Seeing through the Haze of Pain
SCENE: 6 Months ago. Bette is driving down a dark highway with Angelica in the backseat. They make it into the little tourist town and have to stop at a stop sign. Bette looks at the stop sign and it seems to glow. She takes this as a sign that she is making another big mistake.
BETTE
What the hell am I doing? I'm running away again. Is running away what we want to do Angelica?
(Angelica gives no answer as she is asleep in her car seat.)
No, that defiantly is not what we want to do. I talked to an old woman at a bus stop once. She told me that running away was never the answer. So how am I going to fix this?
(Bette sees a sign for a reindeer petting zoo.)
I know, let's go see some reindeer and try to figure it out.
(She pulls into the parking lot and gets Angelica out of the car. Angelica comes awake in the cold air.)
Hey baby, want to see some reindeer. Let's go see them.
ZOOKEEPER
You made it just in time. We are just about ready to close.
(Bette pays for entry and takes Angelica to pet the reindeer. Zookeeper follows.)
You have a beautiful baby.
BETTE
Yes, she is beautiful. Thank you.
ZOOKEEPER
Would you like a picture to mark the occasion of her first meeting with a real live reindeer?
BETTE
(Smiles) Sure. (She poses with Angelica and the reindeer as the zookeeper takes a picture.) Thank you.
ZOOKEEPER
No problem, that's what I'm here for.
BETTE
Well we had better be getting back to the hotel now.
(She takes the picture from the zookeeper.)
Say bye-bye Angelica.
(Bette holds Angelicas had and waves it at the zookeeper. The zookeeper waves back.)
SCENE: HOTEL ELEVATOR. Bette is taking Angelica to Tina's room. She is nervous and knows Tina won't be happy. She gets to the room and knocks. No answer. Bette looks around and decides they must not be back from dinner yet so she gets back in the elevator and pushes the lobby button.
SCENE: HOTEL MANAGERS OFFICE. Tina, Alice, Helena, Henry and Office Manager.
O. MANAGER
I am sorry but our records show that Ms. Porter checked out an hour ago at 8:30 p.m.
TINA
(Very agitated.) Did she have my baby with her?
O. MANAGER
I'm sorry ma'am but I don't know. I didn't check her out and the employee who did has gone home.
TINA
Call him at home. Call him.
HENRY
Tina, we know she has her we don't need to call the employee. We need to call the police.
ALICE
Maybe she is still in the hotel. I mean just because she checked out doesn't mean she's gone.
O. MANAGER
Well. She did rent a car.
TINA
Bette what are you doing. Fuck, fuck! (To Henry) I want my baby back now!
HELENA
Let's stay calm and notify the police just to be on the safe side and in the mean time we need to check and see if the car she rented is still here or not and search the hotel.
(She signals to the office manager to make the call.)
HENRY
We should start with her room. There may be some clue about where she is going.
O. MANAGER
(Into phone) Howard, get the key to Ms. Porters room and take these people up so they can have a look inside.
(Everyone exits. Manager makes call to police.)
SCENE: Secluded Hotel rest area with a couple of couches and tables. Bette unloads Angelica and her bags onto one of the couches. Angelica is wide awake and playful for the moment.
BETTE
We'll just wait here where it's quite for a while.
(Digs out toys for Angelica and then takes out her cell phone.)
Hello, I need to book a flight to L.A. for later tonight or the first one going out in the morning. That's right. Fine, book it. Bette Porter. Thank you.
(Finished with the phone call she picks up some hotel stationary and pen from a courtesy shelf. While Angelica plays Bette begins to write.)
SCENE: Bette's Hotel room. Tina, Henry, Alice, Helena, Howard.
TINA
(Circling the small room.) There is nothing here. Nothing! (She looks at Henry.) She could be anywhere by now. (Everyone in room looks worried. Henry hugs Tina.)
HELENA
Let's not lose hope. We should search the hotel.
TINA
(Upset, pushing Henry away.)
This hotel is huge! Where do we start?
ALICE
We can split up. Tina, you and Henry look on all the floors. Helena, look in the parking lots and see if you can find Bette's rental car. Ask the manager what kind it was. I'll search the bars, the shops and the lobbies.
HENRY
Okay. Come on Tina. We'll find Angelica if she is here.
TINA
If she's here? If she's here! And if she's not we are just wasting more time. Bette, why!
(She collapses into Henry's arms and cries.)
ALICE
Let's get started. The manager has called the police and as long as we are looking we aren't wasting time. Let's go.
(Alice and Helena leave the room to start searching.)
SCENE: SECLUDED LOBBY AREA. Bette stops writing and wads up the papers and puts them absently inside Angelicas diaper bag. She takes out the book of poetry that she read to her father while she cared for him.
BETTE
(Picks up a now tired Angelica and lies back on the couch with her.)
Let me read you my father's favorite poem.
(She begins to read and within minuets they are both asleep.)
SCENE: HOTEL BAR. Tina, Henry
TINA
Where are they? We've been looking through the hotel for an hour. Where are the police, where are Alice and Helena?
HENRY
They're looking. This is a big place it will take some time.
TINA
Henry, I'm so lost. What if I never see her again? What am I going to do?
HENRY
We'll find her. And when we do we'll make sure she never sees Angelica again. Angelica needs a father. Tina, I want to be her father. She deserves a normal family.
TINA
We will find her. And when we do I swear I'll kill Bette! All I want is my baby back.
(She cries on Henrys shoulder again. Tina's cell phone rings. She answers it quickly.)
Bette! Oh, Alice.
ALICE VOICE
Tina you need to meet me at the check in desk.
TINA
What is it? Did you find her? I'm going to strangle her!
