Thank you to my awesome fanfic writer and friend, Lisa who encouraged me to post this! If you haven't read her stuff, please RUN to it! Amazing!
And to all my readers, thank you for your reviews and feedback!
This story was inspired by a instrumental piece, "Waterways" by Ludovico Einaudi.I suggest you listen while reading, it really brings the emotion to light.
"Hey Top Gun."
He turned and smiled. She was there, in her jean shorts, white converse and flag t-shirt, sunglasses on.
She embraced him, grateful he had had made it home safe as she took his hat, putting it on her.
He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arm around her, making their way through the joyous crowd to his mother.
"Mom!"
They exchanged a long hug, tears in her eyes, as Elizabeth felt them prick her eyes as well.
The three of them made their way past the hanger to the parking lot.
"So what do you feel like doing first?"
He smiled as his mother took one bag, Elizabeth took the other.
"Sleep. In a real bed."
They all laughed as they made the trip home, quiet and peaceful, as he rolled the window down, the wind coming through the car.
The house was quiet as he didn't want any celebrations, his stuff gathered in the living room while he grabbed some juice.
"I can make you something honey."
He nodded no and went to Elizabeth, taking the hat from her, making her laugh.
"I'm going to shower and take a nap."
The two women nodded. "There's fresh clothes in your dresser."
When the bathroom door closed, Elizabeth took a seat on the barstool.
"Thanks for coming Elizabeth. You know how much he wanted to see you."
She reached for an apple, palming it for a second, her ring reflecting in the sun. "Charlotte, do you ever wonder…"
The woman stopped her as she put some vegetables in a pan, making a vegetable stir fry that he liked so much.
"Don't even think it."
She looked down at her ring and took a bite of an apple, waiting for the water to turn on.
Jack stood in the hot water for awhile, letting his thoughts drift.
Two years, two years and three months.
He felt like crying but was too scared, too weak.
When he emerged from the bathroom, putting on sweatpants and a new t-shirt he wondered what it could have been like.
If she was here.
He slipped under the sheets and let his mind go blank.
Elizabeth jumped off the stool and went to grab her purse. "I should go. Charles will be home soon and I have to make dinner.
His mother turned. "Of course. Come back and see us soon ok?"
She nodded and got into her car quickly, letting the tears fall when she was alone.
He awoke to the smells of stir-fry and cake. He groggily got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.
"Oh you're up! Perfect! I have stir-fry and cake for you."
A plate was put in front of him as he took a moment to center himself.
"Did Elizabeth leave?"
"She did. Had things to do."
He nodded and took a seat, taking a few big bites before he realized his stomach wasn't used to such rich foods.
He put his fork down and paused, the sun now going down behind him.
"Welcome home Jack."
His mother kissed his cheek and he wearily smiled. "Thanks mom."
Elizabeth had made spaghetti just as Charles came in the door. "Welcome home."
He dropped his suitcase and went to her, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Thanks. I see you have dinner made. Appreciate it."
He took an empty plate as she poured herself a glass of wine.
"You look all patriotic today."
She nodded as she watched him put a large portion on his plate. "Yes, well Jack came home."
He didn't miss a beat, pouring the pasta on top with the ladle. "So the prodigal son returns."
Elizabeth took a very long sip of wine before putting the glass down, thinking of holding her tongue but not wanting to.
"Don't start please."
She put only a little pasta on her plate before she heard his voice boom through the small house. "I'm not starting anything. In fact Jack started it all."
And it was then she couldn't hold back her sadness, her frustration. She threw the plate down, almost breaking it, her voice hard and horse.
"Why must you? Why? Two years Charles! Two years and now he's home. Can't you just let it go?"
She ran out of the house into the darkness that was coming. She thought of running to him, to apologize for all the hurt, the pain, the wrong. Instead she got to the end of the street.
He looked out the living room window while his piece of cake was untouched. His glass of water was almost gone.
"Do you want anything else?"
His mother's voice interrupted his thoughts as he turned. "No, thanks. I'm just going to sit here…and enjoy the silence."
She gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ok, I'll be in my room if you need anything."
When his mother disappeared, he looked over at his bags. He reached for the smaller one, unzipped the big pocket and reached in, pulling out letters.
They were crinkled, smelled of gunpowder and sand but they were still readable. He took one at random, pulling it out of the envelope.
My Dearest Jack,
I sit here not knowing what to write. It has been 3 months and I'm already feeling like I'm losing you. I don't know what you are doing, if you are ok. I suppose you are doing it to protect me. I know you are being brave an strong but I don't know if can be that for myself.
There's a group here, for support. I know I should go.
My answer will be yes if you ask me.
