Title: Confessions in a Darkened Cavern

Spoilers: None. Set somewhere before season 8, and not in season 6.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, not making any money.

Warnings: Slight crudity and innuendo (no offence meant to anyone)

A/N: Huge thanks to starrylizard for the very speedy beta. Written for the Black challenge on stargate1000 on livejournal.

"Who was that?"

"Sorry, that was me."

"Daniel?"

"Jack."

"Is there something that I should know?"

"Yes, Jack, I'm madly and desperately in love with you."

"Me too."

"As am I, O'Neill."

"Oh for crying out loud!"

"Well, it was a stupid question! If I could see anything, I wouldn't have touched you."

"Are you saying that I'm undesirable?"

"Jack! My foot is throbbing, I have a headache; I'm really not in the mood."

"Oh, so that's the problem, you're not in the mood."

"I swear..."

"Ow! Daniel!"

"What? Did something hit you?"

"Don't play innocent with me."

"Sir, Daniel, can we just focus on getting back to the Stargate? It's starting to get cold in here."

"We know, Carter. That's why you'll go through the Stargate last; give you a little privacy. Although, I've never quite understood why we shrink but you women get pointy. It's all made out of the same thing, isn't it?"

"Jack-"

"It's okay, Daniel. Colonel, I'm a physicist, not a biologist, but I guess it just shows the superiority of women over men. We still manage to look attractive, even when we're freezing our-"

"Okay, Sam, I think Jack gets the idea. Remember, things could be worse. We still have our underwear and a GDO."

"Indeed."

"You know you've just doomed us, don't you, underwear boy?"

"We can't be far from the Stargate, all we need to do is dial out, and we're home. There's not much time left for us to lose our underwear."

"And how are you going to dial, when you can't see the DHD?"

"I guess I'll do it by feel."

"Well, you seem to be very good at doing that."

"Jack!"

"O'Neill, I believe we are approaching a large cavern."

"How can you tell, Teal'c?"

"The echoes of our voices have changed."

"Yep, lost the wall here."

"Okay, so we need to get to the DHD at the centre of the cavern."

"It was approximately 35 paces from the entrance to the tunnel, Daniel Jackson."

"Go ahead, big guy, lead the way. If you feel someone touching you in an inappropriate place, don't worry, it'll just be Daniel."

"Hey!"

"Just telling it like it is. Ow!"

"Daniel Jackson, I am puzzled by yours and O'Neill's behaviour."

"It's because we can't see anything, Teal'c. It gives us a degree of anonymity, and therefore we say and do things that we wouldn't normally do if other people could see us. And on Jack's part, it's just indicative of his lack of maturity."

"Hey, I represent that!"

"Exactly my point, Jack."

"How much further, Teal'c?"

"I believe we should be almost there, O'Neill."

"Omph! I'd say we're there. That's going to bruise."

"You okay, Daniel?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Sam. Just knocked the air out of me. Right, I think I can feel where the different glyphs are, so I'm going to start dialling. It's going to get brighter in here in a minute."

"I don't think it could get any darker," Jack said, making a face at Daniel's back after the first chevron was pressed.

"Sir," Sam said, nodding toward the Stargate as the second chevron was encoded.

"We can see now, O'Neill," Teal'c bluntly said.

The rest of the chevrons were entered in silence, as Sam tried to avoid looking at the men in their regulation boxers, and Jack tried to avoid looking at her. Teal'c just stared straight ahead. The last chevron locked, and the room was bathed in the blue light of the wormhole. Jack looked around the cavern, checking that there was no threat, before gesturing to Teal'c and walking toward the Gate. He entered the code on the GDO. "Time to go home, kids."

Teal'c moved to stand beside him. "O'Neill, I do not see any reason for anybody to find you undesirable. You appear to be adequately sized."

"Daniel, Teal'c's been checking me out again."

"It's okay, Jack, it's just a cultural thing," Daniel called back, laughing quietly. "It's nice to see Teal'c's starting to get a sense of humour," he murmured to Sam, politely not looking in her direction.

"What, are you saying that Colonel O'Neill isn't adequately sized?" she replied, with an impish grin.

"Uh..." Daniel stammered, allowing Sam to drag him toward the wormhole as the other two entered it. "I don't think there's any right way to answer that question."

"Good answer," Sam said, before they stepped through the wormhole and back to the SGC.