-flails- This just came out of nowhere, but I had to write it down at least. Hope you like it :D
(See the end of the work for more notes.)
Convalescent
"Sometimes the Strongest People
Are the Ones Who
Love Beyond All Faults
Cry Behind Closed Doors
And Fight the Battles
No one else Knows About."
—Author Unknown
Chapter One
"Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime.
It's what unites us.
The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens.
Don't let them take that from you."
―Sherrilyn Kenyon
Poe
He dislikes spending time away from the medbay now, despite his previous reluctance to go anywhere near the medical center, even if he were in dire need of medical assistance himself. The fluorescent white walls and –chemical- scent that permeates the air in there reminds him too much of the hours he had spent in a hospital waiting to hear of his mother's fate, and that of his sister only six years ago.
Now though, he could not care less about the ill memories spending time in there brings back. All he cares for is being there as often as he can to be there for Finn—he does not want the young man to have to wake up alone, in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces.
He had sworn to Rey and to himself that he would ensure he was there for Finn—a promise he'd keep.
Unfortunately, there was still a war going on, much as he would like to pretend that there wasn't, and he was still a Commander in the Resistance's air fleet, weakened as it may be at the moment.
Leia had commed him not half an hour earlier, demanding his immediate presence in her personal office, and Poe had not had a choice but to move from his permanent spot by Finn's side. He'd pressed his lips to Finn's knuckles briefly, whispering, "Don't wake up without me, buddy," beneath his breath before setting Finn's hand back down on the white sheet and leaving the medbay.
He'd been unsure what to expect once he reached Leia's quarters, and he's uncertain what he did expect, but it had not been this.
He watches the holo-message again, a small smile tugging on his lips as he watches Rey bounce around the Millennium Falcon's cockpit as she explains she had found Luke—his lips twist in distaste at the name of Leia's brother and he can feel the way Leia monitors his response carefully—and that she had convinced him to return to D'Qar with her.
"This is good news, isn't it?" He finally says, keeping his expression carefully neutral as he does.
He can see, from a strategic perspective, why having Luke Skywalker in their midst would be a large boost for the Resistance's morale. It had been, after all, why he agreed to take the mission to Jakku and Lor San Tekka. Whatever his own misgivings about the man are, he is well aware that the Jedi inspires great loyalty and bravery in the hearts of their fighters.
Leia's eyes narrow as she studies him, and he's well aware of what she would like him to say, but he will not give her the satisfaction of getting to the heart of the issue so easily.
She knows precisely why he and his family feel personally betrayed by Luke Skywalker.
"It is," she finally concedes, tilting her head forward into a nod. "Of course, there are some… issues we need to take into consideration before making a widespread announcement to the troops."
Poe's lip curls up in distaste at the way she is attempting to address the issue of his sister's slightly volatile behaviour when it comes to anything related to Luke Skywalker. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in the comfortable armchair as he regards the woman he'd looked at as a second mother for most of his life. "I wasn't aware Haleh was an issue that needed taking care of."
Leia winces at his sharp tone, but he cannot bring himself to regret the words.
"Of course not," Leia leans forward, holding her hands up in a placating gesture. "I apologize for making it sound as such. I merely meant it may be better for Haleh to hear it from a loved one," she explains calmly. "A preferred way to hear the news rather than through the gossip mill."
Poe nods reluctantly, conceding her point.
"I'll speak to her," he agrees. "Though I have to warn you—I cannot promise she won't kill him the moment he sets foot on D'Qar." Personally, he would not blame her for doing so, and he cannot quite imagine there is anyone who knows what had happened between them that would.
Not even Leia would, Poe suspects.
"Doing so would lead her to the dark side," Leia shakes her head. "She has worked too hard in the last few years to allow Luke to have such hold over her life."
"For all our sakes," Poe sighs, tugging a hand through his messy curls, "I hope you're right."
.
.
.
He finds her out in the woods surrounding the base, curled up in front of a small campfire she had likely built herself, like they had done dozens of times as children. A blanket their mother had made her when she was three is loosely wrapped around her shoulders, and Poe can tell from the stiff set of her shoulders and the touch of melancholy in the air that he does not need to tell her about Luke.
He supposes he shouldn't be too surprised that she had heard before he'd found her.
News like Luke Skywalker's return cannot be contained for very long, despite Leia's best efforts.
"Haleh? Bubbles?"
He takes care to make some noise as he approaches her, despite having used the nickname only the two of them know about, having been caught and trapped by the Force just a few times too many to take the risk to startle her again—and he knows she would loathe herself if she were to hurt him accidentally. He touches her shoulder gently, sighing in relief when she leans back against his legs, raising her hand to touch his.
"I'm not ready to face him," she says softly after a short silence. "I can't. He's—"
Poe's heart constricts painfully, and he has to actively fight the urge to bundle her up and fly her back to their father's house on Yavin IV, where he knows she'll be safe and unharmed, away from the agony of having to face Luke again, of having to fight in a war led by someone she once considered a friend. He does, however, know that Haleh is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, and that she has long since decided that her place in the galaxy is with him and with the Resistance.