Love,
Elizabeth
He felt the tears fall just enough to stain the letter. He placed it back in the envelope and pulled out another.
Jack,
Where are you? Why are you not writing me? I can't do this without you. Please don't tell me to find someone else. You have always been my heart and I just can't forget it because you want me to.
Tell me it will be ok. I need you. Please.
I will always say yes.
Love,
Elizabeth
Everything was so different before and yet being back home, it was as if he was back to that place, in a time where everything didn't feel so far away.
My Jack,
It's been a year to the day. I will write you forever if that's what it takes for you to come to me again. I know you said that your life is different and that it can never be what it once was but why does that mean goodbye to me?
I can't breathe anymore. I don't know how to function like everyone else.
My students are doing a project for the troops, food and cards and all I think about is you. I'm selfish in that way.
My mother told me to let you go, listen to your silence.
I cannot bear the thought of you thinking you are alone. You are not. I'm here.
Love,
Elizabeth
It was late and he was tired. He placed the letters back in the bag and made his way back to his room, finding the silence choking him.
When she came back into the house he was changed, watching tv. The pasta was gone but her plate remained.
"I left your plate for you."
She nodded and went to heat it up, plain noodles.
She ate it standing up in the kitchen.
The next morning he awoke to sunlight and the sound of voices.
Quickly he made his bed and changed into jeans and a green t-shirt as he made his way back out to the kitchen.
It was his mother and Elizabeth having breakfast.
"Morning Jack, care for some pancakes."
He nodded as Elizabeth jumped off her seat, taking a few from the warm oven, putting them on a plate.
"We have whipped cream, syrup and chocolate sauce."
He smiled and took the whipped cream, putting some on his plate and then right in his mouth.
"Some habits die hard."
Charlotte laughed as he took a seat next to her. "Thanks mom."
"Actually it was Elizabeth who thought of pancakes."
He looked over to see her drinking some juice. "Thanks."
She smiled.
It was quiet as they ate until Elizabeth's phone rang.
"Hi Charles. No, I didn't see the discount for the florist…let me call…"
She excused herself and the two of them were left alone.
"They are getting married next week."
He didn't say anything as he kept eating his pancakes.
"Down by the gardens. Outside. A small affair."
He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to feel it.
She came back a few moments later. "Sorry, business."
Charlotte smiled as she got up. "Of course. Well, I must get myself going. Why don't you two catch up, go down by the boats, maybe even get out on the water."
He glared at her, as he pushed his now empty plate. "Mom, I don't think."
Elizabeth interrupted. "Wonderful."
She gave him a big smile and he couldn't do anything but melt. "Sure, we can do that."
The two of them slowly made their way down to the marina, not really talking but not as awkward as he had thought it might be.
"So my mom tells me you are getting married next week?"
She turned, surprised. "Um yeah, in the gardens. Charles isn't much for water."
He nodded and thought of how much she loved being in it.
With him.
"Jack, I never got to-"
He cut her off, stopping her by stepping in front of her, blocking her path,
"We don't have to do this Elizabeth."
She nodded and they continued down to the boats, the sun high enough to warm them but not to burn them. Her patience waning, her hurt building.
"I would have said yes if you asked me."
It was a line she had delivered over and over in her letters.
He stopped, being a few steps ahead of her, his own hurt and fear rising. "I didn't ask Elizabeth so you don't have to keep telling me your answer."
She was mad, angry, and livid now. She pulled on his arm, telling him to stop avoiding. "Why? I waited and I waited!"
He looked down, afraid to meet her gaze, her beauty only growing with the days he wasn't there. "Because! I never promised you when I left. I told you to live your life."
Her voice rose. "But why did that mean without you?"
He yelled and he reached inside himself for all the pain and the angst he had felt for her, for him, for them. "I wasn't there! I was halfway around the damn world! You were waiting for someone that was just a memory."
She wanted to lunge for him but they were in public. He was being so stubborn, so difficult, so hurtful.
Her chest was heaving and all she could feel was joy that was in front of her, the anguish that she would never be his and the fear that she would never see him again.
"You got to decide for us. You stopped writing. You stopped speaking to me and I was left to deal with being erased. You didn't give me a chance to live on in your life."
It hurt all over his body. Every word, every movement made it harder to move forward, to move on.
He wanted to reach for her, wanted to hug her, kiss her and love her.
Instead he watched her walk away.
Elizabeth made it to her house without breaking down. And then she hit the door and she collapsed against it, knowing very well that her life wasn't much of one without him.
He went back into the house, finding it empty. He went to his bag, pulling out the letters, and ran to her house.
She had wiped the tears just enough so she could see when she heard a knock.
When she opened the door, she gasped.
