She left me hangin' by a thread again
The words soon left his mouth as the music began. His eyes are as cold as ice though I still feel him hurting.
I stood there waiting like a fool for her
Oh Kami-sama, what have I done?
I
never dreamed that I'd be in this place
But here I am all alone
He scanned the room with those amber eyes of his. Soon, they found mine. Glaring at me, I felt my heart crush into pieces.
It's
not the first time that she's walked away
Changed all our plans
within the blink of an eye
So that's what it feels.
And
looking back it's always been the same
But I refused to see it all
for what it was
I
never really fathomed it would be like this. It was all so
perfect.
Has
anybody ever felt this way
I've hurt someone I truly love.
Has
anybody been ripped apart
And now, I'm going to pay the consequences.
Anybody
give everything to the one they love
But still, I'm doing this for him. Not to hurt him, but to make sure he doesn't feel the pain. I guess it's like anesthesia, to numb it later on.
Am
I the only one left behind
Am I the only one who hates goodbyes
I don't want to say goodbye. It just… has to be.
God
I know this can't go on forever
It won't.
I wonder if she ever thinks of me
I cry myself to sleep every night because of guilt. I think of him and what could've been if this hasn't happened in the first place.
And
all the promises she swore to keep
"Do you love me?"
"I do. Do you?"
"Of course. I'll never leave you." He said.
I looked at the sky and smiled. "I know that. I promise I'll love you forever." I said.
Some
nights I lay in bed just burning up
He kissed my cheek and said, "When we graduate, I want us to still be together."
"Of course we will." A lie. One big, fat lie.
"I know." He sighed. "It's a good thing everyone wants us to be together."
"Yeah…" No, not everyone.
'Cause
I know that she's out with someone else
Her long raven hair swayed in the wind as she looked at me. She looked down and held my hand. "He saw you with Ethan… more than twice already."
"I know."
"Will you ever tell him?" she asked. I know she truly cares about me but I can't really tell anyone else about this.
I shook my head and smiled. "No, I can't. He might break down."
"He's breaking down right now." She pointed out. It's not that I didn't notice. The past few days I've seen him looking at me with those eyes of his. As days passed, they started to become unemotional and cold. Just like mine
"I can't tell him. I don't need to anyway. Even if he is hurting right now, it's better." And with that, I left her in the park.
She shouted after me. "Aren't you even going to say goodbye?"
I didn't look back anymore. I can't. Tears are starting to roll down my cheeks. Life is unfair. "You can do that for me, can't you?"
Has anybody ever felt this way
The memories we've shared are now surfacing again. I hurt him. I hurt myself. But as I said, it's for the good.
Has
anybody been ripped apart
Anybody give everything to the one they
love
Ethan is a very close friend of mine, but a distant relative too. He's a doctor but he doesn't know that.
Am
I the only one left behind
Am I the only one who hates goodbyes
He is still looking at me. I can't help but look back. I stare at him hoping he wouldn't catch any emotion in my eyes.
God
I know this can't go on forever
I
was the one who gave up everything for her
"Just what is your problem?" he gripped my hand hard and asked. It was our anniversary and I was acting like a bitch.
I looked at him and spat out, "Nothing."
He let go of my hand and pulled his hair in frustration. "Dammit. These days you're acting like you don't care about me anymore!" He looked at me. "Why? Don't you love me anymore?"
I swallowed hard and prepared for what was about to come. "No. I'm sorry but we have to end this already." And with that, I left the room and drove to the park.
When
no one would listen I heard every word, oh
It took him 10 minutes to follow me. I kind of expected it since with all the years we've spent together, he knows that I always go to the park after a fight. "You're lying." He said as he approached me.
I kept on swinging. "No, I'm not."
"You are. You can't even look me in the eye." He took the swing next to me.
I stopped swinging and looked at him. "I. Don't. Love. You. Anymore." I said.
He stopped and looked down. "I don't believe you. I'll never will. I know you love me. I can still feel it. I can still see it in your eyes." He stood up and kneeled in front of me. "What is wrong? I know something's wrong…" he trailed of and held my hand.
I looked up and whispered, "Nothing's wrong. I don't love you anymore. Why can't you get that?"
"I don't because I know it isn't true. I don't know why you're hanging out with that Ethan guy but I don't mind. I never minded if you hung out with other guys. You and I both know that. I trust you that much. I LOVE you that much. I just don't know what's happening now. I'll always listen to whatever you say. You should know that. I always did. Since you did the same thing for me."
I
stood up and primped my skirt. "Leave me be before this gets worse.
Goodbye."
It
took me so long to see that maybe I am better off alone
It's
been a week since that day at the park. A week since our last
anniversary. Deep in my heart, I know that he still loves me and
that's what hurts. I can't make him love me. I have to stop him.
I just have to. Has
anybody ever felt this way
I can't take this anymore. I stood up and left the stadium.
Has
anybody been ripped apart
Ethan was waiting for me at the back. I told him about the battle of the bands at school and invited him to come with me.
Anybody
give everything to the one they love
He didn't want to. He knows my problem. Creating another one will only piss him off.
Am
I the only one left behind
I walked to the exit with tears stinging my eyes. This is the worst I've felt. He always wrote songs for me. This is just the worst.
Am
I the only one who hates goodbyes
But I deserve it.
God
I know this can't go on forever
He doesn't deserve to get hurt.
God
I know this can't go on
I feel my legs wobbling as I walked on the pavement. A couple of steps away I saw Ethan standing and chatting with a very pretty girl.
All
I wanna do is just move on
He saw me and hurriedly came over to help me to the car. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Never been better."
"You're lying."
"I know. Everyone knows that but I have to." I said. I felt dirty for dragging him into my problems.
"Bullshit. You could always tell him. Your problem can be solved, you know that."
"But if it doesn't, he'll be devastated more than ever. I can't make him hope for the best when I feel that my time is coming…" That's when I realized that the singing has stopped.
Out of instinct I turned around to meet him. He was towering above me but his eyes showed weakness. Weakness I've never seen from him before.
Then my world blacked out. His teary eyes were the last things I saw.