I wrote this fanfiction a couple years ago and looking back at it I can't help but cringe at how terrible the writing is, it's the only story that i've ever put online for other people to read so it was more of an experiment to see if I was any good at the time and and a faint attempt to boost my confidence a little. I'm still not very confident and cringe and laugh at my own writing but I believe I have improved, if only a little. So, I've decided to give this a proper go and write regularly, starting with trying to salvage and improve what I can with this story. I apologise in advance for any spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes as I am awful at typing as I much prefer writing by hand. For anyone who hasn't gotten bored and left yet here is my rewrite and I hope that you can give me some feed back and critisism (which I am completely open to).
- I will leave the original on here to anyone who is willing to cringe...uncontrollably.
"Daddy's Here"
Every day I watch over my son in a vain attempt to make up for my absence. I like to think that I am guarding and protecting him from the dangers of the world as any father would but there is little I could do if he ever found himself in a more serious predicament than the horde of dissappointed glares and unaaceptance he faces on a daily basis. The decisions I made brought this on him. An orphan just hours after being born and the vessel of the nine tailed beast. I could try to condone these horrible gifts that I bestowed upon him by telling myself that I saved the village but still I ache with regret and remorse. Perhaps I am indulging myself when I say it is my decision to watch over him, I could have passed on with Kushina but why? Isn't it an obligation rather than a choice to care and look after your own child? Even calling myself a parent is a sick sense of gratification but still i'll watch and play father because as unworthy as I am I treasure the little private moments of happiness he has.
Today is his birthday. I watch him roll lazily out of bed, slumping all the way to kitchen where he drinks a glass of water and walks into his living room. He gazes up at his calender, knowing what he'll see but hoping, half wishing that he could have missed it, slept through the day even, but his eyes are greeted with a red circle around the days date. The day is not considered anything worth celebrating to neither Naruto nor the village. The pure look of hurt that crosses his face makes me grimace, almost in physical pain. I glance about, not a present in sight, not even a card. He feeds himself a bowl of ramen- his favourite food I note to myself approvingly, as if he had told me so himself as a private secret between just the two of us- and dresses into his rather amusing orange jumpsuit. The normal stubborn happiness in his posture and attitude are not present today as he walks down the street, meeting the familiar stares of hate and disdain. I realise suddenly that he has begrudgingly accepted this vile fate of his without even knowing why. Not for the first I find myself admiring his strength and resilience while hating myself even more in comparison. His mother crosses my mind. The way she was so hot-headed and stubborn. How she always seemed to find trouble. The way we suddenly become inseperable, fell in love, planned a future of a son and a village happy to greet him. I think of all the happy times I had shared with her. We were going to have it all. I was to be hokage, we were to be parents, to love and hold our own child. The tears come. I groan in pain at the memories. The tears fall but do not land. They seem to disappear before touching anything solid but somehow Naruto seems to notice the presence of the invisible drops and looks directly at me, just for a moment. I see his mother in his eyes and it soothes me. The selfish show of emotion ends as abruptly as it started and I instead focus my thoughts on how my son is feeling.
The school is infront of him and he enters, ignoring sniggers left and right. He takes the seat next to a girl. "Harouno Sakura" springs to mind and I smile gently. The girl once again reacts angrily to his presence beside her but not for the hate of the nine tailed fox. She rants about the boy called sasuke and despite himself and the day he is facing he reacts, arguing back with her but not angrily. Beside her he seems happier, content almost.
Sasuke arrives, summoning with him a crowd of doting girls. The girl Ino, Sakura's rival, pushes beside her in the crowd attempting to weasel her way beside him before her. Naruto watches as the scene unfolds and seems annoyed. I chuckle softly at his reaction and the similar reactions emmiting from every other boy in the room. As I glance about I notice that only one girl is still seated, unfazed by Sasuke's arrival and preoccupied with her own hopeless crush. I follow her eyes and chuckle once again when the boy is revealed to be Naruto. As if hearing my thoughts Naruto glances around, making eye contact with the girl, who blushes madly, almost on the verge of fainting and attempting to cover her face unsuccessfully and rather clumsily. Naruto says hello and mentions her name. Hinata. Hinata...Hyuga? I look at her closely, searching for the tell tale signs of a Hyuga. I reach the conclusion that she is infact Hinata Hyuga and make a mental note to pay more attention to the shy girl, obviously competing with the uncaring Sakura for my sons attention.
Class starts and ends as it usually does and everyone gathers in little groups of friends and family in the courtyard. Naruto glances at the swing that held so many terrible memories of waiting for a family to come and greet him and take him home. Much like himself the swing is unloved by the children, simply there to be ignored. He grasps the swing firmly, testing if it will still hold his weight. He eases onto it, finding no fun from it, simply enjoying the false presence of companionship. He does not swing. He never swings. He sits. He watches. And he waits as everyone leaves. This routine had begun when naruto had started the academy at a very young age. Each day he would sit waiting for someone. Anyone. No body every came. I had watched the sad scene many times before, wishing I could grab out and hold him.
Lost in thought I think back to when he was just six, sitting on the swing. He had looked up at the sky and swung. It was the only time he had ever done this. He put all his strength behind the motion and lifted off the ground into the blue sky that he yearned to reach. He had jumped after reaching the highest he could. He must have known it would hurt but still he propelled himself off. Perhaps his young brain had been naive and convinced him someone would be there to catch him and take away the pain but nobody was. Nobody alive and able to touch him. I had watched corncerned and reaching out to catch him. He had gone straight through my fingers. He landed, scraped his knees and hands but he didn't cry from the pain. He cried from the cruelty of having no one to catch his fall. I had crouched above him trying so hard to make him feel safe and loved. The embrace was short lived as I could not bare to be so close and not comfort him. The crying had lasted for hours until it had gotten so dark and cold he had been forced to leave.
That had been his birthday as well and I have never attempted to hold him since.
Naruto eases himself from the makeshift embrace provided by the swing and walkes home in the dark where he is greeted by no hostility other than his empty home. He undresses into casual clothes and sits in the dark, not bothering with any lights. He lights a candle for the family he does not know are alive or dead and kneels beside it watching until it burns out. I watch with him until the last flickering flame goes out letting off a small stream of smoke. Then he cries. I can't bare it. I look away, unable to leave and unable to stay. All my instincts scream to comfort him but I can't. Can't bare the disappointment. Can't bare watching him cry either.
After what seems a lifetime I make my decision. I do not care that he can't feel me. I hug him tightly, just like I had when he had hurt himself. I speak soothing words to him and I say what I should have said then; "Daddy's here Naruto, daddy's here." I laugh dryly at how pathetic I am but say it again, this time meaning it, because i would never leave him again, I would find a way to protect him from my side. That was the promise I made as I said the words once more.
"Daddy's here Naruto, daddy's here and he wont ever leave you."