Eli's POV
The anniversary of Julia's death was coming up fast, and I was a mess. I would have killed myself if I didn't have Clare with me. Clare, my girlfriend, was the most incredible girl in the world. With sweet blue eyes, and cinnamon curls and the cutest personality, she was wonderful. But now she was getting frustrated with me. "Eli, you can't keep doing this to yourself!" Clare's voice was strained as she yelled at me, holding a towel to my bleeding wrist.
"But I deserve it Clare, don't you understand that? I killed her! I could have kept her alive, but I didn't. Why did we have to fight?" Agony ripped through my chest at the thought of Julia on the ground, bleeding. I screamed into Clare's shoulder. "Eli? Eli? What's wrong?" She pulled the towel away, thinking that was what hurt me. "Everything's wrong." I choked out. Oh, my Clare.
I leaned up suddenly and kissed her with a passion that almost scared me. She kissed back cautiously. "Eli… You didn't cause Julia's death. Julia chose to leave, she chose to drive down that road, the driver chose to drink, and that's who the fault belongs to them. Not yours. If you keep cutting yourself Eli, you're going to die. You can't leave me like that." Clare's voice broke and those beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.
"Oh, Clare. Blue Eyes, you don't understand. I like the pain, I deserve the pain. It helps me not to freak out. It even feels good. Clare…I want to kill myself."
A/N I know where Eli's coming from, I used to cut. Anyway, read on.
I barely got out the words, but I had to tell her how I felt. I kissed her, but she was frozen. She wouldn't move. "Clare?" I asked, shaking her gently. "You want to die?" she asked gently, her voice filled with shock. I nodded gently. I just wanted the pain to stop. "Eli, stop it!" she screamed suddenly, standing up of off my bed.
Tears were streaming down her face, and I stood, wrapping my arms around her. "Clare, Clare. It's okay. I'm not going to do anything." We both slumped down back onto my bed and I kissed Clare's forehead. "Stop crying, baby. It's all going to be okay." Clare kissed me then, and I kissed her back. "You would leave me, just like that? Just kill yourself and put me through all the pain your going trough now?" Clare asked me.
"No, blue eyes, I won't kill myself. I love you, more than anything. I do need to get over Julia and stop hurting myself. I will." It felt like a lie, but I would try. For Clare. "Thank you Eli. You should talk to Adam about the cutting thing, he used to burn himself." Clare murmured into my chest. Her eyes dried slowly. Clare leaned up and gently placed her sweet lips onto mine again. "You promise you're not going to do anything to yourself?" she whispered. I smiled, looking deep into those perfect eyes. "I promise." I whispered back. "C'mon, let's go to the Dot, I'm starving. We'll talk about all of this later, okay?" I wrapped my arm around Clare's waist and walked out of my room, heading downstairs. "I love you Eli," Clare murmured.
"I love you to, Clare."
A/N 5 reviews for an update, sorry it's so dull. One of my first fan fiction stories. It'll be better in the next one. Message me with stories you want me to write.