Far be it for him to argue with her.
Instead of replying or struggling to find the right thing to say, he settles down in front of the fire with her, curling an arm around her shoulders as he does. She sinks into his embrace, and it is absolutely mind-blowing to him to know that she is known as one of the most dangerous and revered people in the Resistance—even his own pilots are somewhat uncomfortable to approach her when he is not around.
When they are alone, however, she is still his baby sister, and she still likes to stare into the flames of a campfire until her mind quiets down and she has forgotten everything that bothered her to start with.
They sit in companionable silence for some time, and it is easy to pretend that there is nothing amiss, that it is just two siblings enjoying the evening together after a long day of work. It's easy to pretend his little sister had never gotten her heart shattered by someone they had all regarded as a member of their own family. Easy to forget that Haleh's best friend and mentor had betrayed her on the same day, and that said betrayals had nearly cost her her life.
"You don't have to see him, Bubbles," Poe offers cautiously, rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of her shoulder. "I'm sure everyone would be more than happy to allow you some leeway. Not even Leia would mind if you preferred to not speak to him at all." He frowns and reconsiders, before adding, "Especially not Leia."
He doesn't quite flinch when she abruptly sits up and pulls away from him, her hands clenching into white-knuckled fists at her sides. "Did he agree to train her?" She demands harshly, turning to face him, her dark, wild curls—much longer than his own—bouncing with the sudden move.
He barely suppresses a wince as he looks at his sister's beautiful—and scarred—face. It hurts him still, even after six years, to see the scars, to know that it meant he hadn't been there to protect her and do his job as her big brother—even though he knows, in the back of his mind, that there would've been little he could've done to help her.
His fingers itch to trail over the scar that bisects her right eyebrow, dragging the corner of her eye down and disappearing beneath the wild tangle of curls. He knows that it trails down further, down the side of her face onto her neck, where it stops abruptly. There's a similar scar on the back of her leg, and it makes Poe's heart ache to recall how long it had taken her to regain the ability to walk without a limp.
"Bubbles," he breathes, reaching out despite himself, trailing his fingers over the top of the scar.
"Poe. Is she his Padawan now?"
She is glaring at him, and he knows she is losing her patience. The logs that had been piled neatly beside the campfire are all floating in the air by now, and her fingers are curled around his forearm, nails digging into his skin just on the edge of painful.
He doesn't have to ask who she means.
He had been there when Leia—rather forcibly—introduced Haleh to Rey before sending the latter off to find the General's wayward Jedi brother. He'd been uncertain what to call the look on his sister's face when she met Rey, but it is easy enough to imagine the conflict Haleh had been facing.
He himself had had a hard time letting the young scavenger go after Luke, too.
"From what I understood, yes." Poe nods reluctantly, gently prying her fingers from his arm. "She seemed rather excited about the prospect of learning from him."
Haleh snorts derisively before launching herself to her feet, pacing in front of the fire restlessly as Poe watches, aching to reach out and hold her, to protect her from all the hurt that has yet to come. He does not, however, move to do any such thing, well aware that it would not be well-received.
"She's a child," Haleh rages, stomping back and forth in front of him so fast he can barely keep track of her. "She knows nothing of Skywalker's fickleness or his questionable ability to remain loyal."
Poe nods sagely, but offers no further reply. There's nothing to say—nothing she'll want to hear in any case.
"I won't let him do to her what he did to me," Haleh declares suddenly, ceasing her constant pacing around the fire as she looks straight at him. "I'll kill him myself if he even so much as considers—"
"Haleh," Poe intones quietly, slowly getting to his feet, keeping his gaze locked on his sister's. "You're not going to kill him." He moves forward until he is standing right before her, grasping her hands in his. "You are stronger than this. You're strong enough not to let your resentment for him ruin your life. Don't let them win. If you kill Luke; even to protect Rey; you'll fall. Don't let him win."
The flames reflect in her dark eyes, so much like his own, and for a moment, he fears he hasn't gotten through to her, but then the icy anger in her gaze melts away and she looks like the frightened, injured young girl he had rescued from the rubble of Luke Skywalker's Temple again.
She looks like his sister again.
"I won't let them win," she whispers, before tipping forward into his chest, clutching at him in a desperate embrace. "But it hurts, Poe. It hurts so much and he's not even here yet."
Poe doesn't reply right away, merely tightens his arms around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "It's going to be okay," he whispers. "We'll make it okay again. Somehow."
For those of you following Absolute Magnetism and Trimurti, I swear I am working on it. It's just that I am a perfectionist and I have rewritten Tri's new chapter seven to ten times already and it's still not right :p AM is giving me similar troubles. I will get through the rough patch though, and get both chapters out to you guys ASAP!
Alright, thank you so much for reading, and please, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section :) Let me know if you're interested in seeing this continued!
Much thanks to Meaghan (Juulna) for putting up with my whiny ass! -blows kiss- You're the bestest, darling!
Love, Annaelle