He entered, holding a stack of letters, all tied up. There must have been hundreds. "I didn't mail them. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I thought of everything you might lose because of me."
He handed them to her, their hands shaking. She went to the couch where she undid the twine, as they spilled out around her.
They were all addressed to her but no stamp.
She picked up a random one, pulling back the envelope fold, pulling out the crisp letter.
He stood, shaking next to her, wanting her to read it.
"My Love Elizabeth,
You think you have lost me forever but I'm still here. My men are strong if a little crazy. They make me laugh but not like you. You always knew how to make me smile, even with a silly face or dance.
I don't know where I will be next. I am anxious all the time and I never feel right without you beside me. I guess this is my new normal.
I don't like this.
I want you here.
Forgive me.
Jack
She looked up, tears falling down. She reached for another.
"My love Elizabeth,
It's been two years since I've seen your face and I'm scared I have forgotten some parts. There's that freckle by your eye. The scar by your chin when you fell off your bike. I can't remember if your shoulders had two or three spots. I do remember that nose scrunch you like to do when I'm making fun of you or your beautiful blue eyes that reflect a cloudless sky.
You don't deserve to wait. And I can't ask you. I have lived a thousand lifetimes here and yet I need another million with you. I don't want these memories to live in my heart, only the ones that of you laughing and smiling as we drive around town or run in the rain.
Your mouth I will never forget. How beautiful, how soft and how sweet.
Forgive me.
Jack
She stood overwhelmed.
He reached for her then, pulling her in, kissing her long and passionate. Her tongue tasting of orange and cinnamon. Her body clung to him tight, reaching for his cheek.
It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to let it go. Let her go. But he couldn't.
She molded to him, feeling his body against her, knowing that's all she ever wanted.
He released her, leaving her breathless and wanting.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have."
He left her, with her letters.
She hid the letters in a drawer in her room.
He went down to the water to clear his head, finding the waves crashing just lightly enough to make his thoughts scatter.
Charles came in the door late; dinner was warm on the stove. She heard him make a plate and the TV click on.
Jack spent the evening reading a book while his mother was busy knitting a scarf.
"Beautiful night for star gazing."
He looked up at his mother but said nothing.
"I know how much you loved that."
He didn't say anything again as he turned his attention back to his book.
Elizabeth left the house to sit on the porch in a rocking chair.
She always loved looking up at the stars.
In her pocket she had stuffed a few of his letters. She took them out, leaving one on her lap.
"My Love Elizabeth,
Has it been that long since you wrote me? I know you don't think much of me now but I will hope you see in time, I'm just doing what is right for you.
I know you think I'm full of ego and selfish and maybe so, but I don't want you to live a life of unknown or fear. You can be happy with someone who is there for you, who doesn't disappear for months, years.
I want you to have a family, Children running all around. You would want me there with you. I would need to be there. And I couldn't be now.
I love you more everyday. But sometimes I think it's not enough.
Forgive me.
Jack"
The letters were so intense, so raw. She knew perfectly well what he did but that didn't ease the pain of losing him. He always had her, no matter what.
Charles appeared in the doorway, startling her. "I'm going to bed. Night."
She turned and smiled. "I'll be in soon."
There was one more to read but she couldn't do it. Instead she rocked in her chair and looed up at the stars above, hoping that he was doing the same.
Jack laid in bed, his head not turning off like he hoped it would. The kiss, the letters, it was all such a terrible, beautiful mistake. He should have never shown them to her.
All it did was bring up the past that he wanted to bury.
Elizabeth found herself knee deep in wedding planning for the next few days, a grateful distraction from the letters, from him.
He took very early morning runs, passing her house. It was quiet and he could just run with his thoughts, escape the reality of them.
His kiss was still etched in her mind, wanting him to make love to her, just once so she could feel everything all over as she lay in her bed, thinking of him.
The night before her wedding arrived and she was filled with more dread. It was all happening so quickly and she didn't have her bearings.
He sat on the front porch having a beer, when his mother came out. "Looks like a storm might be coming."
He didn't respond. "She's going to marry that man tomorrow you know. She's not going to be yours to pine for."
This was clearly not helping his state of mind. "Mom, seriously not now."
"Well, when? You have been home for 8 days and you have done nothing but re-enforced in her mind that she made the right choice."
He stood, upset and anxious at his mother's biting words. "I'm not going to sit here and justify my actions to you. I'm an adult."
She looked him up and down. "All I see is a scared little boy afraid of letting someone love you. Your father was a good man and yes, he died too soon but don't let his story, dictate yours."
He sighed and looked out on the horizon, even dark, the clouds were gathering.
"I love you Jack. I want you to be happy. Her too."
