"But if chickens are descended from dinos... what's stoppin' that meteor from comin' right back and finishing the job?"

"Idiot! If chickens are from dinosaurs, how come they don't eat us?"

"Then what did they come from?"

"Ummm... toucans...?"

"Ohhh... so theys evolved away all them pretty colors?"

"Yeah! Because they selected it naturally!"

"Aww! This is makin' mah brain hurt!" Osaka leaned back in her desk, the confounding biology textbook splayed out in front of her. Tomo grunted in agreement, resting her head on her hand as she tapped her pencil frustratedly.

They had been assigned to give a presentation on evolution in English by their teacher, Yukari, after they were both caught sleeping in class. "I can't believe Yukari freaked out like that. Come on! I was up all night! And it's not like she doesn't sleep in class." piped Tomo.

"Y'know, Tomo. Ah think Mr. Darwin might've been a bit confused when he dropped them tortoises in the water. Do ya think he might've been listenin' to the Dalai Lama?

"...What?"

"'Cause I think he forgot that tortoises ain't turtles. They cain't swim no matter how much ya want. And they especially cain't swim through space!" Osaka asserted.

"Of all people I had to be forced to work with." Tomo moaned. They were sitting in the classroom, during lunch, and only had a half hour to prepare. "Wait a sec... I have an idea!"

"Tortoise astro-scuba lessons?"

"Shut up dummy! No, we go and say what our good friend Yukari wants to hear..."

Later that day...

"EVOLUTION! The birth of us all! Where did you come from? How were you made? These chilling questions and more are answered right here, right now, by the lovely Tomo and her slow assistant Osaka!"

"Evolution is how ya' don't die and yer kids don't die. If yer a kitty cat but ya can't walk no good, yer gonna have a bunch of dead lil kittens on your hands. Hey... why ya gettin' all teary Miss Sakaki?"

"All of us are evolved from other things. Now, you're all being told how we came from chimps, but your good buddy Tomo will tell you the truth. We all have our own animal we're from! It embodies our very being, for it is our spirit! For example, I'm evolved from a swan. I am beautiful, intelligent and can fight you any day! Sakaki is a giraffe, because she's crazy tall. Kagura's like a-"

"And ah'm a sea slug." Osaka interrupted Tomo's zealous speech, then stood there smiling contentedly, giving no explanation.

"...You know, I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, Yomi there is descended from walruses what with her being an unlimited source of blubber. Don't you dare throw your shoe at me, fatty! Put it down! Ouch! But most importantly of all, Miss Yukari, you're descended from elephants! You're super smart and stuff and you never forget."

The class stared in horrified silence as Yukari stood from her chair and skipped over to Tomo and Osaka, beaming.

"Tomo, are you calling me wrinkly and huge?" Yukari asked in a cheery voice, her eyes closed and a wide grin spread across her face. Tomo's eyes widened as she realized her implications.

"No- I meant that you w-were smart and you know... had- AUGH!" Tomo was cut off as Yukari suddenly released an inhuman shriek of fury and smashed Tomo over the head with the biology textbook.

As Yukari pummeled the pleading Tomo, Osaka stared into space, giggling dreamily, as an armada of space tortoises swam through her imagination.

"That's Admiral Sea Slug to you..."