to torment you forever!
Lights flicker and wind blows through the room.
ROLAND
You'll never get rid of me! Throw
me away and I'll reappear right
back here! Set me on fire and I'll
return good as new! You can even
tear me apart, Johnny! I'll come
back no matter what!
JOHNNY
Oh, well I guess thas pretty
scaries.
ROLAND
You guess? Come on, it's
horrifying! I put a lot of work
into this!
JOHNNY
Yah okay.
Johnny looks over at Lisa and Mark. They are making out
again.
JOHNNY
Hey!
MARK
Sorry, Johnny. I'm lost to the
dark side.
JOHNNY
Everyone betray me!
Johnny screams furiously, then abruptly stops and calmly
walks to the fireplace while Lisa and Mark get down.
JOHNNY
You are my only friend, painting.
ROLAND
What? Um, no. I'm here to haunt
you, Johnny. Make your walls bleed
and stuff. That kind of thing.
JOHNNY
Are you vampire?
Roland sighs.
ROLAND
No, Johnny.
JOHNNY
Vampires are my favorite kind of
elephant.
ROLAND
Look, are you gonna start being
terrified or what? Because this
doesn't seem to be working out.
A bell dings outside.
JOHNNY
Ice cream man!
Lisa and Mark jump up.
MARK
Ice cream!
LISA
Time out for ice cream!
JOHNNY
Yah let's go get somes fudge pops!
Johnny, Lisa, and Mark run out the door.
ROLAND
Hey, wait! Get back here! I'll
steal your souls, I swear!
Johnny's laughter fades off into the distance.
ROLAND
This sucks.
THE END