The door closed behind him and he was left with silence.
She was in her room, her dress in the bag, as Charles and his friends went out for some drinks, alone. The letters called to her but she dared not read any more.
She went for a glass of wine instead, feeling the lowliness creep in all over again.
Just as she was going back into the room, he appeared at the door way, the lightning behind him, illuminating him.
He knew he shouldn't be here but he had to be here.
He entered quietly.
"Charles isn't here."
She felt flush, her body temperature was rising and she was sure her stomach was in her throat. He kept walking towards her and she kept backing up still she reached a corner of the kitchen counter.
His hands went to her hips, feeling the way they moved just slightly. He loved when he touched her there. He locked his eyes with hers, smiling just a little bit to not scare her.
She couldn't breathe, couldn't hear and she sure as heck couldn't move as she felt his strong hands on her.
His lips grazed hers as she felt her body tighten and then go lose all at the same time.
"I came looking for you my love."
And then he kissed her, like before but this was slower, deeper and more deliberate, finding those places inside her mouth not yet explored. She savored every moment, committing to memory and storing it for forever playback.
Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him in tighter as he felt his own body stiffen and become wrapped in hers. Her skin was dewy, smooth and soft and oh so kissable as he dragged his mouth away from her lips, kissing her cheek and going to her ear where he whispered softly. "Forgive me for leaving you."
She felt herself being lifted and being carried to her bedroom. She found his lips again as she explored every part of her mouth, dueling with his tongue, sending shivers and shudders throughout her whole body.
He laid her down, stripping off his shirt, as she reached for her own. He quickly went back to her mouth as she felt the pressure building between her thighs, her sex pulsing so hard. His own body was stiff as he wanted nothing more than to release it to her.
He touched her long, his hands moving along her body from her smooth, beautiful face to her long legs. She sighed into him as he touched her, just enough to get her insides pounding.
She never felt this good before in her life as she reached for him, knowing he wanted her as much as she wanted him. He felt her hands on him and he strained to keep it together.
He moaned finding the more she touched, the harder it was for him to contain any sense of control.
The lightning lit up the window as he lowered himself on her, both hands on either side of her so he wouldn't hurt her.
She felt his body heat as she lifted up her hips to meet his, caressing his cheek with her fingers, believing he truly was here.
He grazed her lips again, not able to get enough as he kissed her soft and hard and then all over again. She moaned into his mouth feeling like she was ready to fly.
Suddenly she felt empty. When she opened her eyes he was beside her on the bed looking at her deeply as he took her hand that lay by her side.
"I love you Elizabeth."
She smiled and squeezed his hand that clutched hers tightly. "Love you more Jack."
He kissed her again and she followed his movements, from his tongue to his breathing and then back again.
He loved her deeply and without reservation as he took his time, feeling her deep inside him, the way her body tightened as he got deeper and let go as he came back out.
She felt complete as he entered her, slow and then slower and then finally when he connected himself to her. The thunder shook the house and her body as he moved just a little quicker each time, keeping the pace just as she wanted, both of them taking their time to savor each other, not just as two, but as one.
When he came she held him, his back slicked with sweat. She felt it under her fingers as she ran her hands down his back, calming him.
He looked to her again, her eyes bright, his dim from the lust and the hard work, as he smiled and held her. "You feel so good."
She smiled as she wrapped her hands around his neck, her legs around his torso. "Get me high."
And he did. The lightning and thunder storming outside, just as it was inside, giving them natural light as he helped her find her release.
When she exploded she was pretty sure she was in a different dimension. She felt her breath stop, her heart pounded hard and her mind was shut off. It was wonderful.
He held her as she came down, kissing her gently on her forehead and running his hands along her arms, soaking up the water.
Both of them came to, gathered their things and changed back into their clothes. He kissed her deeply at the doorway as he held her hand. "Does this change anything?"
She nodded and went to grab something, in a drawer. "I wrote this, but like you I never mailed it. I'll see you soon ok?"
"Ok."
He walked back home, the storm raging but no rain. He walked up the steps, and into the house, darkness enveloped him.
Quickly he went to his bedroom where he turned on a light and opened the letter a bit too quickly.
"My dearest Jack,
This is my goodbye but not really. I will never be able to say goodbye to you even if I never see you again. I can't bear the thought of it but I might have to.
I have loved you since I met you all those years ago. At first sight or whatever you call it. You had my heart then and forever.
I know why you are letting me go but I wish you wouldn't. There's a poem I came across and it made me think of you:
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart).
My love will never lesson. It will just be put in a safe place for all eternity.
Love,
Elizabeth
Her love. His love. It was a beautiful thing.
And it was not lost forever.
THE END
Thank you again for reading!