Hey Guys! Long time no see! And by long time, I really do mean a long time! Anyways, this story was inspired by the song Fucking Perfect, by Pink, which I don't own, as well as a little blog I found on Tumblr called Stop Hating Your Body. Which I don't own as well. And I realized I'm not the only one that has horrible self image issues that need to be worked on. Everyone had their insecurities, but the truth of the matter is is that you're fucking perfect, just the way you are. The song and that blog are true testimonies to the fact, and I'm glad I have had the pleasure of stumbling upon them. I also also don't own Naruto.
Okay, so this is my first multi-chapter fic. Yes, I'll probably be horrible about updating on time and no, I have no idea how long it's going to be. Probably a two or three shot. But hey, just review if you like it and give me some feedback, so I know if I want to continue on with this one or not. ...Yep, that's pretty much it. Enjoy!
She stood, facing the mirror, hair and body damp from the shower she stepped out of. Making a disgusted face at her reflection, she dropped the towel she had been holding up around her body and prepared herself for the intense scrutiny she was about to undergo.
Fat. Fatfatfat. Fat and slutty. The only thing guys wanted her for was sex, and even that couldn't be so great seeing as how fat she was. She was a dirty human being, and no man would ever want her for anything long-term. Why? She was a fucking whore. Or as good as one anyways. She banged guys for a living, didn't she? And she was fat. Why didn't she just give up entirely?
Tears started to stream down her face as she examined herself at all angles. She turned to the side. How could she compare to other girls when her stomach reached the same level as her tiny boobs? There was no definition, all flab. She pinched at the skin, and slapped it, cringing at the sound it made. It sounded… fat.
Next, she started in on her thighs. Why were they so… flabby? They jiggled whenever she took a step and always rubbed together. Other girls didn't have to go through this. All the girls she knew were just so fucking perfect. It's just the nindo way, she supposed. …She hated them all for it, secretly.
Finally, she looked at her face. Mediocre. Nothing special. The only thing she liked about herself were her eyes, but now even they were ruined from the crying spell she just had. She wasn't one of those girls who looked gorgeous even when crying. Oh no, her eyes got red, her lips got huge, and she just looked like a general train wreck.
She was hopeless. She was a nobody. No one liked her for what she was. That was why she didn't eat. That was why when she did eat, she ended up throwing it up. That was why she was always going to be alone in life. And so she put a nightgown on, flicked off the lights, and fell asleep, praying to God that she would look thinner in the morning.
So was the life of Ino Yamanaka.
xXx
The next day, Ino was out of the house, heading towards the Hokage Tower for her next mission. Her face was carefully arranged in a cheery smile, waving to everyone who passed, pretending for their sake to be normal. Pretending to be excited by all the latest gossip she would have died to hear years prior. Pretending to be Ino Yamanaka, the girl they knew and loved.
But she wasn't her anymore. Things had changed. She wasn't thin anymore, she wasn't beautiful anymore. She was far too corrupted for that. She slept with men only to then kill them. So was her life. She was a deadly poison and it would hurt someone far too much to get near her. She couldn't afford emotional intimacy. No, she'd given up even hoping for that much far too long ago.
Finally, she had arrived at her destination. Climbing up to Lady Tsunade's office, she braced herself for her inevitable new seduction mission. She would be fine if she never got one ever again. However, this was the life she had chosen. This was the life she would stick to. Because if she gave it up, who even was she anymore? The hurt wouldn't automatically disappear. It would still be there, a constant reminder of what an awful person she was.
She pushed open the door.
When she entered, she was thoroughly surprised to see her ex-teammate, Shikamaru Nara, standing and chatting with the Hokage herself. He looked, as always, incredibly lazy and laid-back, but she noticed something else about him as well. He looked, dare-she-think-it, kind of hot.
He had matured from the time when they were kids, that was for sure. His eyes were still very keen, but they held a certain hardness to them, probably from all the death he encountered. His body was very well shaped, she couldn't help but noticed. And oh, his lips. Mm, very kissable, she decided.
And then he looked at her, and all thought ceased. Because for once in the whole entire time she had known the man, there was a hint of a smile on his face. She could see that for some reason completely unknown to her, he was happy to see her. And that scared the shit out of her. How could they go back to being friends with her differences? Shikamaru would notice. Shikamaru always notices.
So there, with all these thoughts running through her head in the span of about half a minute's time, she made a decision. Shikamaru could not get close to her again. Because that would mean coming clean and showing him who she truly was. And she did not want the one guy that had ever meant anything to her to know that on the inside she was truly a monster.
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