I was watching my taping of Intoxicated and this idea popped in to my head.

I don't own anything BTW.

Told from Carrie's POV

Relief seeped in to my body like a rush of warm air, I was not going to prison for the rest of my life whether I'd already lived in a prison, well that's something else.

Now I live at a juvenile center in the Bronx.

Counseling is big here, everyone has to go through it so I don't mind so much and I still go to school, we're taught here so we don't leave the premises.

It's been almost six month's since I killed my mom.

It still doesn't seem like reality.

I'd never admit this to anyone, not even Doctor Weshap, but I'm happier here than at home, I actually feel some semblance of safety.

DW, he let's me call him that, and I talk about my childhood and living with an alcoholic mom and stuff like that. I've owned up to what I did so now we're working on forgiveness, it's hard to forgive myself most of all. Forgiving mom is hard to but I gotta live with how I feel about me, I'm hopeful that I'll forgive her and I've started to...

I'm another story.

I remember telling Olivia that I loved my mom very much, but then I killed her so where is the logic?

That's something I've yet to talk with DW about because I want to see if I can figure it out myself, then again I'm not proving too successful.

It's hard to forgive yourself when the person you hurt can't accept the apology or tell you that thing's are gonna be OK.

Justin's the only one who's stuck by me and told me that it is gonna be OK.

He's forgiven me for lying and almost taking the blame for something I did so that helps a bit to know the one guy, the one person who really cares forgives me and still loves me.

He visit's once a week.

There is one person, however, who I really and truly want forgiveness or reassurance from.

Detective Benson.

When I fessed up, finally, to what had actually happened I remember that look and her expression and how much little thing's changed with every word I said. Olivia didn't have the look of shock, but one of realization and sympathy, and horror too, I think.

After I broke down she left and Simone followed her out. I was led out of the interview room by Ricky, a gaurd or orderly or whatever, and then I didn't see Olivia until the trial.

I guess I'm confused because I don't know what would make her sympathize with me. I want to talk to her, I want to know that she forgives me for what I did and maybe she can help me find a way to forgive myself.

I need that forgiveness...