Substitute Sweetener (Better this Way)
by Lanie Kay-Aleese
Hunny glances down into his arms and looked at his stuffed toy, as if for permission or confirmation. Bunny's beady eyes are black, too black for them to reveal any expression in the middle of the dark night like this. But then, Hunny has a night light in the corner behind his four-poster, and the light reflected off of Bunny's glass eyes seems to waver. Hunny understands the message, and crawls out of bed.
It barely took two minutes before his silver fork was cutting into the cake.
It tastes good.
It tasted really, really good -- But it isn't enough. He needs more, just like always.
Hunny eats four cakes that night, with Bunny in his lap. He's tempted to share some of the whipped cream with Bunny, but thinks better of it. He doesn't want his Bunny's face to get dirty.
When Hunny is finished, he goes straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Hunny knows that he might be eating more cake than usual, and more importantly, he knows better than to forget to brush his teeth since the incident.
He doesn't want another cavity. He doesn't want to have to go without his sweets again.
But he doesn't want to have Mori look at him like that again, either, because Mori understands him too well, and knows why Hunny would have been eating so many sweets in the first place.
Hunny never had to tell Mori the reason, exactly. And as much as Mori may try, in his way, to bring it up, Hunny won't say it. There's too much to worry about.
Because if Hunny is getting cavities from eating too many sweets, it's Mori's fault, and the guilt will make Mori want Hunny to hate him again.
Because the way it is now, Hunny doesn't hate Mori. No, that's not the way it is. If Hunny hated Mori, he wouldn't be eating cake in the middle of the night.
Hunny imagines it comes down to a single decision. He could stop eating cake. After all, you don't get cavities from a cake that you don't eat.
But it's easier to brush his teeth a couple of extra times a day than to stop eating sweets.
It's really better this way.
He thinks all of this and presses his Bunny more tightly to the cavity inside his chest.
It's the next morning and Mori is sitting with his legs askance and his back firmly against the plush leather cushion of the limo. His face stays somehow passive, n spite of the rapid breaking and acceleration of the limo in the midst of morning traffic. Hunny can see him watching cooly from the corner of his deep black eye, but of course he doesn't say anything, because he's too busy stuffing an entire piece of raspberry tart into his mouth at once. He's only just begun his second breakfast, and it's delicious. A warm feeling pools inside of his chest. He is certain that it is happiness and he smiles as broadly as he can. He reaches to pick up his knife and cut another piece, but a hand shoots out and captures his wrist.
Hunny looks up with rounded eyes to see that it is Takashi. His fingers can easily wrap around Hunny's lithe wrist and altough his intense expression doesn't seem to reveal anything in itself, Hunny can feel Mori's presence warmly radiating around him, and the backseat, spacious as it is, seems suddenly smaller, and confined to their bodies.
When Mori says nothing for several moments, Hunny blinks and hesitantly speaks his name.
"...Takashi?" he asks.
Mori grips his wrist more tightly, but that is the only response that Hunny can measure from his body language. It's confusing.
"There is," says Mori, and he pauses as if to gather his words, "...a solution to all of this."
Hunny turns his head to give him an innocent smile.
"Wheh?" he asks cutely. A few pastry crumbs fall from his chin.
Mori's expression hasn't even changed, and so he manages to blink several times while keeping his face just as unreadable.
"Tak'shi, what are you talkin' about?"
The question is said so blankly that Hunny halfway fools himself that he doesn't know what Mori wanted to say.
He feels prickly all over. Mori is staring at him so intently, Hunny feels as if those eyes could consume him, as if they could swallow him entirely, just like a raspberry tart.
And then, without a word, Mori lets go of Hunny's wrist and sits back in his seat. His eyes are fixed on something that only he can see, and Hunny realizes that the 'conversation' has ended.
Hunny drops his eyes and shifts uncomfortably on the leather bench.
Yes, there is a solution to all of this...
He reaches for his Bunny with his left hand, and with the other, he takes hold of his dessert knife.
"I really love raspberries!" he says, revealing a toothy, stretched-thin smile. As he chews and swallows, he is strangely suspicious that the sugar doesn't taste right; like Mori had asked the chef to make it with Sweet'N'Low or something equally appalling. He tries to act like he doesn't notice, but peers over the edge of the cake and his bright blonde hair, to see Mori's face. All that Hunny can see is his profile, mostly in shadows.
Hunny flicks out his tongue to catch a bit of frosting on his lips.
Mori's looking out at the street, and the whir of traffic outside the window.
It really is better this way.