ALICE VOICE
Just meet me at the front desk.
SCENE: FRONT DESK. Tina, Henry, Alice
TINA
(Angry, looking foe Bette.) Where is she?
ALICE
Tina, I think you need to calm down. I know where she is and I'll take you to her. But, you have to calm down.
HENRY
Tell us where she is. That woman has put Tina through hell and I'm going to make sure she pays.
ALICE
(To Henry) You just need to stay here. (She holds Tina's shoulders.) Calm down now. Everything is okay. I promise. Now come on, just you.
TINA
It's okay Henry. Stay here. I'll be back.
SCENE: SECULUDED LOBBY AREA. Bette and Angelica are asleep on the couch. Bette's book is laying open on the edge of the couch. The picture of Bette, Angelica and the reindeer is on the coffee table with Angelica's toys. Alice holds on to Tina's arm keeping her from running forward.
ALICE
(Whispers) Look. They're asleep. They just fell asleep. Nothing terrible happened.
TINA
(Holding back tears of relief.) They're here.
ALICE
Come on. Let's wake up Bette and try not to wake up the baby.
TINA
(Swallowing back tears.) Okay.
(Tina walks quietly over to Bette and the baby and kneels down next to the couch. She lightly touches Bette's arm. She whispers.)
Bette. Bette, wake up.
BETTE
(Opens her eyes slowly and seems to have forgotten where she is laying. She looks at Tina.)
Oh, hi. I guess you're back from dinner. I tried your room but you weren't back yet.
TINA
Yeah, I'm back.
BETTE
(Sits up carefully with Angelica. Puts her in the car seat. She wipes her hand across her eyes and yawns.)
Hey, we went to see the reindeer. Look. (She shows Tina the picture.)
TINA
(Looks at picture of Bette and Angelica.) It's nice. It looks like it was fun.
(Tries to hand picture back to Bette.)
BETTE
Yeah, it was our adventure. You keep it for Angelica. Just in case it's our last.
(She looks intently at Tina.)
I know you hate me right now for that letter. I just wish you would have let me explain. But, we just can't seem to hear each other right now. I hope you change your mind about the adoption.
TINA
(Breaking Bette's gaze and looking down.)
Bette.
BETTE
(Looks at watch.) Well, I have to go. I have a plane to catch.
(Picks up her book and her purse and exits. Tina watches her go.)
ALICE
I'll go tell the manager everything is okay.
(Exits)
Tina begins gathering the toys and putting them in the diaper bag. As she makes them fit she finds some wadded up pieces of hotel stationary. She smoothes them out and sees that they are in Bette's hand writing. She begins to read.
Dear Tina
Tina
Mother,
I've done something tonight that until hours ago seemed unthinkable. I've just said what may be my final goodbye to the last piece of my life, my daughter Angelica. So much has happened and I've lost so much but I never thought that things would come to this end. I lost you long ago but the pain is still with me. I lost so much time with Kit that we will never get back; we are still almost strangers to each other. I lost dad who I loved so much but who still never could accept me and my life choices fully. I lost a good friend, Dana, to cancer and I didn't get to say good-bye. I've lost Tina the person I loved the most in this world who now can't love me because she wants to be with a man. I ask myself, did I drive her to this because of what I did to her or did she ever really love me? I don't feel like I will ever find the kind of love I had for her again. Now, tonight I may be loosing this beautiful creation that Tina and I craved and planned together for so long. The worst part about it is that it's all because of something I did. I know it was wrong now, but I was gripped to tightly by my own fear, pain and childhood memories that I couldn't see that it was wrong until it was just too late. I am haunted by the possibility that Angelica will grow up and have the same feelings of being lost in the world that I had as a child. I have a heart connection with her that defies even my understanding. Angelica is Tina's child but she is a reflection of me and I know all of the problems that she is going to face in her future.
What will Tina do when someone tells her how great it is that she adopted this little girl? Will she do what you did mom? Smile and keep silent letting those people assume that you weren't my mother and they are correct in their assumption? I need to be there to tell Tina that if she doesn't face those people now and let them know the truth it will only get harder and more painful later, and to help her understand how Angelica will feel when it happens and she realizes what adoption means. When it happened to us mom I felt betrayed and abandoned by you when you didn't correct the assumption that I was adopted. Those feelings grew worse as I had to deal with the kids and teachers in school. Always asking and teasing about if I was sure I wasn't adopted or that my real mother must not have wanted me. There were times when I was even embarrassed to have you around me at school because we looked so different and people would stop and stare. I felt like so much of an outsider because I was so different than everyone else in the family and at school. I know you loved me mom, and I loved you, but I really needed your affirmation of my status as your daughter to the world. This is what I had hoped to give to Angelica and to Tina, affirmation and the strength to face all of the hard realities that a bi-racial family has to cope with out in the world. I just hope that if Tina dissolves the adoption petition and I don't get to become Angelicas other parent that she finds the strength that you didn't have. I wish I could tell her everything to expect and be there to help her through it so that our daughter grows up sure of her place in the world. There was no one in my life that I could talk to about my feelings, no mentor to help me through my high school nightmares, no sympathetic ear to listen to my dilemma about who I should date: the white boy or the black boy. I really wanted to be that person for Angelica, her mentor and her mother.
Tomorrow I may be starting a new life, one with not a single person in it that I love. I'm not sure how to start living again…
Bette
TINA
(As she finishes reading it she begins to cry and leans over to hold her head in her hands. Whispers to her self.)
Oh, Bette. I've made my first mistake with Angelica already, and it was the same one that hurt you so much. I understand now, and I've changed my mind. Angelica needs you.
END SCENE